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Julie
08-02-2005, 11:29 PM
Just a simple question:

If your SO were to go on HRT, would you still want to be with him/her?

Tamara Croft
08-02-2005, 11:43 PM
That's a very hard question to answer Julie. But simply put, I'd have to say I went into a relationship with a man not a woman. We often joke about Tam going on HRT and growing 'boobies', but it's all in jest.

Tam to me is like a girlie friend, not a lover, not my soulmate, not the man I will marry. Going on HRT would change that. He would change on the outside as well as on the inside. This is something I couldn't deal with. I love him just the way he is and personally, a big step like that in our relationship just isn't happening.

Wow Julie, you really have me stumped here :bonk: Such a simple question, yet I'm finding myself struggling to put into words what is in my head. I could just say, if he takes HRT... that's the end...... but would it be the end?? I can't honestly answer that, because I really don't know. I was without him for 4 months and during that time, yes I went out a lot, yes I carried on with my life, but deep inside, the pain was unbearable. I think if you had asked me this a few years ago, the answer might be different. But over the last few months, we have got to know each other all over again, that is something I'm not prepared to lose again.

Now I'm sat here feeling all confused.... all the 'what ifs' running around in my head..... I guess I will deal with the 'what ifs' if they ever arise.

TrueGemini'sWife GG
08-02-2005, 11:51 PM
Or would hope, my SO would at least talk to me about it, before starting something life altering. I know I would at least. All I can say on this subject. Not something even thought of by Gem. Hope it helps though..

:)

KewTnCurvy GG
08-03-2005, 03:08 AM
Since your poll allowed me several choices. I've thought about it. I don't know how I'd feel about it truly. The thought, I hope he wouldn't want surgery has been there. And, maybe I will like it, who knows.

Stacey23 GG
08-03-2005, 07:35 AM
Simple question, Julie? Hmmm...for some perhaps. :confused:

If Jennifer were ever to consider taking hormones, I would hope that she would discuss it with me. How far is she going to take this? What are the reasons for doing so? What is her goal?

Jennifer and I have talked about this, however and she has told me that she has no desire to become a woman. Only wants the option to dress like one when she feels without being ridiculed.

Hypothetically, if she were to come to me and tell me she wanted to pursue this, I would have to have someone jump on my chest so I would resume normal breathing. I married a man and that's what I want to spend the rest of my life with. I would not stop loving her/him, however. I just don't think that I could live like that. But, one never knows until you're put into the situation how you would react or deal with it. Love, if it's true, is the deepest emotion and it can overcome extreme odds and obstacles. :love:

Marla GG
08-03-2005, 09:09 AM
Not a simple question at all, but I will do my best to answer it. Also, I think it would have been helpful for you to include a brief summary of the medical facts about cross-gender hormone therapy and its effects on the male body. Some of us who have never had to consider this issue may not be well-informed enough to answer meaningfully.

First of all, I fell in love with Angel and married him already knowing that he was a crossdresser. My previous partner had been a crossdresser, and I found that I preferred that to being with a regular guy. But I was specifically looking for someone who could honestly tell me he had no interest in taking hormones or transitioning in the future. In other words, to put it bluntly, if Angel had told me that hormones were a possibility, we probably would not be married now.

However, as I am well aware, people change sometimes. So let's pretend for a second that over the years Angel becomes dissatisfied with just wearing women's clothes and wants to go farther.

Well, first of all, taking hormones is not something that anyone should just casually decide to do. There are risks and side effects beyond the obvious ones. So Angel would need to be under the care of a doctor. That doctor, if practicing medicine responsibly, would not prescribe hormones on a patient's whim. He or she would require a referral from a competent psychologist, who in turn would only make that recommendation after a substantial period of counseling and/or real life experience living as a woman. So the answer I am about to give presupposes that at least two health care professionals have agreed to the tharapy and that the patient has spent months or years thinking about the implications.

In a scenario like this, I would have to ask, why? Are you so unhappy in your body that you need to change it in order to feel content? And if that is the case, then how do you know that taking hormones will be enough for you? Will you be satisfied with those hormonally induced changes, or will you want more? What is your goal?

If my husband wanted to take this step, it would be a serious problem for me. But I also assume that he would not want to do so unless he was profoundly unhappy in the first place. If his therapist and his doctor agreed that the hormones were appropriate, and if Angel was convinced that his own happiness and well-being depended on taking them, then I would try to accept it, the same way I would try to accept any other traumatic and life-changing event. The changes in Angel's body would distress me, and the possible impact on our physical intimacy would worry me as well. I would have to trust in our love for one another and in the remarkable human capacity to adapt to change.

Perhaps our marriage would survive and perhaps it wouldn't. It is possible that I would continue to love Angel, but not in a romantic way. I already know, from past life experience, that I am not capable of feeling that kind of love for another woman. Whether my brain would begin to perceive Angel as a woman after hormone therapy is not something I can predict, but if it happened, I believe my love would slowly die, despite any efforts I might make to keep it alive. Our relationship would become more platonic. That would be a great loss to me, and I am not sure I would want to stay married to a person whom I could only love like a sister or a best friend. I would try with all my heart to make things work.....but I can't say for certain what the outcome would be.

I hope that gave you the insight you were looking for, Julie. And I'm glad you asked.

Oh, and....I chose "I'd be kind of freaked out but I'd wait to see where it leads," but if I could word it a bit differently, I would say "I'd be devastated but I'd give myself time to see if I could adjust or not before ending the relationship."

kathy gg
08-03-2005, 10:01 PM
HI Julie,

I think Marla summed up so much of what applies to me. Since I pretty much looked to date and marry a crossdresser (note the word crossdresser and not transexual) I felt I made 'my' desires quiet clear to potential dates back in the day.

But your question is anything but simple. Had you asked me this question when I was not married and just dating a cd, my answer would have been "Would drop him like a hot potato!" Because i did not want to date or marry a guy that had that on his agenda. I did not have time for complications like hormones, sex change, ect, ect. I have nothing against people who have to take hormones or decide that is their path, it is just not one I wanted to travel down myself as a partner.

Now if you had asked me that question while I was falling in love and getting married and we were in that 'new' stage I would have said "Even though I love him, this is more than I can handle. I need a man in my life" I could have still distanced myself and not felt that I was in the wrong, because we had not had a life yet fully realized. It would have been hard, but I could have started anew.

But now if you ask me and we have been married 6 yrs and we now have this beautiful child in our life my answer is
I'd be kind of freaked out but I'd wait to see where it leads. ANd I say this becuase our love is not the only thing we have as a couple. We have a shared responsibility in raising our kid. We have made this huge commitment to being parents and doing it as a team. The last thing I would ever want in this world not only would be to loose my husband, but would be for my daughter to loose her dad (in a see ya-everyday kind of way).

I think I would be sad and feel like I was misled some. Espically considering my never ending enthusiam and cheerleader like attitude towards crossdressing.

But I know with certinity my previous two answers would not even be a consideration becauase we have a history, a present , and a future and he could not shake me off that easily now!

so that is my long answer to your (NOT)'simple' question

hugs
kathy in canada

RainyHaze GG
08-04-2005, 12:08 AM
Hi Julie,

In my experience Sue/Steve is a FtM transsexual. We are no longer together, but I am aware he is currently under going HRT. He would like to transition, but I do not know his progress. It is still very odd for me to refer to Sue as Steve or as a male.

Perhaps if I had found something like the forum, a few years ago things would have been easier. He and I had difficulties communicating, and other problems as well, that is why the relationship ended.

I still care for and love him. I wish he finds happiness and peace. The truth is I did not end the relationship, but I no longer had romantic feelings for him, and hadn’t for a few years. It was simply summed up in two words “A Duty.”.

If we were still together, and he continued to HRT, and to transition, I am not sure what would have happened. Most likely I would have continued to stay, be it even more unhappy than I was.

Rainy

Lulie GG
08-04-2005, 12:45 AM
My choice would be the last one, I am still coming to terms with his cross dressing but hormones would for me be taking it too far, it would be taking my man away.

Marla GG
08-04-2005, 09:52 AM
I know this is an anonymous poll, but to the participants who chose "This is something I would be interested in looking into" and "This is something I have wanted," could you please post an explanation to help the rest of us understand why you feel this way? Inquiring minds want to know!

If you don't want everyone to see who you are, you can PM me or Tamara with your response and we will post it anonymously. Without some commentary from you, your vote doesn't do much to educate CDs about how we feel.

Thank you!

TrueGemini'sWife GG
08-04-2005, 03:25 PM
I know this is an anonymous poll, but to the participants who chose "This is something I would be interested in looking into" and "This is something I have wanted," could you please post an explanation to help the rest of us understand why you feel this way? Inquiring minds want to know!

If you don't want everyone to see who you are, you can PM me or Tamara with your response and we will post it anonymously. Without some commentary from you, your vote doesn't do much to educate CDs about how we feel.

Thank you!
"This is something I would be interested in looking into."
Why? well honestly that and "I thought about this and wondered how I would feel" were the closest responses that fit my feelings. If my SO came to me and said this is something that was really important to him. What else could I do except educate myself and try my best to be understanding and supportive? I cannot say if my feelings would change or if our relationship would stay the same. That is too much to project. Especially since my Gem, has shown absolutely no interest in this at all. All I do know is that I love my husband with all my heart and I cannot imagine him or her (depending on the future), not being a huge part of my life.

Hope this helped Marla!
:)

Marla GG
08-04-2005, 04:05 PM
Hope this helped Marla!
:)


Yes, Pattie, it helped a ton!

When I read that poll option, I took "something I would be interested in looking into" to mean an intriguing possibility, something I might like to experience. I never thought of it the way you did. I agree, if my SO wanted to do this, I would try to educate myself also.

Multiple choice tests are tricky, aren't they? ;)

Tamara Croft
08-07-2005, 07:43 AM
Thank you to all the GG's that took part in this poll/thread for Julie Marie. It is now closed. If any other GG's would like to comment or vote, please let me or Julie Marie know and we will unlock it for a short time. :hugs: