A thought on approaching transgendered people

[KateW]

Hi girls,

Outside of this forum, I don't really speak to anyone from the transgendered community, with one exception. A girl was featured on a BBC documentary a couple of years ago, and they followed her transition and eventual SRS. I recently got in contact with her and after many general conversations, recently opened up about myself to her about who I was too. Interestingly, instead of wanting to discuss it, she just said that it was in her past and she didn't want to dig up old feelings again before she transitioned. She politely suggested I contact the beamont society and then changed the subject. I wasn't really looking for therapy or even advice, but just assumed she'd be happy to talk about it as she had done on tv.

Its funny because I have got so used to talking to everyone on here and looking out for rubber bands every friday, that I didn't consider that people that really transition don't want to stay in the transgendered category, or necessarily even talk about it, because in their minds - quite rightly too, they are real women.

I have seen another transgendered person several times in shops near where I live, and haven't yet plucked up the courage to talk to her. However, thinking about it, she may not even want to be approached about it or recognised as transgendered. I know a lot of people are strong spokeswomen and happy to talk about it, but this has drawn me to the conclusion that its better to just smile and leave them about their business. Unless of course they are wearing a rubber band, then we are going shopping!

Kate xxx

[Karren H]

In my humble opinion, just seems to me that I like to talk about crossdressing because its what I like to do.. Right now... But someone who has transitioned is now a woman.. Right now and would probably rather talk about woman things? (What ever those are? Lol) ...

Transitioning isn't what she was interested in doing as a past time or a hobby or a life style.... but just the process it took to get to where she wanted to be!

Would be like asking me about being young or how I enjoyed being born! Lol. "Ohh yeah.. Was kind a dark and moist then. Boom.... Bright lights and some guy in a mask smacked me on the but!! I'd do it again in a heart beat given the chance". :D

[jenniferj]

Very well put, Karren!

But aren't you still young? I am!:daydreaming:

-jj

[Karren H]

Very well put, Karren!

But aren't you still young? I am!:daydreaming:

-jj

Only in my mind... Sigh....

[Nicole Erin]

Every so often I see TG women out. If it is specifically a TG event then yeah talking about it is fair game, as they are "out" out, like me at events.
But if it is anywhere else, I do enjoy chatting with them, but I don't bring up the TG thing.


[Young] Only in my mind... Sigh....
You play hockey and are in better shape and a lot of folks even my age...
Besides, you will live to be 100, you are too fiesty NOT to. :heehee:

[Karren H]

You play hockey and are in better shape and a lot of folks even my age...
Besides, you will live to be 100, you are too fiesty NOT to. :heehee:

Wonder if the old folks home has a sled hockey team? Lol. The acturarial study used to calculate my pension uses 83.5 and I'd be happy with that! :)

[Teri Jean]

Karren,

If you are young only in your mind and love to dress as a woman you must be the young woman crossdressing as a coal miner. Confussed yet? Keep your stick on the ice.

Teri, Don't make me laugh so hard, it's hard enough to stand on ice skates.

[carolinoakland]

Well, you can never tell if they are stealth or not. I met another transwoman at a party of other transwomen and we exchanged email addy's. And pretty much shot down any offer of conversation or interaction as outting herself. She said that she'd been transitioned and living stealth for a decade and the last thing she wanted to do was hang out with another transwoman and out herself. I was laughing for days. I haven't met a FAB yet who was afraid that if we were seen in public together people would think that she was a TS. Proving once again that I see stealth as trading the closet for a prison of fear. Carol

[KateW]

Well, you can never tell if they are stealth or not. I met another transwoman at a party of other transwomen and we exchanged email addy's. And pretty much shot down any offer of conversation or interaction as outting herself. She said that she'd been transitioned and living stealth for a decade and the last thing she wanted to do was hang out with another transwoman and out herself. I was laughing for days. I haven't met a FAB yet who was afraid that if we were seen in public together people would think that she was a TS. Proving once again that I see stealth as trading the closet for a prison of fear. Carol

Indeed. This is why its going to be impossible for us to ever raise awareness and understanding for the transgendered community, because the ones that have integrated well and not seen as characatures of women don't actually want to be identified.

[Kate Simmons]

I dunno, even if it's obvious I always treat a person as who they are as a person. What they are never enters into it unless they want to talk about it.:)

[sherri52]

Once you have completed the transformation you are no longer trans you are a woman or man for the ftm's.

[pamela_a]

I have seen another transgendered person several times in shops near where I live, and haven't yet plucked up the courage to talk to her

You're absolutely 100% sure she's trans right? You've seen her ID and it's a male name and gender designation with her picture on it? You've looked under her skirt and discovered she pre-op or non-op?

Assuming you're right and she is/was TG, what are you planning on talking about? If you see her regularly is she living full time? So you want to do what, help her dredge up a painful past? Perhaps she's early in her RLE and her confidence is still somewhat fragile now you come along and, not meaning to of course, shatter what confidence she has built up?

How would you approach any other stranger you meet? She's no different and should be treated as you would any other woman. What would you say and why?

I know this is a bad example but it's the best I can come up with at the moment. If you had siezures and knew someone else did too but you didn't know them personally would you be drawn to talk to them and ask them about their seizures?

She is a woman and a person just like anyone else and deserves to be treated as such. If she's standing on a soap box proclaiming to the world she's trans that's one thing. If she's just trying to live her life like any other woman, like any other person, that's a completely different thing.

[joanlynn28]

No comment, my avatar says it all

[linnea]

I think that she's probably protecting herself from inquiries and requests for advice even though you have said you weren't looking for advice. You might meet another much like her who would be willing to talk freely about whatever your conversation included.

[Karren H]

No comment, my avatar says it all

Which is? For us non-avatar readers!

[KateW]

You're absolutely 100% sure she's trans right? You've seen her ID and it's a male name and gender designation with her picture on it?

lol yes I'm 100% sure. She's actually quite well known in these parts as she runs a bar. Shes even been interviewed in a local newspaper where it listed her old name.

I wasn't looking to talk to her about anything in particular. Its just that she is the first trans person I have identified that lives near me and itd be great to have a like-minded friend. As I previously summerised however, I don't actually plan to approach her as I realise that she'd probably prefer to blend in and wouldn't appreciate me talking to her.

I have plenty of fantastic people to talk to here though, so I don't really mind! :hugs:

[kellycan27]

My good friend SamanthaM posted this video some time ago, by Calpernia on what not to ask a transexual. I think it says a lot.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjqsB1huDxg

[KateW]

My good friend SamanthaM posted this video some time ago, by Calpernia on what not to ask a transexual. I think it says a lot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjqsB1huDxg

great video - thanks for sharing Kelly! x

[tamarav]

I do not define myself as a transitioning person, I am merely a crossdresser who has worked at it and gotten a job as a legitimate woman. I am working at a fragrance counter at Macy's over the holiday season and this post sort of brought this thought closer to home.

Over the past couple of weeks I have met a few CDs who have dropped by and bought perfume or just talked for a bit. Most were very respectful of a sister CD trying to work a legitimate job and appearing and acting feminine. However, one of my "customers" dropped by and since we are all so damn observant, realized I was a CD or already knew it and wanted to talk about it.

"He", and he was definitely appearing as a "man's man" stood there and talked in a loud tone telling me that he liked to wear a certain brand of womens hose and that only those really fit him well. Then he asked what color panties I was wearing.

With that I came out from behind the counter, grabbed his arm in a not-too-friendly manner (you do recall I still possess a third degree black belt and generally am not to worried about defending myself even though he was twice my size) and basically walked him out the store and told him not to ever confront me again, either in public or in a club. I did not appreaciate having him get his jolleys at my expense. He started to turn on me and I gently put him on his knees and told him to get lost. He whimpered and left without saying anymore.

This may have been an extreme version of the "talking to another CD in person" version, but the idea is the same.

We as CDs share a great deal, but use some common sense for God's sake. The pink fog does not extend around everybody in your presence and you do not need to explain your proclivities to all.

To the other ladies that dropped by, either dressed or not, I appreciate your thoughtfulness and common sense for acting appropriately. What is wrong with some of our sisters?

I am not one to be inclined to stand around and discuss panty color, I don't even wear them...

That is my take on this thought, just use some common sense when approaching anyone, CD or not.

[KateW]

I think that its fantastic that you have got a job at Macy's and have been so readily accepted by everyone. You also make a good point - be aware that the lady may know karate!

[Brooke Smith]

Tamara,you where far too kind,that was no sister,that was a jerk.