How feminine are we?

[Lucy Long Legs]

Obviously we all feel feminine when we dress. Some of us feel feminine ONLY when we dress and some feel that way all the time. Because we feel feminine, we must have more femininity than most men but how do you measure that? Is it just in our minds or in our bodies as well?

I think I began to dress because I felt my body was not very masculine and felt embarassed by it, but my wife now encourages me as it makes me happy and she doesn't mind that I am not at all masculine.

So I feel a certain percentage feminine but can that be measured? Perhaps many of us, especially the ones who feel most feminine, do not have the traditional male body shape.

Who knows?

[Jason+]

My shape and size peg me as masculine as it gets. My personality tends more towards feminine no matter how I'm dressed. I feel prettier and more relaxed in a nice skirt and blouse or dress as made up as I get.

[sherri52]

I don't think your size matters although for the smaller of the girls here it may have been a factor when they were younger. I think the more you dress the more feminine you feel. Underdressing and wearing femme jeans in drab add to that factor. I am 6' 220 lbs and a size 16 dress and have dressed for 50 years. Without wanting to completely be a woman, I feel more woman than man emotionally but I also like being a man at times. I'm not in the closet but I also don't tell everyone that I dress.

[NathalieX66]

So I feel a certain percentage feminine but can that be measured?

You mean like a band spectrum...but maybe with a slider control that can be arbitrarily moved?
http://i902.photobucket.com/albums/ac226/nathaliex66/misc/slider.jpg?t=1262457137

Question is.....if masculine/feminine, how much is based on one's natural self vs. one's self perception?

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

I dunno... Until I hit about 23 or 24 or so, I had a very girly body... Ultra slim, ultra skinny. Parents used to joke that if I ever got arrested, a jail couldn't hold me because I'd slip between the bars! :P But now my shoulders are getting broader and my look is getting more masculine. (Noooooooo!) I've always hated masculinity for many many reasons...the most prominent of which is that I just don't GET men. (And I AM one. How sad is that?!) I don't understand maybe 90% of the things "normal" men do, and frankly I have no desire to because women are right: men are stupid. Football? Please. Never been my thing. I used to be a big hockey fan, cheered on the Dallas Stars 'til they won the Stanley Cup, celebrated like mad, and then I thought, "Well that was fun...and pointless."

Anyway, sorry, I got off on a tangent there. To answer the question, I feel very, very feminine inside, all the time. I think that's why I've always wished that I had been born female. It just seems like it would have "matched" me better.

[Lucy Long Legs]

Yes, Nathalie, that would be handy!

[PretzelGirl]

If you me "we" as in everyone here, you can probably plant the membership across the entire spectrum of Nathalie's gauge.

For myself, I am still wavering in the middle. There is certainly a masculine aspect to me that I am not looking to lose. There is a feminine aspect to me that comes out when I dress, but I don't think it is as strong as most here. So I am still feeling everything out. In the end, I believe I will be on the masculine side of center, but we will have to see...

[ReineD]

If you don't mind a GG making an observation ....


I feel my femininity in direct contrast with male energy. If I am in a room with other GGs, I will just feel myself, no matter how casually (or not) we are dressed. If there are men present, the girlier I look (makeup, heels, hose, dress, etc) the more feminine I feel. But, even if I am in jeans with no makeup, I will feel more feminine if there is a male present who senses my femininity than if I am alone or with other GGs.

I am suggesting (if this makes sense) that the degree of femininity felt by CDs depends on the contrast between the male and femme selves. For a CD just starting out, for example, the mere act of putting on lingerie (no makeup or other femme articles) is enough of a contrast to her guy side as to feel ultra feminine. Then in time, as her femme identity is more fully incorporated and expressed, she needs a more comprehensive femme look in order to continue to feel feminine.

Once the complete look is accomplished, this is where the desire to be admired by men comes in. The CD will feel her femininity in contrast to male attention just like a GG?

I don't know what makes a feminine vs. a masculine personality other than stereotypical attributes. I know some women who are aggressive and some men who are not, so there is a wide range of characteristics within each gender. In terms of emotion, I applaud birth males who have transcended their upbringing in order to be able to get in touch with their feelings and cry if they need to.

[Kathi Lake]

As always, I agree with our wonderful Reine. As a male, I don't really know how to feel feminine, or even if I do at all. It is more of a contrast, I guess.

Like Bailey, I was always super skinny and very girly - great for dressing, but not the best for impressing the ladies. Those who have met me describe me as being more feminine than most guys they have met, having a womanly aura, being in touch with my feminine side, etc. Having never been a woman, and therefore not really knowing how that really feels, I have no basis to really judge. Basically, inside, I feel like me. Where that falls on the spectrum is really up to those who know me, I guess.

Kathi

[Miranda09]

I don't think I could have phrased any better Reine. I'm not really sure where I fall in the masculine/feminine slide bar, BUT I think it's likely right in the middle. I like to think I can successfully balance and mix both sides. :)

[windycissy]

That's a real eye-opener Reine, thanks for the insights...for guys to overcome all that testosterone, upbringing and societal taboos to want to dress as women, I'd say our innate femininity is way up there, and sometimes when I'm dressed to the nines and I see a woman with no makeup in stretchpants, I think to myself "I'm more of a girl than she is" but of course I'm kidding myself...

[Karren H]

I don't consider myself overly feminine or overly masculine.. Kind of femuline.... Though I'm always striving to make my body more fem... Not having the greatest success.. In my humble opinion

[girlalex]

If you don't mind a GG making an observation ....


I feel my femininity in direct contrast with male energy. If I am in a room with other GGs, I will just feel myself, no matter how casually (or not) we are dressed. If there are men present, the girlier I look (makeup, heels, hose, dress, etc) the more feminine I feel. But, even if I am in jeans with no makeup, I will feel more feminine if there is a male present who senses my femininity than if I am alone or with other GGs.

You nailed it ReineD. This is exactly how i feel about my self. When im alone im just who i am. probably most likely more female than male but when there is a handsome guy around i can really sense the difference.:)

[Jilmac]

I don't think it's body as much as it is mindset. Although some of us may have more feminine body features (I'm not one) and feel comfortable wearing women's clothes, I believe femininity comes from within. I can say with a relative amount of certainty that I feel totally comfortable in the presence of women and can interact with them one on one or in a group. In therapy I have always felt much more comfortable talking to a woman and have a feeling of tranquility afterwards.

Perhaps it was my childhood, growing up with five sisters which gave me the feminine awareness, or maybe it was the special bond I felt between me and my second sister. Whatever it was, I believe my own femininity is in my mind and the clothes I wear just enhance my outward femininity.

[Kate Simmons]

Who indeed? Only we really know. It's all about playing a role and how good we are at it. The physical appearance is just the icing on the "cake".:)

[sonia_dargency]

thank you Reine, I love GG's input, it is always so eye opening.

I can't say where I stand in the feminine scale but

1) I am not to the point to try to please male or compete with female
2) since day one, I have been the confident of the girls, they always felt comfortable around me and vice versa, telling me about their femme stuffs, praising my tender ear etc. then they went off to some burly macho moron...
3) I am totally with Bailey regarding stereotype male activity or attitude... I just don't get it. hence #2

I can giggle unexpectedly for a soap or a candle in a store when in male cloth but yes the attire makes me fell really feminine.

Bailey, tell me that you clipped your avatar from the VS catalog! Gorgeous!

Sonia

Ok - I checked your profile and now I know...
S

[Misty is Kindafem]

I feel my femininity in direct contrast with male energy.

Um, ...brilliant observation.

If I'm with a group of women while I'm dressed, then I just can't help but feel like a guy in a dress. I'm self conscious about everything I do.

However,

If I'm with a group of guys in full "guy" mode, then I usually distinguish myself very quickly as the girly one. Thankfully I'm at an age now (39 thank you) where the guys just give me a good natured hard time but there's no doubt about the macho pecking order.

I sometimes wonder how naturally fem my presentation would be if I was dressed around men exclusively. Hmmmmm

-Misty

[WandaRae2009]

Your understanding is so on point.

Once I read it, how true it is. In my own life, over time I have wanted to do more. At first some lingirie, then fully dressed, then makeup & wig, taking pictures and thinking would somone consider me a woman, then going out. It seems a little more is needed to make the feeling complete and satisfying.

[Sophie_C]

Obviously we all feel feminine when we dress. Some of us feel feminine ONLY when we dress and some feel that way all the time. Because we feel feminine, we must have more femininity than most men but how do you measure that? Is it just in our minds or in our bodies as well?

I think I began to dress because I felt my body was not very masculine and felt embarassed by it, but my wife now encourages me as it makes me happy and she doesn't mind that I am not at all masculine.

So I feel a certain percentage feminine but can that be measured? Perhaps many of us, especially the ones who feel most feminine, do not have the traditional male body shape.

Who knows?

I can't speak for anyone else, but I have ALWAYS had a feminine nature to myself, going back as far as I can remember. I consciously had to hide / mask my natural behavior as people told me it was 'wrong'. Even if I'm in all boy clothes, that sort of nature never changes. It's like dressing a GG in a man's suit. It's still there. Simple as that.

[Destiny]

Im very feminine whether dressed or not. I have a slender frame, slim legs and small feet and hands. I used to be self concious about these features, now I have come to be very proud of them. I think most that know me believe I am secretly gay because of the way I groom, dress and because of my obvious feminine manorisms (walking, talking). I wear secret deodorant, keep my nails long and polished, take oatmeal baths, despise body hair, love to cook and sew and even enjoy a good love story over sports any day. All and all, I'd say im pretty "soft". lol

[Nicole Erin]

Well with what Reine posted, I think there is the long-saught answer that people here often wonder.

It is like anything, certain things make us feel better or worse, girly or many, rich or poor...
Just depends on your mindset and surroundings.

But with feeling many or girly -

Sometimes you can pretty much just feel the testosterone or estrogen.

YOu probably feel the estrogen in a beauty salon
You probably feel the testosterone in a room full of men cheering at the TV when their team is winning.

[Destiny]

My wife recently pointed out too that whenever we are around a group I always end up hanging out with the girls, I guess "girltalk" is just much more interesting to me.

[Mona]

I've always been slim an' small and contantly had to prove my 'manliness', even had fun doing it, so for me CDing lets me feel a very nice contrast. Oh, and Nathalie, I can't make the slider thingy work!

[Tina L.]

I feel feminine when i am dressed but i do not look it i'm sure. since i wear 3x tops and dresses and wear size 10 to 14 skirts and pants

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

I read Reine's post before I went to work, and gave it some thought while I was working. She definitely has a point, and another girl here already mentioned what I decided while I was at work: I DO feel more feminine around guys. Not because of any attention or even desire for attention, but just in drab and such, because I don't understand their stereotypical mental outlook on things, I feel feminine compared to them. Around girls, when I'm in drab, I feel comfortable but jealous. And around girls, when en femme (the one time a girl ever sees my dressing is when my bra specialist, Miranda, comes in the dressing room with me at VS) I feel like another poster said...in that case I feel totally masculine compared to them...like a guy in a dress as that poster said...or in my case, guy in bra and panties. Miranda does help me try to feel more feminine though... I think she knows that's what I ultimately want, and she indulges me whenever she has the time. So around her, I can sometimes feel more feminine...but she's the exception.

P.S. Thanks so much Sonia for the compliments on my avatar! :) Yeah...I WISH I looked like this. But nope, no catalogue! Just someone my cousin has the pleasure of being best friends with.

[lowlavalentine]

I just rely on my "femometer" $29.95 out of the Dr. Leonard's catalog. When it starts smoking and the alarm bells go off, I know I'm pretty much where I need to be.

[kayesimone]

Reine...wow...well put...the idea of an active/reactive inner sense...ever reacting to and with other energies...this will be fun to think about and experience...

[Nicola2876]

I've always felt very comfortable around female friends and had great friendships with them. I've been described as having a feminine outlook on many things and never connected with macho males. I feel that I'm very femme but I don't look it. I think I feel more female than male in my mind but will I ever know what female feels like? My therapist asked me about my male side and the things I could come up with that make me male apart from physical attributes were very sketchy. I love watching football but so does my wife!!

[Samantha Girl]

I feel like I'm somewhat balanced between masculine and feminine. Probably a bit more feminine than the average man, but it's not always obvious. I'm sensitive, I cry easily at emotional crap and am moved to tears by movies, TV shows and music. I have a big family, If the guys are in one room, girls in another, I'll probably be with the girls 2/3 of the time :)

Example of movies, was crying within 5 minutes of the new Star Trek movie, you know why, tell me you weren't crying?! Cooooome on! :weep:

[KarenHiller]

I dunno... Until I hit about 23 or 24 or so, I had a very girly body... Ultra slim, ultra skinny. Parents used to joke that if I ever got arrested, a jail couldn't hold me because I'd slip between the bars! :P But now my shoulders are getting broader and my look is getting more masculine. (Noooooooo!) I've always hated masculinity for many many reasons...the most prominent of which is that I just don't GET men. (And I AM one. How sad is that?!) I don't understand maybe 90% of the things "normal" men do, and frankly I have no desire to because women are right: men are stupid. Football? Please. Never been my thing. I used to be a big hockey fan, cheered on the Dallas Stars 'til they won the Stanley Cup, celebrated like mad, and then I thought, "Well that was fun...and pointless."

Anyway, sorry, I got off on a tangent there. To answer the question, I feel very, very feminine inside, all the time. I think that's why I've always wished that I had been born female. It just seems like it would have "matched" me better.

Thanks for the post, Bailey. Sounds a lot like me! I grew up small, even as an adult buying pants in the boy's department because I had a 28" waist. At 5'7" I weighed 132# and wasn't at all into sports, which greatly disappointed my jock father. It wasn't my fault that my body was just like my petite mother's. Even then I preferred to be like mom.

Then I tried to pretend to be a sport's fan, and I was on the other side of that hockey game, shouting "No goal!". Now I realize how insignificant it all was. I'm much happier wearing pretty lingerie and a cute dress; it's so much more the real me.

Thanks again, Karen

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

Haha, I think if that goal had occurred during regulation, it would have been disallowed. But after several games going into triple-overtime, I think the refs just said "screw it, let's go home!" Which was fine with my sleepy self :P

[minalost]

My wife recently told me that my personality totally changes when I dress. The word she used was "Submissive." I wonder how many of us confuse being submissive or passive for "feminine?"

Just a thought...

[Vanessa5]

Wow. Quite a few just like me. I have never really felt masculine. Most of the time if I hung out with boys I was the oddball out. Compare that to when I am around GG I am totally comforatable. I have always been more connected with GG than boys. Now most of my friends are GG.

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

My wife recently told me that my personality totally changes when I dress. The word she used was "Submissive." I wonder how many of us confuse being submissive or passive for "feminine?"

Just a thought...

Hmmm, I don't know that it's necessarily mistaking one for the other... There are plenty of strongly assertive women who are plenty feminine. I think it's more that most crossdressing men tend to act more submissively when we dress as women simply because in some cases we don't know how to BE a woman, so when a GG tells us how to be a woman, we naturally just go with it because, well, they would know better than us! :)

[lavistaa62]

Same here- everyone of my good friends have been women- sometimes with, sometimes with the sexual bond as well. Like others here if there's a gathering I'm typically talking with the women. Can't say there's a single guy who I've maintained contact with over the years. I think it's actually unfortunate but it's begining to make more sense. Wish I'd thought more about this earlier in my life and I wonder what the difference is?

[sallyjones]

i have a manly body unfortunately. but i still feel very feminine almost all my life. its my life i'll live it like i want.

[Karan49]

This has been a very thought provoking conversation. Both Baily and Reine in particular have made me wonder about the polarities of "masculine" and "feminine" in relation to each other. That is feeling more feminine when men are present if I am en femme.
One aspect I wonder about is the regular guy, that is the so called normal guy, by that I mean not the guys who come to this site; do they feel masculine and if they do is it in relation to being around women. I heard a few of us hear say they feel more feminine or as the least masculine when they are around guys while they are in drab.
I too don't get the guy thing, about how they think, it doesn't make much sense and never has even when I was young.
I hope this makes some sense?

Karan49

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

This has been a very thought provoking conversation. Both Baily and Reine in particular have made me wonder about the polarities of "masculine" and "feminine" in relation to each other. That is feeling more feminine when men are present if I am en femme.
One aspect I wonder about is the regular guy, that is the so called normal guy, by that I mean not the guys who come to this site; do they feel masculine and if they do is it in relation to being around women. I heard a few of us hear say they feel more feminine or as the least masculine when they are around guys while they are in drab.
I too don't get the guy thing, about how they think, it doesn't make much sense and never has even when I was young.
I hope this makes some sense?

Karan49

It TOTALLY makes sense! I think you may have hit on something. This may take me a minute to explain, but I'll come back to your point.

Did anyone see the movie "What Women Want"? Mel Gibson? Where he hears women's thoughts? He said something that's very true and I've confirmed this with many GGs: He said that when Dr Sigmund Freud stated that women's attraction to men is based on "penis envy," Freud was wrong... Women don't have penis envy, MEN do. That is, in the sense of being so insecure around other guys (and going back to your point, thus feeling LESS masculine) that they feel the need to compare themselves to other men, figure out how good they are in bed, figure out if their penis is longer than the other guy's... It's all some sick king-of-the-hill game to the "macho" men.

Therefore, I'd have to conclude that these macho men feel less masculine and thus inadequate around other men that they perceive as more masculine than they are, and they feel MORE masculine when around women...mistaking "company" and "companionship" for "adoration." And the more women, the more manly the macho man feels, which boosts his ego. Thus... you were exactly right.

So then it's only a simple question of which attribute the man favors: does he prefer masculinity or femininity? Ironic that by hanging out with the feminine persuasion, we feel more masculine...and by hanging out with the masculine persuasion, we feel more feminine (usually because we probably find ourselves intimidated by the more macho guys).

Interesting stuff!

[CharleneM]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I have ALWAYS had a feminine nature to myself, going back as far as I can remember. I consciously had to hide / mask my natural behavior as people told me it was 'wrong'. Even if I'm in all boy clothes, that sort of nature never changes. It's like dressing a GG in a man's suit. It's still there. Simple as that.

As far as I'm concerned Sophie, you hit it right on the head.

My first job during the summer out of high school, my boss said I was wearing my zipper the wrong way(meaning like a skirt with the zipper in the back).

I have two pierced ears, and even when I'm not wearing earings, I find straight staring at me. LOL

[lissetta]

Thats what i like the skaters the ski jumpers i mean if i changed the station to see johnny weir during a football playoff at the local sports bar....

[sonia_dargency]

My wife recently pointed out too that whenever we are around a group I always end up hanging out with the girls, I guess "girltalk" is just much more interesting to me.

Enough about me LOL

Sonia