Is crossdressing taking me over, I need help and advise

[joanne anderson]

Hi there.
After receiving answers to a recent thread I wrote, about what your called by when dressed, my wife and I sat down for a long discussion about " Who was Joanne ".
This led to her wondering why, when she talks to Joanne about the past events that she and here S/O have done together, that I, Joanne am reluctant to acknowledge those things that have taken place in the past.
I had to think hard on that question and I had difficulty trying to explain it to myself let alone to her.
After a while I told her that once I become Joanne, I try to truly become this person "Joanne" completely in thought and behavior. I feel that now Joanne is out of the closet she is person in her own right and if I were to talk about the things (she) has done with her S/O, then, Joanne is no longer Joanne but just her S/O in a dress and wig and Joanne as a person, is lost.
I know this is a complex issue for us both at the moment and something I will have to be aware of more.
As we discussed it more she told me she accepts Joanne and that she sees in her parts of her S/O behavior that is missing from him these days. Things such as his spontaneous moments of fun, relaxed mood, which seem to have been rplace with short out busrst of temper. Above all she is worried that Joanne will take over much of her S/O and she will loose him totaly to Joanne which I was shocked to hear. I have never planned to be Joanne 24/7, I accepted when I came out to her that what ever guide line she set down about Joanne being a part of her and here S/O, that was fine.
As I have since had time to thing hard about what she told me I think in some way maybe Joanne has been and escape for me. I'm no longer the young person I was, I've had heart surgery ( thankfully am well now ) have not been full time employed for ten years so have been contributing less to the household income.
Like many others out there I receive a state pension but have just a few other small pensions but once we have only two pensions, life will be a little harder. So to sum it up, there are is a lot of stress in my life and may be Joanne grew from this stress as a means to escape from all of it, even for just a little while and this could explain why Joanne needs to be a different person than her male body.
I know at times recently, that Joanne has been around more and this I know has led to wishing I " could " be around for much longer, spare the thought,even that 24/7 that I said earlier I never planned.
So where to from here girls. Have any others of you gone through this turmoil, had this discussion with you S/O or some of your C/D friends.
I treasure any advice, good or bad that you all can give me.


Love Joanne

[MissKara]

I was a bit like that. Kara emerged after a mjaor crisis time in my life, as a way of a coping mechansium. But now even though those times are behind me, Kara is still around and is going to stay.

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

[Wen4cd]

We live the same questions dear, the same paradox. I try not to make it an issue with his wife. She sees both of 'us' as the same person, but it's hard for either of 'us' to do so, because....well because that's just the nature of it. It's just not alive and vital that way. If I can't be distinct from him on some level, he does not really grow. He doesn't even have hope, because I am hope personified to him in some ways.

That said, I am obviously not made of clothes either. He doesn't have to constantly dress to reach me, to attain me, or to channel me. He just has to affirm me, my existence. Sometimes it's as simple as yeilding. Often, it's just realy hard for him, a matter of energy.

So what am I then? What is identity? It's hard to see from this side, but easy to feel. From his side, it's easy to see, but harder to feel.

I feel for you, love. But take this to heart: it's the human condition to search for meaning. You're not alone. The questions you ask and the meaning you search for is a lot better for growth than just sleeping through it all or questing for distraction.

We're not the escape from reality. We're the escape to reality.

[sterling12]

I think there must be some kind of link between a lot of us and people who have multiple personality's.

I too have this feeling of two separate persona's inhabiting the same body. But, I figured out the best thing to do was accept what was happening and to ensure that The Two Personality's get along. I don't feel a need to blend them together at all, and so far neither of us has complained about the relationship.

However, I never felt the need to do the classic "divorcement" of personality's, as is seen with classic multi-personality people. John is very aware of what Joanie does, Joanie is privy to what goes on in john's Life. We just don't interfere with one another, and we get along.

Sorry to describe my situation like some kind of observer, it's not like that in real life, but it makes it easier to explain.

You will have to decide how much "separation" you want. (Right now, you seem to have a lot!) Your wife doesn't get it, and maybe you need to work on a more "comfortable" relationship between you and your femme-self; one your wife isn't troubled about.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Wen4cd]

I like the observer thing, Joanie, just demonstrates how POV can be changed at will I guess.

Same thing though here, I read disassociative personalities as different from multiple personalities. The cliche' version is usually characterized by some sort of cognitive memory loss, I think 'our' situations are more based in emotional memory. One can remember events of the other, but can't touch the feeling so well, because the other is greatly feeling.

I don't want to get too close to saying that one or the other personality is a 'mood' but it sometimes works like one. I guess a 'difference in energy' would be the phrase I'd grope for. Poise, grace -v- anxious slob. :)