The pink fog issue

[Kerigirl2009]

Yesterday my wife took notice of my new jeans, unfortunately they where womens and she did not like the fact that her husband was wearing them to say the least. She said that I am in the pink fog which is a place I am not suppose to go. I am trying not to let the fog overtake me however I am not doing a good job at it.
I don't know where to go to get to a higher ground, however my wife has a suggestion. I need to back off and stop dressing I think but all of us know that it is nearly impossibe if not completely impossible to stop what we desire.
I don't think I have really gone over the top but this is not for me to decide. It is my wifes preception of where I am going that is the concern. So I am going to attempt to cut back so to say and not do anything new for a while. I need to hear what my wife is saying and be able to react. I am not sure how this is going to go but I hope I can figure it out and let the pink fog lift.
I think the best way to accomplish this is to attempt to pull back and conceal as if she didn't know but still keep the lines of communication open. Hopefully this approach will help to lift the fog and make it easier to learn about my other issues. Wish me luck I am going to need it.

[Lainie]

alcoholics need AlAnon: 12-step program, a sponsor, group support, giving yourself up to a hihger power, ...
Why should we expect to be able to kick the habit by ourselves? TS & TG people get support for entering a new lifestyle (more power to them), but I canlt imagine a 'CDAnon' group. Fortunately, it's not life-threatening like alcoholism, but it has surely ruined relationships.
Best of luck to you, and in this holiday season let me add 'Bless us, everyone!'

[RobertaM]

Where do i sign up. I have been doing too much as well lately.

[Nicole Erin]

Eventually our wives do get tired of it.

I think the misconception is -
Day One - wife learns of our TG-ness
Day Two - Divorce court.

No, it is seldom that fast. sometimes it takes several years. Or , it may never ruin it.
In that regard, you just need todecide what is truely important. It may come that you deicde you need to live as you see fit to be happy, even if it means an eventual split.

[DiannaRose]

Keri, I admire that you're willing to do what it takes to show your wife you're still there for her...I don't know that I could just give it up like that, but there may come a day when I have to. I'll pray for strength and clarity for you, and for understanding and compassion for your wife.

I've found that sometimes when I'm deep in the fog, I have to wrench my mind away into some distratcion or other (home repairs, writing, etc.). It helps, but sometimes that initial wrench is painful.

Best wishes, Keri! We're thinking of you! :)

[SuzanneBender]

Keri you have my admiration. I am mired deep in the fog and know that their is no navigation back to all boy land for me. However, if you can tone it down a bit and show her that you are willing to comprimise you may find that ultimately she may be more accepting. We all sacrifice a part of ourselves for our mate. We just have to decide how much and what parts we are willing to give up.

[charlie]

Hello Keri!
I too am in a bind. My wife hates the fact that I CD, sees me as less of a man now, and wants her "old" man back. I explain that I'm the same person I always was and still think of her the same. She replies that I'm not the same to her. I'm not "normal". It is a bad place we are in. Your idea of just going back to hiding your dressing and not showing her anything is what I am doing. At least if I get caught now, she does really know.

[jenna_woods]

wish you all the luck in stopping I know I never will ever be able to stop dressing I get deeper deeper every day,

[sherri52]

Keri you are doing the right thing. Slow down as much as you can. You want to keep the wife happy. If she notices that you have slowed down she may not worry as much about the long term differences. Move forward a notch and retreat again let her see that it is not a continual progression. It may be but don't let her notice. Hopefully she will come around to the cd'ing and let it be.

[kellycan27]

Want to come out of your pink fog? Dress up in your most fem panties and bra and walk up to your SO. The ensuing explosion should dissipate that fog in a little less than a nano-second:heehee:

[Miranda09]

Good luck Keri. Be patient and try to look at it from her perspective. not an easy thing to do, but if you love each other, you'll get through it all. ;)

[Alisa]

Hi Keri,
Just like any 12 step program wherein the first step is to acknowledge the issue/problem, I think you have taken the first step. I can't offer any advice beyond that in the framework of the twelve step program. What I can offer is that you have to, and seem to ,appreciate your relationship with your wife and family. Your cding needs to be prioritized with the other most important aspects of your life.

:hugs:
Alisa

[Kerigirl2009]

I love when people respond with they are going through the same issues, just makes me feel normal.
I am going to clarify that I am not going to stop dressing as this is an essential part of who I am and she is here to stay. What I am going to attemp is to pull myself out of the fog so to speak.
Things that I will have to avoid for a bit--- wearing my womens jeans, wearing lite makeup, or at least make sure all traces of it are gone before anyone comes around. bringing up CD conversation but I will still discuss it with her IF she brings it up. Make sure she does not see my clothes at all. And the biggest and hardest thing that I have to try to avoid is shaving my legs and arms and plucking my eyebrows.
So what I have told her is I will not thin my eyebrows anymore than they are already, and I will not shave my legs unless I am going to take her up on the offer to go out en femme.
These are going to be exstremely difficult to try as I really enjoy doing these things. Hopefully this will be enough to lift the fog. :)

[linnea]

You certainly have my best wishes. Good luck.

[Bridget Fitzgerald]

Keri, this isn't real. Your wife however is. If you have hit a point where you're trying to integrate women's clothing into your real life then you are losing control.

There's a reason you married her and you're supposed to trust each other. Tell her you do not wish to stop, and then get back within realistic boundaries. This place is great, but your wife is real.

[carolinoakland]

Laine had me laughing about the cd-anon... especially since I've said that being in transition is like being in rehab for your gender... you know.. got to be selfish, no commitments, no relationships. And you go to meetings with others like you...Carol

[Hope]

My wife and I are friends with a couple - plane jane regular folks (as far as we know). But the wife of this couple insists that the husband is not allowed to masturbate. It's an absurd (at best) demand that she makes, and if she thinks she has a right to make such a demand (or that my friend actually refrains) she is the only one who thinks so.

Your wife telling you that you cannot experience your life is equally absurd and unreasonable.

You may be willing to go along with it for whatever reason - but that does not make it a reasonable request.

Don't get me wrong - wives deserve a lot of patience, and understanding, and accommodation, and time, and love. But so do husbands. Husbands don't get to dictate terms of a relationship to a wife, nor does a wife get to dictate terms to a husband. We aren't talking about cheating, or embezzling money, or torturing animals here - we are talking about wearing non-conventional clothing.

These sorts of demands, these sorts of ultimatums are not healthy behavior, and they do not promote healthy relationships.

If this is an accommodation you want to make, (or think you can make) that is fine, but it doesn't sound like it is. So if this is a real demand for your wife - she should be prepared to give you something in exchange. Personally there isn't much I would be willing to trade for feeling happy and unashamed in my closest relationships - but lots of people think I am weird.

[Allsteamedup]

Right, so your SO points out the pink fog situation, which I will define as being your female self to the exclusion of your male responsibilities in a partnership, either by failing to do things or be emotionally available to her.
SHE DID NOT ASK YOU TO STOP DRESSING!
What she meant, and you chose to ignore, was a request for the balance to return to your relationship. She has been supportive and understanding and you repay her by dressing very frequently and not communicating emotionally with her, and talking non-stop about your female self. You wouldn't put up with this kind of behaviour from her!
So the way out of the pink fog criticism is to make sure you attend to all those jobs you've been promising to do, resume a social life with your SO and be so beyond any criticism of the role she thought you were going to perform before she accepted your other self.
Is that really so difficult?!!