a question For those that have transitioned

[kate80]

I hope this isnt to to general of a question but I was wondering what was the biggest surprise for you. As a "gender gifted" person I have spent countless hours thinking of what it would be like to live as a woman in society. But I dont think one can know until they go through it. So for the girls who have gone down that road I would love to here the things (both good and bad) that you did not expect out of womanhood.

[Zenith]

What I did expect...Tougher being a woman in every way possible. Some people can be hurtful.

What I didn't expect...It's absolutely who I really am. Scary how true it turned out to be. 99% of people have been nice and many have been truly kind.

[Eriee]

Some guys open doors for you, and generally act like your incapable of the most basic tasks. That's about it.

Mid-transition blows, because next to no one veiws you as a woman if you don't pass, you're more or less a laughing stock. People will point you out to their friends in public places. They will stare, mock, harass, and yell horrible things at you. Teenage girls are notorious for this, and when they verbally attack, they ****ing ATTACK. (Well of course, this is what I experienced living in hillbilly heaven)

Also; what's this about "gender gifted"? Aren't presents meant to cheer people up? And not make them feel like a freak? Having gender problems to a transsexual is a curse, not a gift.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

My friendships with women have improved tremendously. They are friendlier to me and we can talk on a more personal level. It's like I'm not a threat to them anymore. A little more work to stay pretty all the time and do the proper things right, whereas men could be pigs in their behavior and get away with it, women cannot. Overall I like the changes..:battingeyelashes: Kimberly

[GypsyKaren]

I went into it without any expectations, never expect anything and you'll never be disappointed. What surprised me was there were no surprises, I just went about living my life and quickly settled into the daily grind like everyone does, no bells or whistles, just a day to day good life.

Karen :g1:

[Shikyo]

I haven't transitioned fully yet, so I hope I can still answer.

So far the biggest surprise to me is how much more attention I get outside in the public compared to before. Not only stares or flirting tries from men but also when shopping the clerks seem to treat me better and small things like this that definitely weren't there before.

[Melissa A.]

Also; what's this about "gender gifted"? Aren't presents meant to cheer people up? And not make them feel like a freak? Having gender problems to a transsexual is a curse, not a gift.

Only If you let it be. I used to wonder what it was like to never, ever have to think about your gender, to never have to agonize over who you are. I'd look at cissexual people and envy them. Yeah, it ain't easy, and depending on where you are, I guess, every day out in the world can take it's toll on you. But think about what it took to get you there. That courage has made you a stronger, better human being. You have been forced to look deeply into your soul, at that which makes you the person you are. You have chosen not to accept the existence that was handed to you, and to pursue your true self. That kind of perseverence, dedication, stubborness, especially in the face of our culture, can't be minimized. It's a bravery that is rare and admirable. The ones who ridicule you need to be pitied. I feel sorry for them and all the others who sleepwalk through their lives, never even allowing it to occur to them, or appreciating what it takes rise above all of this. Yeah, it took a while, and was painful, confusing, lonely, estranging, at times. But now, I honestly wouldn't trade who I am for anything, ever. You have so much more self-awareness than any of them, and that can't help but affect all other areas of your life. I know I'm a better friend, a better relative, more empathetic, more interesting, more fun, and no one, especially some ignorant stranger, can strip me of my self-respect. I find it SO easy to turn around what THEY started, and make ignorant fools like that look like exactly what they are. When you know who you are, when you understand yourself, accept, really really accept who you are, it all becomes so much easier, sweetie. Keep your chin up. Your intelligence and beauty, inside and out, will carry you. Just believe in yourself. You are gifted. you just don't know it yet.

In the meantime, check this out, if you haven't. It may help you, a little bit, get through those tough days.

http://transsexual.org/cherish.html

...And this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a95JP8i8GuE

Hugs,


Melissa:)


I'm Sorry I strayed a bit from your question, Kate.

[noeleena]

Hi...
To be accepted as a woman . & accepted for ..who ..you are . to be included in to the group of women . & no one 2nd quess s you . even if you know you dont . (ya ya ) . dont pass . the biggest surprise was & still is to be accepted .
That has ment so much to me .
Joining womens groups & being a part of them .
Any bad points i spos would be very few about 5 people have rejected me . & manlly because they have thier own problems to sort out .
Other than that . none
& to say it was all easy going or a bed of rose s . no it was hell for 8 years . not just my self .
For Jos .it was very hard . & that s understated . & then our kids . as well . yet we all had to go through it . after going through it . we are stronger . & are more open . to understand . that we can go through things . & come out the other side in tact . & to know who i am . I can live with my self . in a way i could never do before . &. now... i m free . .....

...noeleena...

[Jennifer Marie P.]

It is harder to be a woman but I enjoy it very much and the best thing everyone is supporting me during my transition.

[Frances]

I did not expect to be accepted by cisgendered women as much as I have. I have had no problems with anyone, not even the women who knew me before. It took me a long time to realize (or accept) that I truly passed. Once I did, all doors were open to me.

I did not expect my gender role to feel as natural as this, and the constant gender-related white noise in the back of my mind to finally disapear.

I did not expect so much sexism from men, being treated like I had a lobotomy, and having garages trying to pull fast ones on me.

I did not expect people I knew to be so annoyed by my talking about transition–like it's not the most important thing in my life!

I did not expect, having finally found the courage to transition, that I would be a middle-aged slightly overweight woman who never had a chance at girlhood, and be reminded of that fact every day in the media, publicity, clothing stores, etc.

I did not expect having such a hard time doing my female voice with everybody, especially the ones who knew me before (but I am working on it).

I did not expect to get this interested in men!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I would have lots of the same comments..lots of little surprises mostly around how well i'm treated...hopefully its because i'm blending in..heh..


I would add that I fought transition...i had a very successful male life...but i suffered so much I finally realized that I needed to transition, and finally admitted to myself that I wanted to transition, that I was causing my own suffering...so damn the torpedoes...

above all else, those terrible and empty feelings are gone... i'm slowly starting to rebuild my life and I'm still early in my transition and my friends are mostly trans friends...but i'm working on it.


but by far the biggest surprise is how good it feels to me to be finally be alive for myself... This feeling can not be described by words...it permeates every second of my life...when I talk to folks I try to explain, but words just do no justice to this feeling...

I said to my brother and mom one day that I was jealous they got to feel this way every day of their lives...that's how good it feels (dont get me wrong...life is still one big pain in the ass because of all this)
This was a huge surprise for me and frankly I did not know what I was missing...

[LisaM]

Kate,

That was a terrific question. More importantly, ladies, those were wonderful responses!

I really enjoyed reading this post.

[joanlynn28]

I would have to agree with all of Mellisa A's comments. Going in I knew that I was going to lose friends and that is exactly what did happen. But I also knew that I was going to make new friends, which I have other woman who felt the same way about themselves and who I and them share something in common. Plus the friendships I have now are stronger and truely run deep, not like those of men. The most surprising part is now how I feel about myself, I wake up in the morning and just think wow, it's great to be a woman, despite all of the hardships and daily struggles. I feel good about myself and don't worry how others will judge me, I happy and proud to be who I am and will not trade it for anything in the world. My life is so much richer because of my transition only those who have been successful could understand that experience.

[Sharon]

The biggest surprise to me at transitioning was how significant a "non-event" it was. Sure, there has been a small bump in the road here or there, but nothing like my earlier fears had anticipated (and doesn't everybody hit "bumps" now and then?). My family, excepting my former step-children, have all embraced me (likely because I am so much more pleasant and open now), my then-clients were cool with it, and every stranger I have encountered has been, at a minimum, cordial and respectful to me. I didn't have many friends before my transition, but I have many friends now.

Unfortunately, not everyone has had it as well as I have, but I just want to emphasize that it won't necessarily be a traumatic event for you.

[Dawn D.]

I think I could say quite a bit about this for me. But, I'll try to keep it somewhat short.

Biggest surprises:

1.) Knowing that men actually are attracted to me! (though, I have no interest in them, never have and never will)

2.) Losing certain friendships; the ones that I was certain would stay friends.

3.) How easy the process has been.

4.) How well HRT has been effective at my age.


Dawn

[Jennifer in CO]

I'm a bit different from most in that transitioning wasn't what I started out to do. I was one of those crossdressers that was looking for some definition to my chest/body not a new life. Its a long story I wont go into here but I got lots more than I bargained for in the definition dept. When it happened it was sudden and unexpected. I was at work, got involved in a chemical spill, and during the cleanup got outed. Within a month I was coming and going from work being treated as a woman. I'll agree that most of the women I worked with treated me as a little sister while only some of the men I worked with became scum. We did have to change churches and many in the body couldn't handle a "Christian" doing such a thing. Because it was "involuntary" I had no family problems of rejection. Friends outside of work - I didn't really have many and had lost contact with several whom I didn't find again till I was back on the dark side so they actually never knew. Except one, he was gay anyway but he actually had problems with my presentation. Partly because I didn't look anything like my "male" self as a female. What I found amazing was how easy it was to begin to "think" as a woman which to me means I was more willing for it to happen than I guess I (or anyone one else) was willing to accept. I say that within 6 months I didn't "think" like a guy at all. I didn't worry about the wrong bathrooms, I only responded to someone saying "Jennifer" (not the other name), they called a meeting of the women in the office and I naturally went (and was unquestionably accepted), the list could go on. Because I am 6ft I had more problems with people I didn't know than people I did. Anyone else tall run into that one?

Jenn

[Frances]

2.) Losing certain friendships; the ones that I was certain would stay friends.

That happened to me too, and it was very disheartening. Especially from people who seemed to understand at first (one even thought it was hip), and then could not handle it eventually. You never know when there may be a backlash where there was acceptance in the first place.

[NiCo]

Right ladies, here it is: I admire you all so much, my honest opinion is this: You take so much sh*t from the general population, I know exactly how much. Living as “female”, knowing I was male was really really hard. Men did not realise they were treating a male like a female…“treating like a female” thinking I was weaker, thinking females are weaker…they are stronger and have to be; to live alongside men. I understand why some of you call us pigs and the such but having to live as a female has made me realise how nasty men can be and it has moulded me to respect women. I’m not a feminist male, I believe in equality. Anyways…

If you feel you are all women, regardless of anatomy, you ARE one. Of course what others say hurts, but it’s what YOU feel. It’s your life, you have one chance, it’s your “name” on your birth certificate and no-one has the right to judge you. So if they do, judge them back. They quickly change their tune. If they call you a freak, it is *them* who is the freak, because you are living the only way you are used to therefore THEY are different, no?

I enjoyed reading this thread, usually I don’t come into this section to post, I read instead to understand each of you and your own personalities so that if we ever encounter each other in the vastness of the forum, I sort-of know you in a sense.

I particularly liked this reply:


Only If you let it be. I used to wonder what it was like to never, ever have to think about your gender, to never have to agonize over who you are. I'd look at cissexual people and envy them. Yeah, it ain't easy, and depending on where you are, I guess, every day out in the world can take it's toll on you. But think about what it took to get you there. That courage has made you a stronger, better human being. You have been forced to look deeply into your soul, at that which makes you the person you are. You have chosen not to accept the existence that was handed to you, and to pursue your true self. That kind of perseverence, dedication, stubborness, especially in the face of our culture, can't be minimized. It's a bravery that is rare and admirable. The ones who ridicule you need to be pitied. I feel sorry for them and all the others who sleepwalk through their lives, never even allowing it to occur to them, or appreciating what it takes rise above all of this. Yeah, it took a while, and was painful, confusing, lonely, estranging, at times. But now, I honestly wouldn't trade who I am for anything, ever. You have so much more self-awareness than any of them, and that can't help but affect all other areas of your life. I know I'm a better friend, a better relative, more empathetic, more interesting, more fun, and no one, especially some ignorant stranger, can strip me of my self-respect. I find it SO easy to turn around what THEY started, and make ignorant fools like that look like exactly what they are. When you know who you are, when you understand yourself, accept, really really accept who you are, it all becomes so much easier, sweetie. Keep your chin up. Your intelligence and beauty, inside and out, will carry you. Just believe in yourself. You are gifted. you just don't know it yet.

In the meantime, check this out, if you haven't. It may help you, a little bit, get through those tough days.

I'm Sorry I strayed a bit from your question, Kate.

Why did I like it? Because it made me smile. I agree with absolutely everything from this reply and it gave me a burst of hope, energy and has relit that fighting spirit I have recently lost due to my sanity being eroded by society and life in general!

Thank you, thanks for the words of encouragement [even if you did not realise it!]

-apologies for replying off topic-

[Empress Lainie]

Good thread.
If you don't know me, I have been living as a female with female ID for over 2 years now.

Things that surprised me: of all people I never thought my ex would be the one to not want to see me again.

That I pass 99.999 percent and am working on my 3rd job as a female, this one is permanent unless I can get back into real estate or engineering with a decent salary. Now I'm min wage.

That I have been called beautiful and also sexy. I never expected either.

That 20 something guys seem to like this old lady of 74.9.

How absolutely wonderful and happy I have been since my transition.

How some of my interests and thinking has changed.

That there is a difference in thinking when testosterone predominates over estrogen, in regard to other women. I hate thinking like a guy and know the difference very well.
(L-Arginine taken for diabetic neuropathy was the culprit.)

edit: That there are haters in the world who hate you because you are different. I didn't know this before.
That I got fired because I stated I was transgendered and was wearing a skirt and the wig I had worn for
7 years before.

[viviane]

Transitioning is pleasant but sometimes extremely difficult. The saying that womanhood is a lot of hardship is true and you’ll find new meaning in the phrase. The many things that someone has to deal with are being judged by males and females, being verbally attacked from different people, and then facing the reality it won’t be easy. Society sometimes burden females with the principle of being at home taking care of the house not being the bread winner. Anyway, don’t forget the whole working situation.

So, it’s not easy. Anyone I think who wants to transition should know its not easy but will be rewarding in the long run. Just a lot of struggles might come along with it.

Vivianne Summers

You can keep up with me on twitter or youtube, just add me.

[pamela_a]

One of the biggest surprises for me was the amount of support and understanding I've received from both my friends and colleagues at work.
For everything I envisioned (read feared) would happen I'd have to say I was somewhat dissappointed at what a complete non-event it actually turned out to be.

I'm always intrigued by this sentiment
thinking of what it would be like to live as a woman in society as if being a woman is suddenly going to change what you have to do to live?? Fat chance.

For me, what's it like to live as a woman? Not really much different than before. I still have to go to work, shop, cook, clean house, take care of my children, do laundry, and live my life, just the same as before. So what's different? I'm doing it as ME!

[sempervirens]

I think the opinions from the women who're farther along the path have more merit than mine, but from there to here thus far, the biggest surprise has been who's accepting and how acceptance changes.

One of my friends, whom I've known since second grade, is a devout Christian and conservative. When I came out to him I figured our relationship would be strained and that it wouldn't really be a friendship anymore. He was probably the most accepting of all who I told, though; he's always been very accepting and respectful, and our friendship is the same.

One of my friends is bisexual and as a member of the LGBT community I figured she'd take my coming out pretty well. She took it the hardest, harder than even my family. A year later or so she started to come around.

My point is that it's hard to know how people will react, and then how those feelings may change with time. I'm grateful the majority of people in my life have been very cool with me being me.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Right ladies, here it is: I admire you all so much, my honest opinion is this: ...............
Thank you, thanks for the words of encouragement [even if you did not realise it!]

-apologies for replying off topic-

what a wonderful post.

[Beth-Lock]

Mid-transition blows, because next to no one views you as a woman if you don't pass, you're more or less a laughing stock. People will point you out to their friends in public places. They will stare, mock, harass, and yell horrible things at you. Teenage girls are notorious for this, and when they verbally attack, they ****ing ATTACK.....


Yes, early attempts at passing before you get your act together, can be a trial but surprisingly, while in the middle of transition, these problems seem to go away.

I am less than a year into living as a woman, so I am not fully transitioned, but, I could say a couple of more things.

What is unexpected, is that you will have a certain number of completely unexpected things happening, both good and bad. Friends that you thought were good friends, will desert you, or if you are lucky, some just have some certain, specific reservations. People whom you thought would be problematic, turn out to be supportive instead.
One finds out that there is more to being a girl than a boy when it comes to care in grooming, make-up and clothes selection, and less of a difference between the two, in living ordinary life, doing the routine things. The groceries still have to be bought, the trash put out and the car filled up with gas, and whether you do it as a man or woman, it is much the same as long as you make sure you don't go out to do these unless you are properly dressed and done up. As a man on the other hand, you can be sloppier with your clothes: you only really have to remember to put your pants on and that the fly is zipped up.
One can also get into unexpected snafus with the paperwork or silly rules about identification, but often overcome them easily, one way or another.
Something I half expected came true though: that I could finally step out the door dressed as a woman and not have to sneak around or worry about getting 'caught.' That is one of the best things about it.

[Empress Lainie]

At work last night I had a 21yr old girl talk to me for about 40 minutes while her mom played the slots. She complimented me on my blue eyes, and on my hair (not knowing it is a wig).
I told her that sometimes I like to be blonde and wear a blonde wig. We talked about hair colors and dyeing it, and clothes. I really enjoyed talking to her. She wanted to make sure I remembered her from the last time I saw her.