Self acceptance is the first step

[minalost]

Hi ladies,

I've been reading your posts (and adding a few comments of my own) for about two weeks now and would like to say that the level of tollerance and acceptance I've seen had been great!

One issue I would like some feed-back on is self acceptance. I've been crossdressing off and on for about 35 years (yah, that makes me really old :tongueout ) and my biggest problem has been accepting my own crossdressing needs.

We've all been raised in a socielty that brainwashes most of us at an early age to believe that crossdressing is wrong; that CDers are defacto gay; that CDers are freeks... I'm sure I don't need to go on.

When I finally understood what my need to crossdress ment (I'm sure that at 12 I didn't really understand my fantacies...) I didn't know what to think. Was I gay? Was I some other sort of weirdo (turns out that part was true, but that's a different story :D)? I spent a lot of time in denial, and a lot of time hating my fem self.

The first time I fullly dressed for my wife I'm sure my own sense of guilt and embarrassment was fully transparent to her - and how could she accept something I so clearly did not?

The same thing applies to meeting straingers while dressed enfemme. I'm not talking about self confidence - though it's related. I'm talking about feeling guilt and embarrassment over being "caught" doing something "wrong." People can read that, and if you seam to think your doing something wrong then you must be!

Self acceptance is the first step to being accepted by others!

I hope our younger sisters have already figured this out (some of you sure seem to have, based on your posts), or that this post helps. Don't waste your youth hiding in fear. Now is the time to figure out who you are and to enjoy being yourself! Yikes! I hope that wasn't too preachy! :eek:

Thanks for listening and keep the posts comming!

[Aidana]

I just realized this very same thing. I can relate I'm still young but I wish I could've seen it sooner.

Feeling more comfortable now but still long way to go. Therapy has helped a lot.

[tricia_uktv]

Yay Mina your dead right. Don't rush the youngsters though, it is a hugely complex thing we do. I think it goes something like, in this order;

Self acceptance
Courage
Attitude
Confidence
Happiness
Peace

Each step can take a long, long time though.

[Andie56]

Right on target, and you read me perfectly.... right in the middle of the self acceptance argument with myself!

[MissKara]

Agreed. I only just recentally went thourgh Self Acceptance, before that It was hard.

love,
Miss Kara

[Kathi Lake]

I guess I realized early on that if I wasn't going to accept myself, who was?

I not only accept myself, I really, honestly like myself. I love what I get to do. I love the fact that I am comfortable being me - no matter how I'm dressed.

Kathi

[VanessaVW]

Put me down for the Self-Acceptance stage too. It took years!

Vanessa

[sherri52]

Very good Mina. We do have to accept ourselves first and once that happens the rest will follow. Whether or not others accept you is irrelevant but they won't accept you if you do not.

[DiannaRose]

It took me forty years before I could actually acknowledge and then accept what I am. What makes it hard for me is that my wife simply can't, so I end up with this sort of reflected non-acceptance clouding my acceptance.

..am I making any sense? Do they need to up my meds, maybe? :)

[jenna_woods]

Self acceptance is very iimportant, but not all of it, It took me a long while to accept my female side,once I did I could go ownward and really enjoy my self.

[Stephanie81]

Hi ladies,

I've been reading your posts (and adding a few comments of my own) for about two weeks now and would like to say that the level of tollerance and acceptance I've seen had been great!

One issue I would like some feed-back on is self acceptance. I've been crossdressing off and on for about 35 years (yah, that makes me really old :tongueout ) and my biggest problem has been accepting my own crossdressing needs.

We've all been raised in a socielty that brainwashes most of us at an early age to believe that crossdressing is wrong; that CDers are defacto gay; that CDers are freeks... I'm sure I don't need to go on.

When I finally understood what my need to crossdress ment (I'm sure that at 12 I didn't really understand my fantacies...) I didn't know what to think. Was I gay? Was I some other sort of weirdo (turns out that part was true, but that's a different story :D)? I spent a lot of time in denial, and a lot of time hating my fem self.

The first time I fullly dressed for my wife I'm sure my own sense of guilt and embarrassment was fully transparent to her - and how could she accept something I so clearly did not?

The same thing applies to meeting straingers while dressed enfemme. I'm not talking about self confidence - though it's related. I'm talking about feeling guilt and embarrassment over being "caught" doing something "wrong." People can read that, and if you seam to think your doing something wrong then you must be!

Self acceptance is the first step to being accepted by others!

I hope our younger sisters have already figured this out (some of you sure seem to have, based on your posts), or that this post helps. Don't waste your youth hiding in fear. Now is the time to figure out who you are and to enjoy being yourself! Yikes! I hope that wasn't too preachy! :eek:

Thanks for listening and keep the posts comming!

Dead on there hun!! :iagree:

[docrobbysherry]

U left us hanging! :eek:

Have u accepted YOURSELF yet? If so, when did it happen?:)

As a CD of 12 years, I'm wondering have much longer I'll have to wait for self acceptance!?:brolleyes:

[kellycan27]

Courage is not the lack of fear,courage is facing fear head on.

[Destiny]

I guess im lucky, i've always been pretty open minded and i think if it feels right, do it, who cares waht other peoploe think. :_

[sallyjones]

its not a question of who we are to other people but to ourselves. if others wish to judge you then they are showing how shallow they really are. its a long road but youll get there . there are many steps to this road.

[Destiny]

Plus, you only live once, might as well live with no regrets.

[Frédérique]

One issue I would like some feed-back on is self acceptance.
We've all been raised in a socielty that brainwashes most of us at an early age to believe that crossdressing is wrong; that CDers are defacto gay; that CDers are freeks... I'm sure I don't need to go on.

How about ignoring what you hear and listening to your inner voice instead? I can think of many things that are a lot more “wrong” than crossdressing, so don’t get me started! I learned a long time ago to distrust the wholesale brainwashing that passes for a “normal” existence. Who says? Who knows best? I don’t know how all this excess “stuff” got into our heads, but you wind up spending a lifetime trying to remove it one way or another. Self-acceptance is the key idea for all people, not just crossdressers, because you’re supposed to pursue your own happiness, right? Only you know what makes you truly happy, so plow that field and forget about what everyone else thinks. You have to “make it” on your own terms and not somebody else’s questionable idea of correctness. Ultimately, you must be true to yourself…

[Kerigirl2009]

I am approaching the threshold of self acceptance. I accept myself but will the others. So I am working on the courage part, and using my head for my family.

[KateW]

I agree. Self acceptance is the biggest hurdle I ever faced. Once I learned to embrace who I was, I started to be able to explore who I am and open up to my wife.

[Tania D]

Like everyone else has said self acceptance is the big hurdle, getting over the inner guilt helps project a better image to those around you. My wife hs said that once I was comfartable with who I was it made it easier for her to accept as well

[sterling12]

Just to clarify a bit, my understanding of "self-acceptance," does not require an individual to "love themselves."

For me, Self-acceptance starts with the simple idea of just understanding my uniqueness. Way back when, during the time I was in Nursing School we got into a lecture on Prejudices. It is understood that everyone has prejudices against something or someone. The important part of dealing with those prejudices is to just "acknowledge" that you have a prejudice and that you know it exists. General Thinking is that if you acknowledge The (Problem?) You have about 90% of The Situation controlled.

And, "Self-Acceptance" for me works about The same way. Just The Knowledge that you understand whom and what you are, works to solve most of your fears, self-doubts, and loathing.

If need be, learning to love and appreciate your femme self can come later. If you want to integrate your twin selves by embracing your "gift;" that can all come after the very simple act of understanding your true self.

So, I simply wanted to point out that Self-Acceptance is a Process, you need to start with The First Steps.....then you can work toward loving yourself.


Peace and Love, Joanie

[ReineD]

my biggest problem has been accepting my own crossdressing needs ... and how could she accept something I so clearly did not?

It takes a huge amount of courage to overcome the trans/homophobia that is instilled in most of us from a young age. You and others like you have my full admiration. :hugs:

[Alicia_lynn419]

I thought I've had self-acceptance... perhaps that comes and goes... but I still get hung up thinking that by being who I am, I am making it harder for me to find someone (being single gets old after awhile). But yet I STILL argue with myself, noting that the right person for me is NOT going to care what I do or how I dress. Sometimes it feels like the inner argument will never end.....

[minalost]

Do I accept myself for who I am? MOST of the time - almost all the time in fact. I'm way past the point where I "hate" myself all the time, or even feel guilty very often. But there are still bad days. I'm guessing there always will be.

Loved all your responses!

Thanks!

[SusanMarie]

Well said...everyone!

With each of us living thru a similar but somewhat different situation, this thread could go on for ever.

Self acceptance is the key, after that, you feel steadily better about yourself.

True in all aspects of life.