crossdressing and anger

[lee in a skirt]

I recently have been getting angry and blowing at the smallest little things. After reading several psychological articles on anger they say that it is normally one big thing that makes you angry and then the small things just put the icing on the cake and cause you to explode. I have started to worry that my crossdressing and sexuality might be the underlining factor here.

Dont get me wrong my s o is extremely supportive about the dressing and couldn't care if im bi as long as she is the one i love.

But its the rest of my family who are completely against anything that they dont think is normal. This means that i get very little time if any to xdress. I think that the frustration of not being able to dress and the frustration of not being accepted are merging and causing me to get angry.

Has anyone else been through anything like this? Or does anyone have an insight to anything like this. Any ideas would be appreciated.

thanks

lee

[Karren H]

I've had periods of my life where I was extremely angry... Ass hole boss's... Was a biggie... And I had to just work my way through them... But never crossdressing for me at least.. Frustration no mater what the source will do that... Maybe you should go see someone professionally? Not about crossdressing but more along the anger management lines?

[erickka]

Hi, Lee. In my case, my love of crossdresseig helps me relieve the built up stresses of everyday life. I love the soft materials and overall feel of the women's clothing, coupled with the sensation associated with dressing, which makes me forget about everything for a while. I guess you could call it my relief valve, since, although my male and female sides are the same person, my female side seems to deal with anger issues much better.

[VS Fan]

Absolutely... the more stressed I get about work or whatever the more I really want to dress... but naturally the stress usually goes along with no TIME to dress... so I find myself a little snippy and so on... although I will say that it's been a little better since I came out to my wife since although she doesn't want to "hang out" with me, she definitely knows not to come in the basement now ;) (It's kind of humorous actually)

The interesting thing I struggle with is that the more I DO get to dress, the more I WANT to... so it's definitely a balancing act... and I know how you feel!

Good luck with everything!

VS Fan

[DiannaRose]

There's a lot to be said about being able to let certain things roll off you, such as what others think of you. I'm not saying you need to appear before your family in a dress and tell them to like it or lump it, but in you head that's the attitude you need. You are what you are, and at least one other person is cool with that. (actually, there are thousands here who are also cool with that.)

It can be frustrating not knowing when your next opportunity to dress will be, nor how fully you'll be able to dress when the time comes. I suffer with that a lot, but I'm getting better since I stopped trying to be in control of that. I'm a devout Christian, and I know I have to trust God to be in charge of my life. It's hard to give Him control, but when I'm able to, He makes it easier for me to wait.

And if the anger and frustration are overwhelmning you, and preventing you from being happy, it certainly can't hurt to get help for it. Think about it...if you run across a math problem you just can't figure out on your own, do you let it get to you, or do you go ask the professor for help? :)

[Joanne f]

Yes like many other things in life cross dressing can cause stress, with your SO accepting it and your family not accepting it it is like having candy put in front of you and the someone saying that you can not eat it .
You know that it is OK with your SO to dress but you can not dress because of your family , that is bound to cause some sort of frustration which will lead to stress .

[Loni]

when life is a "*" problem,
I just packup a couple nine or ten guns and a couple thousand rounds of ammo.
target shooting releves stress very good,
just focusing on the target, breathing, etc, one forgets the problems.

O and it's great to just shoot the s out of a target :-)


.

[DiannaRose]

O and it's great to just shoot the s out of a target :-).

Oh, that is so true! Used to go shooting with a friend, but I haven't been in a long time. Maybe after the holidays I'll see if he wants to take me.

[docrobbysherry]

I KNOW! Back in my 20's, I had PLENTY OF IT! That was WAY before I tried on my first dress, tho. :o

I've been to a qualified therapist. She was VERY helpful in my sorting out a number of issues I had. One of those WAS CDing!:)


when life is a "*" problem,
I just packup a couple nine or ten guns and a couple thousand rounds of ammo.
target shooting releves stress very good,
just focusing on the target, breathing, etc, one forgets the problems.
O and it's great to just shoot the s out of a target :-)
.

I'm curious, Loni. Which mall do u plan to visit for "target shooting"? :D
As, I haven't done my Xmas shopping yet!:brolleyes:

[abigailf]

Anger management is tough sometimes. You need to find outletS (emphasis on the plural). Crossdressing is one of my outlets, but like you, I can't do it all the time, so I find others. This forum is another. Feel free to bitch to me, at me, about me if that makes you feel better (I'm probably opening a can of worms here).

However, you should look other roots to the cause of the problems. Crossdressing (or lack of) may not be it.

[KandisTX]

You could also be suffering with Intermittent Explosive Disorder which can be treated by medication.

I bring this up because I had the same issue with small things causing me to explode in anger. Medication (Depakote) helps a LOT with this issue. You might look into it with psychologist.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Joanne f]

If you think that you are suffering this stress because you cannot dress whenever you like there is a little trick that i have found that helps but i am sure it would not work for every one .
If your main reason for dressing is to feel your feminine side you can soon learn that you can feel and act feminine without the feminine clothes , (GGs do it all the time) and you can do this at any time in fact you can do this all the time if you like and i am sure it will relieve some of the stress from not being able to dress when you want to , when your stressed just think and act feminine.

[DiannaRose]

That's good advice, Joanne, and something I do regularly. Unfortunately when I'm around my wife there is to be absolutely no feminine behavior whatsoever. So I'm finding sometimes when I'm even walking to the bathroom or something I'm pretending I'm in heels. It really does help. :)

The other day in a meeting at work I found myself crossing my legs under the table. I felt like such a girl and didn't want to stop. My underdressed tights, pink ruffled pantied and soft pink bra probably contributed. :)

[lee in a skirt]

thank you for all your inputs. I do have more ways to deal with stress/anger other than dressing up like hitting the gym and stuff. The problem is dressing is the only true way to deal with it. I have tried under dressing but even that poses problems as I once had an accident at work and the last thing i want is to be rushed to a and e underdressed and unable to get changed on my own after.

Once again thank you.

[Shari]

Lee, I completely understand what you're going through. I was in the same boat a few weeks ago myself.

I'm not sure what part of the country you're from, but seasonal depression is probably playing a part too. Colder weather, the upcoming holidays and now the added pressures of seeing your family who disapproves.

Hang in there and try to find another outlet if possible. The storm will pass eventually.

[Billie1]

Lee, I believe you're, right, that your frustration and anger is due to one core issue, and all the little things pile on, and add fuel to the fire. The first step is to isolate that concern, and then determine why it frustrates you. Once you locate the target, it can be (bang-bang, shoot-shoot:)) dealt with.

For the sake of discussion, let's say that the inability to dress is that core concern. Since your SO is supportive, why not take a holiday, away from family (and the negative influences) and spend the whole weekend en femme? Granted, it may not solve the daily problem, but it can sure help to give you a break, and provide an oppurtunity to put things into perspective.
While it may not seem like enough time to quell the frustration, I would rather have a smaller piece of pie, than no pie at all.

For myself, when I have times that I can't be Billie for a while, I tell myself that tomorrow's another day, and perhaps another oppurtunity.

[WandaRae2009]

When I get extremely stressed, a good crossdressing session help me relax and regroup. I recently went out in the public for the first time. I was the most relaxed and focused for the following week than I had been in a long time.

I also have met with a therapist that has expertise in the transgender area. She said that many other CD's comment that dressing is a way for them to relax. Maybe a lot if it is just feeling good. It works even better for me since my wife knows. I would say she has accepted yet, but she understands the need, and that it isn't going away. But for me, since she knows eliminates the guilt I was feeling that I was hiding something from her.

Knowing that there are so many other like us here on this site is also comforting. So many going through the same trials & tribulations, and all are more than supportive and helpful.

[Brandi Wyne]

For many of us, the clash of lives within ourselves presents stress. Add to that all the ways the world keeps closing in around us and it can be an overload.

My situation is this. I have a VERY unsupportive SO, a grown daughter who has taken up residence with us and I am working two jobs. It all brings me to the brink of anger often. Much of the anger can be traced to frustration about my need and desire to be and look femme but not having the time (or space) to do it or enjoy it when I do. I can and do under dress at work but you're right about that being stressful, too. For instance, I am at work now and I am wearing my black Bali bra, black panties, garterbelt and nylons under. I got a call from my wife that I am meeting her,our son and his SO at a restaurant for their anniversary dinner and then I am driving us both home. That will be a trick for sure as waiting till we get home to change means she'll be there and looking over my shoulder. Changing in the bathroom at work is a challenge as it's very busy and very public, too.

I enjoy the gunning for fun, too but that has also been a casualty of the time crunch. I feel I am reaching some critical mass concerning all these things. Perhaps there will be an "outing" soon and who knows what to follow that.

I wish all of you the best and may you all have a happy holiday season.:hugs:

[Laura_Stephens]

Remember what George's dads said, "Serenity now!"

[Nicole Erin]

If you are living with the rest of them, it is hard...
In that case, it may be time for you and your wife to start trying to get a place of your own. BUT if YOU own or pay the bills where you live, then whoever doesn't approve can cram it, it is YOUR house in that case where you are paying the bills. Well if your wife helps with the bills, yours and hers.

Now if they don't live with you at all, why care what they think?

Look, families or people like that are going to find SOMETHING to complain about. Or as I always say, "they are gonna bitch no matter what". Of course the complainers don't like to hear that, hahah, but I don't say it to be nice.

My dad is like that, has a problem with everything, doesn't matter how damned trivial. Gyod one time my son and I walked to his house, it is about a 45 minute walk. Just for exercise. It was during good weather, but when we were about to walk home after the family BS function, he was like trying to rationalize why it was a bad idea to walk home... I mean COME ON! I am a grown up and my kid is no toddler! "What if this what if that..." We made it home alive, despite ALL the horrible calamities we were subjecting ourselves to. Yeah we were bruised and bleeding and hungry, on the verge of death, and I think my son lost one of his arms in the great battle to walk home... We needed full battle armor just to survive the walk thru the suburbs and anti-tank weapons, I think my son had to destory a few aircrafts that were shooting at him during our dangerous walk home on that warm summer day...
KIDDING! :D (yes I get carried away in things)

But for real, your family is going to have a problem with everything no matter what, so why worry about what they think?
People that stick their nose in other's business have no life of their own. You could take up any hobby and it would bug them.

[Fab Karen]

Your family leaves you no time to dress? Sounds like you're living with them & should work on being able to live away from them. Some of us our families would look upon our private life like someone from Mars. Their problem for having such small minds.

[Hali]

I think feeling guilty about CDing has more power to cause anger/frustration for crossdressers than the lack of time to crossdress in my own opinion.

What i do this days when i dont get the chance to CD is to trick myself into believing that ...........yes am a CD and am not ashamed, i'll also tell myself that whether i dress or not am a CD deep down and what ever i do i cant change that fact so whether people like it or not am what i am. Acceptance greatly reduced my anger/anxiety.

People can hardly give u a break in our society to be who u r, and sometimes is good for people not to be allowed to do what ever they "like" cos it can reduce ones productivity and better opportunities in life so pls try to handle ur situation with care and sensitivity so that u wont wreck the boat.

Yes also try and reduce work related stresses.

[sherri52]

As you have already stated something is setting you off. Once you can find that one thing you may get back to normal. If not most larger cities have anger management classes that range about $75. You may want to invest

[Sideways]

Oh, that is so true! Used to go shooting with a friend, but I haven't been in a long time. Maybe after the holidays I'll see if he wants to take me.

I with all of ya... a little destructive mayhem can be quite constructive. Boxing, even a couple video games can be good too.

It's becoming more difficult to even go out into the wilds and let out a good hearty scream anymore without getting fined or somebody saying it's unhealthy.

It's like hey, let's go break some dishes, they can be used for a mosaic later.

[eluuzion]

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Rooseevelt

This pretty much applies to most emotions. It is not what happens to you, it is how you react to it. You always have a "choice", although sometimes it does not seem so.

There are few things more destructive to the human body and spirit than harboring unresolved conflict such as "anger". It will literally "eat you alive".

You have already taken a constructive step...analyzing the actual "source" of your "anger". It may help to visualize your anger as a "problem/challenge" to resolve, instead of an "internal crisis", (easier said than done, I know).

There is a way to resolve any "conflict", given enough time and patience, which is difficult with "anger". It is worth the time spent, as it will continue to make life uneasy until you find a resolution. Do not give up, life is too short to be unhappy. You have the ability to be happy and will find the solution if you continue looking.