Is It Time?

[Jannis]

I am a long time CDer (since age 8) but have gone through many periods of time in my teens and early twenties when I abstained from dressing due to more masculine activities. Since then, however, I have been dressing periodically in private and occasionally, venturing out in selected public places. Fast forward to present. I am still dressing in the closet, but now I have been married for 3 years and want to talk to my wife about these desires I have to dress more frequently, and more fully. She seems to know I have a few femme traits. She knows I like to wear trouser stockings daily. I get my feet pedicured and toes painted a light pink usually. She makes my appointments at the salon. I have been growing my hair out, which she tolerates and, finally, she is encouraging me to get my ears pierced. On the flip side, whenever she sees a male in public trying on women's shoes, or carrying a purse or anything else overtly feminine, she makes a disparaging comment. I am confused as to her degree of acceptance. Lately, I have been in a pink fog when left alone and the urge to dress is unusually strong. I want to tell her about this, but I am afraid she will not be very accepting, and I will lose the ground I have gained thus far. I believe I can make some small gains over time with her, but she really doesn't know how far I want to go with my dressing. What are your thoughts?

[Tomara]

Hi Jannis
I would suggest reading this

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13841

and talk to her , go slow , answer her questions honestly and openly.
It is not an easy thing to talk about so make sure you take your time.
Best of luck to you.
Tomara

[Sarah Doepner]

Jannis,

It sounds like you have made considerable progress in your relationship with your wife and I can relate to the fear of losing that. Still it may be good to try and engage your wife in a bit of discussion when she makes those negative comments to see what her concerns really are. It may be that she is torn between supporting you and fear for something else.

You are in a situation where these comments are building anxiety since there is conflict between what she is saying and what she has already done for you. Look at all the discussion on coming out and pay close attention to the parts about not letting the pink fog take over and letting her know how you feel about her and her support for your gender situation.

Good luck.

[sherri52]

Jannis: This is a tough call. At one point she makes appts. for you to get a pedi and then she comments on someone else. Try it slow for a little longer, but I think the time is getting close for you. It is always about keeping the wife. They say love conquers all, don't believe it but try to live it.

[Kerigirl2009]

Ok so here ie my take on what you are feeling. DON'T do it unless you are 100% sure that your relationship is in an extremely loving and understanding place. I thought my relationship with my wife was in this place before I told my wife. Now after I revealed my desire to dress, it has only added to the issues that we have. I was unaware of many of these but I am now working on these issues at the same time that I am trying to open up to my wife.
These issues are not a deal breaker but it does give me some issues to work on beside the fact of my crossdressing. So before you reveal your secret to your wife THINK FIRST but whatever you do I wish you the best of luck.

[Alice B]

There is only one real answer. An open and honest conversation with her. I did this with my wife a few years ago, but first did a web search for articles that explained my position on the subject, selecting articles that described where I was and what it ment to me. I assured her that I was not gay and that I did not want to become a woman, but that at times I really enjoyed dressing up. We had several discussions and I was open in all my answers to her questions. Over time we arrived at an agreement and as time has passed she has become more and more accepting. I can now on occasion get dressed and go out for the evening with her blessing. I wear panties exclusively, have a shaved body, have pierced ears and painted toe nails.

It is a tough subject to approach a wife or SO with, but mostly because we are so afraid of rejection. From your post I feel she is far more accepting than you may think. Good luck.:hugs:

[Laura_Stephens]

she may be hinting at what her limits are.