Realizing how blessed I really am

[pamela_a]

Christmas is over and my house is quiet again. My daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter have headed home and my son is off with friends.

Due to bad weather, my daughter and her family came up Christmas Eve day instead of Christmas day. My daughter said she had to be here since it was the first Christmas after my wife died. When they arrived my daughter and granddaughter decorated my tree and did a beautiful job of it. Of course my kitties liked it too and proceeded to play with the ornaments and climb the tree.

Christmas Day dawned bright and snowy and my poor granddaughter (who will be 5 in May) was sad. There were no presents under the tree. She never looked behind it which is where Santa put them to keep the kitties out of them. Once she found them everything was better.

After she was dressed I remarked about how pretty she looked in her new dress. I'm not sure how it happened but she ended up going through my closet and picking out a dress for me to wear for the day. I wore it for a while then told her I had to change, I wasn't going to spend half the day cooking while wearing it and take the chance of ruining it.

During the course of the day I learned some friends were not able to make it to their grandmother's for Christmas so they came over also. My son-in-law's brother of course came over as did my brother in law and his girl friend. Add my son and 1 or 2 of his friends and the house was full. I was sure glad I prepared and had enough food. I made a 13# spiced bourbon turkey and thankfully I had a 7# ham too.

It was so nice to just spend the day with friends and family. Being with family and friends is truly what not just this season but everyday should be all about. It was even more special for me since this was Pam's first Christmas and although not everyone called me Pam, there were a few who did which made it all the more special.

The only sad part was finding out about my brother in law. The week after my wife (his sister) died he was diagnosed with mesothelioma. I found out last night it's metastasized into his lymph system already and the doctors are only giving him 1 or 2 years.

Looking back this year has been an unbelievable roller coaster. From the emotional highs of finally starting my transition to the utter depths of sadness as I buried my wife, friend, and partner of over 26 years and nearly everything in between.

I talk to , hear, and read about about others who's family and friends have turned them away and my heart goes out to them and I realize just how much I have been blessed by not only having my family and friends but by the many wonderful people I've met in groups and a trans book club as well as the ones online here.

I'm looking ahead to next year when I plan to see the end of my transition and the beginning of a mundane life of being just another woman in the world.

[sherri52]

Pam I'm glad you had so many friends over, it makes the holiday so much more merry to pun the phrase. My family knows of my cd'ing but I'm not allowed to dress in frotn of them.

[Eileen]

What a wonderful Christmas day you had Pam. Having accepting family and friends means so much. It means even more, the first holiday without your loved one of so many years. I was along the firsts Christmas and had I not been working, it would have been quite lonely. Enjoy the rest of your transition, as i am sure you will. You will not find life becoming dull or ordinary. After transition it is pretty much the same, but at the same time it keeps getting better.

Eileen

[AllieSF]

Thanks for sharing such a heartwarming story. Happy Holidays to you and yours.

[TerryTerri]

Pam,
I love your meddle in life and attitiude. One of my 'tricks' of life is to realize how well off I am. I NEVER have what I want. But, I ALWAYS seem to end up with what I need. When I look around this world at the lives of many others on this little blue marble and realize that even with my problems probably 90% of the folks would love to be in my position, I find my problems aren't really so bad and when I start counting off the positive stuff that is in my life and that I have been able to experience I think I'm a fortunate soul.
Well, it usually keeps my off my custom fit velvet lined pitty pot that I so dearly love.

[Melissa A.]

I'm really happy that Christmas with your family was so pleasant, Pamela. It sounds like you had a house full of love and good cheer for everyone, and reminds me that those of us who have that in our lives need to cherish and appreciate how lucky we are. When I talk to those who aren't so fortunate, I get so frustrated that some can turn their backs on the people who should mean the most to them, over things that should never really matter, in the long run. It just breaks my heart. I don't understand it.

My Christmas day was spent at my Aunt and Uncle's house nearby, where their grown daughter(my cousin, of course) and her 5 year old daughter also live. Georgiana is the sweetest, most adorable little girl you can imagine. Before I moved to the city in June, I only saw her on holidays, but since then, we have become much closer. Early on, she would look at me with those adorable Blue eyes, and say inquisitively and so honestly, as only someone her age can, "Melissa, you used to be a boy, but now you're a girl". and smile. I would just melt, and give her the biggest hug I could(to hide my tears!). Now I am simply her aunt Melissa. (well, 2nd cousin, actually, but whatever) Anyway, I showed up for Breakfast around 9, and there was already a table full of people munching away. My mom had come down the night before, and it was the first time I had seen her since her Husband's cremation, a few weeks ago. My aunt is a retired teacher. She often worked in the worst neighborhoods in the city, and durring her career, she always had one high school age kid, who in one way or another, was disadvantaged, from a terrible or non-existant home, and was having a tough time in school, living with them, kind of mentoring, and giving them a safe and encouraging place to live, finish school, and make a future. There have been many of them over the years. Now that many of them are grown, and have kids of their own, they are there often, and this christmas was no exception. So the house was already full of adults and kids at 9am. They had already done the immediate family present thing early in the morning, so after breakfast, clean up, and chatter, it was nap time for some.(I come from a big family of nappers!) I spent the time getting all my presents ready and wrapped, and later, got the chance to talk with my Mom for a while, after she awoke. We did the present thing around 4pm, as dinner cooked. Now, sometimes, I feel like I've been doing this forever, but the truth is I haven't really been out to the world and my family for a really long time. All of them address me as Melissa, or Mel, but every once in a while, someone accidentally still calls me David. I really don't care. They are all trying. Point is, it really hasnt been that long, and this was my first Christmas out, as Melissa. As a grown adult, I never expect alot, present-wise. Christmas is for the kids, in that respect. My mom and I have a standing agreement not to go overboard, and she got me a lovely black necklace, When I saw the two boxes from my aunt and uncle, I was a little taken aback, as it seemed like alot. I got them the usual nice but inexpensive gifts, plus my aunt's birthday present(oh, I forgot to mention-Dec. 25th is my aunt's birthday, as well. And we always make a point to do a separate birthday celebration for her after dinner) So I open the first box,and in it are two really nice nice purses, one basic black. The other is hard to describe-kind of green and silver, and very unique, kind of a Barbie purse, but it really is nice, and high quality. She said it was so unusual she just had to get it for me. I coudnt help but laugh. I will find a use for it. Then I open the second box. On top was a BEAUTIFUL dark gold necklace and matching earings. That would have been much more than enough. Under that, was a matching tank top and cardigan, in a dark orange. Beneath that, as I lifted it and gasped, was a simply gorgeous, beautiful, long, vintage black velvet skirt. She knows I love stuff like that. That was it. I simply lost it. Buried my head in her shoulder and started to cry. I composed myself after a few seconds, as there were others opening presents, and I don't like being the center of attention. But geez, They went out of their way to say to me, "We know this is who you are. We love you, Melissa". It meant so much. Anyway, that's my family. I know I am so lucky and so blessed to have this kind of love and support in my life. I'll never, ever stop appreciating it. A couple trans friends of mine have met some of my family and always say the same thing-"you are so lucky, girl" I know it.

Thought I'd share another nice christmas story. I hope you don't mind, Pam. I know it was a little long. But I do know, and completely understand how you feel. Happy New Year, everybody.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Eileen]

Thanks for sharing you beautiful Chirstmas with us Melissa! It is difficult typing this through my tears.

Eileen

[pamela_a]

Thank you so much for sharing that Melissa. I love reading heartwarming stories like that.

Eileen, I agree, typing while crying happy tears isn't easy