I did "IT"......Again!

[Lawren]

The dreaded Purge. It failed again, of course. When I purged, I missed a few things and I couldn't resist putting them on. I don't know whether I'm more happy or more depressed over it all. At any rate, my dear wife bought me the basics for three new outfits yesterday at Goodwill so I'm back.

[JenniferR771]

Welcome back Lawren. No need to be depressed. Give your wife a big hug, for her help and understanding. A wonderful man with a special hobby--what is wrong with that?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Lawren

I hope you can keep from doing that again!!
you have to do the math!!! I never purged....ever....BUT
i paid $50/month for many many years to store my stuff and there were YEARS where i didnt go near the locker...i think its more expensive now

i'll never know for sure but i wonder how many purges i would have needed to be making a good investment..i'm guessing 3 or 4 purges so I think i broke even

plus i still have some late 80's casual corner outfits that are to die for (that smell like mothballs...:doh:)

[Sallee]

Nice try but it never works

[Rachaelb64]

Haven't purged for over 5yrs now. Decided I was fighting a losing battle :) We are what we are...........

[KarenHiller]

If your wife is comfortable with it, why would you ever purge? I'd need a dumpster if I were ever going to purge, which I can't imagine happening.

Karen

[Paula_56]

I'm back, from a purge seems I come stronger and stronger each team, in a way it is scary

also the time between purges is alot less

[Deborah Jane]

Purging never works and like Paula says it comes back stronger each time!!

The only thing purging seems to achieve is to give us more closet space and an excuse to go shopping again when "she" comes back :)

[docrobbysherry]

I guess u r, who u r! And, buying, or throwing away clothes, doesn't really change that, does it?!:brolleyes:

[Tina B.]

You should never purge more than half of your wardrobe at a time, and then only the things that are two small, or wrong color, or way out of style(careful some things come back into style) Then when you are pulled back in, you have an excuse to shop, with out having to replace everything!
Tina

[Alice B]

It seems to me that there is no need to purge when your wife is being positive about it. Have fun with your dressing.

[Blaire]

Exactly - I don't get it? Your wife is more than accepting, she's supportive if she's buying your stuff for you. Why are you kicking the teeth from the mouth of the gift horse??

[SuzanneBender]

If your wife is comfortable with it, why would you ever purge? I'd need a dumpster if I were ever going to purge, which I can't imagine happening.

Karen


Yeah stop that nasty habit girl. I am sorry to hear about your purge, but please don't feel guilty. Its you and it seems your wife is OK with it. Go with the flow gal. You will be happier.

:hugs:Trying to hug the guilt away!

[lavistaa62]

It wasn't the usual- can't do this too risky type of purge but I had gotten dressed- looked at myself in the mirror and said "blech"- too fat, too ugly, too mannish- the whole thing. I was convinced my SO was no longer accepting or wouldn't be once she caught sight of the horror that was me.

I just took off the gear and relaxed. I haven't purged, just stop dressing up fully until the self-hate subsides by itself or I do something to actively stop it (make over or whatever).

The advice to never purge more than half your wardrobe is a good one. Another might be to buy a new wig or get a makeover aka give yourself some self-reinforcement when the pressures- internal or external- feel like they are becoming overwhelming.

Let's the next purge any of us take will be just getting ride of the ugly or out of fashion parts of our wardrobe to replace them with something better.

[Karren H]

Next time send me your things.... I'll sell them back to you way cheaper that Goodwill will! :D

[Lawren]

Thx for all the responses, ladies.

Maybe this is a good place to explain what I go through.
My dear wife has little problem with my CDing and where she does , she sets very reasonable limits so that is not why I purge. My purges stem from two reasons, religion and sex. I have some very deep seated Christian beliefs that interfere with CDing. Also, in my case, I have never been able to suppress all those sexual urges that I had as a teenage Cder. So, periodically, these two things overpower my desire to dress up and my life gets too difficult to deal with. I become highly stressed, irritable, and simply cannot live with it any longer. Some thing has to give way and I cannot remove the religion and sexual urges so the clothes have to go.
Such is my world.

[MissKara]

I know exactly what you mean. I have come from a Christian background which I left because they couldnt accept me for who I was. It was actually my pastor who said "If you dont stop this behaviour, we dont want you in our church anymore" to which I said "Ok, if you are not going to accept me who who I am, I dont want to be here", I could go on but thats another story.

My ex-gf didnt like my crossdressing either, so I decided to purge for her. I got rid of everything and it seemed to work for a month or two, but then I got the urges to buy lingere again when I was at the shops. Then it all snowballed and here I am.

I have to say that Kara is my safety blanket. When I get depressed or stressed (Which is often, which I also need to change because I had a heart attack a few months ago that was aggrovated by stress) I find comfort in jere. I think its because I feel I am escaping my life and going into her life which makes me feel at peace.

One thing you may want to look into is seeing a councelor (Preferably someone who understands us) to figure out why you are depressed and ways to get around it.

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

[Debbie37]

I've had issues with the Christian viewpoint in cding as well but then I looked at the collective Christian church (both Catholic and Protestant) and realized the system has issues of its own to contend with and mine are minor in comparison. I have since taken up the study of Paganism and Goddess worship and came across quite a few epiphanys as a result. There is more to this religion thing than what is being presented. In any case purging is bad like all the other girls have been saying and truth be told it can get crazy expensive. My heart goes out to you.

[jenna_woods]

welcomb back, glad your wife is helping bring you back,

[Mary Morgan]

Welcome back to you both. I think she deserves a big hug too!

[Frédérique]

The dreaded Purge. It failed again, of course. When I purged, I missed a few things and I couldn't resist putting them on. I don't know whether I'm more happy or more depressed over it all. At any rate, my dear wife bought me the basics for three new outfits yesterday at Goodwill so I'm back.

Your wife sounds like a saint – she heals the afflicted (you!)…:evilbegon

Purging has to be a natural occurrence, wouldn’t you say? Everyone does it in one way or another. Back in prehistoric times, when I was a young artist, I would routinely paint over my unsuccessful canvases, tear up poor drawings and destroy images I didn’t wish to look at any more. I threw out too much stuff, truth be told, and I have come to regret my iconoclastic ways. What does this have to do with crossdressing? Well, purging my visual world softened my destructive male behavior, leading me towards an increased appreciation of tactile delights. If I couldn’t paint it or draw it, I could at least wear it and feel better about the feminine feelings I’m trying to capture and embrace. I’ve purged parts of my “collection” at times, of course, but only for reasons of practicality…:sad:

I was going to write about something completely different, so please pardon my side-trip to the land of self-flagellation! Have you ever noticed that when you go into a store you haven’t visited in a while (say, a few months), they’ve sometimes changed the location or position of everything for no apparent reason? Why do they do this – are they bored? Are they just making work for the employees? I think it’s a kind of corporate purging, trying to make things look or seem new, and thus attractive to buyers, even though it’s the same stuff. I can certainly stretch a point, can’t I? Purging is a good thing…:doh:

[Charla McBee]

My last purge was the result of a move, I tried to leave it alone but then I went completely and quite literally insane. Crossdressing came to consume my dreams and then my every thought. Then, while at a hotel at the halfway point of a long car trip, when I couldn't sleep, I fired up my GPS, found the nearest walmart and started my current wardrobe. At that point I had already bought some shoes at home and I vowed never to purge again.

Some people are saying you come on stronger after a purge, well, I guess I purged one too many times because I can't do it anymore and I'm closer than I've ever been to just embracing all this, at least for myself.

[allin]

I have gone on and off several times. I still cry when I think of a lovely tweed skirt I bought at Talbots. It was lined so I didn't have to worry about a slip. It was black, grey, and blue threads with a little red line running through. I dressed it up with a ruffled steel grey blouce and black hose and black flats with a silver buckles. Oh me.

But, I persever. Iwent out tonight and stocked up. It is soooo much fun shopping at this time of year. The selaction is great and noone wonders what a male is doing in the ladies department. All the clerks ask me if I want a gift return slip. I laugh inwardly when I say, "Yes".

We do have more fun that most people.

[Charla McBee]

I can relate Allin, I had a long black skirt, a blue and white flowery sundress, and a discarded still in the package (and thus all my own) pair of fishnet stockings from one of my sister's old halloween costumes that I still miss.(also my first and only set of miniskirt and boots) Not to forget the shoes I found in our storage space in the basement, I'm still dreaming of my first flats even as I sit here in the best heels I ever bought believe it or not. None of this would fit me anymore, size 8 shoes and that dress which was already straining when I last saw it six years ago but I'm always searching for them now even as I find new and better things on my own.

[crossdrezzer1]

welcome back,,,, ridding items never fix the urge so dont do it again,,,I have done it 5 times in my days,,now I just thin out my stuff since I have sooo much...

[Brenda Freeman]

I am a Christian, in every service their is talk about forgiveness of our sins because we all sin. regardless how you feel about CDing and Christianity you are forgiven. There are churches open to all! Those that arent do not really practice what they preach,
I hope you can enjoy being you, it sounds like your wife does you are lucky their!
Welcome back there are a lot of us CD,s, Tg's in this world so the world needs to deal with it!

[Danielle76]

I, too, am a christian. It's been hard for me at times, because I also have purged many, many times, only to spend a ridiculous amount of money to buy an entire new wardrobe when I get the urge again. I've kept a stash now for quite a while, and a few months ago I was back at it again. I was dressing up every day and when I wasn't dressing up, I was thinking about it! However, for the last month or two, I haven't had the urge at all. I am still holding on to my stash, though, because when and if I get the urge again...okay, who are we kidding, WHEN I get the urge again, I don't want to have to spend several hundred dollars on bustiers, stockings, dresses, wigs, breastforms....AGAIN. I look at it like this: This sin, if any, is in your heart, not in the mere possession of the clothes. Getting rid of a stash won't remove the sin out of your heart. Purging out of pure emotion is never a good idea, anyway. You have to wait until your head is totally clear and free of emotion, whether good or bad, then decide your course of action out of pure logic. Even though I haven't had an urge for a while, I still hold on to it because it doesn't help anything to throw it away when you're just going to buy the stuff again. If God removes this desire from my heart completely, which is what I suspect may be happening to me right now, THEN and ONLY THEN will I throw it all away. Purging should ONLY be the side effect of the desire being removed from your heart. It should NOT be an action to try to provoke the desire away from your heart. It never works that way....

Wait for God to tell you to purge with such strong conviction that you can't possibly ignore it, THEN toss it.

My two cents, anyway...

[rocketscientist]

I just have to reply to Miss Kara's post. Your pastor is a bigot and is not doing the Lords work. Any pastor who does not accept all of the Lords children as they are should not be doing their job. He is letting his own prejudices overshadow his supposed purpose. You are better off without them. As for purging, if you feel the need, do what i have done b4: Put all of your stuff in boxes and seal them and hide them in the basement. Then after a day,week,month, whatever.... when you get the urge, you'll still have all your stuff! Call it a Mini-purge!

[Lawren]

I just have to reply to Miss Kara's post. Your pastor is a bigot and is not doing the Lords work. Any pastor who does not accept all of the Lords children as they are should not be doing their job. He is letting his own prejudices overshadow his supposed purpose. You are better off without them. As for purging, if you feel the need, do what i have done b4: Put all of your stuff in boxes and seal them and hide them in the basement. Then after a day,week,month, whatever.... when you get the urge, you'll still have all your stuff! Call it a Mini-purge!

Ladies, please. Let's not get into a mudslinging contest. It is not about whether her pastor is right or wrong. It is about how I apply The Lord's word to my life and periodically it all overwhelms me and I do what I feel I must do.