Felix
12-22-2009, 02:37 PM
Yay :D: I've been on testosterone One Year and wow I've just discovered how much I've really changed psychologically :eek: This is because my thinking has in some areas become extremely black and white and I cant get my head round certain things.
Before,12 months ago I may have been able to see past some things but now I just can't! What I mean is before I always saw Transgender as an umbrella term covering the full spectrum except for Transsexualism which I do see as something totally different. I now know why because I am male unequivocally and there is no way I could live with any female parts. I have been in the wrong body all my life and when I used the term Transgender it was very loosely to describe the part of myself that has been moulded by society to be what it wanted me to be, socialised as female even though I was really male. I did get positive things from this like my sons but all the time I struggled to keep the real person from coming out which caused me immense pain :(
When I embraced the whole concept of being Transsexual it was like a light bulb coming on. What I didn't realize was how this was going to affect me in the long term. Now I'm becoming Felix the whole person and it's amazing.
Before I considered what I see now as what others who are Transgendered consider which is being more fluid and only changing the parts of the body which they feel more comfortable changing. This is where my views differ and to me what makes me Transsexual. Because I want to go all the way both hormonally and physically because nothing else will suffice. For me to keep certain parts of your body keeps you in between even if you have been on hormones and had certain bits of your body removed.
This is where I noticed the dramatic change in my thinking like I said above. Things are so clear cut for me now where as before they were far more fluid and I delt with that. I'm talking gender here not sexuality!
Anyhow just wanted to share those thoughts with you all :)
Now for my celebratory One Year Photo :):) .......
Before,12 months ago I may have been able to see past some things but now I just can't! What I mean is before I always saw Transgender as an umbrella term covering the full spectrum except for Transsexualism which I do see as something totally different. I now know why because I am male unequivocally and there is no way I could live with any female parts. I have been in the wrong body all my life and when I used the term Transgender it was very loosely to describe the part of myself that has been moulded by society to be what it wanted me to be, socialised as female even though I was really male. I did get positive things from this like my sons but all the time I struggled to keep the real person from coming out which caused me immense pain :(
When I embraced the whole concept of being Transsexual it was like a light bulb coming on. What I didn't realize was how this was going to affect me in the long term. Now I'm becoming Felix the whole person and it's amazing.
Before I considered what I see now as what others who are Transgendered consider which is being more fluid and only changing the parts of the body which they feel more comfortable changing. This is where my views differ and to me what makes me Transsexual. Because I want to go all the way both hormonally and physically because nothing else will suffice. For me to keep certain parts of your body keeps you in between even if you have been on hormones and had certain bits of your body removed.
This is where I noticed the dramatic change in my thinking like I said above. Things are so clear cut for me now where as before they were far more fluid and I delt with that. I'm talking gender here not sexuality!
Anyhow just wanted to share those thoughts with you all :)
Now for my celebratory One Year Photo :):) .......