I'm happy to be back with her ...BUT?

[bridget jones]

My girlfriend and I are back together again and she seems to truly love me.I love her and have a lot of fun with her.My problem is,how do I go about explaining Bridget?I have a problem with trusting people because everyone I've trusted in the past about Bridget used the information against me.I was wondering how all the girls that have a great relationship with their SO's explained the desire do dress and act like a woman.I really need some great advice here girls.I DO NOT WANT TO SCREW THIS UP!

[Christina Horton]

Well I am sorry to say that IF you wait the more it could hurt he. Tell her now and IF the rejects you well at least you'll know. But think about it.....you don' tell her and it gets really serious and you talk about getting married......she finds out and is hurt that you did not trust her and you lose her cuz of THE LIE NOT THE CDing. No one can tell you what to do BUT I will say the longer you wait the harder it could be on her. So tell her now and make sure you have all the info you need to explain in the fullest way you can and make sure she know how much you love her and that she come first and you dressing comes second even if it does not. Make sure she knows that if she need HER MAN that HE will be there for her anytime she needs.

Just be prepared to lose her if she takes it badly. Keeping this to yourself will one day brake out and kill you relationship with her. Just keep +++++ not ------ and you should be ok though I will not guarantee it hun. It's you life and only you can know whats right, GOOD LUCK HUN!!!:love::hugs::hugs:

[sherri52]

Tell her before the relationship gets to far. If she is totally against it she could out you but at the same time she might except it. Pick the right time to tell her (there is no real right time) a good night out and relaxing at home will do. If you tell her later it could cost alot more especially if she catches you before you tell her.

[lavistaa62]

She should appreciate the trust you have placed in her.

[AllieSF]

I think that all the advice here, including mine will be to tell her sooner rather than later. What you appear to be looking for is how to do that without scaring her off. There are a lot of threads here on how to tell your SO. I even think that some of them are sticky's at the beginning of some of the forum sections. The final timing should be and is yours. That is, when you are ready, or better stated, almost ready, since us perfectionists may get stuck in that almost but not yet there situation and when she appears to be ready, i.e. non-holiday or special day in her life (birthday, anniversary of some momentous ocasion for her), etc. I would definitely shoot for a time well before (months, if possible) you request her hand, heart and commitment to marriage with you. She will need time to absorb the initial conversation and revelation, do some research if she is that type, and come to grips with what it all means to her. Then also during that time period you need to be direct and somewhat insistent that you and her sit down for some serious and continual conversation. Do not fall into the "now that you told me, never bring up the subject again" trap. That is typical of someone who thinks that they are in the power position, or does not want to pro-actively deal with a serious relationship issue, and this is one of those issues. If she does not want to discuss it further, then she is not for you. You will have nothing but immediate happiness to "land" her, and then all the future frustrations, etc. (as you can readily see by reading the some of the threads here) as you try to deal with your other self without her participatioin and help. It has to be a two way street in most matters, at least all the important ones. Only open, honest and direct communications is the only way to make that happen.

Christina: This from your post "make sure you have all the info you need to explain in the fullest way you can and make sure she know how much you love her and that she come first and you dressing comes second even if it does not." does not make sense to me, unless I am misreading it. You recommend full honesty and then say that she can mislead her SO about the importance of CDing to the OP. I think that the OP should tell all that she knows about herself and this side of her and be very honest about whether or not she can make that type of specific commitment to her, including what she can control and waht she cannot.

Good luck with your future conversation.

[Miranda09]

I agree completely with everyone here. Bite the bullet, sit down with her, and pull her into your sphere of confidence. It's the only way...better now than later. Remember to look at it from her point of view as well as your own, and trust her. Not easy, I know, but a little trust can go a long way. Good luck. :)

[PaperDoll]

Agreed, honesty up front seems like it would be the path with the highest chance of success. I have kind of stumbled into this rather late in life in comparison to many others from what I've been reading, but I made sure to tell her as soon as I discovered I was having such thoughts.

I hope all goes well for you.

[windycissy]

You've been honest in sharing how you've agonized over this in past posts, if I have it right you are afraid she'll spill the beans all over your town if she reacts badly...you really can't let that stop you from telling her the truth about yourself, or you're heading for a trainwreck. Tell her, and if she goes nuts, move out of town and start over. That's tough love, but there it is.

[docrobbysherry]

Some people can screw up a relationship even without adding their CDing into the mix!:doh:

Been there, done that!:brolleyes:

[kellycan27]

Some stellar advice has been given. Tell her up front, read the sticky's. This is how I did it, etc. Bottom line.... Whether you SO accepts the fact that you cross dress or not is going to be a crap shoot. Everyone is different and not everyone will react in the same manner. All of the advice given and $3.00 will get you a cup of coffee. can't offer much more than that...sorry, and I hope whatever you decide to do.. works out.

Kel

[Nicole Erin]

Back with her?
Is it one of those "on again off again" relationships?

See the misconception is - Tell the SO about being TG one day, break up the next"
Sometimes it really is that quick, sometimes it takes years.
In my case, it took over 10 years before she had enough.

If she is not going to want to be with you on count of TG, yeah better to find out now before getting involved in things like marriage or having kids.
Right now it is going to be easier to split if that is to be the case.

[MsJanessa]

Well I am sorry to say that IF you wait the more it could hurt he. Tell her now and IF the rejects you well at least you'll know. But think about it.....you don' tell her and it gets really serious and you talk about getting married......she finds out and is hurt that you did not trust her and you lose her cuz of THE LIE NOT THE CDing. No one can tell you what to do BUT I will say the longer you wait the harder it could be on her. So tell her now and make sure you have all the info you need to explain in the fullest way you can and make sure she know how much you love her and that she come first and you dressing comes second even if it does not. Make sure she knows that if she need HER MAN that HE will be there for her anytime she needs.

Just be prepared to lose her if she takes it badly. Keeping this to yourself will one day brake out and kill you relationship with her. Just keep +++++ not ------ and you should be ok though I will not guarantee it hun. It's you life and only you can know whats right, GOOD LUCK HUN!!!:love::hugs::hugs:

she's right---tell her now, then give it a year or to see if there is total accpetance---before marriage---and if she is not on board with who and what you are, now is the time to know---not after years of wedded "bliss"

[Shelly67]

All good advice here . I think theres one other relevance , and believe me I'm certain our partners have picked up on this . Most of our opposites notice we do carry a certain trait to our personality . I also consider it possible that in hiding our femanine part of us away it will cause questioning and uneedful worry . It manifests ...and as transvestites we simply sometimes cannot see the signals we give out as we can become almost obsessed with our desire to dress and also the stress of wanting to come clean to our loved ones .
If we really love the person we wish to share our lives with then the only way to over come this and move foward is to come clean . Honesty is really our only excuse here , if it all goes wrong then in the future when things have calmed the one thing that cannot be denied is that you wished to entrust your loved one totally , even a horrified ex partner in her quiet moment will have to accept this . Its the truth. Thats why those who are discovered face horror and emotional war . However the question remains - If only it were easy to sit down and talk so openly . The words , timing , situation and setting will never be right , BUT , if it's done from the heart in a calm manner , being strong and listening then at least to try is better than to decieve in my opinion. There are times when we have to be a real man to be a woman . On reflection of this I came out after realising my wife wasn't that unaware . I didn't think for one moment to her that she was suspicious , even worried that my behaviour was due to there was another woman on the scene . It became so evident I just had to come out and deal with the situation .
No matter the difference of lifestyles , it becomes a part of us we cannot deny - its where you are right now - you have realised you have to deal with it . For some , this can become so stressful , tempers become short , even developing over time into illness . We cannot expect to live a life of secrets , expecting our partners to go about they're lives unaware - because they do pick up on those signals , they will worry .Thats the beginning of distrust . That is the sole strongest point of any partnership - trust . By confiding in our partners we are giving them our total trust ...it's simply undeniable . Each and everyone of us lives a different situation , we all find the moment of talking the bare truth frightening , but very enlightening as the burden of hiding our secret is lifted from our shoulders - better or worse . We must however , be very prepared for the questions , tears , denial and even at worst the prospect of being abandoned .Have you ever talked on the subject of transvestism to her ? maybe bring up a conversation on something you read or saw on the television - ie eddie Izzard . It would certainly guage the situation and perhaps point you in the direction of how to go about telling her about you . If there was'nt total hate or horror on such a subject then the answear is to sit down , ask to speak very openly , and enquire firstly has you're partner noticed anything different about you . Before coming out I suggest you make it clear , that although what she maybe about to hear will distress her , that you only do it because you wish her to know the real you as you wish not to disrespect her or be decietful. Support her totally . back off it the situation gets heated - what ever you do , don't get angry . It's very hard to be so honest and hold onto that adrenalin moment , but show her the strength in you . You have experienced other girls betraying you , well , theres one thing for sure here . Unless you were cruel and horrid, then one day they will also realise that behaving in the manner they did was'nt nice at all .... just let it go my friend , don't ever let such things worry you or keep you from being who you are . The girl in you're life has returned , couldnt have been easy for either of you , so if you really mean to carry things on , starting afresh then nows the time before emotions become second nature . I'm sure at least if she really wants to be a couple then she,ll listen to you . I hope and pray you,ll both have a meeting of minds , hearts and come to terms with this difficult period of your lives ....
Good luck