Another crazy story

[Kaitlyn Michele]

OK so here goes...i don't know if I handled this the way I would have wanted ....but here's what happened...

I had a minor car accident in late Sep...i finally got around to getting the car to a body shop....i still have all male ID until Jan 22....the body shop was fine...no questions just business..i was in a good mood...

the bad news is that my car is in for at least a week...so i had to rent a car...so zzzz Car Rental comes to pick me up and take me to the Rental Center...it's small and there are 4 folks at the counter..and a couple in the office....i get all set up and the girl at the counter looks at my id, and i smile and explain and she leaves and comes back...

she comes back and says sorry --- we can't rent u a car...you don't look like your id....!!!!! uhoh...at first i thought this would be easily fixable but she wouldnt budge...there were people in the center and it was getting uncomfortable and i asked to talk to her manager...no help so i asked to talk to the mgr boss....5 minutes later they hand me a phone...sorry...can't do it...sorry ...you can imagine that people defraud car rental co's...sorry...so finally I say

in a deep booming voice in front of 10 people...DO I SOUND LIKE A FU>>>ING WOMAN TO YOU????.....talk about dead silence...sooooo...he says he has to call back.....i added to my comment that if i left with no car, that I would be back and that he would be paying me.....he didnt like that...heh

so 10 minutes i sat there surrounded by people that are witnessing this...and finally he calls and apologizes and tells me that i'd be surprised at how many people steal their cars, and that he believed me and that he was sorry i had to raise my voice...

i told him that actually i understood the issue, and i'm very happy to get the car and after that it was all business...the woman who started it all followed up with the paperwork, called me Kate, called me maam and was totally casual about it afterwards...

walking out to the car, i stopped her and said I wanted her to know how terribly awful that felt to me to have to do that....she was truly apologetic and said if i stole the car then she would be fired and she didnt expect her manager to say no too....she added that I really don't look even remotely like a man and that caused her the concern.....(she knew just what to say!!! LOL)

so that's another day in my boring transition

[AllieSF]

I think that you did just fine. Sometimes taking it to another level, and I do not mean management but voice and tone, is definitely needed. I especially like what you told the girl when you went out to get your car. I believe her too and think that she felt bad and will share what you said with the others so that they think twice in the future about mistreating others like they did you. Sometimes, in similar situations (in drab) not only do I get what I wanted and asked so politely for in the beginning, I also get that special satisfaction of taking it up a notch once in awhile.

[Faith_G]

I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble passing as a man, Kate. :devil:

I think you did what needed to be done, and I'm sorry you had to do it. I'm sure that was the last thing you wanted to say. :(

[sherri52]

Kaitlyn it's too bad you had to act like a man to get what you wanted. I would have taken care of the pretty women in the first place.

[LisaM]

Kaitlyn,

I am so amazed by what you and others have to go through to transition. I wish I had your strength.

[Hope]

Sooo... this is your way of bragging about how well you pass?

We are all a sufficient shade of moss already.

I think I would have died. Or at least started crying. It was particularly great of you to confront the girl on your way out.

Kudos.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

hehe

I don't talk about all the wonderful non passing I do!! :heehee:

my worst one this week was at the barnes and noble checkout...as soon as i got the triple take and look away move..she stayed very professional but must've said maam like 5 times

i became so self conscious, but i am getting better at just ignoring any looks I get.

[Veronica_Jean]

Kate,

Interesting story, and perhaps a lesson? Did you happen to have a letter or other documentation showing you are in transition from a therapist or doctor? Perhaps a copy of the legal paperwork showing the name change etc, that is in the works?

I know I don't carry any of that around in my purse either, but for people like the girl at the car rental that are sincerely trying to do the right thing I can't help but wonder if some of that would make a difference.

Congratulations on passing so well in any case.

Veronica

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Veronica
that is excellent advice

i have a notice of name change that got posted in the paper and i have the sealed document from the county...

i am taking amtrak to ny for a job interview and i also need to get thru security in the building in manhattan....i'm going to bring that paper and maybe that will help me if i hit a problem

thnx!!!
kate

[stacie]

Always carry all your papers about your name change and even the ones your therapist gives you. While I was transitioning and during my body changes I always had them with me and I also updated my drives licence a few timse. Most times I told the BMV I lost my licence and I got a new one. Good luck in your transition.

[Beth-Lock]

It seems that more and more photo id's are demanded. It is a worrisome development. I even noted that to get an updated cable box here, (it was free), from the cable company, the literature said you needed photo id. Luckily I did not see that notice, and they did not ask for photo-id either.
When I went for my H1N1 flue shot they wanted photo-id. So it was one of the rare times when I went anywhere dressed as a man. But it was embarrassing, since further up in the line-up was someone that knows me and I would be embarrassed to be spotted dressed as a man.

[Zenith]

Yeah when I went through Logan about a month and a half ago...I got a "turn this way ma'am...now turn the other...now look up..." :thinking: Then got through the checkpoint...

I look even less like my ID now ... this is a problem but a good one...:heehee:

[Melissa A.]

Good job, kate. You were exceedingly patient until the time came to make a stand. You did exactly what I feel I would have done. In fact, once I hit the "booming voice" point, I maybe would not have been as gracious as you subsequently were, so bravo-I guess no one was being intentionally transphobic, in this case, but in the moment, it can be difficult to understand that. Your story is a lesson to me. I lost my carry letter a while ago, and havent quite started the name change process yet(after the new year). I suppose I ought to write my therapist and get a copy. I really dont think about it much, and haven't yet had any real difficulties. But ya never know, and my liscense piccie, which is from like 2001, looks like a different person! Nice job, sis.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Jennifer in CO]

Carry a copy of your letter with a copy of your 'former' drivers license on the other side or on the lower part of the letter. Back when I transitioned I never considered it an issue as I only had a gas card for credit. BUT, when I went to get my drivers license renewed, the girl standing in front of the gal at the Dept of Safety only bore a family resemblance to the guy in the photo. Thankfully it was a slow day and she had a few minutes to give me instructions as I explained the situation. Since I had nothing 'legal' to indicate a gender change, she recommended I get a letter from my doctor, then take that letter to an attorney who could get it before a judge. The judge could issue a bench statement saying I was in process of a gender change but until it was complete (this was Texas in 1981) I could not change my name on my license but she could then issue me a state approved ID with my female name (and photo) on it. My license at that moment? She handed me a rubber band and I pulled my hair back into a tight ponytail and she took the picture...

Jenn

[Sally24]

You know you don't have to wait for the gender marker change or official name change to get a new picture taken for your id. I would think that a female appearing picture would make you much more comfortable in situations like this. I'm sure your DMV is like most and would waste an hour or two of your time but might be worth it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Sally-- thanks much
you are right...

I have my official name change coming in mid Jan, and have had been focused on that date for all the "id" related issues.

I just never thought of the fact that I could get my new pic on my id prior to the name change..:doh:

[carolinoakland]

I struggle with the voice thing as I have to stage manage, how'd you like that challenge of testing mic's on a live pa with 10,000 people watching and listening. It sure focus' me! Demeanor and poise are my best weapons and shield. Carol

[melissaK]

Love the story.
hugs,
'lisa