WHY do we feel the need to hide or Fem side?

[Kerigirl2009]

To hide or not to hide, Why do we hide are feminine side that we love so much. Is it because we are embarrassed and afraid for ourselves or are we afraid of what could happen to our family in the aftermath of coming out to the world?

For me YES I do hide Keri from everyone, although my wife and a few people do know she exists. (The few people are you) I think for me I hide her from the world because I don't wish my family to have to deal with all the questions and comments.
I think for myself I could handle the ramifications of outing myself to others. I would be honest and just tell them but I don't think I could handle the people making comments to my wife or children.
It is my belief that if we could bring ourselves to out ourselves all in the same time frame we would be more accepted out in public.

So what do you believe is keeping you in the closet? :)

[Alicia Grey]

It is my belief that if we could bring ourselves to out ourselves all in the same time frame we would be more accepted out in public.

I agree, safety in numbers


So what do you believe is keeping you in the closet?


Small minded people, who would make trouble if I ventured out alone.

[Jamie001]

That is what you believe but it has been proven that most of the demons that we create really exist in our own minds and therefore are NOT REAL. If you come out the world will not stop, neither the earth or your little world.



I agree, safety in numbers



Small minded people, who would make trouble if I ventured out alone.

[Samantha Girl]

I think you answered your own question Kerigirl! :p

I've been very lucky with coming out to my friends, all have accepted me, I have great friends though :)

I agree with Alicia, a lot of us hide because of those stupid small minded people who seem to be everywhere! They always have something stupid to say!

I understand though Keri, if you have kids you don't want them getting crap because of what you do ;)

[Shikyo]

That is what you believe but it has been proven that most of the demons that we create really exist in our own minds and therefore are NOT REAL. If you come out the world will not stop, neither the earth or your little world.

I can only agree to this one. I mean, I've lived as girl for over 6 months now the biggest problems I've had are probably rather similar to what real girls have which would be guys trying to flirt with you.

When I first started going to the outside world I was nervous, I thought everyone knew. But in the end I've never receive any comments or even anything bad about the way I've dressed myself. When they look at you, they're most likely just going to see a girl instead of a guy in a dress. Most people don't think if you're a girl or a boy in a dress when they see you.

[flic]

I'm out to a lot more people over the last few years, but when i was hiding away a lot of the reason was because i'd convinced myself that when i told people, i'd see that devastating look of disappointment when they realised i'd deceived them. My lack of trust in my friends ability to cope was misplaced though,,,none of them interpreted it as deception and all saw that i was terrified of losing them. So having gotten over the terror of telling people, i came to realise very little had changed. It was all built up in my head. It's a strange feeling,,,,the world the day after you're 'out' is a very different place, albeit intangibly, and definitely wonderfully.
x flic x

[Destiny]

I found out that i really like the person i am when im dressed, the girl inside and it also feels good to ditch the male ego macho thing and just have fun.

[MissKara]

I find I hide it mostly because of the anti-crossdresser resentment and utter hatered in my area (When I was first starting out I ended up in hospital one night because someone found out that I am a CD :( )

BUT....
Recentally I have been telling select people about it and they dont seem to mind it at all, infact alot of people now call me Kara and ask my clothing questions :P

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

[Jeanna]

Things you may lose by coming out are...
Job
Wife
House/home
retirement/savings
friends
children
family
teeth, bones and what ever hair you might have left

But hey, wouldn't it be nice to be out at the same time, on our heads thinking "maybe I should have thought about it a little more.

[MissKara]

retirement/savings


I am a bit confused, why would you loose your savings and/or retirement fund?

Love,
Miss Kara

[Jeanna]

I am a bit confused, why would you loose your savings and/or retirement fund?

Love,
Miss Kara Divorce settlement = 1/2. Lose of income, source of income = savings
Moving and starting over = the 1 half I have left.
Any questions?

[MissKara]

Divorce settlement = 1/2. Lose of income, source of income = savings
Moving and starting over = the 1 half I have left.
Any questions?

Alright, Alright, Geeze. No need to bite my head off :sad:

I wasnt thinking about it from a marrage point of view, thus why I didnt understand.

Love,
Miss Kara

[Jeanna]

I think I need to start a new thread called, "How much did you get screwed by her lawyer when you came out?"

[Jeanna]

Alright, Alright, Geeze. No need to bite my head off :sad:

I wasnt thinking about it from a marrage point of view, thus why I didnt understand.

Love,
Miss Kara
Sorry girlfriend. Didn't mean to bite ur head off.
It's always the same questions with no answers, just the same opinions. There are good reasons not to come out. They out way the reasons to come out- for me.

[erickka]

Society, in general. I agree with Alicia about the small minded people who absolutely live to cause trouble. I feel that it takes all kinds of people to make up our diverse society. After all, if we were all "normal" (BTW, I HATE that word) this world would be a real boring place. Until society in general realizes that it takes all kinds of folks with different views, lifestyles, etc., we all still have a lot of educating to do. Maybe if we somehow follow the progress of the gay rights movement and learn from them, we can eventually get ahead.

[Frédérique]

Why do we hide are feminine side that we love so much. So what do you believe is keeping you in the closet?

I don’t hide my feminine side, I protect it judiciously from those who would do me harm. This statement is open to your own interpretation. To me, this feminine “self,” who is actually incorporated and not separate from the rest of what I am, is a very precious thing that I hold dear – I don’t care what other people think about it, because I know they won’t understand, period. Why show yourself to those people who wouldn’t appreciate an alternative lifestyle, a different way of looking at things, or the cherished idea of self-exploration? With this in mind, I’m keeping myself in the closet – it’s my choice, and I insist on staying out of harm’s way…

[Erica2Sweet]

...Why do we hide are feminine side that we love so much...

Societal programming. Society tells men its not proper to participate in anything that is not manly. Doing something that is not manly is shameful and should be embarrassing. If you participate in things that are not manly, men who do not participate are then better men than you.

[Kerigirl2009]

I think they are all good answers. Basically it sounds like we do not want to deal with the reactions of people.
BTW its not that I want to come out of the closet, I just want to leave the light on and the door cracked a bit. :) I am just tired of hiding who I am and something has got to give eventually. I want to feel free to be me without any negative impact to my family. Any ideas. LOL:)

[Nikki A.]

Like the others it is the fear of job and the consequences on my family.
I have come out to a few a people I work with, and I have gone out with friends as Nikki and had a great time.

[meri]

To add to what Erica said about being manly... Men are regarded by both men and women in our culture as #1, women are #2. Hence, it makes sense for a women to improve herself and strive to be #1, however, it never makes sense for someone who is already #1 to reach lower to #2.

I have felt this way for a number of years, but upon my conscious discovery of my feminine side, I have reevaluated the situation and now regard each gender equally. In fact, I am somewhat biased toward the feminine at this point...

Perhaps this is poetic justice?

[Erica2Sweet]

I found out that i really like the person i am when im dressed, the girl inside and it also feels good to ditch the male ego macho thing and just have fun.

This is very true for me as well.

Its nice to be awake and not have the outside so at odds with the inside, yes?

[Brandi Wyne]

All good comments, girls. We all tell ourselves it's about being "prortective" or a sociatal problem, and that may well be true. So with the family and money issues. However, the fact is we all live with fear. Fear dominates and directs most if not all of mankinds actions. I have heard the saying, "Do what you fear the most. Then, you have conquered fear." I want to take those bold steps, too, but the fact is, there is comfort in numbers, whereas the individual is often viewed as prey by the mass hysteria of a misguided and often irrational society.

We are all on a journey; maybe the same journey. How far we travel and how fast we proceed is an individual challenge. Reach out to each other here and take the hand of someone who knows and approves of our being who we are.

Love to all of you,
Mickey

[Vieja]

Essentially I am comfortable there.


Vieja

[Ras]

I think we all hide our feminine side to some degree due to Societies view on a male in females clothes. We do not want people to call us names or be little us for the way we prefer to dress.

For many of us it is a sexual preference or a fetish. How many people air our their sexual preferences for the whole world to see?

By keeping our feminine side a bit under wraps, we can still enjoy it without all the issues and drama

[tricia_uktv]

I think they are all good answers. Basically it sounds like we do not want to deal with the reactions of people.
BTW its not that I want to come out of the closet, I just want to leave the light on and the door cracked a bit. :) I am just tired of hiding who I am and something has got to give eventually. I want to feel free to be me without any negative impact to my family. Any ideas. LOL:)

Then do it away from home, away from your family and your work. Find a friendly place, book a hotel for the night. I started doing that then made friends with people then found someone who puts me up at weekends then .... trouble is I still want more.

[kimmy p]

Work. And that fact that I work partially for myself with the public. Plus my wife isn't ready yet. As I get older I don't care so much anymore.

[Bettyann303]

Thanks God for this site. At least we have our network of people who understand us.

[sherri52]

I was in the closet for much of the reasons you mentioned. I didn't want my children to get laughed at in school because thier dad wants to wear moms clothes. My children are grown now and I don't live near them. Half of my friends know. Due to the area I'm living in I won't tell the others. Going out means way out or at least 20 miles. It takes that long to get near anything anyway and the malls are even further away.

[danielle.cd]

well for me i want to look like a women first so no one would know who i am im very thin and have no butt so ive been waitin to go out as a women till i get the right tools so to say , the one time i did go out i went to get some toiletries and i wasnt dressed the best i gues and even though i looked totaly not womenly no one said a word to me a quick glance and then they went back to work. it wasnt bad but i should have rechecked the mirror before i left now im waiting till i can pass a little better

[Amanda Styles]

I hide it because of fear of unacceptance, and all that comes with that.
I have revealed my secrets to a few girls after my two marriages which ended in failure (due to crossdressing issues). Both were accepting but neither were eager to participate.
As for my current neighbors and male friends, I know they are too closed minded to even try to accept me as I am.
The only people I feel comfortable revealing who I am to are the people in the forum.
I just wished there had been an internet when I was a teenage CD and
thought I was the only one on the planet.