Christmas Disappointment

[Mercedes]

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I am always saddened that my Wife, who truly loves me will not get me what I desire most for Christmas. Anything for Mercedes would be so appreciated and I would be overwhelmed even for something small like a lipstick or pair of panties.

I know that she does not like my crossdressing and falls into the out of site out of mind category but still the recognition of that part of myself would mean so much.

I do not know how the GG's feel about this but sometimes a small gesture can have a very impressive impact.

Mercedes XOXOXO

[Vicki-Z]

Anything for Mercedes would be so appreciated and I would be overwhelmed even for something small like a lipstick or pair of panties.

I know that she does not like my crossdressing and falls into the out of site out of mind category but still the recognition of that part of myself would mean so much.

I do not know how the GG's feel about this but sometimes a small gesture can have a very impressive impact.

Mercedes XOXOXO

I totally agree with you. As I told my wife the greatest gift she could ever give me is to recognize my feminine side Vicki. As you said any gift even the smallest can mean so much.


Vicki :hugs:

[Acadeca]

I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted. But it sounds like she's tolerating your dressing even though she doesn't like it. Did she know about the CD when you two married? If not, try to appreciate how hard it is for her to do that.

[DanaR]

Sometimes it takes awhile, at least it did for my wife. We would be shopping and I would ask her if we could find something for Dana, and she would be okay with that. Now we go out all of the time and she'll ask me if I was looking for anything special; if I am I'll tell her and we'll go looking for it. When I first started asking, it was difficult for me to ask; I thought that she might get upset, but she didn't.

[Nicole Erin]

Why do people make threads like this?
I mean I agree with the OP that a small gesture like that would be cool but let's see how long it takes before the "clique" starts in on her about how shameful she should feel.

I can already imagine it -

"what makes you think your wife should, etc...."
"If you were my husband you would be lucky to not be on the street"
"How can you expect your wife to buy this or that...?"

And then along will come TG Miss butt-kiss to quote something a GG said and say "I couldn't have said it better".

And on and on people attacking the OP, but if the OP defends herself, the thread will get locked.

Am I right or am I right? Or am I right? (crosses eyes and makes weird face and says "right right right right")

[Karren H]

Be happy that she loves you...

[tinalynn]

I couldn't have said it better...

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I can already imagine it -

"what makes you think your wife should, etc...."......if she's not accepting

"How can you expect your wife to buy this or that...?"....if she wants to keep it out of sight and out of mind.



And then along will come TG Miss butt-kiss to quote something a GG said and say "I couldn't have said it better".

TG Miss butt-kiss here. Look, if she's not accepting she's probably not going to want to buy things for Mercedes, so that means that Mercedes needs to communicate and work on helping her wife understand "This Thing of Ours of Varying Kinds" If that happens then she might buy things for Mercedes and everyone is happier.

Veronica Rogers

[Tuesday]

all i can say is my wife forgot to buy anything for my fem side and i was a bit upset but not as upset as she was when she realised i thought she was telling me something but turns out she just forgot

[Sandra]

I know that she does not like my crossdressing and falls into the out of site out of mind category but still the recognition of that part of myself would mean so much.

I do not know how the GG's feel about this but sometimes a small gesture can have a very impressive impact.

Mercedes XOXOXO


If she feels like this then shes not going to show any recognition and certainly isn't going to buy fem stuff for you.

If I felt like she does then I wouldn't go buying stuff for my SO.

I suggest that you try and have a chat with her about how you feel, but don't push the issue...and of course you could see if she would like to join here and chat with other wives/partners like myself in FAB forum.

[RylieCD]

Why do people make threads like this?


I understand Mercedes, I wish for the same thing. But I understand that my wife does not want any part of that life and I try to respect that but there is always the wishful thinking that one day she will suprise you and get you what you want, recognition of you.
Sure we would all like to have a fully accepting wife like we read here but at least we have a somwhat tolerating one even though they dont want to recognize it, they will tolerate it.

We post here to for support, Yes some threads may get out of hand but I feel the mods do a good job at keeping the peace

[Bridget Fitzgerald]

I'm sorry for your disappointment Mercedes. Maybe time will tell. Just concentrate on being the perfect spouse in every other way in the meantime.

[Brandi Wyne]

Well, we live a lifestyle that is fraught with disappointments and a few triumphs. I guess one can live with hope of a better day.

:hugs:Sorry,
Barb

[Aquamarine]

Mercedes, I am a GG , not the best supportive wife on the forum.I offered to my husband nice male presents for Christmas and hid a lacy pink underwear under his pillow as a surprise.I really want him to be happy and respect his needs, at least I try....He appreciated the surprise but told me "I won't wear it, I am not interested anymore because you hate this part of me".I don't hate this part of him...I hate that he hides it all the time ,denies it, minimizes it, acts as it is in My head.... Miscommunication......How could I accept something I don't know what it is for him???

[Mistybtm]

I must have made Santa mad this year i did not get anything not even a lump of coal. :eek:

[stargirlGG]

Mercedes...

This is the first Christmas that I bought my BF mainly gifts for her. It was very strange wrapping nighties, etc. for my boyfriend even though I am totally supportive and encourage the whole thing. It was a little strange, I think, because my buying gifts for her for christmas validated her as a real presence in my life and made it seem real on a whole different level. I know that she's as much of a part of him and he is, but actually wrapping presents for her really made her an actual entity on her own, if that makes sense. So, i can imagine that if your wife is struggling with acceptance, buying and wrapping gifts for Mercedes might be emotionally very difficult for her. As much as it would mean to you, maybe she just can't do it for a lot of reasons of her own which are just as valid as your need for validation. I'm as accepting as anyone could be, I think anyway, and these little things that bring the reality of the situation home are still a little uncomfortable to deal with on some levels. try not to be too dissapointed because it probably wasn't her intentionally trying to disrespect that part of you. She is who she is as much as you are who you are. Relationshiops are complicated enough without putting expectations on each other. Good luck.

[DanaR]

Mercedes, I am a GG , not the best supportive wife on the forum.I offered to my husband nice male presents for Christmas and hid a lacy pink underwear under his pillow as a surprise.I really want him to be happy and respect his needs, at least I try....He appreciated the surprise but told me "I won't wear it, I am not interested anymore because you hate this part of me".I don't hate this part of him...I hate that he hides it all the time ,denies it, minimizes it, acts as it is in My head.... Miscommunication......How could I accept something I don't know what it is for him???
He probably doesn't know either. I think that communication is the key to try to understand each other. I mentioned this on another thread, that sometimes the words and body language don't always say the same thing; which can be confusing, at least for me.

[kristinacd55]

My wife's somewhat like that too, but last night we went to Lord & Taylors for the 2nd after Xmas clearance & once again we bought a top for me! I'm always grateful for any small acknowledgement and I even modeled it for her last night. Anyway Mercedes perhaps one day she'll come around & begin to accept.

[docrobbysherry]

"How can you expect your wife to buy this or that...?"
(GREAT POST, NicoleE!)

Do u know HOW MANY different brands and shades of lipstick there R?:eek:

And, how many styles, fit, colors, and fabrics PANTIES COME IN?:brolleyes:

She KNOWS THESE THINGS! And, that she'd almost CERTAINLY buy u the WRONG THING!?:doh:

[Karen564]

I think some things are best left unspoken..and Xmas disappointments are one of them..

Christmas is about giving, not receiving..

[Karren H]

I must have made Santa mad this year i did not get anything not even a lump of coal. :eek:

Awww.... Coal sales are down... Just let me know where you want the truck to deliver some? Lol.

[Toni]

Hi Mercedes,
One of the nicest days of my life was when my wife came in from shopping and handed me a lovely pair of panties. It was so unexpected that I was walking on air for days. I hope you can have the same experience sooner rather than later.

[sherri52]

I'm sorry that you didn't get anything Mercedes but there is a bright side. You are not in a battle with you wife over the inner you.

[sandra-leigh]

I think some things are best left unspoken..and Xmas disappointments are one of them..

Christmas is about giving, not receiving..

Lonliness. It can happen even inside of relationships, if there is a persistent pattern of little or no expression of recognition and appreciation.

[Mistybtm]

Awww.... Coal sales are down... Just let me know where you want the truck to deliver some? Lol.

Thank you Karren I will :D nice to know someone cares LOL

[DaisyG]

Mercedes...

This is the first Christmas that I bought my BF mainly gifts for her. It was very strange wrapping nighties, etc. for my boyfriend even though I am totally supportive and encourage the whole thing. It was a little strange, I think, because my buying gifts for her for christmas validated her as a real presence in my life and made it seem real on a whole different level. I know that she's as much of a part of him and he is, but actually wrapping presents for her really made her an actual entity on her own, if that makes sense. So, i can imagine that if your wife is struggling with acceptance, buying and wrapping gifts for Mercedes might be emotionally very difficult for her. As much as it would mean to you, maybe she just can't do it for a lot of reasons of her own which are just as valid as your need for validation. I'm as accepting as anyone could be, I think anyway, and these little things that bring the reality of the situation home are still a little uncomfortable to deal with on some levels. try not to be too dissapointed because it probably wasn't her intentionally trying to disrespect that part of you. She is who she is as much as you are who you are. Relationshiops are complicated enough without putting expectations on each other. Good luck.

stargirlGG, Thank you for describing your feelings as you wrapped girl gifts for your CDing SO. Your perspective can help many others toward better understanding. :)


I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I am always saddened that my Wife, who truly loves me will not get me what I desire most for Christmas. Anything for Mercedes would be so appreciated and I would be overwhelmed even for something small like a lipstick or pair of panties.

I know that she does not like my crossdressing and falls into the out of site out of mind category but still the recognition of that part of myself would mean so much.

I do not know how the GG's feel about this but sometimes a small gesture can have a very impressive impact.

Mercedes XOXOXO

Mercedes, has your wife ever received from you a gift, a card, and/or flowers at Christmas, Valentine's Day, your birthday, etc? I mean, from Mercedes, in addition to what she receives from her guy. (But don't SUBSTITUTE gifts from Mercedes in place of expected gifts from her guy!) :love:

Best wishes in your achieving some recognition from your wife in this way. Have patience. :daydreaming:
Hugs, Daisy

[Hope]

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I am always saddened that my Wife, who truly loves me will not get me what I desire most for Christmas.

Yeah, I hear that sort of thing a lot. "my wife / husband / pet chinchilla really loves me a lot - BUT..." And I am loosing patience with it.

Hear is the thing - Love is not an emotion, it is not something you buy in a little burgundy box from Kays jewelers, it is not something that comes in a card from hallmark. "Love" is not an excuse for bad behavior. Love is a verb. You can feel as warm and fuzzy as you want to about someone, but if that feeling doesn't motivate you to see past their warts and to go out and DO your part to help them to be / feel like / and live as full people in this cold cruel world, then that warm fuzzy feeling is worth exactly squat.

You cannot love someone and not try to make them happy. You can't love some one and not try to alleviate their suffering. You can't love some one and kick them while they are down. That doesn't mean that you always have to do what the person you love wants you to do - when they are hurting themselves, loving someone can mean taking away the tool they are using to hurt themselves with.

Love is incompatible with turning a blind eye while the object of your affection suffers. Wives and girlfriends and pet chinchillas deserve a lot of slack and a lot of understanding (because of that whole pesky reciprocal love issue) but ultimately the rubber has to hit the road at some point. Either they do love you, or they do not.

[charlen]

i know how u feel about not getting nothing pretty for xmas from your so. mine wont buy me stuff but a least she will go with me shopping and help me get things .:sad:

[lynda o]

My wife thinks it is weird to shop for Lynda by herself or together, I still ask for something for her. Lynda always buys her something, given privately. Now & then I am happily suprised by invitations for Lynda to spend time with her, I am happy with small steps.

[Kathy4ever]

I was dissapointed for not getting any fem products either. I guess I turned the tables and did not buy her any fem things either. gave her a tool set and a drill. Hope she doesn't hit me with the hammer the next time she finds one of my secret hiding places. The last one she found she lefta note saying "stop this shit"

[kellycan27]

Guess there really isn't a Santa Claus huh?

[Teri Jean]

When my daughters asked me what I wanted I kept the list short and my youngest gave a gift card for a local spa I use. It was a small thing but at the same time it was a small step for her.

Teri

[Christina Horton]

Sorry to hear that hun. I can understand where your coming from but like my mom (took her 17 years to except Christina) and yes I know she is not my SO but she does love me and when she finally excepted her, I was on cloud nine last year. This was my first Christmas I go fem-stuff and I have a thread telling all about it. http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=122878 So you might have to wait and don't push her and maybe one day she will come around. Hopefully.




Awww.... Coal sales are down... Just let me know where you want the truck to deliver some? Lol.


Hay I have a truck ,I pull a 53 foot dry van so how much do you want and I will fill the truck and you will be hip deep in fem-stuff. All pink to.

[Chrissy Brooks]

I have always loved christmas. My wife always gets me girly stuff. Just ask you wife I am sure she will get yo somethiong really femme.

[marny]

My wife has severe arthritis so Santa has been doing the shopping for years and she wraps. it hasn't bothered Santa giving me a new bra to date!

[Mercedes]

Thank You Stargirl for putting the GG perspective there for me. I was hoping to hear from some GG's on how it feels for them and to give me an understanding that I was missing. Yours spoke volumes, thanks.

Mercedes XOXOXO

[Andy66]

Mercedes, I'm sorry to hear that your wife doesn't acknowledge your feminine side. Maybe you should try to explain how you feel. You didn't say how long she's known about your feminine side. Maybe she will warm up to the idea in time?

I don't want to sound negative, but two things come to mind. The first is how a lot of CDs here seem to consider their male and female sides as two different people. I might have a hard time understanding that if I were a wife. I mean, everyone has multiple sides, modes, moods, whatever... but that doesn't make you two entirely different people. I would probably choose gifts for the side of you that seems more dominant or noticeable to me, or maybe a combination of gifts for the different sides. By the way, did you give your wife a gift for the female and male sides of her personality? You're not expecting to get twice as many gifts as you give because you crossdress, are you?

The other thing that comes to mind is a guy I used to date, who was ungracious and ungrateful for gifts. People would mean well and try hard to make him happy, but for him the thought didn't count. He had no problem making the giver feel terrible if the gift wasn't exactly right. How do you think it would feel if you sincerely tried to make someone happy, and they hated the gift? I hope you're not that way.

[sandra-leigh]

Guess there really isn't a Santa Claus huh?

Not at my house there isn't. My wife is from a country where all Judeo-Christian religions together add up to less than 1% of the population (1.2% if you include Muslim in that tree.). There are numerous festival days that most of us have never heard of that have more meaning to her than Christmas does.

[Nigella]

Christmas is now just a commercial opportunity, and when we get posts like this it just proves how well the advertising works.

Personally all I ever want at this time of year is to have my loved ones by my side.

Yes I did get "Fem" stuff but I could have done without it all cos I am not materialistic.

Yes these type of threads crop up regular and then it goes into a 15 round cat fight. When will some of learn that it is not always about "ME"