update... what are the odds.

[tuck n9ne]

okay, of course this would happen to my family...

okay so i live with my mom and step dad and i attend a community college. i dont go over to my dads very often becasue when i came out as gay to him he flipped out blahblahblah, i am going to come out to him as a gendermess after christmas (after i get my presents and tuition money lol) just in case he we dont speak for a long time again. i have come out to my mom and step dad and they are 100% supportive they are buying me tons of giftcards for xmas so i can go by clothes and dress to school whenever i want next semester! but i went over to my dads today and went up to my halfbrothers room and found him wearing some of my halfsisters clothes a skirt, her shirts, and a headband. he has no clue about anything about me (he is 9). after i closed the door and told him to come downstairs and talk to me. we had a good talk and i know he identifys more with girls, just like me when i was his age, i told him i would tell nobody and we could talk whenever he wanted, and i told him i had some secrets i could tell him when he was older.

WHEW

the thing ive been thinking about is if i come out to my dad as a gendermess, and then my brother does too, i am 100% sure he will blame me. what are the chances...

[Barbara Dugan]

100%

[GaleWarning]

On the old "nature" versus "nuture" debate ... the fact that both you and your brother CD ... is that because of something in your father's genes or in the way he raised you?

Sure, he's gonna blame you!

Me, I dunno who is to blame ... no-one?

What's to blame, anyway? It ain't a crime to be who you are!

[DiannaRose]

What's to blame, anyway? It ain't a crime to be who you are!

Unfortunately not everyone thinks as clearly as this. I'm putting money on dad blaming big bro. :)

You can always try preparing the hell out of that eventual eventuality, big bro, with lost of research and books and psychology and psychiatry and all, but I suspect none of that's going to do a dickey-bird as far as getting you dad not to blame you. You may just have to take one on the chin for yourself and your little brother.

Do let us know how things go after Christmas, though. We'll be pulling for you.

[Angie G]

I'd say your chances are @ about 100% hun.Good luck what ever you do.:hugs:
Angie

[Melissa.A]

I have a feeling that your father will blame you. But I do have to say something, my father and I did not speak for the last 12 years of his life. He passed away with a lot of things unresolved, and after much therapy (over that and other issues) I was able to handle it - but it's still not the same. I wish I could have said "Look Dad, no matter what I still love you" one more time.

But that time passed, and now it's too late. Don't get caught in "too late", if you can avoid it. I'm not saying "change who you are" or anything, just don't leave anything unresolved. It has a bad habit of coming back to haunt you.

~M

[tuck n9ne]

i dont know if its genes because i have 2 other brothers, one whos older and in the marines (21) and then another halfbrother whos 15 and really competitve and aparently a basketball prodigy. i dunno... whatever it is though, im hopefully paving the way for my brother to do whatever he wants.
maybe he will grow out of it. i read some kids do

[abigailf]

My money says dad has crossdressing tendencies.

[sherri52]

It's your fault. You should have made sure your brother didn't start doing the things you do. I went through exactly the same except it wasn't about dressing. Dad was the last to know about that. He doesn't approve but he still loves me and I him.

[MissAmy]

i dont know if its genes because i have 2 other brothers, one whos older and in the marines (21) and then another halfbrother whos 15 and really competitve and aparently a basketball prodigy. i dunno... whatever it is though, im hopefully paving the way for my brother to do whatever he wants.
maybe he will grow out of it. i read some kids do

I don't think genes have anything to do with it. I think the chances are more likely if they're mulitple females in the house. Boys get curious, especially when they're younger, and once they try on girly stuff they usually like it.

[linnea]

100%

I think that Barbara's right--100%.

[IamSara]

100%

[Stephanie Stephens]

I have a feeling that your father will blame you. But I do have to say something, my father and I did not speak for the last 12 years of his life. He passed away with a lot of things unresolved, and after much therapy (over that and other issues) I was able to handle it - but it's still not the same. I wish I could have said "Look Dad, no matter what I still love you" one more time.

But that time passed, and now it's too late. Don't get caught in "too late", if you can avoid it. I'm not saying "change who you are" or anything, just don't leave anything unresolved. It has a bad habit of coming back to haunt you.

~M

OMG; My heart really goes out to you Melissa. I almost did that myself.

OP; Please pay attention to what Melissa said. When I was between 7 & 9 years old I was molested, many times, by an older brother. He left home when I was 9 and I have never seen him again. latter in life I blamed my dad for awhile because he put me in the same bed room with my gay older brother, but he didn't know and I got over it. I am now a bisexual cross-dresser. Go figure.

[Carole]

Seems to me that your Father is the common denominator here but of course he won't see it that way I guess. Good luck!!!!

[MissKara]

I'd say it would be very close to 100%, as being the older child (Even step child), they think that you should set an example to conform with sociaty.

I havnt even told my parents about Karla yet, I don't know how they would react, so I keep it all locked in :(

Lots of love
Miss Karla

[Tomara]

Yes I would agree too that he will probably blame you but I am sure that you know that it has nothing to do with you so don't blame yourself.
Have you thought about trying to get your dad to read up on the subject to help him to better understand that it is no ones fault , it might be worth a try before he does find out about your younger brother and it couldn't hurt to have him better understand your feelings as well.
Good Luck
Tomara

[Frédérique]

we had a good talk and i know he identifys more with girls, just like me when i was his age, i told him i would tell nobody and we could talk whenever he wanted, and i told him i had some secrets i could tell him when he was older.

I wouldn’t wait until he’s older – tell him now and make a connection that has real import. He doesn’t yet realize that he’ll need support and tender understanding down the road -- this boy is extremely lucky to have an experienced crossdresser nearby…:hugs:

[Andy66]

I agree with Frederique.

...also...

i have 2 other brothers, one whos older and in the marines (21) and then another halfbrother whos 15 and really competitve and aparently a basketball prodigy.
There are people who fit those descriptions (except for the ages) on this website.

[Rachel Morley]

I agree with he others .... 100% ! If you already rarely go over there because he already "flipped out" when you told him you were gay, can you imagine what will happen when you tell him you are also transgender and then on top of that he finds out his step son is also either a crossdresser or perhaps gay? He's gonna go ballistic! .... and for sure, as far as he's concerned, it's all going to be your fault :sad: If it were me, I'd take his tuition money and keep quiet about everything. No point in "rubbing salt into the wound".

[tuck n9ne]

I agree with he others .... 100% ! If you already rarely go over there because he already "flipped out" when you told him you were gay, can you imagine what will happen when you tell him you are also transgender and then on top of that he finds out his step son is also either a crossdresser or perhaps gay? He's gonna go ballistic! .... and for sure, as far as he's concerned, it's all going to be your fault :sad: If it were me, I'd take his tuition money and keep quiet about everything. No point in "rubbing salt into the wound".

well i figure if im going to be going out around everyother day, he is bound to findout sooner or later, we live in the same town like 3 miles away... so i fuigure just do the damage and get out of there..

[MarciManseau]

If he does blame you, I'd find a time to talk to him in private and tell him gently that it's well known now that transgender and being gay are caused by genetics, and he's the common link between you and your half-brother.

Good luck and hugs, Marci :hugs:

[brenda lynn mwe]

i agree with everyone chances are youl be blamed even thow you had nothing to do with what your brother is doing. but the good thing is you have your brother and your standing by him sopporting him unlike most brothers or sisters would turn on you the part with your father your 100% right id wait ontell after christmas you dont want to make a good merry go bad merry :hugs:brenda lynn