Do you dress more strongly in public than private?

[sandra-leigh]

My wife is away for about a week. Oh, what to do? :daydreaming: I know, I could Dress Up At Home every night! :devil:

Okay, so why aren't I? Why haven't I been changing into a skirt or dress the moment I get home??

Sure, I have been putting on my black satin nightie for bed -- but I've been wearing some "lounge wear" (a stretchy cotton dress) to bed or around the house in the morning for a few months, so the black nightie is more a matter of degree rather than of fact.

But beyond that... I just haven't really felt overly like ramping up. I could be going out. I could be practicing my makeup. I could be going through and trying on all my clothes and figuring out which ones are now too big for me. I could take the opportunity to sort through all of my clothes, separate into proper bins, get rid of the ones I don't want anymore... and so on. But I'm not.

In thinking a bit about the matter this morning (after describing the situation to my gender therapist yesterday), and remembering that in the past, when my wife was away, I usually haven't dived into dressing, I came up with a possible explanation.

Question: Why do I often feel more strongly about dressing up in public than in private? Why do I often forget about what I'm wearing when I'm in the middle of my (solitary) computer work at work or at home, but remember (and again feel the urge to dress) when I stop my work?

Possible Answer: Because dressing is a manifestation of gender. Remember the difference between gender and sex: gender is usually defined in terms of "roles" -- and "roles" imply interaction with other people. Thus, dressing more strongly in public becomes more important to me because doing so is (amongst other aspects) a mechanism for signaling my desired interactive roles and interpretations of me. But when I'm alone at home or deep in thought in my computer work, I am not interacting with other people (at least not in a way in which what I have on is serving as a signal of anything.)


I do not mean to imply that the above is a complete answer; obviously the situation is more complicated than this. This hypothesis is, though, interesting to think about.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Opportunity may play a factor as well....with opportunity only being available at home and when alone then one would dress when one could....but if opportunity to do so at home as well as going out then going out will require great effort to be more complete...as in all dressed up...where home now becomes more casual time to dress femme....I'll wear a pair of woman's jeans and heels around the house and feel fine...goign out though requires the wig makeup nails etc....or the complete look...be it all dressed up or even just casual dressing to go shopping...I'd never think of going out in jeans and heels and that's all the girl stuff....JMHO...YMMV

[cdLainie]

I would kill for a week to be dressed all day. right now it's just a couple hour's at night and in the morning and even then I can't just go walking around(damn roommates).

[Sally2005]

The only time that happens to me is when there is some chore I need to which is easier done in male mode or required to do it that way. It could be also that you have some free time which you could either burn up by playing with the gender activities or you could use the time to do something else you usually can't do when your SO is around...maybe you just feel a little guilty about not getting those other things done.

[Alice Torn]

The first times i went out, over three days, I dressed very provocatively, in a very short black and white dress, dark hose, 4 inch black pateny leather pumps. Since then, when i go out, which is seldom, I dress a bit more conservatively, but still attractive. The photo, is the dress i wore my first long time out.

[SuzanneBender]

Sandra I think your possible answer is very plausable. You are the only one that really knows the answer to the question.

Dressing takes work and lets face it not matter the gender we are human and sometimes just want to put our feet up, turn on the tube, pour a class of wine and relax! We have a need every now and then to recharge the batteries. Sometimes recharging involves dressing to kill and sometimes it involves dressing to chill or just performing our femme role without even being dressed.

I used to take every opportunity to throw on the cute sexy clothes especially when I was closeted, now that need has faded. I am good with just dabbing on a little makeup, grabbing a low maintenance wig, a pair of jeans or shorts and a sweater and chilling out if I am not going out.

[ReineD]

Question: Why do I often feel more strongly about dressing up in public than in private?

My opinion is based on personal observation, and talks with my SO and others. There is a progression to the development of the femme self. It begins very much as a solitary, hidden thing, often sexual. Then a personality or style develops along with a desire to go out, but there is abject fear over taking this first step for most CDs. So many of the first outings are clandestine; late night drives to gas stations, solitary walks around the block.

But eventually the urge to develop beyond the one-dimensional persona (staying at home alone) becomes strong and the desire to interact with others takes hold. It makes sense since social interaction is a healthy desire for a multi-faceted personality. So once going out to safe places (TG support groups or clubs) has been mastered, the next step is to go out in the mainstream and meet/interact with people who only know the femme mode. After a while, it just gets boring to stay home alone and I agree it would be easy to forget what you've got on.
:2c:

[Kate Simmons]

The simple answer is that the less seriously we take ourselves (either way), the easier things are.:)

[Brenda Freeman]

I love wearing womens clothes but getting ready with make up and the works takes alot of time and effort, so I have to be in the right mood to get fully dressed. I do not get real dressed up very often. I think GG's feel the same way! I would love to have a full week to myself to see what I would do with it though!

[Frédérique]

Remember the difference between gender and sex: gender is usually defined in terms of "roles" -- and "roles" imply interaction with other people. Thus, dressing more strongly in public becomes more important to me because doing so is (amongst other aspects) a mechanism for signaling my desired interactive roles and interpretations of me. But when I'm alone at home or deep in thought in my computer work, I am not interacting with other people (at least not in a way in which what I have on is serving as a signal of anything.)

This may explain why I dress to remain somewhat invisible in public, no matter what gender I’m putting forward on any given day. To me, dressing is a private act, and I dress for my own pleasure in an environment of my choosing. As soon as I go outside, however, everything becomes problematic. I wish to be dressed and carry my feminine “shell” with me, for reasons of personal comfort and well-being, but I never think about “signaling” my interactive gender roles to others. I know I’m different, so that is good enough for me – my femme camouflage allows me to blend in just enough to enhance any experience out in the world at large. I would prefer to be at home, however, where I don’t have to worry about the intangibles at all. Luckily, I interact with people chiefly through my artwork, so my crossdressing can remain somewhat hidden and chaste, even when I’m deep in thought in my computer work…:battingeyelashes:

PS – Sandra, I love your well thought-out threads and posts…:)

[Karren H]

Sandra I think your possible answer is very plausable. You are the only one that really knows the answer to the question.
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You watch too much Myth Busters! lol

[sherri52]

I dress every night. The difference is I don't do the nines. I will put on all the clothes and lipstick but usually don't do the rest of the makeup. When we don't expect to see others, we don't dress completely. It also allows for a quicker change back when unexpected quests show up.