AKAMichelle
12-18-2009, 10:47 AM
I have owned my own business for 25+ years. I long ago forgot how to work for anybody else. 3 years ago I lost almost everything I had because of partners stealing. It wasn't the first time that I lost most of my possessions, but it was the worst. 2 times before I lost almost everything I had only to rebuild bigger and better. This time was much different. The damage was much deeper.
Their actions caused a cascade of events which were very devastating to me. It pushed me to the point of seriously considering suicide. I thought about it for almost 2 years. Nothing helped. Then in January 2008 I got up the courage to tell my wife about my crossdressing. That didn't go very well as you can tell from some of my postings. In June 2008 we separated. At first this separation was like many of the other separations in our marriage ( 8 in total now), we would separate for awhile and then work things out. This one turned out to be much different. My life was at a crossroads and I needed to find my way. I took the time alone to finally deal with me.
I started getting at the root cause of my depression. It was FEAR! I have never been afraid. I had been in business for over 25 years. Fear was something which I didn't know how to conquer because I had never had it. I was the kind of person who would cold call strangers looking for business. Now I was scared. So in August 2008 I decided to try and find other crossdressers. I joined the local Tri-Ess group and finally got to meet a cd'er which I had been wanting to talk with for 2 years. Through several conversations Datti (other Cd'er) convinced me to confront my fears and I did. I still remember vividly that night that I walked out of the house fully dressed. It was terrible. I was so scared. I was read almost immediately. Through my survival I began to get my backbone back. At first going shopping in a nearby city to movies, shopping, mall, and eating out in my neighborhood. Meeting other Cd'ers and finding friends who were accepting. In one short year I had found myself and began to recover my business.
During that year of crossdressing whenever I wanted, I found the confidence to do whatever I needed. I started growing my business back to a reasonable level. Even as we were going deeper into a recession, my business was recovering. Because I got over my fear and started calling other businesses looking for work, I finally met 2 other business owners who are now becoming partners with me. We are doing a project together that I have been trying to complete for 10 years. Next week we will sign contracts with the first payments coming in January and continuing for 1 year. In 6 months I will complete most of what I have been trying to complete for the last 10 years.
In several years from now, I may own an international company. My business will have grown far bigger than ever expected. Don't be afraid. Fear is a very powerful set of ball and chains. It will crush your dreams and cause you to live only part of your life. I am enclosing a poem which has meant a lot to me over the years. I hope it will help someone else live their life to the fullest.
LAW OF AUTOSUGGESTION
If you think you are beaten, you are,
If you think you dare not, you don’t,
If you like to win, but think you can’t,
It is almost certain you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost,
For out in the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow’s will-
Its all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or later the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!
Unknown Author
It all began because I walked out of the house dressed one night in August 2008.
Their actions caused a cascade of events which were very devastating to me. It pushed me to the point of seriously considering suicide. I thought about it for almost 2 years. Nothing helped. Then in January 2008 I got up the courage to tell my wife about my crossdressing. That didn't go very well as you can tell from some of my postings. In June 2008 we separated. At first this separation was like many of the other separations in our marriage ( 8 in total now), we would separate for awhile and then work things out. This one turned out to be much different. My life was at a crossroads and I needed to find my way. I took the time alone to finally deal with me.
I started getting at the root cause of my depression. It was FEAR! I have never been afraid. I had been in business for over 25 years. Fear was something which I didn't know how to conquer because I had never had it. I was the kind of person who would cold call strangers looking for business. Now I was scared. So in August 2008 I decided to try and find other crossdressers. I joined the local Tri-Ess group and finally got to meet a cd'er which I had been wanting to talk with for 2 years. Through several conversations Datti (other Cd'er) convinced me to confront my fears and I did. I still remember vividly that night that I walked out of the house fully dressed. It was terrible. I was so scared. I was read almost immediately. Through my survival I began to get my backbone back. At first going shopping in a nearby city to movies, shopping, mall, and eating out in my neighborhood. Meeting other Cd'ers and finding friends who were accepting. In one short year I had found myself and began to recover my business.
During that year of crossdressing whenever I wanted, I found the confidence to do whatever I needed. I started growing my business back to a reasonable level. Even as we were going deeper into a recession, my business was recovering. Because I got over my fear and started calling other businesses looking for work, I finally met 2 other business owners who are now becoming partners with me. We are doing a project together that I have been trying to complete for 10 years. Next week we will sign contracts with the first payments coming in January and continuing for 1 year. In 6 months I will complete most of what I have been trying to complete for the last 10 years.
In several years from now, I may own an international company. My business will have grown far bigger than ever expected. Don't be afraid. Fear is a very powerful set of ball and chains. It will crush your dreams and cause you to live only part of your life. I am enclosing a poem which has meant a lot to me over the years. I hope it will help someone else live their life to the fullest.
LAW OF AUTOSUGGESTION
If you think you are beaten, you are,
If you think you dare not, you don’t,
If you like to win, but think you can’t,
It is almost certain you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost,
For out in the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow’s will-
Its all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or later the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!
Unknown Author
It all began because I walked out of the house dressed one night in August 2008.