An intresting situation

[MelodyS.]

Hi all, I don't post much because I am a bit still shy. I would like to put this out there to get some views on it though.

I have a GG freind that I have known for a very long time. We lost thouch for awhile but got back in contact about 2 years ago. I was testing waters because I always thought she was a good dresser back when we were in high school and I was joking with her online for quite awhile about her giving me a makeover. Eventually, I just decided to come out to her and tell her I was a crossdresser when she became very enthusiastic about giving me a makeover. The makeover has yet to happen due to time limitations on both out parts, but she has gone shopping with me a few times and has been there to listen.

Here is where the problem is, she wants to be more then just friends. I do care about her and I do like her, but only as a friend, I dont want to pursue a romantic relationship with her. I just don't feel the same way about her that she does for me. I have explained this to her and she says she understands but yet she continues to make sexual innuendoes as well as suggesting I purchase lingerie and how she would love to see me in it. Now I know I should go for it because here is a girl that is not only accepting of me, but wants to be with me but I just don't feel the romantic part with her. My fear is losing her friendship if I continue to reject her advances. I truly place her friendship in high regards, she has been a great outlet for my crossdressing. She has never seen me dressed other then the pictures I have on my profile page here and she really wants to see me dressed, but I am afraid that she will continue with her advances.

She is not unattractive at all, I just don't see her in that way. Any advice you all may have I would appreciate.

Thank you and I will try to be more active on here.

[Joanne f]

Just do what you are doing , being honest with her , if she is a true friend then she will always be that even though she has feelings for you in a way that you do not for her which i am sure must be difficult for her but is a lot better than if you played her along and then dumped her when you have had enough.

[theresa]

I agree with Joanne. Be truthful and a real freindship will survive.

[RADER]

Melodys:
You are in a special place with her being suportive of you. Like said by others
im the above post's be honest with her. Maybe you might think of living
togather, say for short time to "test" the waters. You might change your
mind on your end. If your gole is a total change over, than tell her what
your thinking of. It could be that she wants a lesbion relationship. But one
thing is for shure, Talk, Talk, and listen. Good luck Rader

[Fab Karen]

Well if you have zero romantic or sexual interest in her, then be tactful but clearly honest.

[MelodyS.]

Thak you all for the words. I am doing everything I can to just have normal conversations with her. Rader, living with her is not an option, she has 2 kids adn I really don't want to move. :)

[sherri52]

Try to keep the relationship going as it is. Keep her friendship but leave it at that.

[giuseppina]

What happened to her spouse? If she is married, this is a precarious situation.

I agree with the other posters. Honesty and tact never gets people in trouble.

[DiannaRose]

Now see, the guy in me says you should just go for it, how many opportunities like this come up? :)

But the deeper part of me agrees with the others. Be honest and open with her. Make sure she knows how much you value her friendship, but that you're just not looking for anything more.

She sounds like a wonderful girl, by the way. I don't blame you for wanting to keep her as your friend.

[MelodyS.]

What happened to her spouse? If she is married, this is a precarious situation.

She is divorced


Now see, the guy in me says you should just go for it, how many opportunities like this come up? :)

LOL, trust me, I do have guy in me and it takes alot of willpower for me to refrain from acting on first impulse. :o

[Tina P Hose]

This is just me, but I would more than likely get intimate with her. I mean if it were me. But, I would have be sexually attracted to her.

[tinalynn]

I have to wonder what the he!! you're thinking! You have a great girl that wants to be part of your life, AND she wants you in your prettiest form. Most of us go our entire lives without a woman who wants us to dress, and you're going to be in the same situation if you're not careful. (Its natural that women want their man in a suit, not a dress.) My point here is that you have to be truthful to yourself as well as to her. Is your hang up with her (and you DO have one or this wouldn't be a question) worth a life without a supportive woman?

She may well be a great friend for life, to include dressing you up for nights out. But how long will that last if you find someone you're attracted to and want to spend more time with (esp if she doesn't know about / support your dressing)? Not many spouses (or gf's) want to share their man's personal space with another woman.

Sounds to me that you really need to think about what you want in life. What thing means more than the other things? Like everyone else has said, be truthful, honest, and open with whatever you decide - both with her and with yourself.

[donnatracey]

Mmm, sounds like by a previous comment that her 2 children could play a part in this. That would def complicate matters should a relationship ensue.....:doh:

[Sideways]

it relieves tension and anxiety joking around with a romantic interest even when you know there's no possibility -- because pandora's box has been opened and there's no putting it back inside.

If it genuinely makes you uncomfortable maybe you do need to set some additional boundaries or need to try the set it free method that might also be an investment in making some "missing" signs.

It might be easier when these innuendos or advances take place that you quickly shift them to someone else as to take the focus off you and that she's just not in your interest - it keeps it light, it keeps it jovial and keeps it real.

Games of the heart hold out for the possibilities even when there's no chance. So moving beyond it takes a lot of time.

[ReineD]

She is not unattractive at all, I just don't see her in that way. Any advice you all may have I would appreciate.

It sounds as if she is looking for a partner and she may not be leaving the door open for others if she thinks she has a chance with you. You do not want to mislead her. Please be very clear with her and also be firm. With 2 young children involved, it will only lead to heartbreak if there is any ambiguity. Be prepared to lose the friendship though. She may not be able to alter her feelings for you and if this is the case, a clean break is the best. She will thank you in the long run.

There are lots of GGs around who would be delighted to be your friend without any romantic entanglements. Just go out there and meet people! :)

If your GG friend eventually does find a boyfriend, then perhaps the two of you can resume your friendship. I applaud your sincerity and your desire to do the right thing.
:hugs:

[Miranda09]

Don't worry about a romantic relationship at this stage. Play with it..have some fun..see what happens, with the proviso that she knows this may not pan out like she, or you, might like. Life is too short to close the door. :)

[Samantha B L]

Melody,that's all quite a dilemna. You know,I think maybe if you told her you just weren't real high energy and there were only a few girls you've known that got you aroused and even that took a long time. You could also tell her that the two of you could go ahead sometime but certain things would have to be talked out like(I'll go ahead and say it)AIDS and other types of venereal diseases and unwanted pregnancy. I can understand what it's like to be aproached by very,very nice looking females and not being turned on. sometimes that's just how it is. It's great that she's your GG freind for stuff like the makeovers. You could try laughing along with her overtures and countering them with humor. But this is something of a dilemna and it might not work. But a sexual relationship and a romantic relationship ain't always the same thing! A sexual relationship is where two people hang together for sex until one of them gets tired of it after 3 months or 5 years. A Romantic relationship is where two people are deeply bonded in a freindship that never really changes no matter what. Sex will come with this eventually because the trust is as close to %100 as it gets between two people. But it doesn't come right away. Melody,it all sounds really tricky. I hope you can sort all of this out. I had a gay freind in the 80's who's best freind was a young woman about 25-26 years old who all of a sudden started this thing with him about her wanting to have sex and get married. She kept after him for years and I don't know how the whole business ever turned out. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are always catch-22's around the corner and you will probably have to put up with some imperfection in your freindship with her. And I can understand what you're going through with this.

[DanaR]

It sounds as if she is looking for a partner and she may not be leaving the door open for others if she thinks she has a chance with you. You do not want to mislead her. Please be very clear with her and also be firm. With 2 young children involved, it will only lead to heartbreak if there is any ambiguity. Be prepared to lose the friendship though. She may not be able to alter her feelings for you and if this is the case, a clean break is the best. She will thank you in the long run.

There are lots of GGs around who would be delighted to be your friend without any romantic entanglements. Just go out there and meet people! :)

If your GG friend eventually does find a boyfriend, then perhaps the two of you can resume your friendship. I applaud your sincerity and your desire to do the right thing.
:hugs:

I agree with Reine completely.

One of the things that I've found though; is that a lot, not all, will view you as a potential relationship. I've had what I thought were good friends, but then it seemed like they were more interested in me leaving my wife than just being friends; even though I never (at least I thought, that I didn't) give them that idea.

If you enter into a sexual relationship, then I think that it is too late.

[ReineD]

One of the things that I've found though; is that a lot, not all, will view you as a potential relationship.

Dana ... you have a very good understanding of a woman's mind! :)

[Sally2005]

Sometimes the best partners are best friends... just continue to be friends, maybe she will grow on you.

[KateW]

At the very least, I think you have found a very important friend in her. Its wonderful that she has been so supportive and you should take care of the relationship, even if it doesn't turn into anything more...