Explaining to younger children

[Faith_G]

Anyone know any good resources to help parents explain transsexualism to young children? I have no kids of my own, but I have several young nephews and a niece, ranging in age from 7 to 2. I'd like to be able to provide my sisters with some good suggestions on explaining Auntie Faith when the time comes. :hugs:

[Beth-Lock]

I am in the same situation, and have been worrying a little, that when I see my relatives at Christmas, they may have started to explain it and I might be ambushed by a question from the children, especially my niece.
I have just had a long conversation with my best friend on the subject, and it is certainly a difficult thing. He thought that it is important not to get at all complex, for example, trying to talk in terms of culture, with a child. He suggested saying I just like the feel of wearing women's clothes. I thought that that was not a good idea and not accurate either. But what else to say? I wondered it I should ask her if she likes wearing a skirt, and tell her I do too. That at least is simple. Then I would have to improvise as the conversation advanced beyond that point.
One thing I worry about, is that they are at the age of 'monkey see, monkey do.' I would not like them acting out in play, wearing the clothes of the opposite gender, between the two of them, since they are brother and sister.
I wish there was a children's book on this to help one, like the ones there are for gay families.

[Stephenie S]

If you try to make big deal of this, it will become a big deal. If you are relaxed and matter of fact about it, they will be too.

We often overestimate the amount of information children are asking for. If a child asks you why you wear a dress, just say you like to. Keep all your answers simple and direct. DON'T go into long explanations. Children are FAR more accepting than their parents. They have not yet learned prejudice and fear.

My most recent experience? I was visiting one of my GFs who has a small child, so he has playmates in the house. One small girl looked up at me and said, "You talk like a man." I just knelt down to her level, gave her my biggest smile, and said, "And YOU talk like a little girl." That was all she wanted. No more interest from her at all. She was off to play. KEEP IT SIMPLE around children. Oh, and smile. Children want to know you are their friend. Men don't smile at them and they know it. If you want to be accepted around women and children, keep your smile out there ALL THE TIME.

Stephie

[Veronica_Jean]

I have to agree with Stephanie.


I have three children and they found out when each of them was about 10 to 12 years old. I currently have two grandchildren 2 and 4. They see me both in male and female mode. To them I am PaaPaa, although soon my daughter suggested MaPaaPaa, to help them with others. The 4 year old told me one day that her daddy was a boy, but it was ok for me to be a girl.

I also have young ones that are between 5 and 12 of my daughter's in-laws. Recently I was asked at Thanksgiving by one of the 10 year old boys "Are you a boy or a girl? I replied, yes I am." When asked a bit later "Why do you want to be a girl? I responded, I don't know. I have always felt like I was a girl and not a boy." That seemed to satisfy them and the rest of the day went by with no more questions.

I know that many adults and especially all of us, find dealing with children to be both frightening and somewhat upsetting. The good part is the children themselves are just not affected by it. They simply have questions and are looking for simple answers. No one would try to explain the fertilization process that causes pregnancy to a 4 year old, but they want to try and explain something like this. KISS (keep it simple stupid).

So to directly answer your question, just help educate the adults about this. Be simple and straight with the children, but not overly detailed or complicated. Everyone involved should realize that although this is not a frequent topic, it is not a bad one or abnormal either. If the adults treat it like its ok, the children will follow.

Veronica

[melimelo]

I also agree with Stephenie. Furthermore, you have to give an explanation they can handle. For example, I have a young nephew of 5 and he asked his father why his uncle is now an aunt. The father said: "God made a small mistake and Auntie is now fixing it". My nephew was satisfied with the explanation...

Cheers,

[Faith_G]

Thanks for the suggestions on how I should handle myself. When the little kids have questions for me, I'll answer the question without adding more information. That's hard for me to do because I'm a teacher at heart.

What I am really hoping to find for my sisters is a book or at least a web page that will help them with any anxiety they might have about telling their kids about me. Does anyone know of anything like that?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

HI Faith...The girls are spot on..

i just went to Thanksgiving with about 30+ people including a dozen kids...
I have been a very goofy and loud uncle to them and there is always alot of rough housing..

plus my kids are 15 and 13 and they were very very nervous about it...i pretended not to be...hehe

well the outcome was......nothing...
the older kids (9-12) were definitely shy..the youngest ones said nothing about it and i made no attempt to push it on them

there was no rough housing, and i even got a compliment from my 10 yr old neice..but otherwise it was a non event, no questions, no stares...a couple of ohmygosh looks, but that was it..

i feel your concern should be the parents and if they are ok, then the kids are ok