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View Full Version : Quiet on the set!!!!!!!



jenniferishappy
12-05-2009, 09:28 PM
it seems to me more and more this whole thing may be a little like location shooting in the film industry. CAUTION: LONG WINDED ANALOGY!!

people are excited and agree to allow a shoot to take place in the location they own, business or home.
now, if the producer has any real experiece with previous location shooting they know what might happen, likely or not. maybe they dont have experience , or maybe they minimize the impact on purpose since the location owner may not agree otherwise. perhaps the producer just doesnt think things through on the more subjective level of the inexperienced location owner (very common). or finally, maybe the producer is almost certain what the impact will be, and it turns out to be something much different because the scene is rewritten during the days before they move to that location (dressing escalation).
bottom line: when you begin shooting a movie on location (coming out to your SO) it is almost certain it will be much different than what the un-indoctrinated owner (SO) thinks it will be. one thing is certain, it will be a serious disruption and the place will be likely completely taken over for periods of time . the idea of normal business (familiar male/female relationship) continuing while this is going on is ludicrous. some location owners are just naturally ok with it due to personality or genuine love of film and find the whole thing more intreresting than burdensome (rare SO). very often, unfortunately, by the time the location wraps the location owner, if asked, says they would not agree to it again.
observing this over several years, i have taken it as my responsibility during film pre-production with the knowlege i have now to give full disclosure of what i know for sure, what is likely, and what is possible, even if extremely unlikely. the person now has full knowlege of expectations and limitations. they know what is assured and what is fluid. very few producers take the time to sit down with the location owners and make sure they do this. the owners are always grateful to me for this and things almost always go well. sometimes, location owners pass. its in the details. we need to shut off your phone, your ac compressor, your dog need to be elsewhere. we need to ask the neighbors to shut off their security light and be quiet. we need to move a lot of things around. something might get broken. we may be here until 2am. etc, etc.
now i know with myself, i did not know this was going to unfold the way it is going (sudden awareness of an actual feminine component emerging). had i known, i am not sure what i would have done since i was in a very uncomfortable place with it (before Jennifer left me no choice but to let her in/out of her prison). i know what i will do next time if this does not work out. it is also certain there is someone for everyone. the search is long and filled with joy and heartbreak. as dynamic people (CD'ers) our lives are different than many. if the unhappy location shoot is going on and on and on that is no fun- for anyone. i also have to say that i have only been on a set once where the location owner kicked the production out. they usually just suffer through it, regretting it and waiting for it to end. so we should also consider the location owner (SO). maybe our CD'ing is really shortchanging them. maybe they would like to get out of the relationship but just arent going to be the one to end it. if we poison the well for someone we love with something they cannot come to terms with should we not consider cutting them loose? is that the high road? at least letting them know that they are free to leave and that we totally understand because we love them? and if we have to move on to another location, we should really think through the details and what we know to be problems and deal breakers so we are prepared for full disclosure. there are endless locations out there to make stories with. i suggest considering this.:whew!:

sherri
12-05-2009, 11:04 PM
A -- It sounds like you have an interesting job.

B -- I love your new pics.

C -- I think it's hard for most of us to make a full disclosure to an SO going in cuz we don't know ourselves what the full impact will be on a relationship or where for certain it's all going. We're sorta making it up as we go along. But I do agree with you that a "to the best of my knowledge" candidness is really the most ethical way to go, and prolly the one most likely to succeed in a new relationship.

linnea
12-05-2009, 11:08 PM
what a job!

Karren H
12-05-2009, 11:39 PM
Wow... Your job sound almost as good as my glamourous coal mining job....... Sigh........... :( cough cough....

jenniferishappy
12-06-2009, 01:28 PM
i hope this is not interpreted as a call to action to come out, it is not. but for those that have there are endless threads on GG's/SO's riding a wild rollercoaster regarding the SO's feelings on the husbands CD'ing. wives seem to be able to handle the ebb and flow of conventional relationship challenges but this is a deal breaker for most- i am beginning to understand why this is as i continue to read and read on this site. additionally, there is the never ending concept of the CD'er continually pushing the limits, albeit slowly to condition the other person to higher levels of acceptance. i have not spent a lot of time pondering that yet, but i am thinking a lot about the fairness of this approach and the possibility that it may be the perfect recipe for backlash. we dont seem to like that concept in other areas of life.
my central point is the idea of really sitting down and letting your SO know that you would understand if they do not want to continue the path of life with you. my experience over 15 years of being with my wife (my first) is that they will endure and stay if there is enough positive to allow them to cope, even if they are not as happy as they would like. i dont see that as a sustainable model. having subjected my wife to a lot of immaturity for years before i came to understand myself she spent a lot of time growing an underlying resentment that has required a lot of work to be done. i am not claiming to know, but it seems that allowing them the clear choice to part ways with complete understanding on our part would allow them to make a real choice. when i feel like i am an equal part of a decision it is much harder for me to go back and forth with my feelings on the result. i cant imagine going through a cycle that feels like a recurring chronic illness with a SO for an entire lifetime. its fine, then the same storm clouds roll in again and the whole foundation of the relationship shakes until it settles down again. then the certain cycle begins again. something seems wrong with that to me.
this is something i am trying very had to develop an understanding for myself of what is the best way to deal with this most serious of issues.