"I am a crossdresser"

[DiannaRose]

I actually said those words to a stranger today, in that order: "I am a crossdresser". Okay, so it was the woman with whom I was setting up an appointment for marriage (and other) counseling, but it was nonetheless oddly satisfying and somehow freeing to actually be able to say it, out loud, to another person.

Okay, technically, I did say it to my wife the day I came out to her, but that was a bad time and she told me she never wants to hear that word again, so that was more a closing than an opening. :)

I AM A CROSSDRESSER!! :D

[tonixd]

*like*

[AllieSF]

I am trying to tell more people what I am when having casual conversations with others or with sales agents. It is not easy, but the more that I say it, the easier it becomes for me. I wish you the best with your counseling. It is not easy, but make sure you open up completely, because that is what they are there for and exactly what you are paying for.

[Karren H]

Ya want a medal or a chest to pin it on? Or both? :D

Disclaimer - the above statement was ment in jest.. Aka jockularity.. Ha ha.. :)

[trannie T]

Ya want a medal or a chest to pin it on? Or both? :D

Disclaimer - the above statement was ment in jest.. Aka jockularity.. Ha ha.. :)

Does it come with matching earrings?

[Lorileah]

Congrats Dianna. It was hard I am sure and maybe with time your wife will relax. Even if she didn't like hearing it, she was told. Can't say she doesn't know :)

[Aeval]

Way to go, Dianna!

I'll be seeing my therapist this week (for the first time in quite a while) and I'm actually looking forward to telling her that in fact...

"I am a crossdresser!"

I'm in much the same boat as you with the missus, and look forward to talking about my CDing openly, face-to-face with another human being.

Good luck at your appointment!

[VS Fan]

For the sisters that are still in the closet and are DYING to be able to tell someone (ANYONE)... saying those words out loud to yourself even in the car just might help you. It was only days after I started saying it out loud to myself in the car that I finally had the guts to spill it to my wife.

Try it ;)

VS Fan

[Kerigirl2009]

I also got to experience that exact statement. Hard to do, but even harder to admit to someone especially the one you love. Therapists are decent atleast mine as I don't feel like I am being judged negatively. I feel that I have held back somewhat with him which I am realizing that is bad so don't hold back and try to learn from their services. Good luck :)

[Vickii*]

Yeah, I don't think I will ever tell a stranger point blank that I'm a crossdresser.

It's not something that normal people like to hear.

[Melinda G]

I am trying to tell more people what I am when having casual conversations with others or with sales agents.

"Hi. I'm Fred from accounting, and I masturbate". Now, explain to us the difference.

[sandra-leigh]

Yeah, I don't think I will ever tell a stranger point blank that I'm a crossdresser.

It's not something that normal people like to hear.

When you are in drab in a women's clothing store and you go up to a SA and say "I'd like to try on this dress", then whether you've already proclaimed yourself, and whether you actually say the word "crossdresser" then becomes just a matter of how the conversation flows.

Telling a stranger that you are a cross-dresser quickly becomes trivially easy if you shop in drab (or stealth). The part that stays difficult for a long time is telling someone who knows you!!

[Frédérique]

I actually said those words to a stranger today, in that order: "I am a crossdresser".

OK, I’d just like to say, “I am a transvestite…”
Can you tell me what the difference is?
You weren’t expecting a spot quiz, were you? :heehee:

Answer: there isn’t any, unless you think you can define the undefinable…

[sheidelmeidel]

I AM A CROSSDRESSER!! :D


:brolleyes:

Should this be considered a success or a failure? I surmise that there are more than a few of us out there who find secrecy and anonymity titillating...

[Ballerina]

It is definitely an interesting sensation to hear those words come from your own self. I also said it to my ex, and my therapist. It's kind of an... odd relief...

[Ellen47]

Good luck with consuling.
In time it gets easier to say out load "I am a crossdresser."
A steep closer to self acceptance.

Ellen

[nancyish]

I like to say I'm effeminate but i am a crossdresser.Nancy

[ValerieKay]

Is there a difference between saying "I'm a Crossdresser" and "its for me, actually" to a shop assistant? Less "in your face" I think.

In the UK, Marks and Spencer staff are taught to be nice to us. Which is good. I suppose. They also employ a number of transsexuals and support them.

They are allegedly overrun with gay men doing the creative stuff (though I am none too sure about the final product...).

[DiannaRose]

Ya want a medal or a chest to pin it on? Or both? :D

Disclaimer - the above statement was ment in jest.. Aka jockularity.. Ha ha.. :)

So glad you're here to keep us on our toes, Karren! Funny lady! :)

All, thanks for the support! It's going to be really, really hard to be completely open during counseling because I've been holding back when talking to my wife. She asks questions of the form "You don't want to shave your legs, do you?" with such a clear need to hear a negative response that I know an affirmative would send her over the edge. (She's barely holding on as it it is.) If she would ask it like "Do you want to shave your legs?" it would be easier to say "I do, but I can live without it for now." Even the "for now" has the potential to push her over.

So keep us in your thoughts and prayers, ladies! We need it. And thanks again for your support and encouragement! I love you all!

Karren...let me know where I can find the chest, and I'll find the medal myself! :)

[sherri52]

Yesterday in my store I wore a pair of jeans with pink metalic buterflies on the back pockets. They were the size of the pockets. Is that the same as yelling it out.

[ValerieKay]

Every Sunday I fly to work.

I always buy stuff at the Boots shop (drugstore). It is always the same girl serving.

I buy Veet, stockings/tights ( v. large), pencil eyeliner, liquid eyeliner, foundation, lipstick, gloss, nail files, body butter, scrub.

.....How many men buy their wife liquid eyeliner??

She smiles, I smile. Happy people.

Last time I got a very long appraising look from a extremely skinny 20 year old behind me in the queue. I smiled, she smouldered in black everything. I was cool under fire. Its getting easier.

[NV Susan]

Hello my name is Susan, and I'm a crossdresser.

:)Hi Susan,
My name is Susan also...........and I'm also a cross dresser!!! :hugs:

[Rianna Humble]

I actually said those words to a stranger today, in that order: "I am a crossdresser". Okay, so it was the woman with whom I was setting up an appointment for marriage (and other) counseling, but it was nonetheless oddly satisfying and somehow freeing to actually be able to say it, out loud, to another person.

Way to go honey! I know how much courage that took and I'm proud of you.

[Christina2008]

I'm interested to know if saying "I'm a crossdresser" is an accepted term, I was thinking recently about going shopping and saying to the SA "no its not for my SO it's for me, I'm a crossdresser". I wonder how they would react. Is it becoming more normal/accepted to crossdress?, which I believe it is, or it could be me accepting myself more!

[DiannaRose]

Way to go honey! I know how much courage that took and I'm proud of you.

I'm finding--especially as I find support and acceptance at places like this--that I'm becoming more and more okay in my own head, so that I actually didn't mind telling the counselor. My wife says that's because I've "normalized" it, but how can I help but feel normal surrounded by such wonderful and caring people as you all here?

It helps, though, that she has been working with LGBT patients for 20 years or so, and that she was recommended to me by a local "sister" for that reason. Even so, yes, I did get a sudden attack of nerves while saying it...it hit me somewhere between "I" and "am". :)

But I am proud of me too! It felt good!

[Maxi]

If your short and stockey, whould that make you a Plusdresser instead of a crossdresser? Just a thought.:tongueout

[Lorileah]

saying to the SA "no its not for my SO it's for me, I'm a crossdresser". I wonder how they would react.

Ah! Then you might like our new cologne. How about a handbag to go with those shoes, maybe some stockings? Now you enjoy and come back again OK?

[shorty82]

I'm interested to know if saying "I'm a crossdresser" is an accepted term, I was thinking recently about going shopping and saying to the SA "no its not for my SO it's for me, I'm a crossdresser". I wonder how they would react. Is it becoming more normal/accepted to crossdress?, which I believe it is, or it could be me accepting myself more!

When I went shopping at Kmart recently I asked a SA for some help. When she asked who it was for I nervously told her "it's for me". She could tell I was nervous and said that there was no need to be nervous, not in this day and age. That tells me it is becoming at least somewhat more acceptable.

[DiannaRose]

Ah! Then you might like our new cologne. How about a handbag to go with those shoes, maybe some stockings? Now you enjoy and come back again OK?

If they were on the ball--and on commission--they'd better! :battingeyelashes:

[sherri]

it was nonetheless oddly satisfying and somehow freeing to actually be able to say it, out loud, to another person. :DI know exactly what you mean. In an unexpected way, it was liberating the first time I fessed up to someone I didn't know. And the first time I was honest with an SA. And the first time I knew I was gonna be clocked and I didn't care.



Ya want a medal or a chest to pin it on? Or both? :DDoes it come with matching earrings?
:laughing:

[docrobbysherry]

"Hi. I'm Fred from accounting, and I masturbate". Now, explain to us the difference.

I can just IMAGINE my conversation with a stranger:

"Hi, I'm Robert, and I'm a crossdresser!"

"Oh, hi, Robert, I'm Tina. What's a crossdresser?"

( 3 minutes later, after my CD explanation.)

" Why do u do THAT, Robert?"

( 3 MORE minutes later, after I explain how sexy I feel dressed, and how turned on I get.):o

" Oh, u sick f---k! Get AWAY from me!":Angry3:

Sometimes HONESTY is OVER RATED!

I think I'll stick with Valerie's reply, "It's for me". That seems to STOP all further questions every time!:devil:

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

OK, I’d just like to say, “I am a transvestite…”
Can you tell me what the difference is?
You weren’t expecting a spot quiz, were you? :heehee:

Answer: there isn’t any, unless you think you can define the undefinable…

There's an answer. I just prefer the term "crossdresser." Sure, Transvestite is latin for crossdresser, they mean the same thing, but I've just heard transvestite used negatively a lot more, and also it sounds more like a clinical term, cause of the latin, so for me crossdressing sounds more like an activity where as transvestism sounds like a diagnosis.

It's a deeply personal preference answer that only applies to me, but it's still an answer.

to the OP, I def have tried lately to be able to say "I'm a crossdresser" (or, my preferred phrasing, "I crossdress,") a lot more, but at the same time, I also fear being a broken record with it, like not wanting to bring it up just to be bringing it up, I want to be able to do it more because it's organic to the conversation and what not,


"Hi. I'm Fred from accounting, and I masturbate". Now, explain to us the difference.


Should this be considered a success or a failure? I surmise that there are more than a few of us out there who find secrecy and anonymity titillating...

Seriously, do you two like to steal ice cream from children and tell them there's no tooth fairy when they show you their dollar bill? I mean for the love of God, can't you be happy for someone for feeling pride about something even if you personally don't share their goals? FINE! Don't come out of the closet, I know I for one don't care if you do or don't, but why post in a thread for what seems to be no other purpose but to pee in the Wheaties of someone simply because you don't share their choices.

[Aeval]

Seriously, do you two like to steal ice cream from children and tell them there's no tooth fairy when they show you their dollar bill? I mean for the love of God, can't you be happy for someone for feeling pride about something even if you personally don't share their goals? FINE! Don't come out of the closet, I know I for one don't care if you do or don't, but why post in a thread for what seems to be no other purpose but to pee in the Wheaties of someone simply because you don't share their choices.
:taom:*
*runs to the kitchen to make popcorn...

[Nicole Anne]

I remember the first time i told someone i was a crossdresser. It was te biggest weight removed from me i have ever felt. It became so much easier after that.

[panda]

Hi I'm Panda and i'm a cute black and white bear thing that lives in bamboo trees in china... oh no sorry, I got mixed up I'm a crossdresser - how dull - how I wish I was a bear * sighs *

[DiannaRose]

Hi I'm Panda and i'm a cute black and white bear thing that lives in bamboo trees in china... oh no sorry, I got mixed up I'm a crossdresser - how dull - how I wish I was a bear * sighs *

:lol:

Oh, I know *I* always confuse the two!

You made me LOL, Panda. :)

[maggiecdva]

I think telling people is a very freeing experience. At least it is for me.

It feels like a huge weight coming off your shoulders.

hugs - maggie

[tommi]

When dealing with a therapist its a big first step I told my therapist 2 years ago she turned and said whats the problem with that and we have worked on
it ever since.

[DiannaRose]

LOL Tommi! That's so cool!

My problem isn't so much me not dealing with it (because I am nearly entirely okay with who I am), but my wife not being able to cope with it at all. It's going to be slow going because there is so much about it she doesn't want to know. But, as developments occur, I'll mention some here and on my blog, and hopefully someone else will be able to benefit from our experience, just as I am benefiting from the experiences of so many others here.

Keep us in your prayers, all! :)

[SuzanneBender]

I'm interested to know if saying "I'm a crossdresser" is an accepted term, I was thinking recently about going shopping and saying to the SA "no its not for my SO it's for me, I'm a crossdresser". I wonder how they would react. Is it becoming more normal/accepted to crossdress?, which I believe it is, or it could be me accepting myself more!

I love messing with people's minds. It is the Psychologist in me. I do this all the time with SA's. If out shopping en drab and they ask me if I need help and I will tell them, "No thanks. I know my size" its fun to watch their reaction. I also seems to get great service afterwords.

I also drop not so subtle hints when out dining or other places. Things like telling a waiter, "I would really love a steak but I better have the chicken salad or I am never going to fit in that new dress."

I am a little evil in this aspect, but I always leave a big tip.

[abigailf]

Yeah, I don't think I will ever tell a stranger point blank that I'm a crossdresser.

It's not something that normal people like to hear.

It's time to change the definition of normal people.

Hi! I am a cross dresser. I am a normal person.

[SuzanneBender]

It's time to change the definition of normal people.

Hi! I am a cross dresser. I am a normal person.


Girl I like your style.

[Melinda G]

Hi! I am a cross dresser. I am a normal person.

Ummm, no you're not!:D

Guy: Hi. I'm a crossdresser.

She: What's a crossdresser?

He: We put on pantyhose and bras and masturbate.

She: Eeeaaaauuuuu. Help! Police!

[Lorileah]

Ummm, no you're not!:D

Guy: Hi. I'm a crossdresser.

She: What's a crossdresser?

He: We put on pantyhose and bras and masturbate.

She: Eeeaaaauuuuu. Help! Police!

that sums up maybe 3% of the people here. If that is what you do I'd keep it a secret too...just like you keep a secret for all your other reasons to flog the bishop. :brolleyes:

[2B Natasha]

I look forward to telling someone one day that I am a cross dresser. as opposed to a wardrobe. But in all seriousness. I still haven't said those words to anyone. I suppose the SA's that I meet while dressed in a skirt, heels, top and forms asking them to help me find the right size in a certain dress or get me a bra to try on figured it out. Along with long discussions about the difference between drag queens and transvestites with them. But still I always, along with Federique, call myself a Transvestite. Hard to call myself a cross dresser when I don't wear a cross. :doh:

PS. Lorileah. You kill me.

[Melinda G]

that sums up maybe 3% of the people here.
How do you know this?

If that is what you do I'd keep it a secret too...just like you keep a secret for all your other reasons to flog the bishop.
And how do you know this?
__________________
The original Abo**** in the pub

The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce

I am a Princess, I know it.


Never let facts destroy a perfectly emotional argument
This pretty well sums up your post. I couldn't have said it better myself.

[Lorileah]

And how do you know this?
.
because you said it


We put on pantyhose and bras and masturbate.

Even in jest saying things that are stereotypical don't really help who we are. When you paint with a broad brush you will get spattered. The point of the thread was to show people here that being proud of who they are is a good thing, and you state that dressing is a sexual act. So when you make statements like that, they reflect on you

[Melinda G]

Even in jest saying things that are stereotypical don't really help who we are. When you paint with a broad brush you will get spattered. The point of the thread was to show people here that being proud of who they are is a good thing, and you state that dressing is a sexual act. So when you make statements like that, they reflect on you

Crossdressing is sexually driven for most, but not all. Previous threads have confirmed it. I see no reason to announce to the world that one is a crossdresser, especially in casual conversation. The possible disadvantages and repercussions far outweigh any advantages. Rightly or wrongly, most people consider it abnormal behavior.

[sandra-leigh]

Crossdressing is sexually driven for most, but not all. Previous threads have confirmed it.

They have? Specific thread citations?? In particular of threads that have referenced scientific research on this topic?

The closest to your statement that I have been able to extract in several years on this forum, is that initial crossdressing is often a sexual turn-on (and taken to sexual release), and that in a great many cases, that turn-on stops becoming an important consideration while the cross-dressing continues and even increases.

That raises important questions about cause and effect and relative timing. If I get the urge to dress, and upon doing so, discover that I am aroused, then it cannot properly be said that that particular episode of cross-dressing was "sexually driven", because in such a case it would be the cross-dressing triggering the sexuality rather than the sexuality driving the cross-dressing.

I'm going to cut at this point before I get into TMI... besides, no matter what I say about myself, you could always excuse it under your "but not all" clause.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Crossdressing is sexually driven for most, but not all. Previous threads have confirmed it. I see no reason to announce to the world that one is a crossdresser, especially in casual conversation. The possible disadvantages and repercussions far outweigh any advantages. Rightly or wrongly, most people consider it abnormal behavior.

First of all, there are just as many threads that dispute crossdressing being sexually driven for people as there are those that confirm it. In other words, it's different for everyone. Also, I would venture to guess that part of the "sexual" aspect for some comes from fetishizing it because it's been so repressed and buried. I know that for me, the more open I've become about it, the less I view it in a sexual way at all, unless I'm dressing up in lingerie for the specific purpose of being sexy.

However, with all that aside, this was not a thread about announcing it to the world in casual conversation. The original post was about a man who was setting up an appointment with a COUNSELOR, and telling her that he is a crossdresser. (Note: I'm using the masculine pronoun for the poster because I think it's safe to assume he was presenting as a man at the time.) That was why I responded the way I did to you, and more specifically Sheidelmiedel who implied that this was not something to be proud of. Basically criticizing someone for being honest with his therapist about the very exact thing that had brought him to therapy.


I see no reason to announce to the world that one is a crossdresser, especially in casual conversation. The possible disadvantages and repercussions far outweigh any advantages. Rightly or wrongly, most people consider it abnormal behavior.

This is the meat of the issue for me. To me, your last sentence *is* the reason for the first sentence. The more of us who come out and show that we're the same people we always were but that we also wear women's clothes sometimes, the more the overall cultural view of us *will* change. Look at the gay population, they sure do have a long way to go before they're totally mainstream accepted, but the leaps and bounds that they've grown by in the last couple decades is astounding, and a lot of that has to do with the mass amount of coming out that has happened. The more that the general population learns that we're their family and friends, and not some fringe group existing hidden away on the edge of society, the better.

[Lorileah]

Crossdressing is sexually driven for most, but not all.
Will need references to this. I think you will find that maybe in the beginning there was a sexual thrill for some here, but as teens males get sexual thrill from fast cars and watching VS specials on TV. We don't have polls anymore but if they are still archived you will see that sexual stimulation is very low on reasons to dress.

I see no reason to announce to the world that one is a crossdresser, especially in casual conversation. The possible disadvantages and repercussions far outweigh any advantages. Rightly or wrongly, most people consider it abnormal behavior.

and so is smoking, drinking, driving too fast, wearing white after Labor day. Again I say as long as WE reinforce the stereotype, we will never get the acceptance we should have in the world. As long as the people on these boards make statements like we all do it for sexual stimulation or we are freaks or we are mentally ill or doing illegal acts we will be put in that box. Acceptance begins with the people on these boards. I keep fighting the urge to compare who we are with other classes who are discriminated against because for some reason it gets back to "yeah but you don't have to that way. But look back in recent history for things similar you what you are suggesting are CD traits. Jewish people are??? Blacks are???(especially black males), Gays are???? You fiull in the blanks. Stereotypes that are no longer acceptable and have been shown to be imaginary "facts" to keep others from seeing who they really are.

As a group of people we are way behind in getting equal treatment and acceptance in society. We have ridden the coat tails of the gay movement but now even the gays are try to distance themselves from us. We need to start standing up. We need to dispel the evil falsehoods like you put in your post. We are not all (or even most) sexual deviants. The majority (and the overwhelming majority) here are upstanding, productive and respected members of society. We are Doctors, Teachers, Lawyers and lawmakers, police and firefighters, business owners, military and members of many trades. I am sure we have at least one rocket scientist, high ranking state official, published author or Broadway actor here. There may be a few people who really should not be a part of society also, and I hope to God there isn't a murderer here, but as a cross section of society I would not be surprised.

Now I challenge you to find 12 threads in the last 6 months that are based on crossdressing as a sexual fetish. I'll help you out start with DocRobbySherry's threads. Also count the total number of threads that were started in the same time period. Less than a percent would be my estimation but I haven't done the search. If your reason for dressing is sexual, good for you. I wouldn't tell the world then. But the reasons most of have here are NOT sexual and we should come out and show the world we are real people not the Hollywood images that get the press.

I want people to see who we are. Most of my posts reflect that but there will always be the gloomy people who cannot get past their own prejudices.

[Rianna Humble]

If your short and stockey, whould that make you a Plusdresser instead of a crossdresser? Just a thought.:tongueout

Probably depends on who upset you :winkp:

================================================== ================================================== ====================



Crossdressing is sexually driven for most, but not all.

In your opinion - sorry it's not based on fact. :doh:


Previous threads have confirmed it.

Then you have been EXTREMELY selective in your reading.


I see no reason to announce to the world that one is a crossdresser, especially in casual conversation.

Given your jaded definition of who a cross dresser is, I'm not surprised you feel that way.


The possible disadvantages and repercussions far outweigh any advantages. Rightly or wrongly, most people consider it abnormal behavior.

I too consider what you describe to be abnormal behaviour - especially for a cross dresser.


================================================== ================================================== ====================


I want people to see who we are. Most of my posts reflect that but there will always be the gloomy people who cannot get past their own prejudices.

I couldn't have said it better (and didn't).

[Nicola2876]

I told a counseller last week all about my crossdressing throughout my life and how I long for my body to reflect how I feel. It was amazing to be completely honest and not fear judgement.

[DiannaRose]

My wife and I had our first session tonight, and our counselor made me (at least) feel very confortable--well, as comfortable as I could be sitting next to my wife who really can't handle hearing about pretty much any aspect of crossdressing...she even flinched slightly every time the word was used. I have a little bit of hope again, which is something that I was having a hard time feeling before, despite knowing that God has us in his loving arms through all this.

We didn't get much beyond "these are the problems", "these are what we're each wanting to get from this" sorts of things, but my wife seems willing to allow me just a tiny fraction more than I had before, which I'll take--including, eventually I hope--going out with other CDers from time to time. At least she asked if that would allow me to find the acceptance I need, and that's further than she was before. :)

Baby steps.

:)

[Lainie]

I'm interested to know if saying "I'm a crossdresser" is an accepted term, I was thinking recently about going shopping and saying to the SA "no its not for my SO it's for me, I'm a crossdresser". I wonder how they would react. Is it becoming more normal/accepted to crossdress?, which I believe it is, or it could be me accepting myself more!

I often say "It's for me", don't bother to add the obvious conclusion. No one bats an eye. Is it more normal than it used to be? Certainly not. More accepted? Well, people accept eccentricity in strangers pretty readily now in many places.

Do accept yourself (and by the way, you look great!)