Liverpool A Year On !!

[Felix]

Hi peeps well its eleven months since my Dad died of a vicious cancer and its twelve months since I started transitioning and went on 'T' I'm back in Liverpool and things are going well on the surface.

Over the last twelve months I have prepared my mum who as you know does not know about my transition because of thhe reasons I have stated previousley. The one thing she has got used to and has grown with me with is my voice, I talk to her every day almost so she has grown with me so she has not blinked or thought twice about it. I have shaved closely this morning and will tomorrow morning before I come down.

The hardest thing has been my sister visiting with my little great nephew the whole time he was here I was refered to as Aunty Cathy yuck, I so wanted to be called Uncle I felt like his Uncle :( oh well. When my sister first saw me she was like wow you are so like dad I said I know :) that made me feel good :) I talked to my son about it after they had gone I said I don't want that little boy to know me as his Aunty coz I will have to explain when he is older. Then I thought no I will just ask peeps when my mum has gone to just refer to me as the uncle they have never met seems logical. Its such a pain living a double life
It sends my head realing but I'm just not selfish enough to totally ignore my mothhers feelings in all of this and especially all she has gone through. My son does say he finds it hard especially with his friends but I reasure him how fantastic he is with everything
Not that that makes a whole lot of difference bu.t I know he loves me and I know he loves me .
I dunno its not easy but I knew it never would be I was never under any ilusion. We are back to Hull tomorrow missing my sisters 60th and all the family will be together but it would have been to much for me as I would have needed to dress in a way that is beyond how I want to be and I can't afford it either so its for the best .
Well that's all for now xx Felix :)
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[Andy66]

It's nice that you got to see your family. Sorry to hear about your father.

Don't worry, your little nephew knows what he saw - an uncle, not an aunt. Kids are perceptive that way. :hugs:

[Felix]

Thanx Anne yeah ya probably right about my nephew :) The other thing that is really sad is that Helen and I have been together a year on the sixteenth and because of everything I will never be able to share this with her. I told my dad about her when he was dying and near to the end and that's prob what will happen with my mum too. All very sad and very frustrating I know xx Felix :)

[Andy66]

Thanx Anne yeah ya probably right about my nephew :)
He probably thinks your other relatives are crazy because they can't tell the difference between a boy and a girl. :heehee: That's sort of what happened with my younger son and my ex SIL's husband.
Long story.

The other thing that is really sad is that Helen and I have been together a year on the sixteenth and because of everything I will never be able to share this with her. I told my dad about her when he was dying and near to the end and that's prob what will happen with my mum too. All very sad and very frustrating I know xx Felix :)
Share what with Helen? Your family get togethers? Yeah, some people get a bad deal that way. :( Sorry to hear that.

Hey, where have all the men gone? Hiding out with Ze? If they're not careful, some people (like me) ;) will start making up wild stories to explain their disappearance. :devil:

[Felix]

Yeah my family get togethers, it would be nice to be able to do that especially that I share in Helens family times.

Something else that came up which was funny... When I got to my mums I had to change into my,Yuck, Bra just temporarily. My son saw me and he is so not used to me that way. He was like 'No way you look stupid' I said,'Yeah now do you understand?' He was like,'Yeah.' I didn't leave it on for long it was just for initial appearances and over the weekend when relatives where around. I had to prepare myself psychologically to do that but as it was for only brief moments it was fine. xx Felix :hugs:

[Andy66]

Then it's probably a good thing your son saw that, so he can appreciate you as you are. Sounds like a great kid.

Mind if I ask how old he is, and how old he was when you started transitioning? Does he call you dad or mom? I'm curious about children's point of view on their parent's transitioning. (I hope I'm not being too nosey.)

[Felix]

Hi Anne and no of course I don't mind you asking at all :)

My Son is 16 and a half and he was 15 and a half when I started to transition. He had started asking me questions well before I started transitioning and had done his home work watching documentaries and stuff. He still calls me mum because that is what he is comfortable with and its after all what I am genetically although recently I feel like Dad more and more. That's due to the psychological changes the testosterone is bringing about not only is it enhancing all that has always been masculine about me it is bringing out the inner man and all that goes with it. I love my son dearly and I will help him as much as I can through this time. xx Felix :) :hugs:

I forgot something quite important he does call me Felix when we are out around town although he finds it hard and more often than not he does call me mum but carefully so others don't hear :)