i need lots of help and you all are the only ones i have

[brenda lynn mwe]

hello everyone im so sorry i havent been very active on here. ive been a member here for a little while. i was using my sell phone when i did get on here. my phone started acting up because i have a smart phone .well i went and got me a lap top. so im back everyone and im sorry for everyone that fills like i was egnoreing them i wasnt. just couldnt respond to anything. but anyway. ive been haven a tuff time with life and my self. i have been on hrt for two months now . and things there are going well with that . but i have a gg thats my girl friend and she is some what soppertive of my crossdressing but she doesnt want me to go threw the trans.but i am anyway its me i have to to become the true person i am. things have been so bad i havent got fixed up in a long time well when i went to my doctor to get my harmounse was the last time in two month i have got fixed up.im so lonely here in my life and fill like im climbing the biggest mounting.i have went back in the closet completly im so depressed i have no family they have all passed no friends and the friends i do have would dich me if they had a clue how i am and who i realy are.theres no sopport groups around here close to me to go and get out with them .and my job theres guys there that used to be my friend now they call me a fag and etc.and i have no i idea why because i have never gave anyone a clue at work that im trans.i want to find and befriends with some girls thats going threw the same as me that we can go out and shop and have fun nothing sexial. just plain friends to share life together the goods and the bads to be there for each other.i want to changes jobs but i make good money for around here to be home everynight yes im a truckdriver and i have some addvantages there but im stuck. im so lost and dont know were to run or what road to take.and no one to turn to but youl:love:when you have no mom or dad or no family to turn to or friends to turn to what do u do?and to top everything of my girl friends son comes home from housten and we were wresling around i pulled his socks off and his toes are painted . he felt embarrest so i tookoff my socks because mine are painted .but i dont know why hes toes would be painted hes only 12 years oid and never new about me and my cross dressing or trans he does kinda like girl stuff from what hes mom tells me.but anyway thats bothering me to.this hole story is i have no one and no one.and dont know what to do about how to change my life to the better. id be willing to move and completely change completly but were would i go dont know anyone anywhere i would go. im so along mentaly and fisacly.any help would be so thinkful loves to everyone and hope everyone had a happy thankgiving hugs brenda lynn:love::hugs::sad:

[AlannahNorth]

Hello Brenda Lynn,

One thing I can say with confidence is that you're in the right place here. I don't really want to sit here and try to dish out advice - you've a lot on your plate by the sounds of it. There have been times in my life when I really was ready to give up, but something always stopped me. A close friend once told me to remember to tell myself that tomorrow will be better, and one day soon you will feel good. It has always been true.

Will leave you with that for now... there are some really great people on this forum and I'm sure you will be hearing from some of them. You are not alone here.

[Sandra Dunn]

HI Sis
As for the work place who knows what took place. It could be simply the way you responded to a comment or one of them has "gaydar" and is in the LGBT community and can not accept themself for who they are. I have found that the ones using such describtive words to be less educated about the words they use and usually have issues within themselves.
It sounds like you have a girlfriend who knows about you and is accepting of you. This is a start. I understand what it feels like to be in an area that has no known support group near by. I wish the girls around Amarillo would realize that there is a group in West Texas in which they can come to. It is a SAFE place. There are a lot of girls out there that do go out and in your travels maybe you can set up a time to visit some of them.
The first time out I went to DFW and met up with some wonderful girls and have met many more across the country. I am a member of the MCC church and when I visit another town I look to see if they have an MCC and I GO.
I remeber the first time out, other then Halloween, was in DFW and how wonderfull I felt. I went to a meeting and afterwards out to eat. My what a journey it has been and still is. One of the things I make sure of is to NOT go anyplace that I would not go in boy mode on any other occasion.
It has been a few years, really only a few, since I went to DFW and now I have freinds that come through town and we get together and when I go through their town I stop and we get together then. Just take it one step at a time and before you know it you'll be stepping out.

HUGS Sandra

[Sally2005]

In many ways you are lucky not to have a lot of family ties. It should make changing your life a lot easier. For people to talk to, I know my family is the last place I would look for support...you are better off using a support group or forums like this one to learn about CDing.