BF dropping hints: should I ask him?

[tasha_shalala]

Dear all,
I am new here, and I would like to introduce myself:
My name is Tasha. I am not yet officially a SO of a CDer...but I suspect I have the perspective of becoming one. This is the reason why I come here.

I have been in a long distance relationship with my partner for more than 3 years now. Things are going steady, but something always seems to be there to hold him back. In the first glance, he seems to be your typical commitment-phobic guy (40, once divorced), who demands a lot of personal space. But during our last few holidays together, I had a feeling that he had been dropping hints: he told me he wanted to try on some of my clothing; he would like to try a manicure and pedicure and make-up session. In some trips, he also bought a lot of feminine accessories...for himself.
In the beginning I took them as jokes, but eventually due to the frequency of these jokes, I realized it may be no joke at all. I have encouraged him lightheartedly. I jokingly suggested we went for a manicure/pedicure, he then only laughed nervously and said he'd be too shy.
Once he let me use his computer, and I saw on the website address, there were entries of transvestite websites.

He's someone very sensitive. That's why sometimes when he seemed to drop hints, I didn't want to poke further. He also has a great tendency to avoid conflict and confrontation. That's why I wonder if I never bring up the issue, will he ever come out to me? Will he ever be ready??? (Of course, provided if he really is a CDer)
And if I should bring it up, how?
I feel like walking on eggshell :-(

I have to say, I sometimes fail to grasp what all the fuss about telling your CDing to your partner. Because for me, it's the person I love. Yet not until these few weeks I have been doing my research on internet, do I realize what a torment it could be.
How should I go about with the situation now?
Any input? Or experience to share?

[Kathi Lake]

Tasha,

Telling the one you love about doing something that the world pretty much condemns can be one of the hardest things one of us will ever do. To a girl, it's no big deal as all throughout your life, you have been able to wear what you want with no problems. Like to wear guy's clothes? OK, so you're a tomboy - no big deal in the world's eyes. A guy that likes to dress as a woman? Sissy is probably the least offensive word for that group.

Keep on loving hi, but let him know clearly that you feel like you're walking on eggshells. Let him know that you want to support him, that you accept him, that you love him - no matter how he dresses.

Kathi

[luvgirlyclothes]

show intrest in the subject, show him you aprove of the lifestyle, and then maybe you buy him something small like panties and just leave them out for him
most of all good luck

[Leelou]

Based on all these hints he's dropped, I think you're probably right that he's a crossdresser. Especially since he's mentioned wanting to wear your clothes:o

You seem really sweet and supportive. He's very lucky. Yes, please talk to him about it. If you are truly supportive and OK with this part of him, I'm sure he'd love to know that.

[Raychel]

Welcome Tasha,

First of all, In my opinion he is definitly one of us. Coming out to your SO is by far one of the hardest thing that a guy can do in his life.

If you are sure in your mind that you can deal with having a boyfriend dressing in womens clothes, then by all means bring the subject up with him. Get it all out in the open just how you feel. It is in both of your best interest to get this out in the open as soon as possible.

Talk to him and be his friend first. If this is not something that you can dela with on a regular basis then let him know that also, and give him the space that he will need. This is not something that will ever go away. It can't be cured. It is part of him. Love him and have a happy life together.

:2c:
Raychel

[Karren H]

I'd ask him!! If not maybe he would like to try it?

[DaisyG]

Hi, Tasha. Welcome aboard.

After only a short time here, you'll see we CDs represent a large diversity of personalities, needs and experiences. I'm confident you will find your way to some answers here.

I understand how a CD may be reluctant to come out, even to one he loves deeply. Such reluctance may arise from a number of factors.

He may be a shy person.:o

Even at his age, he may not really have become able to articulate to himself just who he is, as a CD. If so, it's going to be doubly hard for him to explain to others. I know this situation well, not being sure who I was, for DECADES. Over 40 years ago I blew a chance to share my life with a super GG because I wasn't emotionally able to talk to her about my CDing, yet I would not let myself commit to her without her knowing. Now as a senior citizen, I finally have a handle on it and can talk about myself.:straightface:

There are many SOs who, unlike yourself, are 100% hostile to CD and are totally non-accepting. Sometimes a CD marries this type but fails to dosclose his CD, then years later she find out. If that was your guy's fate, and he lived thru a serious emotional train wreck , it's no wonder he's not talking much. :sad:

These are only a few reasons why he's holding back.

You sound like a very loving and patient soul, willing to invest a lot of time, energy and emotional capital in your relationship. You are right in not forcing the issue. Without being confrontational, you need to gently guide and coax him into talking about this part of himself. The more you can learn about CDs and their accepting SOs, the better equipped you may become to do this. It may take awhile, but if you succeed, I sense you and your CD are on the way to some wonderfully happy times. :hugs:

My best wished to you both. HUGS!

Daisy

[Holly]

Hi Tasha and :welcom:. Any chance CDing was involved in the break-up of his last relationship? That could explain a lot.

How about trying this... Invite him over and have a nice dinner in planned. Have some soft music playing and a bottle of wine handy. Enjoy some conversation and then send him into the bedroom to "change into something more comfortable." On the bed you have placed some lingerie for for him and a pretty robe. If he comes out asking what the heck is going on, tell him you remember he once asked if he could try on some of your clothes and that you thought tonight would be a good time. If he is open to the idea, then great... you have an opening to engage in further conversation. If he is not open to the thought, the serve dinner and enjoy an intimate evening together. You've planted a seed. I suspect before the evening is over, the subject may come up again. :D. Oh, did I mention wine?:)

[Alice B]

While none of us can give you a concrete answer it seems as if he is a cross dresser. if you are OK with this then I would tell him so. Let him know that you love him for who he is and that being a cross dresser is OK. Then force him to openly discuss the topic and arrive at acceptable agreeable standards. It sounds as if you really care about him and that dressing is OK. Where you go with this is up to the two of you, but open communication is very important.

[tasha_shalala]

For those of you who have replied:
I have never been on a forum before. I didn't expect such quick responses, and o so warm and insightful!
THANK YOU ALL!!!
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes :"-)...I feel less alone...

[az_azeel]

For those of you who have replied:
I have never been on a forum before. I didn't expect such quick responses, and o so warm and insightful!
THANK YOU ALL!!!
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes :"-)...I feel less alone...

Dont feel sad.. one thing about this forum is your not alone.. i think holly summed up what i was about to say.. talk about great minds etc... :heehee: :welcom: by the way pleased to meet you... :hugs:

[FireflyGG]

I'd ask him!! If not maybe he would like to try it?

I agree with Karen, but I'm a pretty blunt person so my approach may not work for everyone. Since you've done your research and it's something you're feeling comfortable with right now, I'd just ask him. I'd say if he's not already into it in private, he's pretty damn curious. It could be fun for you guess to explore the possibilities together! Keep us posted. I'm curious about Chapter 2 of the story.

My partner ended up dropping some hints so by the time he told me, I told him I already had him figured out. ;) In the end though, it's been an awesome addition to our relationship. If you ever need a virtual ear, drop me a line.

Good luck and yay for you for being so supportive!! I can't even begin to tell you the amount of relief that is in Melissa's voice when she tells me how thankful she is that I'm so open and accepting of all sides of her.

[RADER]

tasha_shalala
A big warm welcome; You came to the rite place.
There is a lot good ideas on the post above, but one idea might add to
"break the ice". Get him a cute baby doll night gown, and the next time
the two of you are alone, suprise him, and tell him that you want him
to model it for you. Then if jumps at it, that just might anwser some of
your questions; if not opening the door to more questions. Go slow, Talk,
Talk, And Listen. Rader

[Andy66]

It sounds like you're lucky to have found a sweet, sensitive guy. The fact that he is dropping hints tells me he is shy or embarrassed, but doesn't want to be a liar. That's so important, and all too rare in this world.

Just make sure he knows he can be himself with you. At the same time, you have a chance to really be yourself too because great communication should go both ways. Good luck.

[sheidelmeidel]

I respectfully disagree with Holly and agree with Kathi Lake, who got it perfect IMO. Taking the initiative with him by putting out clothes, etc could do more harm than good. I think it would be unwise to do such a thing until you know a lot more about what's really going on with him as far as CD'ing, past relationships and so forth. You feel like you're walking on eggshells because you are - the only way to make it across is slowly and carefully.

[docrobbysherry]

Sex is a reason MANY CDs dress!:eek:

The guilt and shame some get from dressing, would make it VERY difficult to discuss with someone they're involved with, and that they care about!:doh:

There is also, the "gay/bi", aspect of CDing. When I started dressing, I thot that I mite be GAY or BI!:brolleyes:

Turns out I'm not, but some of us r!:)

[MAJESTYK]

Tasha, thats one of the things you'll find out about us, we are quick , they're are a bunch of us and we will always be here if either one of you needs us for anything! We think of everyone as family of sorts!:hugs:
Now, on to the question, you have to go slow or he might just go further away from the subject. Just keep mentioning it at the right times. Like when he wants to dress etc.. It is something that , even though we find someone who is ok with it, we can be scared to bring forward. My wife kind of suspected me and then just sort of brought it all out one day when we moved by bring some dresses she had to the new house and Told me she thought I might like to wear them. Just be patient and it will happen.
Now remember, we're here for ya both!

[trannie T]

Buy him some nice panties for Christmas.

[FireflyGG]

Buy him some nice panties for Christmas.

Yay for new panties!!!

Crap. was that my outside voice?

*goes back to drinking her wine*

[giuseppina]

Tasha,

Telling the one you love about doing something that the world pretty much condemns can be one of the hardest things one of us will ever do. To a girl, it's no big deal as all throughout your life, you have been able to wear what you want with no problems. Like to wear guy's clothes? OK, so you're a tomboy - no big deal in the world's eyes. A guy that likes to dress as a woman? Sissy is probably the least offensive word for that group.

Keep on loving hi, but let him know clearly that you feel like you're walking on eggshells. Let him know that you want to support him, that you accept him, that you love him - no matter how he dresses.

Kathi

I like this approach. If he's been traumatised by a previous relationship, leaving things around may be too much and drive him away.

While I've never been in a romantic relationship, I have been in a situation similar to the situation I describe. The issue was that I'd seen so much visceral and unhealthy conflict that I was completely closed to the idea of a relationship. There was one person, a GF, who was after me that seemed nice (there were others), but the conflict I'd seen left me too traumatised to respond. CDing was not on my radar at that time.

He may well be walking on eggshells as well.

[sissystephanie]

There are lots of very good responses her, but I think our unofficial "Mom," Holly has given the best idea! It was mentioned that he "wanted to try on some of your clothes." so give him the opportunity! That might be the opening he was hoping for. Because I believe he has been searching for an opening to tell you, judging from the things you have said he has done or said.

If he does put some panties on, let him know that you love him very much no matter what he is wearing since you know he will be your man underneath! I told my late wife before we married, and that is what she said to me, that I would still be her man. She said that to me over 54 years ago, and we had almost 50 years together before cancer took her from me! She was totally supportive all the time!

Try Holly's idea, and let us know how it works!! Good Luck, and Bless You for being so loving!:hugs:

[suchacutie]

Hi and welcome!

You mention that he's dropping hints. You can do that too! It seems that you have ample entre into this world from his actions. I'm thinking about asking him if he likes your outfit (whatever it is) and see how knowledgable he is! Comment favorably. Engage him in conversation about your clothes and makeup as much as you can. If you see an entre to asking him which of your clothes he might like to wear or that you think he'd look terrific in some piece of clothing, etc. Talking about makeup could smoothly lead you to trying some eye shadow on him so you can see how it might look on you. If you are of similar size you can try that same thing with clothes or shoes :)

I will bet that he's just as concerned as you are, and will be incredibly receptive to little bits of conversation here and there, expanding them as such conversations normally happen.

We all wish you very well and know that when you both get by this small bump in the road that life has such a bright view!

tina

[silkenhose]

yep, flat out next time u are with him say hey, do you like to dress up? or would you like to dress up?

one poster said that alot of us worry about the SO thinking we are gay, get it out of the way, ask him....as he could be but most likley not

silk

[Miranda09]

I'd say go ahead and ask him. If you ask in such a way that you're not making fun, critisizing, or demeaning him, that you really do want to understand him, I think he may just open up to you. If you approach it right, this may open up a whole new aspect of your relationship that you can alot of fun with!! Good luck sweetie..:)

[DaphneGrey]

I would like to add my two cents. You sound wonderful and I think your boyfriend is very lucky. Perhaps I can shed some light on how difficult it is to disclose at least in the begining. When I finally mustered up the courage to tell my wife (then my girlfriend) I got physically sick! I was absolutely petrified with fear. To give you a little perspective I had just finished a tour in the USMC. I was and remain today a high speed adrenalin junky. So in masculine life I appeared quite tough and rather confident.

Telling the woman I love was the most difficult thing I have ever done, probably because I wasn't ready to answer questions I did not have answers to. It took a long time to figure out where all of this was going and what it means. Then there is the social stigma to come to terms with. This gender thing is not something I would wish on anyone. I am not complaining mind you as I have learned that it is part of who I am and I make the best of it. I just want you to understand that there is a lot of baggage that goes along with it. We all have to work through it and we have all struggled with fear and doubt. No doubt in my mind your SO is struggling with some of those same issues.

My thoughts on getting him to open up are simple. Talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel about him holding back. Tell him you think it's sweet that he likes girl things (if indeed you do). Tell him you are willing to experiment with it when and if he is comfortable. Tell him you don't want there to be secrets between the two of you. Give a green light and perhaps a gentle nudge in that direction. I do think it is important to let him drive so to speak. He has to feel comfortable talking about this stuff and if he is not ready, pushing to hard will cause him to clam up. I don't think you want to risk that.

With all respect to other forum members I would like to say that the lingerie gift Ideas are not a good Idea. Please don't missinderstand I would love it someone did that for me. But I have been out of the closet for quite sometime. As sweet and romantic as it might be for some. Your boyfriend might not be ready for it.

Also I don't want you to forget about you in all of this. It can be a lot of fun and it sounds like you guys are great for each other. If your relationship is heading down this road you will both face some challenges and you will both have so e unique needs and desires, and even some boundries.

This is all much to think about, and I hope it helps. I would like to offer you any help I can and your boyfriend as well. You can PM me any time and I will do my best to help.

Best Wishes
Daphne

[ericat]

i think you should go ahead and ask him. it sounds like you are supportive, so i would let him know that if you bring it up. it may help ease the tension a little. also, maybe a more serious approach would be effective. he may have thought you were trying to make fun of him when you were lightheartedly joking about things before.

[Sally2005]

If you ask him directly, it might feel like you are accusing him of something and he might clam up. There are many forms CDing takes and it is a personal experience for many. I think you should talk to him, but do it in general terms and from your point of view. Tell him what you like about CDers and what concerns you have. If you are open and supporting, I think he may open up after some time and talk to you. One other way to do it, is just grab him and tell him you are going to give him a makeover... and fully transform him and see where it goes...

[ikatrina]

It sounds like he's very shy and sensitive about his habit and possibly could have even been hurt in the past.

First....you should know what you are getting into. You are in the correct place for that, and are a great lady for reaching out for help. IMO the worst thing that can happen is that you tell him that you are completely accepting and then start to put restrictions on his dressing over time.

If you are truly willing to accept what this may involve (and where it could lead) I would ease into it by giving hints that you are accepting and that you understand what is (or may be) involved. Acceptance and encouragement will go along way to him coming out to you. You need to make him feel completely comfortable about talking to you about dressing and/or his feminine side.

[CherylFlint]

Been there, done that. Go ahead and ask him, but don't share. Yours are yours, and hers are hers, understand? Good idea to set the groundrules from the get go, if there is one.

[Georgia Rose]

Some guys don't know how lucky there are. But there could be a lot of hurt in the past. Somehow you need to encourage him to talk. Maybe make a big deal of how much you would enjoy having a manicure/pedicure with him (or something similar) and get him to do it for you rather you doing it for him.

[AlisonRenee]

Tasha,

Your SO is really lucky to have a girl so willing to accept this side of him. I've walked in the same shoes he's in so I really understand what he fears -- which is revealing something he's probably hidden all of his life, being "outed" and subject to ridicule...

and losing not only his relationship with you, but your respect.

I'm sure that you do feel like you're on eggshells, and I truly admire you for being sensitive to this side of him and wanting to give him that acceptance.

Others have made very good suggestions. If I were him, I would likely welcome some light-hearted indications that you're just fine with the idea. He probably feels cornered; he needs to see that he's not in a corner, but instead that you're leading him OUT of the corner. Gift him with something fun but not over the top, and sooner or later you'll catch him with his guard down and get your opportunity to open him up. Keep it light, and keep it FUN. If it was me I would probably be hesitant - maybe finding it hard to believe that you're really this wonderful. You'll get there. :)

[ChrisP]

Tasha,

What a lucky guy he is to have you.

Yes, so many of us are conflicted over this....drawn to our desire of enjoying our femininity, and racked by the guilt we feel over this societal taboo.

One thing you might try (since you are open minded and quite giving) is bringing him over to your place for a quiet evening in.

After a glass of wine or two, ask him: "Would you mind if I give you a make-over? I've been wondering what you would look like if you were a woman."

Now he can pretend that this is all your idea, and not feel guilty that he wants it so badly. You will see how much he enjoys it.

Expect that afterwards there may be a few times that he denies how much fun it was (that's the guilt or shame I was speaking of).

Repeat the experiment one more time, being a bit more elaborate this time.

Overcoming his reluctance to accept this part of himself will take time.
I hope he proves worthy of a great partner like you.

Chris

[susiej]

Tasha,

Previous posts have said "you could try this ..." -- for some reason, they bring to mind Yoda's famous quote from Star Wars: "do, or do not. There is no try".

In other words, IMHO you shouldn't "try" some strategem like giving him lingerie, asking him if he wants a make over. This opportunity for both of you is way too important to squander on "try". You've got only one chance to "do" it right the first time, and straightforwardness and honesty is the best approach.

Understand that he's being very brave to drop these hints -- IMHO you must respond relatively soon, or by keeping silent, you will be implying that you do not approve. If he stops dropping the hints, don't think for a moment that he's changed his mind about dressing. As you read more posts in this forum, one thing you'll see we almost all agree on -- those of us who are born with this "privilege" of gender agility get to enjoy it our entire lives. If he stops hinting, he's giving up on you.

Simply speak to him about his hints, and let him know you're supportive.

And -- make sure you know just how supportive you are. Could you truly enjoy helping him dress? Shop? Shop en femme? Visualize the two of you out at a lesbian dance club. And, think about how the evening might conclude, at home. Does all, or even some of this work for you? Because if not, you're going to break his heart.

Thanks for being so understanding! I wish both of you all the best!

Oh -- and for Heavens' sake, keep us posted on how it goes!!

Hugs,
Susie

[lavistaa62]

He has not only an open and accepting partner but one who goes to great lengths to understand even those things which he may not have revealed to himself. Perhaps he's like myself- more open to unspoken communication which relies on the insight of both parties than the actual spoken word.

Here's a scenario- a method of extending an invitation. Do you buy him clothes? Perhaps one of those purchases could mistakenly be the female version of something he'd like- jeans or pajamas come to mind. Jeans I guess are a better candidate but the idea is something not obviously female but which, if the spirit within him were to recognize it, he'd prefer in the female version. It shows you understand while not placing him directly in an uncomfortable or awkward situation. If he says no, no problem, just return them. If he puts them on you can compliment him on the fit and the way they make him look.

Either way, he's a lucky man.

[Huntress]

1. Kidnap him and take him under mild duress to a mad scientist. Conversion to a hot babe coming right up. No... wait... maybe he's just a CD'r. Ok. Scratch this one.
2. Have him abducted by Aliens. Conversion to a gorgeous babe coming right up. Oop... same problem as the first suggestion. Forget this one.
3. Well, I guess that leaves open honest communication at the uptake both of you can bear. Throw in some Love, and you have won yourself a Twofer. Congratulations girl!

Huntress

[Karen564]

Dear all,
I am new here, and I would like to introduce myself:
My name is Tasha. I am not yet officially a SO of a CDer...but I suspect I have the perspective of becoming one. This is the reason why I come here.

I have been in a long distance relationship with my partner for more than 3 years now. Things are going steady, but something always seems to be there to hold him back. In the first glance, he seems to be your typical commitment-phobic guy (40, once divorced), who demands a lot of personal space. But during our last few holidays together, I had a feeling that he had been dropping hints: he told me he wanted to try on some of my clothing; he would like to try a manicure and pedicure and make-up session. In some trips, he also bought a lot of feminine accessories...for himself.
In the beginning I took them as jokes, but eventually due to the frequency of these jokes, I realized it may be no joke at all. I have encouraged him lightheartedly. I jokingly suggested we went for a manicure/pedicure, he then only laughed nervously and said he'd be too shy.
Once he let me use his computer, and I saw on the website address, there were entries of transvestite websites.

He's someone very sensitive. That's why sometimes when he seemed to drop hints, I didn't want to poke further. He also has a great tendency to avoid conflict and confrontation. That's why I wonder if I never bring up the issue, will he ever come out to me? Will he ever be ready??? (Of course, provided if he really is a CDer)
And if I should bring it up, how?
I feel like walking on eggshell :-(

I have to say, I sometimes fail to grasp what all the fuss about telling your CDing to your partner. Because for me, it's the person I love. Yet not until these few weeks I have been doing my research on internet, do I realize what a torment it could be.
How should I go about with the situation now?
Any input? Or experience to share?

Tasha,
My advise to you is very simple here because of your great & loving attitude, so, You need to take the initiative & make the 1st move, because I can pretty much guarantee you he wont, based on what your saying. Find a moment when both of you are alone & a private setting (bed rm?) to make him feel safe, and then come straight out and tell him basically the same as what you said here, that you love the person, not the clothes he's wearing, even if those clothes happen to be girl clothes, and let him know point blank that your fine with the CDing (as long as you really are) but you need him to be up front and tell you no matter how embarrassed or awkward he may feel talking about, but also say you can understand feeling that way, but this is very important to know the truth..
I's very likely he has never told a sole before, and he may also feel shameful for being a crossdresser, but you also cant rule out the possibility he may have stronger transgender (TS, GID) issues lurking deep inside either, (for that is a more serious matter all together) and this is why it's so important that you need him to be totally honest with you now, rather than 5 to 10 or 20 years down the road if you two got married...

Good Luck !!!
:hugs:

[joyce483]

you should ask him which outfits he would like to try on.

[switcheralso]

I wrote my wife altter supporting her and telling her I loved her. I laid out my desires and past with C/D it went well and now she knows.

I would take the hints your friend has given you and write a letter in support or tell him your feelings.

[Jilmac]

Tasha, you sound like a very loving and supportive person, and talking from my own experience I can say that there is a lot of angst on the part of a CDer to come out to his SO. I believe if he has been dropping hints, he's searching for a positive reaction from you. I have a suggestion that might break the ice and free him from his emotional closet.

As long as you have suspected his love of dressing, and you love him unconditionally, perhaps it should be you that makes the first move in his coming out. You could start by buying him a pretty feminine item (or perhaps an outfit), and surprise him with it. Assure him that you love him and encourage him to get comfortable wearing it in your presence.

I'm willing to bet that he'll be elated by your acceptance and the bond between you will just grow stronger. :love:

[Joni T]

I think you should ask him in a gentle way. I was closeted to my first wife (it had nothing to do with our divorce) and I came out to my second wife before we were married. We celebrated anniversary #23 two weeks ago. It hasn't all been a bed of roses but at least she knows and is supportive.
Just my $.02
Joni

[Joanne f]

Hi Tasha and :welcom:. Any chance CDing was involved in the break-up of his last relationship? That could explain a lot.

How about trying this... Invite him over and have a nice dinner in planned. Have some soft music playing and a bottle of wine handy. Enjoy some conversation and then send him into the bedroom to "change into something more comfortable." On the bed you have placed some lingerie for for him and a pretty robe. If he comes out asking what the heck is going on, tell him you remember he once asked if he could try on some of your clothes and that you thought tonight would be a good time. If he is open to the idea, then great... you have an opening to engage in further conversation. If he is not open to the thought, the serve dinner and enjoy an intimate evening together. You've planted a seed. I suspect before the evening is over, the subject may come up again. :D. Oh, did I mention wine?:)

That is as a good idea as any .

[Phyliss Hdson]

As A CDer who had a terrible time trying to tell my SO, I can tell you it can be very difficult. You say he has dropped some hints, so maybe you can find a way to capitalise on that. Maybe you can buy him something that you think he would look good in and accompany it with a very nice letter letting hi know how you feel.
Just a thought, Let us know how it turns out.
HUGS
Phyliss TX CD the best of both worlds

[kimmy p]

Hi Tasha, I can't give you any better advice than has already been offered. But I will say this, with your attitude about loving the person not the clothing I can guarantee that many here would dearly love to meet you if you and your SO ever part ways.

[Jessinthesprings]

Girl he's not dropping hints he's dropping bombshells. You are the dream of every transgendered SO.

You might say something like this, "I love you. You have been giving me hints that you are a crossdresser. What ever the answer I will be there to support you. I would like for us to go out so we can buy you a new wardrobe and some makeup. It will be our special time."

Granted you would want to say it in your own words, but if he was anything like me when my wife got me to confess to her, she had to be direct, and had to reasure me that no matter what she would be there to support me, and she also had to be persistant.

You may also point out that life is better out than bottled up and kept to himself.

[Maxi]

Turn on a program like RuPauls drag race, and give positive comments on what you like about the girls. This may help to soften him up. See what kind of responce he has. To a macho guy, admitting to having a feminen side is a hard thing to admit to.

[paulaN]

Talk, talk, and then talk some more. It's the best, and only way to find out what he is thinking. You have got to start sharing more of your selves with each other.

[Kate17]

If he already said he wanted to try on your clothes, thats the green light. Get something very sexy and get in a sexy state of mind and then ask him if he would try some things on for you. Important -if he accepts the invitation, snuggle together with him wearing the clothes. It sounds to me like he is mentally begging for you to take the next step which will tell him its all right.

[sherri52]

Hi Tasha: Nice to have you with us. You have already shown your love by joining us here. Your BF didn't drop little hints, he spelled it out for you. By all means confront him with it even ask if he wants to go shopping while he has your clothes on. The iceberg will be broken and he will respond.

[tasha_shalala]

Dear girls,
Sorry I have been traveling, hence this late reply. Before I left for my trip, I printed out all your replies and was reading them on my journey. I am so touched!
My heartfelt thank you to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I saw BF only briefly before my trip. The mood was not exactly right and I didn't think it was a good idea to ask him or to have a talk or whatever in haste. So I am still waiting for a better opportunity.
--This is one of the big problems of having a long-distance relationship, I reckon :-(

The other day on the phone, we were talking about hosting a few friends from abroad in his holiday house for a weekend. Out of the blue, he asked, "you think they wouldn't find me too strange to wear whatever I usually wear around the house?"
For one second, I was stunned by the question. But then I realized, he always wears silky house-robe or silky pjs around the house. They are not too feminine, but I guess not totally masculine either! Yet it has never even occured to me that it is the least bit out-of-norm?!?!?!
So I told him, "It's your house, you wear whatever you like. If you like them, why not? If they don't like it, it's their problem."
He was in silence for a little while, and then he repeated my words, "yeh...if they don't like it, it's their problem."
I was hoping he would say something more, but he changed the topic soon after. *SIGH*

For those of you who suggested my letting him to wear my clothes...there's absolutely no way. Not only he is much taller than me, I also have a more-than-average petite frame. Most of the time, I shop in kid's (not even teenager's) section, so go figure...

Anyway, I will keep you updated on how things go. As I said before, I am not used to be in a forum, so I may need to learn to be more responsive. But I can't tell you how happy I am to find the community here :D

Have a nice weekend,
Tasha

[Amanda Styles]

Tasha,
My advise to you is very simple here because of your great & loving attitude, so, You need to take the initiative & make the 1st move, because I can pretty much guarantee you he wont, based on what your saying. Find a moment when both of you are alone & a private setting (bed rm?) to make him feel safe, and then come straight out and tell him basically the same as what you said here, that you love the person, not the clothes he's wearing, even if those clothes happen to be girl clothes, and let him know point blank that your fine with the CDing (as long as you really are) but you need him to be up front and tell you no matter how embarrassed or awkward he may feel talking about, but also say you can understand feeling that way, but this is very important to know the truth..
I's very likely he has never told a sole before, and he may also feel shameful for being a crossdresser, but you also cant rule out the possibility he may have stronger transgender (TS, GID) issues lurking deep inside either, (for that is a more serious matter all together) and this is why it's so important that you need him to be totally honest with you now, rather than 5 to 10 or 20 years down the road if you two got married...

Good Luck !!!
:hugs:

I can't agree more. Just offer you love and support it everything will work out for the best, IMO.

[MissKara]

There is also, the "gay/bi", aspect of CDing. When I started dressing, I thot that I mite be GAY or BI!:brolleyes:

This is the one thing that people assume when you tell them you're a crossdresser. I'm don't cases, after I told them they instantally say "So your gay?" :rollseyes:

Personally, just the thought of being with another guy like that makes me sick to my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike gay or bi people, far from it (They are really nice people), I just couldn't see myself as one


On topic though, IMO you should talk to him about it, but be diplomatic and caring :)

Good Luck :hugs:

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

[Sideways]

I usually think most cds are straight. Even fundamentally so which I think adds to some of the inner turmoil to the question - fundamental to the sense of the m/f dynamic, or the everquest in searching for the whys to cd'ing, and also just the need for community and understanding - although despite and because of the association the g/l community isn't really that accepting either.

I'm a bit on the pan/bi/let-me-get-to-know-you and we'll figure out the mechanics later side myself. Or lately just bitter.

It might be outside of my element to offer advice, but that rarely stops me from putting my foot in my mouth.

If you enjoy watching movies together, it think it could be an innocent way to go to casually introduce the subject into the open. It might be wise to avoid the campy ones, tho. Or one the other side exploring some adult entertainment - there are some where the cd side is presented as the desire of the female companion and that aspect might make it more tolerable or open it so he's more inclined to have you take part in it as if its your idea. Well, if you so desire.

An intimate game of Truth or Dare might be fun as well and an easy way to bring in the other suggestions from posts here ...

if you don't want to bring it up directly then you could try having each other write ten things that you both would like the other to do on an intimate level, sharing fantasies and other desires, and put them in a bowl and try them out at random. It gives you the opportunity to share some of your fantasies and desires while still addressing this possibility, and getting a little closer or knowing more than you ever wanted to know.

[linnea]

I'd definitely ask him. You might put it as a matter of curiosity: "Have you ever thought about wearing any feminine clothing?" Or "I've wondered if you would ever consider wearing some panties or some of my panties [if size is similar]." I would love my spouse to ask.