Thats it, I am sick of it!

[MissKara]

Hey Girls,

I am sorry but this for this post I am probably going to sound like a hissy Girl, but I just need to get this off my chest. Lately as Kara has become more in tune with my life, I have had the feeling to come out to people. I have started a controlled release of information to people who I trust, people who I feel can take the information, but its not enough.

I am sick to death of having to run and quickly change clothing when my mum comes home early or if someone comes to the door, or having to make sure that all my makeup is off and my nail polish is gone (As you can tell I still live with my mother :(). I always have to make sure that Kara's stuff is away at all times just in case my mum wants to come into my room, or if a friend drops over unexpectedly when Kara's stuff is all over the room (Like her Wig, handbag, clothing, etc).

I am proud of who I am. I have accepted who I am... Kara is part of me and if I ever loose her I would be truly alone. I detest the fact that because of Joe Public's views on what Males should dress like and act, I have to deny a part of myself just to please other people. Its just like I read a while ago (I believe on this forum): A girl can dress in men's clothing and is called a Tomboy, but is still considered normal. A Guy dresses in Girls clothing, and he is automatically labeled as gay, being weird and suddenly becomes a pariah in the community.

True, Its not as bad as it used to be I might add. TG/CD's are more accepted in the community now that ever before but being a CD is still a more 'in-the-closet' thing because of the ignorant masses who cant wrap their heads around the fact that we are just like them but instead of dressing in jocks we wear panties. I want to be who I am, I don't want to act asif I conform to Joe Pulbic's idea of a male, I want to act myself and be true to who I am.

To this end, I am considering going public just after Christmas by putting a message up on my facebook page. If people don't like it, they can sod off because they are not my friends if they cannot accept me for who I am!

*Exhales* Sorry about the Girls, I just needed to get that off my chest.

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

[karen68]

Good for you Kara, I hope all goes well and you don't get ridiculed too much. As you said if they can't accept you for who you are then they are not friends.:hugs:

[Miranda09]

That's OK Kara...you can vent anytime you wish here. Hope it works out for you...you know you'll always have friends here. :)

[CamilleLeon]

I know how you feel. I can't really give you any advice because I'm still mostly in the closet about it but good luck no matter what you decide to do

[kellycan27]

When you sre truly sick and tired of it and are comfortable with who you are it will happen.. You'll be ready when you are ready. Best of luck, and just remember this.. it usn't usually as bad as we imagine in our own minds. :hugs:

Kel

[Kate Simmons]

Well, that is your choice Hon but I have to admit that part of the "draw" of CDing for me has always been the "secret identity" factor.I dunno, chalk it up to my reading DC and Marvel superhero comics in the 1960's. I especially enjoyed the girl heroines who could not only kick ass and take names but be knockouts as well. My greatest dream was to be a guy in my everyday identity and a pretty girl in my adventurous one. It took a while but finally came to be. The main thing is to just be yourself regardless of what you decide to do as that is who people will appreciate.:)

[NV Susan]

Hi Misskara,
Sometimes you just need to vent....and what better place than here!! :hugs:
I wish you all the best if you do "come out" after Christmas, just hope you give it a lot of thought and how it my affect people around you who you care about the most. With something like this you always hope your friends will still be your friends, and loved ones will stand with you.

[AllieSF]

Hi Kara,

Here is my 2 cents worth of opinion. Since you are living at home and I do not know your age, I think that you need to consider several factors. An important one is the financial side. Are you a student, unemployed, just living at home and working until you get a better paying job, etc.? In a worse case scenario mom and maybe day mayl not accept any of what you are doing and may give you an ultimatum, "stop, purge and never again, or .... out of the house and on your own you go". If this is a non-issue or a very low risk one. Then, at home anyway, you may be fine. Just remember that they still may not give you all the freedom that you are looking for and it may be worse than before as they now know to watch, observe, comment upon and police your activities more, again worse case.

As to coming out to others in a very public fashion, then you need to think about other negative consequences, such as job searching (can and would a potential or even current employer try to find info on you as a background check, by looking at facebook and googling your name or whatever? Does that even matter?

I assume that you are still quite young relatively speaking (when compared to us older than dirt characters around here!). So theh advantages of coming out now, are that you can be basically done with it to a large part of the population and can deal with all the associated problems and backlashes, if any, while you are young. That way you have a lifetime of freedom being who you are as you develop and change (yes, that happens too. It did for me!).

As Kelli said, you will know when the time is right. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do. Thanks for sharing and asking.

[SuzanneBender]

Darling anytime you need to vent you have a friendly ear here. I don't blame you. Coming out will mean changes in your life, but Kelly is right it is typically 10 times worse in our own minds. Also please remember we owe it to our loved ones and friend to give them as long to accept it as it took us to accept it.

Girl you may loose a friend or two but you are going to gain some that will be lifetime friends. :hugs:

[MissKara]

Hi Kara,

Here is my 2 cents worth of opinion. Since you are living at home and I do not know your age, I think that you need to consider several factors. An important one is the financial side. Are you a student, unemployed, just living at home and working until you get a better paying job, etc.? In a worse case scenario mom and maybe day mayl not accept any of what you are doing and may give you an ultimatum, "stop, purge and never again, or .... out of the house and on your own you go". If this is a non-issue or a very low risk one. Then, at home anyway, you may be fine. Just remember that they still may not give you all the freedom that you are looking for and it may be worse than before as they now know to watch, observe, comment upon and police your activities more, again worse case.

As to coming out to others in a very public fashion, then you need to think about other negative consequences, such as job searching (can and would a potential or even current employer try to find info on you as a background check, by looking at facebook and googling your name or whatever? Does that even matter?

I assume that you are still quite young relatively speaking (when compared to us older than dirt characters around here!). So theh advantages of coming out now, are that you can be basically done with it to a large part of the population and can deal with all the associated problems and backlashes, if any, while you are young. That way you have a lifetime of freedom being who you are as you develop and change (yes, that happens too. It did for me!).

As Kelli said, you will know when the time is right. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do. Thanks for sharing and asking.

I am young (23 Years Old) with a stable job. To be honest, I don't think its that much of an issue with my mum, she may say a few things about it then just forget it ever happened. I don't expect that she will let me wear skirts and dresses, but as long as she understands why I dont like her being in my room, then all the better. She cant really police my activities: I have my own car, I am paying for the internet and foxtel in my name.

Job searching, again not an issue. I dont publish it on any public sites and my facebook page is restricted to friends only.

Thanks for all the support girls :hugs:

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

[sherri52]

That's great that your ready to come out Kara. Make sure the ones at home are good candidates for excepting or you may be looking for a place to sleep. Parents are usually the ones you come back to when your in need, that won't be possible if they don't except. It is a hard decision to make. Good luck with it.:hugs:

[Jezebella]

The thing about posting things on Facebook is all it sometimes takes is one "friend" getting ticked off at you for any old reason for all that information you'd thought was private by virtue of being restricted to "friends only" to be spread all over the internet. Tread carefully. I've seen it happen before.

[Paula_56]

careful there is no going back

[Larissa Philips]

I prefer the controlled release method, personally, as it allows you to divulge what you want and tailor it to the specific person rather than the giant bomb.

[jenniferishappy]

any chance of moving out and getting your own flat? would that make you feel better about things? i moved out at 17 and it was the best choice for me. i cant imagine having to live with my parents even though i love them both in my own way. just asking dear. i also would pass on the fb post and just go ahead and tell people face to face so there is context beyond the typed word. but you certainly should do what feels natural as long as you are thinking straight. just a few thoughts to consider. :)

[theresa]

Kara,
I can certainly emphasize with you, I think we all probably feel the same way. You are with freinds here and this is a good place to "let it loose".

Unfortunately that's the way things are today. None of us can change the way things are over night, but maybe someday with people like you, things will change. In the meantime, you have a difficult decision regarding coming out that will affect your entire life, for better or for worse. Take your time hon and continue to think things through. It appears you have already put a great deal of thought into this already.

And keep sharing your thoughts on this with the group, we're here to help.

[docrobbysherry]

I would recommend u get your own place first! THEN, be who u want to be. I guarantee things will change for u, when u r responsible for EVERYTHING in your life! :eek:
I'm NOT saying that will change your plans to come out. But, it MITE!:brolleyes:

[linnea]

It's good to vent a little, especially on this frustrating subject. I hope that you feel better.

[AmberLynn]

I agree. Haveing to keep the big secret is ruff, I tried 10 years ago to tell my mother. well she told my sister and her girlfriend and even though i went deep into the closet i to this day never hear the end about being a cd,though it is a little more complicated then they know and are soon to find out. If you come out "and girl im routeing for you hard" beware the backlash's that will come with the exceptince. and will all be here for you after the bomb if it drop's :gh: