Brooke Ashley
12-11-2009, 11:51 PM
So i wrote this letter to my mom explaining about Skylar and what is inside of me. Basically would just like some opinions, if its too long or too much at once. I would greatly appreciate it it thanks.
Dear Mom,
First let me say that I love you very much. I don’t know what I would do without you. Now I have some things to say and they might not be anything you want to here. This is very scary for me and I don’t know how else to say exactly what I want to so without doing it this way. So here it goes:
I like to wear women’s clothes. As of now I identify as a crossdresser. I just dress up and appear as a woman. I love wearing panties and bras. I love the way heels feel and look on me. I totally despise my body hair. I have been secretly borrowing some of your things since the 8th grade when I first discovered my love of women’s clothes. I have tried over these years to repress the feeling and just hide the fact I like it. For the most part it worked, but would have times, especially over the summer, where I couldn’t take it and just had to find some panties and a bra to put on. I honestly didn’t like doing it as one it was your clothes and two I felt it to be wrong. The thing is there is nothing wrong with it. Many people identify as crossdressers in the world. Yes I haven’t ever really dressed up fully and gone out, but it is my desire too. I want to be able to present as a female in public, as scary as it is to me. Also I wanted to point out that being a Christian really made me try to hide it. I thought it was wrong to God and that I would go to hell if I did it, like I was betraying him. Yes, Deuteronomy does have a verse that relates to this saying something along the lines of you should not wear clothes of the opposite sex. But that was old Hebrew law and was sort of made not valid anymore when Jesus came and presented the New Covenant. I have resources I can show you of research done on this to validate it if you want. I just want you to know that I am still strong in my faith and want to grow closer to God, being a crossdresser has not affected my love of God at all. Many crossdressers in the world also are Christians, so I am not alone.
I think a lot of my depression, especially since starting college, has been contributed to my repression of who I really am. At one point this year in college, I was very depressed and did not know what to do with my life. I never thought of suicide, but wondered why I existed. I felt I had no purpose in the world and that I would never amount to anything. I believe that there is more to that feeling than just being repressed as a crossdresser, but I do think that being one has definitely helped contribute to it. One night I totally freaked out and was so upset and crying and such. I just sat in the lounge and cried in the dark, not knowing what to do. Big reason I want to see a therapist, for not only my gender problems, but problems in general. I talk about this in a later paragraph.
Because of this depression I have faced, I think my grades in college have suffered. I have not lived up to my potential as I am not happy with my grades. But it is very hard to focus on school when I am worried about where I stand in life and who I am as a person.
It also seems that over time, in high school and now in college, that I have kept better connections with friends who were girls. I had Geoff and Corey in high school, but I had more friends who were girls in high school than guys. It seemed like I could relate to them more and most guys just seemed to annoy me. I pretended to be one of the guys, but it just didn’t feel right. Most of the time in high school I would flock to areas where girls were. This may be totally irrelevant, I don’t know. But thought it was worth mentioning.
Here recently my desire to dress as a woman has seen to get worse. I have bought panties, heels, and even a dress off the internet. I painted my toe nails a nice pink color for three days here at WVU. I wanted to paint my finger nails, but that just wasn’t going to happen. I have often wondered what it would be like to have boobs and the female part. I guess wanted to have them is more correct. I know that being a crossdress is scary and probably not something you want to hear. Yet, there is more. Mentioning these things, I think I may be a transsexual. Basically a transsexual feels they were born in the wrong body and should have been of the opposite sex. I don’t know for sure that’s what I am. I need to figure things out in my life and see what I really want. But the signs certainly point to perhaps being a transsexual.
I’d also like to point out that I have done quite a bit of research. I have gone to many websites that have information on this and also have been a member of the crossdresser forum for about half a year now, gathering all the resources I can. I have talked personally with a transsexual, and while you may not think this is safe, it has helped me a lot, with advice and everything. The transsexual I talked to said he(she) had a lot of the same feelings and acted a lot of the same ways that I do now. He(she) thinks that I am most likely a transsexual, but says not to take his(her) word for it.
Those being said, the main reason I wrote this letter to you is to ask for your help. I think it is in my best interest to see a therapist and perhaps one that deals with this sort of thing, a gender therapist. I don’t know the cost or anything like that, but I found one in the Roanoke area. Seems like a pretty good one to go to, but further research can be done. I think this is essential for me to fully figure out who I am as a person. I strongly feel inside I may be a woman, but I think a gender therapist can truly bring out in me what I need to know.
Another thing. I am not gay at all. I have no desire to be with a man at all. I still like women and hope to one day be married to one. I know you may think that being a crossdresser means one is gay. In fact, most crossdressers are totally heterosexual and are married, have kids, or dating another woman. So just wanted to point out that I am not gay, I am completely straight.
Again, I love you guys to pieces. I don’t want you to think that this was your fault or had anything to do with my upbringing. If I were to raise children I would want to follow in your footsteps. So do not think that me being me is the failure of your raising me. Honestly, it may have been a result of some hormone problem early in stages of my brain being developed, which has something to do with the brain not being masculinized properly, all of which im not too informed about but have heard from many sites abot. I am proud of who I am inside and out. I will be glad to answer any questions you have as I’m sure you will have plenty. I am begging you though that you still accept me; I am still Madison and cannot stand the thought of losing your support.
Love,
Madison
P.S. Remember that the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I just want you to be proud of me for who I am. Again, I love you very much!
Dear Mom,
First let me say that I love you very much. I don’t know what I would do without you. Now I have some things to say and they might not be anything you want to here. This is very scary for me and I don’t know how else to say exactly what I want to so without doing it this way. So here it goes:
I like to wear women’s clothes. As of now I identify as a crossdresser. I just dress up and appear as a woman. I love wearing panties and bras. I love the way heels feel and look on me. I totally despise my body hair. I have been secretly borrowing some of your things since the 8th grade when I first discovered my love of women’s clothes. I have tried over these years to repress the feeling and just hide the fact I like it. For the most part it worked, but would have times, especially over the summer, where I couldn’t take it and just had to find some panties and a bra to put on. I honestly didn’t like doing it as one it was your clothes and two I felt it to be wrong. The thing is there is nothing wrong with it. Many people identify as crossdressers in the world. Yes I haven’t ever really dressed up fully and gone out, but it is my desire too. I want to be able to present as a female in public, as scary as it is to me. Also I wanted to point out that being a Christian really made me try to hide it. I thought it was wrong to God and that I would go to hell if I did it, like I was betraying him. Yes, Deuteronomy does have a verse that relates to this saying something along the lines of you should not wear clothes of the opposite sex. But that was old Hebrew law and was sort of made not valid anymore when Jesus came and presented the New Covenant. I have resources I can show you of research done on this to validate it if you want. I just want you to know that I am still strong in my faith and want to grow closer to God, being a crossdresser has not affected my love of God at all. Many crossdressers in the world also are Christians, so I am not alone.
I think a lot of my depression, especially since starting college, has been contributed to my repression of who I really am. At one point this year in college, I was very depressed and did not know what to do with my life. I never thought of suicide, but wondered why I existed. I felt I had no purpose in the world and that I would never amount to anything. I believe that there is more to that feeling than just being repressed as a crossdresser, but I do think that being one has definitely helped contribute to it. One night I totally freaked out and was so upset and crying and such. I just sat in the lounge and cried in the dark, not knowing what to do. Big reason I want to see a therapist, for not only my gender problems, but problems in general. I talk about this in a later paragraph.
Because of this depression I have faced, I think my grades in college have suffered. I have not lived up to my potential as I am not happy with my grades. But it is very hard to focus on school when I am worried about where I stand in life and who I am as a person.
It also seems that over time, in high school and now in college, that I have kept better connections with friends who were girls. I had Geoff and Corey in high school, but I had more friends who were girls in high school than guys. It seemed like I could relate to them more and most guys just seemed to annoy me. I pretended to be one of the guys, but it just didn’t feel right. Most of the time in high school I would flock to areas where girls were. This may be totally irrelevant, I don’t know. But thought it was worth mentioning.
Here recently my desire to dress as a woman has seen to get worse. I have bought panties, heels, and even a dress off the internet. I painted my toe nails a nice pink color for three days here at WVU. I wanted to paint my finger nails, but that just wasn’t going to happen. I have often wondered what it would be like to have boobs and the female part. I guess wanted to have them is more correct. I know that being a crossdress is scary and probably not something you want to hear. Yet, there is more. Mentioning these things, I think I may be a transsexual. Basically a transsexual feels they were born in the wrong body and should have been of the opposite sex. I don’t know for sure that’s what I am. I need to figure things out in my life and see what I really want. But the signs certainly point to perhaps being a transsexual.
I’d also like to point out that I have done quite a bit of research. I have gone to many websites that have information on this and also have been a member of the crossdresser forum for about half a year now, gathering all the resources I can. I have talked personally with a transsexual, and while you may not think this is safe, it has helped me a lot, with advice and everything. The transsexual I talked to said he(she) had a lot of the same feelings and acted a lot of the same ways that I do now. He(she) thinks that I am most likely a transsexual, but says not to take his(her) word for it.
Those being said, the main reason I wrote this letter to you is to ask for your help. I think it is in my best interest to see a therapist and perhaps one that deals with this sort of thing, a gender therapist. I don’t know the cost or anything like that, but I found one in the Roanoke area. Seems like a pretty good one to go to, but further research can be done. I think this is essential for me to fully figure out who I am as a person. I strongly feel inside I may be a woman, but I think a gender therapist can truly bring out in me what I need to know.
Another thing. I am not gay at all. I have no desire to be with a man at all. I still like women and hope to one day be married to one. I know you may think that being a crossdresser means one is gay. In fact, most crossdressers are totally heterosexual and are married, have kids, or dating another woman. So just wanted to point out that I am not gay, I am completely straight.
Again, I love you guys to pieces. I don’t want you to think that this was your fault or had anything to do with my upbringing. If I were to raise children I would want to follow in your footsteps. So do not think that me being me is the failure of your raising me. Honestly, it may have been a result of some hormone problem early in stages of my brain being developed, which has something to do with the brain not being masculinized properly, all of which im not too informed about but have heard from many sites abot. I am proud of who I am inside and out. I will be glad to answer any questions you have as I’m sure you will have plenty. I am begging you though that you still accept me; I am still Madison and cannot stand the thought of losing your support.
Love,
Madison
P.S. Remember that the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I just want you to be proud of me for who I am. Again, I love you very much!