Ever Been Followed Down the Street?

[skirtsuit]

Hello all,
I went into center city Philadelphia yesterday dressed like this:
103434

I'm not sure what it was about that outfit, but I was really turning mens heads yesterday, something I normally don't notice. I did feel pretty, but suits, heels and hose usually do that to me anyway.

As I was walking down Chestnut st toward Macy's (in the very busy center city shopping area), a man who was walking in the other direction stopped, stared at me and very obviously turned to follow me down the street. After about 2 blocks, while waiting for the light at Broad st (a busy 4 lane road) with about 8 other people, I glanced behind me and there he was! So when the light changed, I paused crossing the street and then crossed slowly and stopped and turned around on the sidewalk on the other side of Broad and there he was again!

I shooed him away and told him to stop following me and then walked the last block to Macy's where he finally disappeared in the cosmetics section.

Nothing happened and at no point did I feel unsafe, but what is best way to handle a situation like this?
Obviously, this creep wasn't too bright, anyone with any sense would have walked past when I paused at the light.
When is OK to mace somebody? Should I have offered to?

All the Best,
Ann / SS

[erickka]

I'm glad nothing became of this incident, but IMO, you looked like a very attractive middle aged woman. I would have certainly taken a good look at you, but NEVER stalk like that. I like to admire at a safe distance, not to make anyone feel threatened, then a smile usually gets a positive response.

[Chari]

Could be many "normal" reasons for that guy watching you. Maybe he too is a CDer or a beginner in the transition and needed advice, as you are IMO very passable and appear confident. Could be you look like a woman he knows, or he may have been trying to get his courage together to ask you to stop for a drink. What ever his reasons, you handled that situation well and without a bad ending.

[Karren H]

Wow... I've been followed a few times.... Once when downtown Pittsburgh and once in Wheeling... While taking photos along the Ohio River... Dressed up of coarse.. The guy really creaped me out so I went back to my car and left... Another time some guy made a U-turn in the street and came up beside me slowley then parked to watch me... Most likely a pervert of some sort!! Hahahaha

[Stephenie S]

Sweetie, unwanted attention from men is something that woman have to live with all the time. Just because underneath you are a guy, does not mean you are immune. Male privilege does not extend to CDers. If you are going to go forth as a woman in this world you are gonna have to get used to this.

Of course it could have been a pervert. Probably not, but that thought goes through EVERY woman's mind whenever she is the recipient of unwanted attention. Suck it up, hon. I thought you wanted to be a woman?

Lovies,
Stephie

[PretzelGirl]

When is OK to mace somebody? Should I have offered to?


I would say you were nowhere near macing someone. If you are carrying mace, I would take it seriously. That certainly can be considered assault and land you in jail if it is not a self defense situation. Seeing how he was only following you and not touching you or threatening you in any other way, I would say you weren't being threatened at that point. I would think he could follow you all day and it wouldn't justify self defense. Threatening to use mace could rile up someone and escalate the situation too. I hope you never have to, but please use the mace judiciously if you do.

Since you say you were in the city center, the best solution may be ducking into a business like you did. You were already in what sounds like an area with many people around, so you probably weren't in danger.

I'm sorry you went through something so scary.

[sherri]

It's the stalker types that creep me out -- and make me nervous. I understand that it takes some guys a little while to work up some courage, and some may be trying to figure out what gender I am, but I would be so much more comfortable if they'd just go ahead and introduce themselves rather than skulking around.

[skirtsuit]

I would follow a woman dressed the way I do down the street alittle, that's one of the reasons I dress the way I do. Seeing guys heads swivel as they pass is a bit of thrill, really. However, the guy did feel like he was stalking me or something. I understand that I will occasionally get guys attention, but what's the best way to handle the creepy stalker types?

One of the reasons I usually only go out in the day is that I feel safer with all the people around. There are plenty of cops around in center city and I'm sure that stores like Macy's take their customer's security seriously, so I don't think I was in any real danger. And no, I don't carry mace but I wonder if I should?

Ann / SS

[DonnaT]

As was mentioned earlier, duck into a store.

Or confront him like you did, if you feel safe in the environment.

Or, pull your phone out, act like you are calling the cops, and tell him you did just that. Take his picture even, as proof for when the cops arrive.

[TabbyJames]

the only time I have been followed is by my dog, but since I have never ventured out dressed (and probably won't for a few years) there is nothing to follow. Even If I did, I am too big and fat to have anyone want too. (see I accept who I am)

[AlanaBCD]

If your phone has a camera on it, take his picture, then tell him you are calling the cops.

Then tell him you are posting his picture on the internet as a pervert.

[Shari]

Wow... I've been followed a few times.... Once when downtown Pittsburgh and once in Wheeling... While taking photos along the Ohio River... Dressed up of coarse.. The guy really creaped me out so I went back to my car and left... Another time some guy made a U-turn in the street and came up beside me slowley then parked to watch me... Most likely a pervert of some sort!! Hahahaha

That was me!!!!!!

[ronni white]

Very nice.
I would be tempted to follow also.
You don't see classy dressed women very often any more!

[jenna_woods]

yes it has happened to me at wall-mart once a man followed me to my car, as I was getting in he said" miss you really look nice", I said thanks andd locked my doors and left, to me he was trying to pick me up, but is did make me very nervous.

[5150 Girl]

I had a guy follow me in a grocery store once. He was well dressed, so it wasn't to creepy. He ducked back arround to anothter isle when he knew I had caught him oggling me.

[Kate Simmons]

Hmm--I would probably have tried to find out how much the guy liked aggressive women.:)

[AllieSF]

Regarding mace and pepper spray, check with your local police department on the hows and why's of their usage. I just got one of those informative how-to emails from a friend which recommended using wasp spray for defense since it can shoot up to 20 feet away and is in a concentrated stream versus the pepper spray and mace more dispersed spray mist. My duaghter took a pepper spray class before she bought that years ago when she was taking some night classes at the university.

[Amy Hepker]

Hey it may have been one of us. Most guys will not bother us if they do realize we are male, they do not want to get knocked out by a guy in a dress. I have had guys look and some even follow me, but none ever did anything, but I did have a guy at a mall tell me I looked great. I figure he was blind. LOL It's like I am not interested in males.

[5150 Girl]

Well,,, I've been thinking weather this is relavant to this thread, but, while there is somthing creepy about beeing out right stalked, it is also kind of flattering. "Wow, I pretty enough that somone wants to stalk me!"

[ReineD]

Your outfit looks lovely on you! :)

The gentleman could have been an admirer, but in my experience few guys go that far when intrigued with a woman, no matter how gorgeous she is ... unless he's a stalker. :eek:

Another thought: he might have been wanting to talk to you about the crossdressing. Maybe he wished he had as much courage as you to go out publicly? From everything I read here, the desire to CD is powerful and in many cases it is stronger than anything else. So it would make sense that a deeply closeted and unaware CD would forget social convention in his desire to learn how to do it convincingly.
:hugs:

[sherri]

The gentleman could have been an admirer, but in my experience few guys go that far when intrigued with a woman, no matter how gorgeous she is ... unless he's a stalker.More than once I've been surprised in my conversations with guys online and in person to learn just how nervous they can be about their own attraction to a TG, and how intimidated they are by their sense of transgression. Some of them really are plagued with feelings of guilt, insecurity and fear of the unknown, and they really freak out if they think someone might see them talking to a tranny. I don't think I ever felt like that, so all I can think of to say is, "Relax sweetie, both of us, we're just people."

Of course, just cuz a guy is hampered by timidity rather than trying to conceal some evil intent doesn't change the fact that he may be a stalker -- or at least behaving like one. It's still creepy.


Another thought: he might have been wanting to talk to you about the crossdressing. Maybe he wished he had as much courage as you to go out publicly?This too is a very believable scenario. I can definitely see an unhappily closeted CD being fascinated with the opportunity to observe one of us in action, so to speak. I mean, most of us can be a tad compulsive. But seriously guys, there's a limit, you know?

And even if he isn't a closet CD (yet), ime most "admirers" are wannabes, usually on some fetish level. He could be skulking around feeding his fantasy, and even if he means no harm, that is just gross -- on multiple levels.

[ReineD]

More than once I've been surprised in my conversations with guys online and in person to learn just how nervous they can be about their own attraction to a TG, and how intimidated they are by their sense of transgression.

Oh, I'm not surprised by this at all. The longer I'm here the more I realize just how many guys out there are sexually attracted to TGs (and GGs, and each other, lol). It's huge! And IMO more are losing their inhibitions about it. Just looking at all the CD dating, chat, porn, video, Yahoo sites, and all the comments left on Flikr, social sites, etc, and reading accounts of club behaviors, etc, it is mind boggling. :)

My point was it is rare to see someone physically following someone else for several city blocks just because of a passing fancy. This seems over the top to me, unless the person was motivated by a much stronger desire than just sex ... such as a desire to figure out how to CD publicly.

EDIT .. and I agree about admirers being fetishistic wannabes. I've read this often before too.

[SheriM]

I've been followed a few times. First, I will move around to make sure he/she is following me. If so, I'll usually make some evasive moves (in one store door, around a corner and out, etc) to try to escape. On rare occasions, a woman will look and follow for a bit. I may not try to escape a womans gaze.
Sheri

[Melinda G]

A guy pulled over to the curb, rolled down his window, and tried to pick me up one time. I just kept walking and ignoring him. He drove along slowly for half a block, then drove away. Kinda scary.
Another time, a guy drove around the block as I was walking down the street, and managed to pull up to the corner just as I stepped off the curb, and I had to walk right in front of his headlights. Geez. Talk about being in the spotlight.:doh: