what,why, and how to resolve

[helenr]

I believe this section warrants this post. Judging from the number of posts on 'plain vanilla' crossdressing-over 600,000 I noted-versus the number on this group-22,000 . I believe that most of the discussions on the former group are more clothes and passing oriented, versus some of the more serious posts I read here.
These are just my opinions, but I have been affected by a transgender streak since age 5-6 (now nearly 63).
My little speech relates to COUNSELING as so many ask about this. I feel that most of us know the 'what' part pretty well. The 'why' is tricky as there can be many explanations. I believe for me the strong bond I had with my mother, a distant acting father, seeing my mother put girdles and stockings on, observing that my older sister was always the good one-didn't get into trouble,etc- seeking to mimic what I saw, sensing that it was nicer to be on the pink team-if only in my young mind-, these sorts of influences are the 'why' for me-and probably a bunch more.
the 'how to' part relates to how to manage/cope with this.
Therapists are good people, for the most part, and want to help. Unfortunately, unlike a bunch of many more common mental challenges, ours is rare and has so many varieties. Frankly, I think 'we' can gain more insight via the Internet-toss out the nonsensical ideas- and reading. Before the Internet, I would go to big libraries and furtively read books about Transgenderism, Crossdressing,etc. (Amazon.com sells many books on this topic.)
I learned about what was known in the 1970's that way. Current information is so readily available on the Internet.
I feel that most counselors have zero knowledge of this topic, since it wouldn't be something most would encounter in practise. Consequently, you pay big bucks to educate them. Maybe never get anything more profound that what you can read via the many posts here, but put a huge dent in your purse.If you are going just to get meds, that is another thing. There are many fine groups that discuss drugs-not here though.
If you have a good adviser, wonderful. most will find disappointment when doing searches for one reasonably local. I don't know about treatment long distance via the internet-maybe with some high tech camera so you can see the other person?
helenr

[pamela_a]

Therapists are good people, for the most part, and want to help. Unfortunately, unlike a bunch of many more common mental challenges, ours is rare and has so many varieties. Frankly, I think 'we' can gain more insight via the Internet-toss out the nonsensical ideas- and reading.

Helen, it's true we can learn a lot reading and interacting with others but there are some things IMO that can't be done any way other than one on one. Speaking just for me, my therapist has helped me most by asking me the questions I was afraid to ask of myself and making me look inside, to that place I always avoided, to find the answers. To me a good therapist isn't someone who has the answers but someone who can ask the right questions.

[Beth-Lock]

At the least, a counsellor can hold your hand while you are going through a difficult time. Some of course cannot even bring themselves to do that and turn on you, perhaps contributing to the pressures to commit suicide eventually.
I guess it is because transgenderism is such a rare complaint, that few counsellors make even a partial speciality out of it. Often too it seems, the choice of counsellor predetermines the advice you are going to get, specifically to pursue it or try and limit it.
I have had some limited experience with counselling and also talking to people who have gone to counsellors. It seems that just finding a tolerant counsellor is enough to expect in the way of a good outcome.
It certainly can be expensive. I suspect that also contributes to the fact that counsellors get fewer opportunities to get experience. Considering how dramatically it effects one's life, one would think offering free counselling would pay society dividends. But then those asses on the radio and television would make a big thing of it, not yet having tired of merely screwing up the economy by amplifying quackery there too.
Anyway, I am embarking right now on yet another experience with counselling. Time will tell.

[Sally24]

You definitely want to go to someone who specializes in gender issues. They may not be as rare as you think. I know of 2 right off the top of my head in the Boston area and I know there are many more. If you're not near a metro area than yeah, they may be hard to find. I think they can be tremendously helpfull though.

[Stephenie S]

I think this just underscores the importance of finding GENDER therapy.

I agree that not many "vanilla" therapists may be very knowledgable about GID, and that is a good reason to seek help elswhere. I am sorry that so many find difficulty with therapy. It's an extremely important step in transition (or not, as the case may be).

My personal experience has been just the oposite. Over the last four years, I have used FOUR therapists in my transition, and every one was invaluable to me. Each brought a particular type of insight to bear on my situation. I could not have transitioned without each. And, of course, gender therapy was the route to hormone therapy.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[helenr]

thanks for the thoughtful posts to a rather vague question. more complicated that what color panties are you wearing today (regularly on the Crossdresser section)

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

A Good therapist who specializes in Gender issues is worth her weight in gold, that puts my therapist estimated to weigh 130 lbs to be worth 2.5 million dollars at current Gold prices of $1177 per oz. But as Sally said a good gender therapist ask's you questions that you need to answer for yourself that you are afraid to ask such has to what your sexual orientation is now, what if it changes later on? They can help guide you in the transition process, describe's to you experiences that others have had, give perspectives that you may not have thought about. They are invaluable especially if you develop a rapport with them.

My therapist Dr Osborne is one of the nicest people I know and her practice is primarily with MTF Transsexual's. She also runs a support group for her patients where I meet others like me and that is also greatly valued. I do agree that a normal therapist may not have the experience and you waste much time training them in trans issues which is costly. That is why you need to find the best therapist possible, they are invaluable. Kimberly :battingeyelashes:

[Jamie S.]

Here's my two cents on the topic.

Personally I find the internet to be the most valuable information source to a transgendered person. Say what you want about any other resource available, but none really have helped so many. We're transitioning younger and younger by the day. I'm nearly 25, and I'm nearly a year into HRT all because of places like this.

Now, don't get me wrong, I do believe that medical supervision should be exercised with things like HRT, but I disagree with some of the commentary in regards to having to go to a "specialist" gender therapist or even a therapist in general for approval. I personally went to a wonderful therapist here in the San Antonio area. My only thought after a couple of months was that although he asked many questions, I had already asked those to myself. While going to therapy was pleasant and it helped me feel less shame after years of being treated like I was mentally defective, it cost hundred of dollars. So I ended up spending tons of money on what really equated to just an expensive friend. I'm working a full-time job, trying to go school, get my life back together, and pay for all my transitioning costs. Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled seeing my therapist's hummer parked outside his office every week.

We are profitable. We are niche market to some of these specialists and surgeons and we worship the ground they walk on at times and god forbid we treat these people like fallible human beings. Sometimes I read the descriptions people write of some surgeons and I gag. You'd think they were giving away surgeries free of charge to orphan children and small puppies.

We are forced to be ashamed of who we are growing up (well some of us) and now that we transition, if certain hoops are not jumped through, we may not even be able to. I just finished an episode of Sex Change Hospital (hate that title, so exploitative) and in the episode, Marci Bowers performs SRS on an admitted CD. Now, there's nothing wrong with that, she wanted the surgery so she got it, but it kind of shows that these supposed guidelines don't really work all that well if one of the most prominent SRS surgeons in the U.S. has no qualms in performing the surgery regardless. All it does is allow for other trans people to be possibly denied HRT or surgery. In the same episode, a young trans woman is denied the surgery by the same hospital after initial approval because in their eyes, she was too much of a risk. It was the last semester her parent's work insurance would cover SRS, placing it financially out of reach.

I rant not because I hate that there are guidelines of some sort. I rant because these guidelines are imposed in such a heavy handed way at times by both those who mean well and those who wish to harm us. They also allow for surgeons and therapists to reap riches will we sell our possessions, lose our families and friends, and sacrifice all to ultimately reach some form of happiness. They know that they are catering to a small (But growing) group, so we are charged large amounts for surgeries that use techniques that were developed decades ago, after all, if it ain't broke don't fix it. We are strong, so we trudge along at times. We take the abuse in the form of people telling us that if we do not conform to their ideal of what masculinity or femininity is, we will be denied. And that is a terrifying thought: That others CONTROL our happiness. We are mental defectives according to the DSM, and we are not mentally capable enough to decide whether we'd like to transition or not. It has to be decided for us.

We are a society that worships the penis and all the suposed wonders that come with owning one. After all, If you want your penis inverted, you must be crazy (heavy sarcasm). I could walk into a plastic surgeon's office and ask for some random body modification, to the point of it being ridiculous, and it would be ok for with most surgeons. That logic doesn't apply with SRS. If a crossdresser decides to get SRS, then so be it. They can get breast implants right now with no approval pretty much. SRS is more complex, but ultimately all cosmetic surgery requires that patients be held accountable to their own choices rather than playing the blame game with lawyers later on as is popular in the U.S.


Ultimately, I have no gripes with my experience going through the system, but that's because I got really lucky finding a decent (with all my minor nitpicks I would still recommend him to someone who wasnt sure about whether they want to transition) therapist here in San Antonio. Honestly, most gender specialists are not really that, they are fluent in theories and ideas of transexuality, but ultimately we have access to pretty much the same information online at pennies on the dollar. And sometimes, their ideas are dangerously antiquated.

My rant comes from a deep sense of frustration. Frustration with the system that forces my fellow brothers and sisters to conform to someone else's ideals rather than their own under the guise of keeping "crossdressers" from accidentally transitioning. This being one of the major arguments in defense of having to go through channels to ultimately get on HRT. But it has the stench of elitism. I have many a time read posts and threads where people are pretty much torn down for having gone through other routes rather than what some consider to be the proper and only channels. They are not "legitimate" in the eyes of the medical community, so they are cheaters and fakes to some in the trans circles. This personally drives me crazy, the whole: "You're not like me so you're not trans" or "You cheated your way around the system" condescension that aims to somehow strip a person of their well-earned identity.


Really I know this is a debate that rages hotter than Satan's hot tub in the trans community, but what I guess I'm trying to say is this:

1. The internet is the best resource for transgendered people.

2. Medical supervision in regards to meds and surgery = good.

3. Mental supervision in regards to guidlines and assesment = good idea in theory, but fails more often than not in practice.

Ugh, I wish I could keep ranting, but my brain is clearly melting from lack of sleep.

[Beth-Lock]

Dear Jamie,
What you say is very interesting. Psychological therapy and diagnosis has I think always been an art, and one with a lot of risk of the therapist being wrong.
One idea is, that with the social stigma of living transgendered reduced, at some point it may be time to be more liberal about allowing a wider segment of the transgendered population to have the benefits of this change. This may even include allowing SRS for those who would in prior times not be considered eligible. Specifically it seems that taking a serious and acute lack of adjustment to your birth gender as a criterion, is perilous. It may exclude a lot of people who would be good at adjusting to a life in a new gender. A failure in your old gender seems to be a funny sort of criterion. It may favour admitting people who are merely chronically maladjusted to anything.
It would seem that the professionals should be, and not all are, learning about progress in this field, as it unfolds, in real-time. Some I fear even think that the last word possible to think on this subject was thought by Freud, before he died, so many decades ago. Professional training may not be any more up-to-date than the training of the generation previous to the current therapists, as it was his or her teachers that taught them what to know.
And this matter of being up-to-date is where the Internet triumphs.