i need help

[sueann]

i would like to tell the kids about me being a crossdresser but do not know how to do it my wife is cool about it but she does not like me too say anything to the kids about it she said it is just for me and her to know about it for now

[Rogina B]

You have to tell a whole lot more before you get the barrage of free advice!! Every family is different and everyone has a mouth and some need to spread the word...Do they really need to know? Your wife is ok with it. Isn't that great enough?:2c:

[Katesback]

Are you planning on dressing in front of your kids? If not then there is NO reason that they need to know. It is akin to telling them other secrets that REALLY have no relevance to the relationship you have with them.

Now if you plan on dressing up in front of them that would be a different story.

Katie

[PretzelGirl]

This is one of those subjects that you will probably see quite a range of opinion on. I am a believer in telling your wife if you are married. After that, I believe you really have to evaluate your situation before you tell anyone.

With your kids, are you planning on dressing in front of them as Kate asks? Will they even know if you don't tell them? Are you telling them to avoid the hiding? Are you telling them because you are going out and don't want them to find out second hand? Are they mature enough to handle it and not go telling other friends and family members that you don't want to know?

There are a lot of considerations. Here is the biggie to me. If you have a friend that doesn't accept you, maybe they weren't your friend after all. But do you want to risk losing a child? Most experiences here are good, but it sure isn't 100%. So what is your risk tolerance?

The big point here is think long and hard because you can't undo this once you do it.

[aggi123]

I think their age should also be a good indication. Personally (if I had kids) I wouldn't tell them unless they were at least 18.

[RADER]

I think you should respect your wife's wishes. There will be plenty of time to
tell the kids. After all; Mother Knows Best. Rader

[Karren H]

If your wife isn't cool with you telling them the DO NOT TELL THEM... When your wife isn't happy... No one will be happy..

[Tiff Rivera]

If your wife isn't cool with you telling them the DO NOT TELL THEM... When your wife isn't happy... No one will be happy..


Agreed with your wife



Agreed with Karren and Irene

I have personally seen this gone very wrong. Your wife is already accepting, it may be best to not push it until she is comfortable letting the kids in on it

[Leslie Langford]

...on the age of your children, but on your age as well.

I agree with the others that unless you plan to dress in front of your kids and they are still pre-teens, there would be no particular point (or value) in telling them. The risk when they become teens, however, is that they become more independent and inquisitive, and you begin to lose your privacy. And should you inadvertently leave out some item of women's clothing that is NOT in your wife's size, if they happen to accidentally come across your "stash" while you are away, or else they come home unexpectedly while you are all dressed up (and there is insufficient time to do the "Superman in a phone booth" routine), well then the jig is up and you're going to have some " 'splainin' to do, Lucy".

As for those of us Boomers gradually settling into "old fart-hood", we also need to be aware of our mortality and what the shock effect on our loved ones would be if they learned about our second life only after we died as they were going through our personal effects. The other thing is, do you really want to leave a legacy of having lived a lie all your life, and having kept the "real" you from them all that time?

I told both of our adult kids about "Leslie" on separate occasions, and because of the particular circumstances surrounding each event, under-less-than ideal conditions. The good news is that despite my worst fears that they would be totally freaked out, they were actually quite cool with it.

My son said he understood and that as far as he was concerned, it would in no way effect our future relationship. All he asked was that I don't do it in front of him. My daughter was even more sympathetic and supportive when I told her just this Christmas, and she said that she doesn't find my crossdressing particularly strange once I explained to her what it means to me. She also re-confirmed her philosophy that one has to be true to one's self and that one cannot lead one's life just to please others, and she saw my crossdressing in that light.

Even better, when I told my daughter about my various times out and about and the recent visits with a make up artist and getting my nails done, she asked a lot of questions, and we even began to compare make up techniques and our love of MAC cosmetics. And when I spoke about getting my nails done and telling her that I had to remove my nail polish before coming back home, her only response was "That sucks!" She then asked me if I had ever had a pedicure done, told me how wonderfully relaxing she finds them, and that we really should get one done together some time :eek::daydreaming:. How cool is that, and what a totally unexpected reaction after all the anxiety I had undergone before finally taking that big step :) ?

Well, that's my story, but of course, your mileage may vary.

[docrobbysherry]

R U planning to go out dressed? :eek:

I'm a closet dresser with a teen and a 20's daughter. Unless I plan to be dressed in front of them, I have NO INTEREST in them finding out what I do in private!:sad:

Why do u?

[Angel.Marie76]

Sueann, If you wan to keep your relationship to your children and your wife, you will DO NOTHING in front of the kids until you and your wife have hammered out the details (if even on paper or in front of a therapist). You will be writing yourself a one-way ticket to single splittsville if your SO isn't on board.

If your relationship is in jeopary because of this life-altering choice of coming out, then seek professional help first. Be strong enough to get all your ducks in a row FIRST, and hopefully there'll be a better chance of the little quackers following after that.

[Brandi Wyne]

Sueann, I am in a different situation but the end result is the same. I am married but wife doesn't know and is very opposed to that sort of thing. On the other hand, I have a grown daughter who found out accidently but is cool with it and we have even gone out together. I do have other children and siblings and the range of emotions and likely reactions go across the board, so to speak.

If the wife is cool with it, then enjoy that special relationship and be Sueann with her; esp. till you can really sound out how each child will react to your femme identity.:2c:

Good luck, hon
:hugs:

[sherri52]

If your wife doesn't think they are ready then don't. It would depend on thier ages as well and how old they are mentally. Reminder, younger children are more likely to out you in school letting alto more people know of your cd'ing.

[Stephenie S]

Karen (and others) are right.

"When mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!"

[Leslie Langford]

Karen (and others) are right.

"When mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!"

...sigh! :doh::sad::thumbsdn:

[tricia_uktv]

I suppose the crucial question is why do you want tell them? If they are teenagers wait until they are 18. I'm nit sure about younger kids. I told my daughters at 16 and they were too young. We suffered a hard year with it but they are fine now and support me.

[Hope]

I'm sure that this is not a unilateral decision that your wife simply gets to make, but you certainly need to take her views into consideration.

I don't think that the question of telling your children has to do with age, and I certainly wouldn't suggest a minimum age of 18, but I would caution you to consider why you cross dress, and why you need to tell your kids about it. Not everyone should tell their kids. If cross dressing for you is a purely sexual thing, (and that is cool if it is) your kids do not need to know about it. If your cross dressing is a first step on the road to transsexuality, your kids need to know and - just like wives - sooner is probably better. If you cross dress for another reason - then the answer will be different still.

The rub, is that this takes a fair amount of discernment and self awareness. Do you know what your motivations are? Do you feel comfortable talking about your motivations with others? Are you "out" (because if you are not, don't tell your kids unless you want to be - you know they can't keep a secret.) And that may be the test right there - if you are going to be out in the world, to the world - then your kids probably need a heads up. If you are just going to sit around and watch football in a dress... maybe not.

Ultimately no one here can tell you what to do - you must decide.

[sissystephanie]

If your kids are young, when you tell them you will no longer have a secret life! The whole world will know about you within days! Even if they are older, the word will spread fairly quickly. Is that what you want?

I would do what so many others have said, listen to your wife! She does not think this is the proper time to tell them, and she must have a good reason for thinking that. If you go against her, you are putting your marriage on fragile grounds, in my humble opinion!

[Patty]

Karen (and others) are right.

"When mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!"

So true