Therapy, HRT, and me

[Rebecca Jackson]

I’ve been a life-long CD (my earliest memory of dressing being around age 4) and have always wished that I had been born a girl. I dressed as often as I could and always welcomed the feeling of being at peace that I experienced while dressed. I eventually married and had a family, and was content to dress when the opportunity arose. I occasionally thought about the idea that I could be TS, but doing anything about it was not an option at that point so I sort of put that thought in the back of my mind and went on with my life. I struggled a long time with accepting this part of myself, but over the past year or two I’ve come to accept that this is who I am and I feel the need to explore this further to figure out who I am and where I fit into the transgender spectrum. I’ve done a lot of thinking and taken a long look at myself, and decided I needed to be honest about what I felt. Deep down I think I always knew I was TS but was afraid to admit it to myself. I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately and have found so many similarities in my life that are expressed with regularity on so many of the blogs. I’ve been looking for a therapist who had experience dealing with transgendered people and finally found one, and had my first appointment with her last week. She is a psychiatrist with over 30 years experience and has an impressive resume, so I felt confident of her qualifications, especially given her experience with transgendered people. I immediately felt comfortable with her and she was very open about answering all my questions about her experience. We talked about my family history as well as my personal life history, and obviously talked a lot about my cross-dressing and feelings about that. Towards the end of the session she said she felt I had GID and was TS and asked if I had thought about starting HRT and that we could start it as soon as I felt ready. To say I felt a flood of emotions would be an understatement. I felt a tremendous sense of relief and happiness that this was finally out in the open and that I didn’t have to deny it anymore. But I was also floored that she would suggest HRT so soon. I asked about this and she said she felt certain about her diagnosis and that she didn’t see any reason to drag out the process and make it more complicated than it needed to be. This made sense but I’m also a bit concerned that we’re going too fast. I told her I wanted to think about it, so she scheduled my lab work and we’ll talk more at my next appointment in a couple of weeks. I had thought a lot about transitioning prior to seeing her, and whether it was feasible and a possible time-line. I want to do it but there are many obstacles such as my youngest son still living with me and obviously the cost of transitioning is an issue. I’m divorced so I don’t have a wife to worry about. My initial thought was to use the two years until my youngest son graduates from high school to do as much as I could without going FT, and without freaking my son out (he doesn’t know about this part of me). I’ve checked into hair removal and have been working on my feminine voice, as well as expanding my wardrobe. I just hadn’t thought that HRT would be an option this soon. The physical changes would be welcome when the time is right, but I’m more interested in the mental and emotional changes that I’d experience with HRT. The idea that I could feel at peace with myself and comfortable in my own skin is something that I’ve long dreamed of. The therapist suggested we could start out with a low dose of spiro and possibly estrogen and see how that goes, and I’m thinking that’s what I’d like to do.

So, should I be concerned that she’s willing to put me on HRT so quickly, or is this just me being scared and hesitant to take such a big step? I know that I’m a TS and that I want to transition, and I have given this much thought and don’t feel like I’m jumping into something I’m not prepared for. I’d appreciate any thoughts you have about this. Thanks!

Rebecca

[Kerigirl2009]

Wow That sounds a bit to fast, (for a Dr recommended) to jump straight into HRT but that is just me and I am not a doctor. However I have been seeing a Therapist that specializes in TS and He has asked me if I thought I was TS and I told him no. ( I think he has his doubts but he doesnt put words into my mouth) but he has recommended that I sit in on some group meetings with TS to see what I think. I would recommend that maybe you do something like this first (more of a real world meeting) I havent been to the meeting but I am looking forward to it. Good luck in whatever you choose as life is too short to go through it not knowing the real us. :)

[Stephenie S]

No dear, you should not be concerned. You chose this person because you trusted her. Now TRUST her. She has LOTS of experience in this and you have none.

You don't have to "come out" just because you are on hormone therapy. Far from it. Two years sounds about right to get all your other ducks in a row. Have you removed your beard? That will take two years or more. Have you grown out a good hair style? Have you even FOUND a good hairstylist you can trust with your hair? A wardrobe. How about that? You will need a seemingly enormous amount of clothes to function well in the world as a woman. Your voice? Have you got that down? Mannerisms. Can you present a believable presence as a woman?

ALL of the above takes time. Two years may be too little time. Hormone therapy can be going on congruently with all of this. Indeed it will help for much of it. You can do all of this while maintaining your present job and identity. Coming out immediately may be the right course of action for some, but the slow and steady, under the guidance of a trained professional, is the way to go in my opinion. And that you have. Let her guide you.

Remember, NONE of this is permanent. You can stop any time. There is no shame is saying, "Well, I gave it my best shot and it wasn't for me." You can change your mind right up until the surgeon's knife.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[CharleneT]

Due to education of our medico's they are not so hesitant about HRT anymore. If you present with the right set of symptoms, they'll diagnose you pretty fast.

[Hope]

Due to education of our medico's they are not so hesitant about HRT anymore. If you present with the right set of symptoms, they'll diagnose you pretty fast.

Yup. I think that one of the things we forget is that while a lot of this is strange and frightening to us, for a lot of doctors, this is what they do, all day, every day, they have a lot of practice and they get very good at it. That is why we pay them.

At the same time, if you feel uncomfortable at the pace of change - tell your doctor - you have the right to be in control of your healthcare decisions. At the very least is sounds like more conversation is in order.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

When I went in I thought pretty sure that I was TS and what prompted me to start seeing a therapist was my HR manager asking me if I was transitioning last January. Up to that point I wasn't sure of anything so I found a gender therapist a very good one as it turns out. Well within the first session after explaining my life story to her and everything and that I hope to go on hormones, as the session came to an end, she commented that I seem to be very comfortable in my skin as Kimberly and told me that she wouldn't have a problem with recommending hormones. But she did say she'd like to see me for a few more sessions tho. I started with her in Feb, had my tests in May and started in June.

From what you said you consider yourself to be TS and I'm sure that it showed thru to her and that's why she can recommend hormones so soon. Many times we come to the realization we are TS and don't need others to tell us, we just need the permission to go on hormones. A good experienced Gender therapist can see this in someone very quickly. My view is your further along in your journey than you realize and very ready for the next step.. Kimberly :battingeyelashes: