Transmasculine / genderqueer angst

[kurokaze]

Angst.

These days I identify both / either two-spirit and genderqueer...

... transmasculine as well???

At first I was feeling a little intimidated / nervous about this section of the forums, but then I found this:

http://nodesignation.wordpress.com/definitions/


Transmasculine – A person who’s masculinity or male identity is not universally considered valid. Often used to talk about a wider range of how a person might identify their gender and would cover a spectrum of transmen, as well as genderqueers, and people with non-binary genders who’s masculinity or male-ness is being denied.

I was raised male, found out a few years ago I was infertile and my hormone levels were wrong (the two are connected ... I think... I don't really comprehend my biological / hormonal / reproductive issues)

BEFORE any female hormones I was often referred to in the feminine, and since then, with minimal work on vocal training (and almost no hormonal changes) I was consistantly treated as female.

... Long story short, psychologically (mood mostly) I've been doing great on the female hormones, yet...

... Really, I think "transmasculine" (per above definition) suits me quite well.

Particularly on my mind (and causing much angst) I'm considering something: returning (part time at least) to a male social role.

I'm most nervous about passing for male and the use of the men's restroom... or should I even attempt this? DMV and social security still officially list me as male, though currently I have female legal name, and breasts that I don't think I could easily hide.

[Ze]

It sounds like you'll fit in here just fine. :) Welcome.

Hopefully I'm not prying, but I just want to get it right. Are you saying that physically you're more intersexed? Or was it "just" that your body wasn't producing enough of the "right" hormone? All sorts of little things can add to the fun, so I'm just curious. :) But you don't have to answer.

Hmm...bathrooms and passing...there's most definitely stuff on both around here. For passing, there's all sorts of topics in there. You might want to check out our "Keeping Up Appearances" section and see what you come up with, ask specific questions, etc. For the bathrooms, I think you most definitely should try the male ones if you feel it's what you want. The key, though, is being careful about it. Being as I'm still wary of male bathrooms--though I want to use them--I don't want to give you any wrong information. I guess we'll see what the boys here say. :)

Following all this, would you prefer non-gender pronouns for you then? Should we use your given username when referring to you? I'd like to be clear on what makes you comfortable. :)

Oh, and here's something fun: One of our members here, Alex, coined the term "trangst." Cool, huh? :ner: I use it now.

[kurokaze]

It sounds like you'll fit in here just fine. :) Welcome.

Hopefully I'm not prying, but I just want to get it right. Are you saying that physically you're more intersexed? Or was it "just" that your body wasn't producing enough of the "right" hormone? All sorts of little things can add to the fun, so I'm just curious. :) But you don't have to answer.

I really don't know "what was up" with my body. I didn't understand the questions the endocrinologist was asking...

...and at the time I was wanting to explore the female side of my identity (which I didn't have any experience with in my upbringing) so I proceded with the whole "standard" GID treatment stuffs... which eventually led me to where I am today

one of my exes said I had symptoms of an intersex condition, tried to show me lots of medical journal stuff, none of which I understood, and honestly I don't see how any of that is relevant except that I couldn't reproduce (at least in a genetically-related manner) The only medical tests I had were endocrinologist ordered, and the cryobank that told me I had no sperm to freeze (a second opinion later, still no luck)


Hmm...bathrooms and passing...there's most definitely stuff on both around here. For passing, there's all sorts of topics in there. You might want to check out our "Keeping Up Appearances" section and see what you come up with, ask specific questions, etc. For the bathrooms, I think you most definitely should try the male ones if you feel it's what you want. The key, though, is being careful about it. Being as I'm still wary of male bathrooms--though I want to use them--I don't want to give you any wrong information. I guess we'll see what the boys here say. :)

wary... yes... as I had mentioned previously, Pre-hormones I was often referred to in the feminine, and this included in the men's restroom. (horror stories I won't tell today)


Following all this, would you prefer non-gender pronouns for you then? Should we use your given username when referring to you? I'd like to be clear on what makes you comfortable. :)

I identify two-spirit / genderqueer, but I'm not a fan of non-gender pronouns. Suprise me lol. This is the internet so I'm not worried about anyone freaking out and deciding I'm some sort of freak, verbally (or physically) assaulting me, etc.

Honestly, I've been tossing around a VERY short list of names and think I like the name Ryan, as well as male pronouns. Unfortunately, In-person that won't work so well since I'm "pretty" and feminine and such (:::boldy edit::: uck... strong urge to butch up... RAWR)


Oh, and here's something fun: One of our members here, Alex, coined the term "trangst." Cool, huh? :ner: I use it now.

I'm very trangsty then, yes lol =^_^= thanks for the reply... Speaking of replies... the thread was 20 pages long and my attention span only let me read the first 4 pages and last 3... how are your romantic interests going if you don't mind my asking for an update off-topic / cross-thread.

[Ze]

Okay, I'll probably use male pronouns toward you then. :ner: In the long run, your physicality isn't that big of an issue in regards to your gender identity; I was just being nosy. :) Gender identity is what reigns over anything else, in my opinion. Hopefully I didn't come off thinking otherwise.

My romancing is going fairly well, thanks for asking. Despite my daily panic attacks over her, I seem to be making some nice progress. :) And yeah, don't worry about not reading that whole thread. Some of us have a tendency to go off-topic with witty banter and whatnot.

[kurokaze]

Okay, I'll probably use male pronouns toward you then. :ner: In the long run, your physicality isn't that big of an issue in regards to your gender identity; I was just being nosy. :) Gender identity is what reigns over anything else, in my opinion. Hopefully I didn't come off thinking otherwise.

My romancing is going fairly well, thanks for asking. Despite my daily panic attacks over her, I seem to be making some nice progress. :) And yeah, don't worry about not reading that whole thread. Some of us have a tendency to go off-topic with witty banter and whatnot.

hey, off topic is awesome... want some of my witty banter toward you? though I'm more flirting when I do :devil:

No serriously, I love flirting with people I'd likely never meet.

[Ze]

I'm totally cool with the witty banter, dude. :D

[kurokaze]

So... I saw on another thread someone mentioning the surgery scarring would be a scary "tell" about being FTM... I'm curious how it compares to hypospadias. I've got a pretty bad case and have always had to sit to urinate.

:::EDIT::: -- I mean... how noticable is the scaring?

:::wow long edit::: I really need to do more research into surgeons that specialize in urology I think, I've still miss the toilet sometimes sitting... angst or no, I really need to sort this out.

:::another edit::: need a break from this. Remembering being mocked in the men's room for always having to sit to urinate, hips, etc. ... wtf, I think I'll just sleep or something now, already had a rough day (a VERY close friend said "oh just let me die" before the phonecall abruptly ended)