Came out to a friend...

[KellyWannabe]

She and I fooled around in the past and I THOUGHT she would be into it. WRONG! Not at all...

I told her EVERYTHING. Wanting to CD, my meeting up with CD's for fun, what I wanted to do with HER husband after she helped me CD, etc. etc.

I guess time will tell if she keeps it to herself. :sad:

[Kerigirl2009]

Wow that is alot of info to give someone right off the bat. Probably too much. Only time will tell.

[Karen564]

Ummmmmmm, What exactly do you want to do with her husband????

CDing is one thing, but playing with a friends hubby is totally another matter...I think THAT's where you crossed the line..

[DiannaRose]

CDing is one thing, but playing with a friends hubby is totally another matter...I think THAT's where you crossed the line..

Yeah, definitely sounds like too much at once, and this bit would have been too much even by itself.

Probably always best--before coming out to anyone--to think and re-think, then think some more, and maybe even think a little, before making any kind of decision abut who receives the information, and what information you give. :)

Was there some burning need on this? Just curious to know what drove you to tell her.

[brenda lynn mwe]

wow thats alot of info to give to someone all at ones and the cding was problly ok but the husband thing i wouldnt have added that just right off but anyway good look hugs brenda lynn

[KellyWannabe]

:sigh: When she lived near by she was definitely into a lot of things and we did share plenty of info with each other.

When I tild her, I DEFINITELY eased into things and shew had to know that I was going to tell her I was bi, gay, whatever.

I guess I finally had to come out to someone and her being far away made it seem safe.

[sherri52]

Hi Kelly. You told her more than she could handle. Next time you come out to someone just tell them you enjoy wearing womens clothing.

[tuck n9ne]

yeah i would of done it in chunks, do one. then wait like 6 months, and then the other

[Melinda G]

Ding ding ding! Add one more to the "Shoulda kept it to yourself column". The truth and honesty squad will be along shortly to console and support you with all the usual "You go gurl" kudos.

[rayander01]

Have to go along with the majority. Way too mnuch too soon. Remember one of the motos here is :baby steps - real slow:

Best of luck.

Rey

[MissKara]

I have to agree with everyone above Girl, you overloaded her brain with too much information. I have only two close friends (Brittany and Jess) who know the true Karla, the rest only know a litte or nothing at all.

Until you now someone is ready to accept it, I dont usually tell them.

Miss Karla

[KellyWannabe]

Lesson learned... I doubt I'll ever tell anyone I know again.

[giuseppina]

... what I wanted to do with HER husband after she helped me CD, etc. etc.

It's this that very likely crossed the line.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Ding ding ding! Add one more to the "Shoulda kept it to yourself column". The truth and honesty squad will be along shortly to console and support you with all the usual "You go gurl" kudos.

Really? You're considering this a win? To be blunt, you're actually celebrating that someone had a horrible experience because you can spin it to feel right about something?

There's a difference between being open and confident in who you are, and dumping way too much on people when they're not ready for it. There's also a huge difference between telling someone that you crossdress and telling someone you have sex fantasies about their husband.

[MissKara]

I 100% agree on Jive's statement. Being open about yourself is one thing, but telling someone what you would want to do with their husband is totally no-go in my opinion.

Miss Karla

[KellyWannabe]

This wasn't the first time she and I talked about "things", and she did tell me years ag that should wanted to see her husband with another guy.

Just to give you all a barometer of our previous conversations.

[KayC]

Fantasy and Reality are two different things. IMHO, there isn't a good time/place/way to tell someone what you want to do to/with their spouse! Too much...not only too soon, but ever!

[Sheila]

There's a difference between being open and confident in who you are, and dumping way too much on people when they're not ready for it. There's also a huge difference between telling someone that you crossdress and telling someone you have sex fantasies about their husband.

yup Jive hit it spot on ............. ands we wonder why CDing is looked down upon in society :brolleyes:

[kellycan27]

QUOTE=KellyWannabe;1962477]Lesson learned... I doubt I'll ever tell anyone I know again.[/QUOTE]

Telling her that you crossdress is one thing, but telling her you want to be with her husband...Priceless! :facepalm:

[Tamara Croft]

The truth and honesty squad will be along shortly to console and support you with all the usual "You go gurl" kudos.Do you ever show anyone on this board any support at all, or do you just revel in being an all out spiteful bitch?

Was that truthful and honest enough for you?

[Melinda G]

Do you ever show anyone on this board any support at all, or do you just revel in being an all out spiteful bitch?

Was that truthful and honest enough for you?

I would show support where it is warranted. I receive a lot of PMs of support, by the way. I'm just trying to return a little common sense to this board, which seems to have been taken over by a few whackos who are not doing crossdressers any favors, by constantly testing the limits and looking for a confrontation!
As a moderator, you know this board is filled with posts from CDers who came out to their wives, and wound up divorced. For every good outcome, there are a dozen bad outcomes. And once it's out there, you can't take it back. So why should I encourage anyone to come out to anyone else.
Crossdressing is a personal matter. We don't blurt out a lot of other personal information to friends and aquaintances, so why the need to tell anyone we crossdress? I just don't get it, and I refuse to encourage it, when the odds are so high that it will not be received well.
One of your other emotional posters accused me of calling everyone a bunch of sexual deviants. That's not what I said at all. I said that rightly or wrongly, most people consider crossdressing to be abnormal behavior. Whether we like it or not, that is a fact.
Telling anyone that you are a crossdresser can have some very serious consequences, like losing your job, or kids, or getting divorced. It is not something to be taken lightly or encouraged. I know this is a support group, but we aren't doing anyone any favors by encouraging them to do something that likely won't turn out well.

[Sammy777]

what I wanted to do with HER husband after she helped me CD


Ya just CD'in might have been OK,
The "I want your husband....... after you help me look like a woman" Might have been the straw that did you in.

Shouldn't stop you from telling others if you feel the need to.


Ding ding ding!
Add one more to the "Shoulda kept it to yourself column".



I'm just trying to return a little common sense to this board,

this board is filled with posts from CDers who came out to their wives, and wound up divorced.

why should I encourage anyone to come out to anyone else.

Telling anyone that you are a crossdresser can have some very serious consequences,
like losing your job, or kids, or getting divorced.

So I take it you are firmly planeted in the Keep your head in the sand and ignore everything and everybody around you brigade.

Ever think that, Hmmmm I don't know, telling your SO BEFORE getting married and having kids just MIGHT be a good idea? Instead of hiding and lying and deceiving the person/people you supposedly "love"?

Just a though........


do you just revel in being an all out spiteful bitch?

Oh ya....... and what she said.

[Samantha Girl]

Ummmm... I just uhhh, just wanted to uhhh say ummm, you gals are hysterical! Nice Sam! :p


Sorry for your bad experience KellyWannabe :( As others said, baby steps ;)

[Josey]

I myself align up with Melinda G's feelings on this subject. It took me years to finally expose my CDing to my wife but all is well. Little bits of movement made it easier for her to accept the fem side of me; eventually then supporting the practice.

[Tamara Croft]

I would show support where it is warranted. I receive a lot of PMs of support, by the way. I'm just trying to return a little common sense to this board, which seems to have been taken over by a few whackos who are not doing crossdressers any favors, by constantly testing the limits and looking for a confrontation!No, you don't show anyone support, your constant advice is telling people to stay in the closet, and the only one testing anything here is you, you're always posting to be confrontational and it's getting old real fast. I don't care how many PM's you've got, if you want to go on a how many PM's pissing contest, then you'll lose. If you can't be supportive and all your comments are going to be like this, then I really don't know why you're even here.

[baby beluga]

*sigh*

this thread is ridiculous.

please use common sense when outing yourself. if you're not sure then run it by us and we may be able to point you towards a better direction.

[fyxenlisa]

I thought the whole point of a forum is to give your opinion?

For what it's worth, as someone who has probably recently told my wife too much (the situation hangs in the balance - we're not really talking) I can go along with Melinda G. There's a lot of 'support' in the form of 'just go for it' statements, but the reality is that you don't know how people are going to react. Unfortunately in this world it isn't always best to tell everyone your secrets.

Anyway girls, if you're going to have a cat fight can you do it with PMs - or get a mudpit and a video camera.:D

Lisa

[KellyWannabe]

Jeez, I was trying to vent... Sorry causing a stir.

:argue:

[Melinda G]

No, you don't show anyone support, your constant advice is telling people to stay in the closet, and the only one testing anything here is you, you're always posting to be confrontational and it's getting old real fast. I don't care how many PM's you've got, if you want to go on a how many PM's pissing contest, then you'll lose. If you can't be supportive and all your comments are going to be like this, then I really don't know why you're even here.

I'll pull your hair out, you...you...you:D

Not sure about the mudpit yet.:doh:

[EllieOPKS]

No doubt this is a very personal subject for everyone. Just speaking on this forum makes me feel like I have gone leaps and bounds as far as coming out but I know to me, coming out to friends and family will never happen, and I am good with that. Would I enjoy being dressed up with practically anybody from this forum? Absolutely because it is a common interest and the likelyhood of someone being offended or being rude is minimal because we each would derive pleasure in seeing the other person happy.
I don't think privacy is a bad thing, I would not push any of my other interests on another person but if I meet someone that has that same interest in common, I would enjoy their company and they would enjoy mine.

With that being said, "If I am elected we will all have 4 day work weeks!"

:)

[Sammy777]

Jeez, I was trying to vent... Sorry causing a stir.
Don't worry Kelly, If it wasn't you it would have been someone else.



please use common sense when outing yourself.
if you're not sure then run it by us and we may be able to point you towards a better direction.

Well according to Melinda G that is a 180 degree turn right back into the closet!
Real productive advice there :rolleyes:


I myself align up with Melinda G's feelings on this subject.
It took me years to finally expose my CDing to my wife but all is well.

Let me get this straight? You told your wife and it ended well, but yet you agree with Melinda G that people should continue to keep it a secret?

Apparently "common" sense is not so common.


I can go along with Melinda G. There's a lot of 'support' in the form of 'just go for it' statements, but the reality is that you don't know how people are going to react.

That's right!, You don't know how someone will react until you actually tell them.

There are many stories of:
"I told my SO and this or that happen."
Yes some end bad, but NOT all of them.

Now read the stories of:
My SO found my stash/secret/ect.
Seems almost ALL of them end badly.

I'm not one of the "shout it from the rooftop with a megaphone" types.
If your single - Do whatever you want! Don't tell a soul.

BUT! - Don't you think it's something someone you want to enter into a relationship with SHOULD know.

If telling your wife of 20yrs is bad, how bad do you think it will get when she finds out on her own? Hmmm?

Telling someone you have been lying to them for X number of years is always better then them finding out you have been doing it.

Just remember - when doing it - K.I.S.S. [Keep It Simple Stupid]
Turn the tap on and let it out, just don't unleash the Hover Dam on them all at once. :D

[ikatrina]

BUT! - Don't you think it's something someone you want to enter into a relationship with SHOULD know.

If telling your wife of 20yrs is bad, how bad do you think it will get when she finds out on her own? Hmmm?

Telling someone you have been lying to them for X number of years is always better then them finding out you have been doing it.

Just remember - when doing it - K.I.S.S. [Keep It Simple Stupid]
Turn the tap on and let it out, just don't unleash the Hover Dam on them all at once. :D[/COLOR][/B]

You made so many good points I don't even know where to start. Cd'ing (more than likely) has been a part of all our lives way before our SO's were in the picture. If that's the case and you are entering into a longterm relationship (and possibly a marriage) why, oh why! do you not let them know about an entire side of your lifestyle from the beginning. If they don't accept it, IMO they are not accepting YOU! If my wife didn't know everything about my dressing it would be a VERY lonely, miserable, secretive and boring (if you get what I mean :)) existence. SMH!

OK...off the soap box, which interestingly enough is harder in heels.