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View Full Version : The dreaded words, "Don't I know you?"



SuzanneBender
12-13-2009, 03:22 PM
I am flying to San Diego for a three day conference and four days of relaxation. This is the fourth time in as many months that I have flown en femme. Just when you think something is routine...

I made it to the airport in plenty of time this morning and as I was exiting the parking bus for the check in counter when I recognized and old, dear and long lost high school buddy that I have not seen in years. A squadron of butterflies attacked my tummy as soon as I saw him, but I kept my cool. For those of you that have not seen my pictures in the before and after thread I look nothing like my male self dressed. Alex was one of my best friends in high school. One of those guys you always idolized and one of those guys your parents loved you hanging around with. He was great looking, a true athlete, kind, smart, and treated everyone great. He didn’t have a flaw. He disappeared right after graduation and no one in my class knew where he had gone. Deep down I wished I could chat with him, but I knew the folly of that idea. How do you open up a conversation with your long lost buddy when you are dressed? My new pet butterflies helped me decide that blending into the crowd was the right choice and I quickly headed to the ticket counter.

Checking in and my trip through security was uneventful. In fact, the TSA agent checking tickets and IDs was the same agent that checked me a few weeks ago. I guess his not recognizing me is a testament to the assertion that no one really notices. Well almost no one...

I made it into the gate and my flight is delayed due to a “minor” mechanical issues. I sat next to the window and looked out at the pit crew of mechanics crawling all over one wing of the plane. Reading the latest posts to this site and watching this well orchestrated crew work on my plane drew my attention away from my surroundings. I stress to my daughters that a woman must always be aware of her surroundings and today proved that fact.

I did not notice Alex entering the gate or taking a seat directly across from me. I almost wet myself when I looked up and saw him sitting across from me! He looked at me smiled and turning his head towards the plane said, “that’s never something you like to see”. I smiled gave him a polite, “yes” and tried to hear myself think what I needed to do next over the panicked thumping of my heart. “Ok girl be cool. He hasn’t seen you in years. You are fully dressed. He won’t recognize you. Keep your head down and pretend you are engrossed in some sort of work on your computer. Get the headphones on. He will move on and all will be good.”

No so much. I glanced up and noticed him staring at me. I could tell his mind was running. I smiled and looked back down. Hopefully he was just doing the “is that a girl or a guy ?” line of thinking and nothing more. “Excuse me”, he said as he leaned forward. Ohh my, the butterflies in my stomach started playing hockey with my spleen. I felt like I was going to pass out. I am all about being out and about, but there is a definitive line between those that know Suzanne and those that do not and I was about to experience two worlds colliding.

The words I was dreading were spoken. “Don’t I know you? You look really familiar.” Sweet Goddess of all that is female please strike one of us down or bring on a natural disaster. At that moment anything would have been better than the current situation. How do I respond? Think girl think……..” Ummm I don’t think so” with my head buried in my computer was the best that my feeble spinning mind come up with. Alex responded with a tentative “Oh, OK sorry”. I thought I had weathered the storm of discovery. Unfortunately, I lost my cool. I quickly packed up my things and acted like I was heading to the restroom. As I stood up to make my escape I lost my girl cool and twisted my ankle as my heel gave way. Damn my incurable desire to always be fashionable! I know not to wear heels when I fly.

As I recovered I turned locked eyes with him and realized at that moment that he knew. He said, “I am sorry I didn’t mean to make you nervous. I was just looking to make small talk. I lost my mom this past week and just wanted to chat to take my mind off of it.” I loved Alex’s mom. All through high school she had been a second Mom to me and many of my firends. Overcome by the news I forgot my own plight and replied, “I’m sorry I didn’t even know she was sick.” As soon as I said it I knew I was totally busted. He grinned a grin that would make the Cheshire Cat proud and said, “I knew it was you but was afraid to ask. Wow you have changed!”

There was no denying it. I got what I wanted deep down, a chance to sit with my friend and chat. I took the seat next to him as he said, “I would have never guessed.” I won’t rehash the entire conversation, but he gave me his word that this side of me his secret until I personally decide to share it with those from my past. I believe him too. He shared with me that he and his husband were the talk of our 20 year reunion and he knew what it felt like to be the subject of catty gossip. We reminisced about his Mom. I shed a tear. We talked about how we both knew who we were in high school, but did our best to deny it and what life would have been like if we had trusted enough with each other to share our secrets back then. As they were making the last boarding call for my flight we hugged and exchanged phone numbers. I can not describe the rush of emotions I feel right now. My butterflies are replaced by the warm feeling of rekindling a long lost friendship. Unfortunately, they are also being replaced by a slight sense of regret for twenty years of friendship that I missed out on because I wasn’t brave enough to be myself in a bygone time.

Bettyann303
12-13-2009, 03:31 PM
Wow Suzanne,

You could write a novel! I was rivetted to your every word and felt the apprehension through the computer. I am so happy it went well. That is terrifiec that you are accepted for being you.

Thanks for sharing!

Draglizar
12-13-2009, 03:36 PM
Awesome story, you can't do much for the lost time but try to make up for it now and knowing that you have a friend to talk to who accepts you is one of the greatest things there is.

az_azeel
12-13-2009, 03:50 PM
thats a nice story Suzanne and looks like you re-kindled a long lost friendship.. ;)

TabbyJames
12-13-2009, 03:57 PM
Hi Suzanne, What a wonderful story and great writing. It just goes to show, everyone has secrets and desires that are probably not in line with society, and as such everyone should be more understanding and compasionate. The world would be a much better place.

Shelly Preston
12-13-2009, 03:58 PM
Wow

I am so glad it all worked out well even if it was a little scary :hugs:

Brandi Wyne
12-13-2009, 04:17 PM
I guess that is one of the scenarios that would play heck with my heart and my intestines. I'm glad that it turned into a good thing for both of you.

XXs,

Laura_Stephens
12-13-2009, 04:47 PM
What a wonderful story. Glad everything turned out well.

theresa
12-13-2009, 04:51 PM
Thanks for telling your amazing story Suzanne. It's reminds me of one of those warm your heart holiday TV mini-series about freindships and family.

Nigella23
12-13-2009, 04:55 PM
You write such compelling stories, thank you for sharing.

sherri52
12-13-2009, 05:11 PM
Nice story Suzanne. I'm glad you got your conversation and will probably renew you friendship. I was feeling the butterflies with you as you told the story. Renewed friendship how great is that?:love:

windycissy
12-13-2009, 05:17 PM
What a wonderful, uplifting story, you made my day! Please don't wait 20 years to see him again, this could be the renewal of a beautiful friendship that will last the rest of your lives.

S. Lisa Smith
12-13-2009, 05:22 PM
It's wonderful that it turned out the way that it did.

Karen564
12-13-2009, 05:27 PM
Wow Suzanne,

That was such a beautiful & Sweet story....& Yup, I cried reading it ....Sorry I'm such a sap....

:hugs:

Fab Karen
12-13-2009, 05:29 PM
My butterflies are replaced by the warm feeling of rekindling a long lost friendship. Unfortunately, they are also being replaced by a slight sense of regret for twenty years of friendship that I missed out on because I wasn’t brave enough to be myself in a bygone time.
Somebody out there was looking out for you, causing you to stumble instead of running away. Imagine how you'd feel if you hadn't. There's a lesson in this story. Thanks for sharing it.

kellycan27
12-13-2009, 05:30 PM
Way cool story!

carhill2mn
12-13-2009, 05:35 PM
I am glad that what could have been a very "bad" situation turned out so well. It is too bad that you "lost your cool" as I am quite sure that you could have carried on your conversation after "Ummm, I don't think so". If you are confident enough to fly en femme, you probably don't need more "proof" that you are presenting a very good feminine person but such a conversation would surely have done that.

There are many times that someone may think that they "know you" when, in fact, you have never met. You could have conversed with him, learned about his mother and empathised with him without revealing your true self. It is most fortunate that he was still this wonderful, nice guy that you remembered.

Thanks for sharing a lovely story!

Michelle_Sullivan
12-13-2009, 06:41 PM
Tears flowing here as I read it. Way cool. Good on you!

Shells
xx

Hali
12-13-2009, 06:56 PM
I initially got scared going though ur story but surprisingly it ended well am so happy for u.

Penelope Marie
12-13-2009, 07:27 PM
very touching story. i almost lost a tear reading it. thanks for posting

Christina Horton
12-13-2009, 07:29 PM
That was a great story . I think you should tell the us all about the conversation you two had cuz your such a good writer.





We talked about how we both knew who we were in high school, but did our best to deny it and what life would have been like if we had trusted enough with each other to share our secrets back then.


Funny thing I went to my 20th High school reunion as Christina (you can read all about it by clicking on the thread on my Signature) and it went awesomely. Every one was so good and I had a blast.

I have never meet someone I have not told (I have told everybody I care about ) So the likely hood of me meeting some one like you did is very small. But I would love to meet someone like that, I love new and exciting things when I am out dressed.

So have fun and next time you see someone you know don't shy away if they see you and SEE YOU let them come over and then have fun with it like you did. You found out how rewarding it was and now the future is so bright ya gotta wear shades , ya gotta wear shades........

donnatracey
12-13-2009, 07:38 PM
Great story - very well told! Glad you were able to hook up finally with someone close from your past.....I love happy endings....:)

Bobbi Lynn
12-13-2009, 08:00 PM
As a lot of others have said,"WOW"! Super great story and as someone else said "hope it's not 20 years before you two talk again.

msginaadoll
12-13-2009, 08:06 PM
Wow you had me all nervous and afraid for you. Then before I knew it I was crying. I hate this cold!

BLUE ORCHID
12-13-2009, 08:13 PM
Wow Suzanne
You just can't make this kind of stuff up.
What a great story and happy ending.
Glad everything worked out for you.
..............................................than ks........Orchid

KateW
12-13-2009, 08:48 PM
Fantastic story - thank you for sharing it. I think you are incredibly brave for travelling dressed and I have the upmost respect for you.

linnea
12-13-2009, 08:54 PM
What a wonderful experience; thank you for sharing it. The way it worked is the way I have dreamed of having similar situations work for me. This was inspiring.

Kathi Lake
12-13-2009, 09:40 PM
Wow, Suze, you had me "puckering" (and I don't mean my lips! :)) for sure!

As everything always does, when you keep your head up, everything turns out fine. I'm so glad that it did with you. So, now what?

Kathi

SuzanneBender
12-13-2009, 11:19 PM
Wow, Suze, you had me "puckering" (and I don't mean my lips! :)) for sure!

As everything always does, when you keep your head up, everything turns out fine. I'm so glad that it did with you. So, now what?

Kathi

Kathi I am glad you asked. Alex and I chatted again on the phone tonight after I finally made it into San Diego. It is amazing. Its like its 1984. Hey stop figuring age! And we are 18 again. I have not laughed this much in years. Although, he also caused me to break down in tears when he told me that he thinks his Mom was looking down from heaven and helped him recognize me because she knew how much he needed a friend at that moment.

What next. Well silly, thats easy. A little vacation time and a trip in the not too distant future to Colorado to spend time with one of my bestest friends in the whole world and his hubby. :daydreaming:

Girls thank you for all your wonderful replies. I have to admit, you all are making my head swell about my writting skills. Where were you all when Mrs. Griner was giving me a C in English?

mishelle379
12-13-2009, 11:59 PM
If u dont already write for a major newspaper, U SHOULD loved it

Alicia Grey
12-14-2009, 12:51 AM
A Beautiful story, and the second part brought me to tears again.

Aeval
12-14-2009, 01:08 AM
Thank you so much for sharing. It was a beautiful story. I don't know what I would do in that situation, but you did great.
Again, thank you for sharing!

Sally2005
12-14-2009, 02:21 AM
Cool story! What are the odds? Glad it all worked out well.

Autumndawn
12-14-2009, 09:48 AM
First of all, I am so happy that this almost crisis/reunion turned out so well for you! The story shows you have exceptional talent writing.:) Isn't the fear of being outed with all of us, as we venture out? It certainly is an exhilirating fear, but none the less, a fear that comes to be changes everything, or can.
I am thrilled that this encounter turned out so well for you. I think you will have a lot of fun in Colorado!! :hugs:

Mary Morgan
12-14-2009, 10:34 AM
Suzanne, I suppose it has all been said here, but I just had to add my voice to this. We hear about so many sad things here and I suppose some of us have come to expect them, so when your story resolved as it has, I cannot tell you how happy it made me feel for you and for Alex. Yes, his mother was helping out as mother's do, and I suspect that she knew that you needed this as much as he.

I hope you will make the most out of this new opportunity with Alex and with others in your life from whom youi may shy.

May God continue to bless you

Tina B.
12-14-2009, 11:10 AM
Girls thank you for all your wonderful replies. I have to admit, you all are making my head swell about my writing skills. Where were you all when Mrs. Griner was giving me a C in English?

Suzanne, if Mrs. Griner could have read this you would have gotten an A+, Maybe she never got to see you write about something so close to your heart! A great story well told, and I also loved the ending.
Tina

Stephenie
12-14-2009, 11:57 AM
Thanks for the lift, your story has made my day better.

carolinoakland
12-14-2009, 12:31 PM
I had a laugh at the these real moments of life. And the last comment, one that I'm familiar with lately is the one about "How many friendships did I not have because my fear of being found out was so great that I removed myself from living life?" Only to replace it with an act...Carol

~Seana~
12-14-2009, 01:32 PM
I want to thank you, I was having an extremely bad day today, I was dealing with taxes and having to sue the federal govt over money they took they werent entitled to that caused me to lose my house amoungst other things 3 years or so ago, so ya really bad day, Tobie my spouse had commented I was REALLY REALLY out of sorts,

Throughout this, I've had your post open since last night, and tried to read it but got distracted multiple times and only just now got to read it fully,

The people above werent the only ones to Cry, but they were tears of joy, that had to be the most heartwarming story I've read in six months or more easy, you REALLY REALLY changed my mindset today, so THANK YOU,

And you better call him , and renew that friendship, but I just wanted to personally thank you for turning my mood around today, it just eally warmed my heart,

Amanda

KateSpade83
12-14-2009, 08:58 PM
You mentioned, "... he and his husband..." - so your friend is gay?

SuzanneBender
12-15-2009, 01:43 AM
You mentioned, "... he and his husband..." - so your friend is gay?

He disappeared right after high school because he was wrestling with his sexuality and didn't want anyone to know. We spent a long time on the phone last night discussing what hiding from who we really are has cost us.

Which lends itself to Carrol's point...

"How many friendships did I not have because my fear of being found out was so great that I removed myself from living life?" Only to replace it with an act

whitelace
12-15-2009, 04:37 AM
It's 4o'clock in the morning here on the east coast ....Couldn't sleep so I figured I'd check in with the girls and came across your wonderful story. I actually felt like I was occupying one of the seats in the aircraft watching it all unfold .... I deeply enjoyed your writing ...very smooth and entertaining

Hugs Lacy:battingeyelashes:

Andrea's Lynne
12-15-2009, 09:07 PM
A beautiful and touching story, sweetie!! Sooooo glad for both of you that you were able to re-connect!!

Patty
12-15-2009, 09:54 PM
Love your writing and what a great outcome :hugs:

Sallee
12-15-2009, 09:55 PM
what a great story You must have been sweating bullets when you noticed. I sure am glad it worked out well and you won a new old friend:)

Lora Olivia
12-15-2009, 10:30 PM
Don't you have to call this a cosmic karma event...you are enfemme and meet a past friend who is "gay" and married at that...KARMA that you now get to share in his grief for a loved one that meant something also to you and a connection to your past....dont lose touch now

Alice Torn
12-15-2009, 10:37 PM
Very moved by this story.

jenniferishappy
12-15-2009, 10:57 PM
i heard the soundtrack music fade in near the end. harry chapin i believe it was. thank you.:)

Danielle76
12-16-2009, 02:40 AM
Man, that's some scary shit, to hear those words in public. I've gone out dressed up a couple of times in public. I went out on Halloween night in public for the first time, figuring that was the least risky night of the year for me. I was scared to death of someone recognizing me, but no one ever did. I walked through a casino, pumped gas....it was a nice night! I don't care if someone I know would be fine with it, I totally prefer me being the only one who knows!

Desiree2bababe
12-16-2009, 09:51 AM
That is such a cool story. Nice how it turned out....

Angie G
12-16-2009, 10:08 AM
What a sweet storie.I;m glad you found a friend from the past and it worked out on a good note.:hugs:
Angie

Tina P Hose
12-18-2009, 07:27 PM
Maybe we can get Paul Harvey to use your story on, "The Rest Of The Story".

But seriously, this is a fine thing to hear about.

May, I ask what you were wearing ?

DanielleAnne
12-19-2009, 12:38 AM
Suzanne, I must say you are one of the best writers on here. I was gripped to my seat reading your post. If I had seen you I would have believed you to be female. I thought you had nice cheekbones.

DanielleAnne

Sophie Lynne
12-19-2009, 12:41 AM
That story really made me feel good. Thank you so much for sharing it!

:love:

Brenda Freeman
12-19-2009, 08:41 AM
What a wonderful experience, well told too! I could feel your emotions as I read it! What a great friendship you rediscovered

Glenda
12-19-2009, 02:52 PM
I was so touched when you forgot all about your femme identity when he told you his mother had passed. I suppose if we just try to be ourselves that most stories end happily. So glad you've reestablished your friendship with him.