Outted at work

[Jenni_Aurora]

Well.. Im not sure how damaging this will be toward me, but....

I received a text message from a cashier i work with at my supermarket (I work as a stock clerk) saying that another cashier was told by a bagger that i dressed in drag. Ive already figured out who told who, and that stuff, but does anyone believe it will be damaging to myself there? i mean.. rumors fly around that store very fast, but i just don't care anymore if people do know. Ive been hiding this part of my persona for the last 20 years away from the public. If people find out, who cares... right?

[Samantha Girl]

As long as it doesn't effect your job I say who cares! :)

[sherri52]

I'm with you who cares. Actually though if they all find out you may get a little ribbing but you also may end up with a few gg friends. Lets hope for the best.

[2B Natasha]

let it go.

But that depends on the environment at your work. But it may be time to at least think about going to the boss and telling them in confidence. That is only to cover if there is a knuckle dragger at your work that will not let it be.

[tinalynn]

If there is a knuckle dragger, I'd suggest finding another place to work. If not, it depends on how much you value friendship in the workplace and how well you can take ribbing - both in jest and some real. If you can handle all of that, stick around and make some friends. Who knows, maybe they'll invite you out dressed sometime?

[Barbara Jo]

I agreee...
Just ignore it.

if you make a big deal about it others wiil tend to also.
Some will believe it, others wont.

Those who like you still will.
Those who never did, well, nothing will change. :)

[Faith_G]

Be proud of who you are. If you act ashamed or embarassed that will feed the people who wish you ill.

[trannie T]

What are you going to say if someone asks you?
What are you wearing to work next Halloween?

You have been there for 20 years so your coworkers opinion of you will not change drastically. Be strong. Be confident.

[Stephenie S]

If someone asks if it is true, just say "yes" and leave it alone. This is a non-issue unless YOU make a big deal out of it. The more relaxed YOU are about it, the more relaxed others will be too.

Stephie

[NathalieX66]

Sounds like the people you work with are a regular gossip mill. What's worse? You, or their behavior?
Just say Yes, and tell whoever it's none of their business. If your boss confronts you, tell him/her it's none of their business, and you are here to do your job, and that you have an issue with the gossip mongers. Put the screws on them.

[Jenni_Aurora]

The place i work with is the biggest rumor mill ive ever seen in my life. Im not concerned about what my manager thinks. He doesnt tend to believe anything he hears about someone else. He prefers hearing stuff coming straight from the horses mouth, so to speak :P

[Holly]

...i just don't care anymore if people do know. Ive been hiding this part of my persona for the last 20 years away from the public. If people find out, who cares... right?You said it yourself. The bottom line is that you know the environment much better than any of us. But if you have 20 years of service with the same employer, you have value to them. This should in no way be a deal breaker, IMO.

[Jenni_Aurora]

::headdesk::


Nooooo.


i dont have 20 years of employment with the same place. I'm only 25!!!! Last i checked, i havent been in the work force since i was 5 years old! lol My female persona is a device ive been hiding from everyone (friends, family, coworkers, myself) since i was 5-6 years old. Hence why i said id been hiding it for 20 years. Sorry about the confusion there! oievey :D

[donnatracey]

You said it yourself. The bottom line is that you know the environment much better than any of us. But if you have 20 years of service with the same employer, you have value to them. This should in no way be a deal breaker, IMO.

Am I missing something here? I don't think Jenni said she has been employed there for 20 yrs (as a stock clerk?), rather she's been hiding it for 20 yrs. This sounds like it won't be a easy situation judging by her comments re: the people she works with, etc.....

If I am wrong, I apologize.....:eek:

[Kinky with Ink]

Well there isn't much you can do stop the rumor mill but the best thing to do honey would be to:

a.) admit to it and ask them if they have a problem (technically any problems people give you at work would be considered sexual harrasment)

b.) change jobs if you don't like how they treat you now

or

c.) make an excuse (it was a dare, costume party, etc)

If you aren't ready to come out of the closet then don't. Nobody says you have to tell them anything. Well hope this all works out for you and best of luck! :hugs:

[sterling12]

Lets just hope you don't work for Winn-Dixie. They fired an employee a few years back on A Co-Worker's "Accusation of Crossdressing while not at Work."

But hey, you ain't in The South. Most Employers have some small amount of Moral Fiber, Your Owners aren't on some Bible-Thumper Fantasy Trip, and perhaps you have some local ordinances or State Laws that protect you. Or....maybe not?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Kerigirl2009]

I agree with the "Don't make a big deal about it and it will be forgotten or at least not spoken of regularly" I believe from my experiences (not in crossdressing) that all things are eventually dropped if YOU don't make it a big deal.

On another note I couldn't mind a rumor going around at work about me, because then that would mean I have a J-O-B job.

Good luck. :) And don't worry.

[Vicki-Z]

I also say who cares? There comes a time when you have to be proud of who you are. The person you are. That means both your male and female sides.


Vicki :hugs:

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Obviously I'm getting sort of known on here as an advocate for coming out. Despite that, I definitely agree with everyone here who stresses that not making a big deal out of it is probably your best bet. As long as you don't act like it's some big damning secret then people won't behave like it. My personal thought on the matter is that your best bet is to not go out of your way to come out about it or announce it if you're concerned about that, but also don't deny it if someone flat out asks you if you do, since the best way to avoid gossip is to just stay ahead of the story.

It's hard for us to say if it will negatively effect you at work though without knowing what the culture is at your workplace and what type of establishment it is. Supermarkets can vary from chain to chain or even location to location.

[Maddie22]

I agree to let it go and not make a big deal about. If your supervisor approaches you about it, just say that it is personal, and that you do not bring it into the work place, and it does affect how you do your job.

[DanaR]

Well.. Im not sure how damaging this will be toward me, but....

I received a text message from a cashier i work with at my supermarket (I work as a stock clerk) saying that another cashier was told by a bagger that i dressed in drag. Ive already figured out who told who, and that stuff, but does anyone believe it will be damaging to myself there? i mean.. rumors fly around that store very fast, but i just don't care anymore if people do know. Ive been hiding this part of my persona for the last 20 years away from the public. If people find out, who cares... right?

Wrong, no one else will care; but you need to. I would say nothing or at a minimum tell whoever it was that send you the text message, that what they are doing borders on harassment; and you don't need to reply to it. If you say or do anything else, the rumors will be flying even more. If you squash it like that, maybe it will go away. Keep any evidence that you receive and don't put anything in writing. If there are anymore problems, maybe you need to talk to your HR department.

[Nicole Bishop]

We all have a time maybe this is yours come out !! legally they can do nothing it is not like you failed a drug test ....I have employed over 200 people in my life and there is no grounds that are favorable to management .Just come out!

[aggi123]

I would just be up front if asked about it I think. I'm getting to the point where I've begun the coming out process, I've now told 3 people (go me ! ). It's only a big deal if you make it out to be.

[Charla McBee]

I find that I haven't been hiding quite as well as I used to in recent months almost as though I want to get caught. I'm probably never going to out myself but if it did happen, that would be bit. I couldn't undo it and I'd have a terrible weight off my shoulders.

[Loni]

some people have accidents.....

not to worry some out there will try to be a problem, just say yes, do not make a deal of it.
those who do make a deal of it make a report to your boss, if he does nothing, make a report with the corp office.
harrasment on the job is a big no- no.

[Sooty]

My advice would be: ride it out for a while and see what happens. If your work life becomes unbearable then sounds a bit like sexual harrasment. If there's some teasing then I'm sure there's something you could use to tease back.

All advice freely given and no problems occur if ignored :)

[Shelly67]

I used to work with a guy who had been employed in the same company for over 30 yrs . He felt safe and obviously comfortable in his career and souroundings . I worked alongside him for 3 yrs till redundancy hit me. No one knew of my transvestism . Well , we used to work till 12midday on Fridays , giving me 4 hours alone at home being able to dress and unwind . He'd made comments several times , my eyebrows , shaven arms rather poisonously ect until one particular Friday . I'd been at work starting alone since 5am a good 3 hours before anyone else started , at midday I'd had enough , was tired and filthy dirty .I'd done more than my fair share , but was't complaining .It meant that leaving at this time required the machine we BOTH were working on would leave my ex co worker to clean up for about 30mins. Wasn't a hard task , however he always previously made excuses to avoid doing it . He'd earlier remarked in the week he could do with the overtime .I thought it was cool to clock off for the weekend . So I started to clear away my tools . With a very obvious loud voice , he rearked in full hearing distance of all the shop floor , " Oh yeah - leave me to clear up then , you just can't wait to f*ck off home and dress can you !" He then muttered a name I didn't really catch . Everyone stood there staring , I nearly froze . my reaction was I wanted to hit the chap , but instead , I winked and blew him a kiss then said out loud " calm down my lovely " He went purple . Now I know this is a long reply , BUT , my reaction taught me one thing . People who start rumours , tell tales or fish for private parts of our lives are very narrow minded , and sometimes feel threatened . Thats why to certain people they behave as if still in the playground . In my experience , such folk should be left to get on with it as in the long run nobody will care , get bored and let the person concerned spreading such embarresment make a childish fool of themselves . Don't give em bait to bite on !!!
Be brave :hugs:

[~Eve~]

Jenni, I would say if you are happy with the news coming out then be calm and open about it. If not, then I would just ignore it as I am sure that rumour will be replaced by another involving other people just as quickly. :)

[Sallee]

I would just laughit off even agree with it It should blow over quick and no one really cares anyway. besides that there are anti discrimination laws that will kick in if any one gives you a problem and don't hesitate to report it if that happens
Keep having fun

[Karren H]

I simply hate rumor mongers!! I'd go out of my way to stop the rumors before they get out of hand.... Just wear a dress to work tommorow.... that should stop the rumors pretty darn quick..

[Jenni_Aurora]

if it werent for the fact that a dress isnt safe clothing (i could get something caught, and i could be injured), I would consider it Karren. See.. I told one bagger in confidence, because i thought i could trust her, but I guess i can't. its ok. i dont see anything stemming from it, so I think ill be just fine :D

[Terri Andrews]

Like others have said ,don`t make a big deal of it . I would continue to do well at my job and in time everone will move on to some other gossip.
The same thing happened to me and for a while there was talking behind my back ,but soon they moved on .

[gail price]

Similar happened to me, but i just confirmed to anyone who asked. I was honnest. Now I have some good nice gg friends. No one was nasty or any thing like that, not to my face any way. Whos cares what they do behind my back......

[jenna_woods]

I agree if it does not affect your job who cares, let them talk just laugh it off

[t-girlxsophie]

I work nights in supermarket,and had told a cpl girls,that i dressed,and as far as i thought that would be our secret,and i knew they were cool about it,but to my horror i hyave since found out most my shift know about my other side,but to be honest nothing has ever been said about it,i suppose having known me for so long,they realise that am still the same person.So i would agree with most of the girls,dont treat it as a big issue and you should be fine