Is it "I don't care", "internal acceptance"...

[Sherry-Stephanie]

or whatever you can describe the feeling as (being comfortable with your female side and in public as well) but there comes a time where you realize and accept your female side and simple are OK with it and don't ahve a problem sharing it with anyone...

How long did it take you to reach that point????

For me it's been the past several months to where I go out dressed and feel as normal doing that as I do going out in guy mode....

The other day I went and got a pedicure in male mode but had my nails painted and didn't bat an eye...even had another customer (female) there pick out my polish...then we sat talking about a variety of topics while our nails dried...

Share with us so the new girls who haven't come out yet will get some encouragement from us who are out and about...

[docrobbysherry]

I could NEVER, in a million years go out dressed, without feeling weird, awkward, and apprehensive! Unless I was SURE I could ACTUALLY PASS!:brolleyes:

[sherri52]

Sherry You went to SCC for the week. Surely you have to call that going out.
For me it was back in the seventies. I was out enfemme in my car and out of the blue I decided to park on Beacon Hill in Boston and walk through the park and down to copley square for coffee. It was then that I just said the heck with it and was going to have fun. I did and I have many times since and with muscular legs I am not going to pass. If the skirt is long enough and I am made out to the nines I can get by with only half the people knowing. My voice kills me every time.

[Schatten Lupus]

I've worked up the courage to come out, mainly to my family for now, but the timing is just not good right now, and I'm sure my courage will fade and I'll have to build it back up again. It's been a cycle for me for about the last six months or so now.

[jenna_woods]

for me I been dressing for about 10 years, been going out most of that time in public, now I am very comfortable with my self dressed in public, and yes its because I really don't care any more if anyone knows,

[Rogina B]

Really it is all about presenting your best and having a thick skin...Sure,someone may have a laugh at your expense..so what?Most people will accept you for what you are and if they don't,hell with them.It isn't like people grab the pitchforks and light the torches!! So,they got to see or meet a tranny..gave them something to talk about.You have to steer your own boat!:2c:

[LACD]

I'm "out" to my wife and that's it. I would love to go out dressed as I would like but I think it would scare to many people. I'm working on it but at my age I don't think my femme side will see the world. I accept what I am. My Dear Wife accepts me also. And that's that.:)

[sandra-leigh]

there comes a time where you realize and accept your female side and simple are OK with it and don't ahve a problem sharing it with anyone...

How long did it take you to reach that point????


"How long" implies that you have a starting point to measure from. I was past 40 before I realized that I wanted to actually wear woman's clothes, not just "try it on to get a better idea of how it would look on my wife" (or what-ever excuse I made to myself). That was slightly over 5 years ago: should we measure from that point, or should we also count the ~30 years before that when I first started experimenting?

I found it relatively easy to go to malls and other busy places wearing something obviously "female" (usually a skirt at the beginning), and easier still to openly shop for myself when I was in drab, at least for outerwear such as skirts and tops. Openly shopping for a dress was a little harder on me but not a burden. Openly wearing a dress without a wig was harder... I had to practice by talking walks along railway lines and walking back through an adjoining residential street near dusk.

The more the person was a stranger, the less I cared two hoots about being seen. The further away from home or work, the easier it was for me. The harder part that took practice and effort was in bringing my dressing closer to home, especially in being seen in the places that I went more frequently and was known in guy mode, the more so if it was somewhere I had often been with my wife. Though it varied -- for example, I never cared what my neighbours directly across the road thought, as I speak to them less than once a year and only briefly at that. I did care about what an elderly neighbour two doors down thought; she trusted so few people that it would have been cruel to have possibly disappointed her.

Along the same line, that it is easier to tell a stranger than someone you know: it was only at the end of June of this year that I finally told my sister and (a few days later) my mother and (about two weeks later) my best friend.

Since then... before then, even... it hasn't been much of a secret from the world at large... but that doesn't mean I tell everyone.

I did choose this fall not to tell someone I've been friends with since high school (and half knew from the neighbourhood and the school yard since I started going to school.) He gave me an opening, asked about my significance of my appearance, and I just said it was "self-expression". Why didn't I tell him? Shrug... No percentage in telling him. We have been drifting apart for the last 20 years; telling him wouldn't bring us any closer.

Certain events in the last few months have convinced me that officially coming out at work would not be a good idea. It wouldn't be the dressing itself that would be the problem; rather, it would not be taken well that I "disturbed the peace" and caused management time and effort to be expended on something other than our work. I would certainly be within my contracted and legal rights to start openly cross-dressing at work, but things are tense at work because of our financial situation, and the smart worker knows when it isn't a good time to bring oneself to official scrutiny.

[Alice Torn]

At six foot six, I stick out even a a guy! As lady, i REALLy stick out, and attract good, and bad attention. So, i have only been out once or twice a year, and not around where i live, because hundreds would recognize me.

[AllieSF]

I have been going out dressed en femme for about 3 years. I think that from almost the beginning, once out and in my comfort zone, I was totally at ease with myself. Over these last 3 years I have become more confident and accepting about how I look. Since for now I am only a CD, it has nothing to do with my accepting my female side. We are all born with male and female genes and "sides" with one of those normally dominating in sync with our bady parts. Yes, when I dress and go out I am emphasizing that female side of me, I do not feel like a female inside, mentally nor emotionally. I am still me as I always was with just a different set of clothes on. I probably reached a nice comfortable plateau about 1 1/2 years into all this. Every time I go out I just feel more comfortable and confident. I now prefer the mainstream venues over the specifically T friendly ones including being the only T person in the places I go (well me and my friends of course).

[Paula_56]

I am getting close, last month in Denver, It was late amd I wanted dinner, it would have been an hour, back to the hotel change and then go out to eat.

So I sat in the OUtback parkinglot and just said go, I did it
I was read by the hostess treated well, I had a nice dinner and went back to the hotrl

since then I go into Fashsion bug or the cosmetic counter and just tell them it's for me. Iam glad to say it.

So maybe I have reached it if not I am on the edge

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I guess what I was thinking here or looking for and your comments brought it forward is we're scared to death early on at even the thought of going outside (or at least the vast majority of us are) after we realize we're going to do this dressing thing here on out or at least for awhile...

We're affraid that as soon as we step out in public everyone is going to realize we're "dressers" and start pointing and mocking us etc....but the most of the time they don't even notice us let along realize we're dressing....

So we go out a few more times and each time we get a bit more comfortable until it gets comfortable and we develop and re-enforce our comfort zone....and when we do get a start or off comment it's no big deal and it doesn't send us running inside again...

Yes we go and try on women's shoes or buy a top and make a comment to the SA that it IS for ourselves...or we go and get a pedicure and have our toes painted...or we get our ears pieced and say "I'm going to love wearing dangling earrings"...and mean it to the SA....

That's not saying that we don't tell everyone...but if it comes up in conversation we might tell a stranger or somewhere we meet shopping or at a club obviously....we might discuss why we dress and in doing so they're OK with it or appear to be OK with it...

So there's a lot of progressing or moving forward that occures in our jouney here....but at some point intime it goes from shear fear to a much more comfort level that allows us to be out and free to move about in the public and actually get to enjoy the whole 100% expereince....changes for all of us as to when, but it's similar as we go through this process/journey for each of us....at least that's my thinking here....

[Charla McBee]

I'm coming to accept myself with myself. This feels natural and wonderful and I'm alright with me, even to the point of shopping in public. But I'm never going to tell my family unless they bring it up first and the only friend I would tell is a long gone ex 1,000 miles away. I will go out in public at this point if I have backup and I'm someplace I've never been but that's going to require either living on my own first or a damn good excuse to wander off and pay for a hotel somewhere. Of course, this could be my Smirnoff party pack talking but if that is all I need in the future to hang out with some of you in a safe and distant place, so be it.

[MissKara]

He proccess is still ongoing. I am slowly making me way out. The other day I went out in black tracksuit pants with pink stripes on the side. It was the first time I had ever been out with anything remotely like that.

Lots of love,
Miss Kara

[KristinSkye]

[QUOTE=Sherry-Stephanie;1977655]
For me it's been the past several months to where I go out dressed and feel as normal doing that as I do going out in guy mode....

The other day I went and got a pedicure in male mode but had my nails painted and didn't bat an eye...even had another customer (female) there pick out my polish...then we sat talking about a variety of topics while our nails dried...
[QUOTE]

This is exactly where I would like to be, but it is definitely taking a while to get there. I think things might speed up once I open myself to my SO though.

[sandra-leigh]

we're scared to death early on at even the thought of going outside (or at least the vast majority of us are) after we realize we're going to do this dressing thing here on out or at least for awhile...

We're affraid that as soon as we step out in public everyone is going to realize we're "dressers" and start pointing and mocking us etc....

I don't disagree with anything you wrote. I just happened to be in the relatively small minority that doesn't match the typical pattern.

The moment I realized I wanted to actually wear woman's clothes was the same moment that I mentally continued the thought with "In public". And I expected to get pointed at and told what I was doing was wrong -- and I didn't care. Complete strangers (and some school-mates) had been yelling homophobic slurs at me since at least grade 5; since the pubic was going to judge me in willful ignorance no matter what I did, I was free to do what I wanted. Who was it that said, "If you have a bad reputation, you might as well enjoy it!" ?

What I didn't expect was the amount of tolerance and acceptance I got. What I didn't expect was that I would actually get along with individuals and society better by being myself. I guess it's like the old song, "When you smile, the whole world smiles with you."