Sleep Paralysis.

[NiCo]

[Note: I’ve put this post here rather than in the Mental and Physical health issues section because it contains transgender related content…I hope that’s okay, aye?! If not, please move it to the section you feel is more suitable. thanks.]

Right, so, does anyone get this?

I get it quite often and it’s sometimes pretty distressing! Sometimes it can be peaceful, I’ll be lying, unable to move but I feel really relaxed and happy; and then other times there’s this hooded creature sitting in a dark corner laughing at me and pointing at me. Then on occasion it will slink towards me, reaching out…then after what feels like hours [and in fact it’s like minutes!] I can move again but I have this overwhelming sensation of panic and I struggle to breathe!

Since going on T, at the beginning my sleep returned to what I guess should be normal [as I’ve never really known how a normal sleep pattern should be. I’ve been diagnosed with insomnia since 3 years old, I’m 21 now.] and it went away, but it’s coming back again, starting peaceful and getting worse. It’s making me not want to go to sleep but then I start hallucinating with sleep deprivation, causing severe depression, suicidal thoughts etc etc.

The doctor has prescribed a large amount of diazepam to relax me during the day because I’ve started having panic attacks again…so I’ve started taking one before bed [the dose is not enough to send me to sleep but it stops anxiety which may affect sleep]. I don’t even like tablets! This is what I’ve been reduced to!

Do you think this is caused, in a whole, by the amount of anxiety I’m having right now? Before T I was worrying about being allowed to see a specialist, seeing one before I done something stupid in one of my black-outs, then being approved for T…it went away when I got T but now I have been told I have Endometriosis and I’m going to have to have a hysto VERY soon…and my chest op has just been approved. Could it be my anxiety from that?

I should be happy about the hysto and I am in a sense but I haven’t prepared myself mentally for it yet! I thought I was having my chest op first so I’ve been preparing myself these last 18 months or so, accepting the possibilities of something going wrong etc and psyching myself up for it…and now I’m quite excited for it, but I’ve not had enough time to process the whole hysto bit as I thought it would be another year or so until that happened; now I’m being told I have a matter of a few weeks! Is it the pressures of having to be prepared mentally in time for surgery causing this? Or are there other causes of Sleep Paralysis?

Apparently it is very common but I’ve also heard that it can be fatal in rare cases?! WTF, is this true?!

I haven’t spoken to my doctor about it, I don’t want her to find out it’s causing me all this distress which is then causing me to feel depressed, suicidal etc cause then it could affect this transitioning blah-de-blah even thought I’ve been approved for both surgeries and waiting for funding to be cleared. I still feel that every-single-little-thing will damaged my chances of transitioning, I’ve been waiting 6 years [as of MARCH] for help with transitioning and only just started to get somewhere, so if it’s delayed anymore, I don’t even want to think about it, I know how my own mind works but docs seem to think they know it better than I do.

Is there anything I can do? Or do I have no choice but to see my doctor? I don’t know if I can deal with this anymore, it’s causing me extra mental pain to what I’ve already got.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Sorry if I rambled or something.

[Barbara Dugan]

I've had the same experience a few times in my life,very frightening indeed but is a few years since I had the last one ..I think you should see your doctor good luck:hugs:

[Byanca]

Apparently it is very common but I’ve also heard that it can be fatal in rare cases?! WTF, is this true?!

Really?

I've had it as well. 6 or 7 times.

First time it was the most frightening I've experienced. You are fully awake and there is a presence in the room. Was sure I was done for.

I learned to control it somewhat, not get scared. So just relax and try to fade back into the dream instead of fighting a long time to connect to the body. And now it has been awhile since last time. Might have been stress related.

You can look up lucid dreaming. One can use this as a starting point. Very difficult, but also very interesting if you are successful.

[AmandaM]

This can be caused by many things. I've never heard of it being fatal though. Stress and anxiety can enhance this. You need to work on meditation and/or prayer if you are so inclined. The hooded thing, is what would be called, I think, a succubus. So, the sleep paralysis could be an "attack" on you. But, this is speculative, and the form you see may only be a figment of your anxiety-fille imagination. Remember, it's impossible to be anxious if your body is in a relaxed state. So get meditating.

[melimelo]

Nico, I don't experience sleep paralysis per se, but something else in your post made me think, in particular the fact that events are finally moving in your favor (scheduled hysto + masto). I was talking with my father during the Holidays and he's a strong believer that many health problems are psychosomatic in nature. In particular, according to this theory, the problems happens frequently when there is a release in your overall stress.

Something of that order happened to me. For 40 years, I was in almost perfect health. Then 2 years ago, I come out to my wife. There is a rising tension between us and I have to hide from the kids when I dress to go out. A pretty stress level. Then 7 months ago, she left me with the kids and I'm all alone. After the initial sadness, I feel somewhat liberated to finally be able to live as the woman I always felt inside. A month later, I start to have severe gastrointestinal problems and then 2 months later, I'm diagnosed with Celiac Disease.

I felt so frustrated about that. If I were Christian, I would ask God why is he finally giving me the chance to live as a woman only to make me so sick it's barely enjoyable! I don't buy totally the psychosomatic explanation but it got me thinking... In the mean time, since Celiac is incurable, I'm learning to live without gluten.

I hope you will find a solution to your problem.

[carolinoakland]

in a word... yes! you have a lot of real stress and you're body is reacting in a very normal way, and how we feel can afect one's demeanor. I've always accepted depression as a normal process of my mind to work it's way through things subconciously. Trying to manage that process only makes it take longer. let things run their course, with one exception... IF you are doing things that put you in danger ie: binge drinking. You've finally arrived, don't leave now! Carol

[Margot]

I saw a tv program on sleep recently. There is a normal sleep state that paralyzes your body on purpose. You may not regonize it unless you have night terrors as I do sometimes. Same thing, sinister thing or someone approaching me and I can''t move. It used to be horrible. When I was travelling for business I could always depend on a night terror the first night in a hotel. Go figure. I have trained myself to be able to recognize what's happening and talk through it and wake up my wife who wakes me up. Sometimes I end up yelling though.
Apparently the mind sorts things out and goes through scenarios at night. If you can't get into this paralyzed state you could end up sleep walking.
I doubt night terrors are linked to cd'ing. My CD dreams are quite pleasant.
I don't take any meds. just put up with it.
I sympathize with anyone who has them. They're very scary.
:hugs:
Margot

[Andy66]

NiCo, you've always struck me as a very intense young man. Very. I suggest you do a lot of thinking and reading about the things that cause you stress, to try to resolve some of it. You might find out some things are more fix-able or not as bad as you thought. And yeah, I like the meditation idea.

If all else fails, consider moving to a more cheerful, peaceful location or making the place you sleep feel more safe. Redecorate, sleep with lights on, hire a witch to throw some herbs around... whatever works.

[NiCo]

Really?

I've had it as well. 6 or 7 times.

First time it was the most frightening I've experienced. You are fully awake and there is a presence in the room. Was sure I was done for.

I learned to control it somewhat, not get scared. So just relax and try to fade back into the dream instead of fighting a long time to connect to the body. And now it has been awhile since last time. Might have been stress related.

You can look up lucid dreaming. One can use this as a starting point. Very difficult, but also very interesting if you are successful.

“A rare fatal form of sleep paralysis may, it is thought, underlie the cases of healthy teenagers, who die in their sleep, sometimes after fighting for breath but without thrashing around.”

It’s quite hard not to get scared when this thing is coming at you and you have no idea if you are awake or not and then everything is so clear, smells, sounds and you realise you are awake but are so scared you forget that it’s the SP…particularly when you are failing to breathe. I think this is the bit that can be deadly, which is even more terrifying!

I guess I did have it under control for a while cause I didn’t get it…when I was settled after being given T…it seems that every time I DO go to my doctor they have no experience in what I am talking about [for example, when I was getting the cramps, I was passed about 3 doctors until I was finally listened to and given the relevant tests to tell me I had endometriosis…would my GP have any clue about SP or am I wasting my time? That’s what I’m thinking now. I’m the type of person who doesn’t like talking too much about health problems to my doctor, they never seem to be on my planet when I need them to be.

I’m going to look up lucid dreaming, perhaps they have an answer for this to deal with it, if not, plan B - doctors…ugh.


This can be caused by many things. I've never heard of it being fatal though. Stress and anxiety can enhance this. You need to work on meditation and/or prayer if you are so inclined. The hooded thing, is what would be called, I think, a succubus. So, the sleep paralysis could be an "attack" on you. But, this is speculative, and the form you see may only be a figment of your anxiety-fille imagination. Remember, it's impossible to be anxious if your body is in a relaxed state. So get meditating.

Meditation? I’ve never done this, could you please tell me more, I’m willing to try anything to deal with this problem, it’s starting to get a bit of a joke! PM if you must =] Thank you.


Nico, I don't experience sleep paralysis per se, but something else in your post made me think, in particular the fact that events are finally moving in your favor (scheduled hysto + masto). I was talking with my father during the Holidays and he's a strong believer that many health problems are psychosomatic in nature. In particular, according to this theory, the problems happens frequently when there is a release in your overall stress.

Something of that order happened to me. For 40 years, I was in almost perfect health. Then 2 years ago, I come out to my wife. There is a rising tension between us and I have to hide from the kids when I dress to go out. A pretty stress level. Then 7 months ago, she left me with the kids and I'm all alone. After the initial sadness, I feel somewhat liberated to finally be able to live as the woman I always felt inside. A month later, I start to have severe gastrointestinal problems and then 2 months later, I'm diagnosed with Celiac Disease.

I felt so frustrated about that. If I were Christian, I would ask God why is he finally giving me the chance to live as a woman only to make me so sick it's barely enjoyable! I don't buy totally the psychosomatic explanation but it got me thinking... In the mean time, since Celiac is incurable, I'm learning to live without gluten.

I hope you will find a solution to your problem.

My mother is the same as your father by the sounds of things, she used to always say to me that if I think something enough, it will happen. For example, If I thought I was “dying” I could think myself into actually have it happen…[heart attack etc, stress related]. My mother was always very spiritual, had an “answer for everything” but not very supportive…

However, I’ve noticed the more I stress, the more ill I get. From 2008/2009 I had a hell of a lot of physical health problems, serious and not so serious, which could have been brought on with stress…or that’s what I’m thinking. Before that, I was physically a healthy person, big on the athletics, sports [football, rugby etc] so rarely got ill…then I took the breakdown and stopped all my health and fitness stuff and things have just went downhill…

I still exercise daily…just not to the same degree. Put it this way, I’m not fit enough to run a mile and a half in 8 minutes anymore.

I’m sorry to hear you are having so many problems now you finally have your chance! I think God has a lot to answer to when I finally get up there…I have a list ready for Him! NiCo is not a happy bunny…

It says that it is usually associated with Narcolepsy but I don’t have that. Although sleep disorders is a common thing in my family [with my nephew having narcolepsy and several of us having different degrees of severity of Insomnia] so perhaps that’s another reason.

ARRRGGGGHHH!

Lastly:


NiCo, you've always struck me as a very intense young man. Very.

What is this to mean? =/


I suggest you do a lot of thinking and reading about the things that cause you stress, to try to resolve some of it. You might find out some things are more fix-able or not as bad as you thought. And yeah, I like the meditation idea.

If all else fails, consider moving to a more cheerful, peaceful location or making the place you sleep feel more safe. Redecorate, sleep with lights on, hire a witch to throw some herbs around... whatever works.

I already have sussed out what has caused me to stress, but it’s not up to me to fix it, most of it is up to doctors, and scientists to improve the surgery results for lower surgery [ending this now cause I’ll just rant].

Also, another part is family…and what they have done to me. I can’t resolve that, they have done whatever and I have to, I will never and nor WANT a relationship with ANY of them. But I do think I need counselling for the water that’s went under the bridge. Counselling is in the pipe-line, in the meantime I’ve to just “put up with it”.

I’ve just moved to a new location after moving to several differently places in England…I’m back in Scotland now and happier than ever about where I live. I always wanted to come home, so with this SP coming back when I’m suppose ot be at my happiest…is sorta a let-down.

Oh! Might try the decorating bit, my room is looking a bit bland [cream walls, light wood floor].

So I’ve to get my gf to throw some herbs about then? :heehee: [Don’t tell her I said that] :eek:

Thanks for the replies everyone and taking the time to read this. Tc.

[Byanca]

“A rare fatal form of sleep paralysis may, it is thought, underlie the cases of healthy teenagers, who die in their sleep, sometimes after fighting for breath but without thrashing around.”
I can see this happening if severe enough. I managed after a long time to make some squishy sounds after attempting to scream the first time. It's really awful.


It’s quite hard not to get scared when this thing is coming at you and you have no idea if you are awake or not and then everything is so clear, smells, sounds and you realise you are awake but are so scared you forget that it’s the SP…particularly when you are failing to breathe. I think this is the bit that can be deadly, which is even more terrifying!
For me I didn't quite see it, only shadows. And it didn't attack me, only lurking around. No idea what would have happened if I was attacked. I remember I cried, could feel real tears rolling down my cheeks. Never felt as helpless. I dont think people that have not experienced it can even imagine what it is like.


I guess I did have it under control for a while cause I didn’t get it…when I was settled after being given T…it seems that every time I DO go to my doctor they have no experience in what I am talking about [for example, when I was getting the cramps, I was passed about 3 doctors until I was finally listened to and given the relevant tests to tell me I had endometriosis…would my GP have any clue about SP or am I wasting my time? That’s what I’m thinking now. I’m the type of person who doesn’t like talking too much about health problems to my doctor, they never seem to be on my planet when I need them to be.
I dont know, there is the wiki article.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis. But not much information to be found there.



I’m going to look up lucid dreaming, perhaps they have an answer for this to deal with it, if not, plan B - doctors…ugh.
And like this forum, you can ask. Maybe someone with knowledge can help you, some people there know a lot about dreams and dream related things.
http://www.dreamviews.com/community/index.php

I'm fully aware, also that it is not a dream. Because of this I can apply regular rationality, so I just ignore the presence. Pretends it isn't there, since I recognize what is happening. The last times I wasn't afraid. Maybe I was left alone, because there was no fun for it.

I dont know...if the presence is real or not, imagination, alien. All my rationality says it is fantasy. I have been left alone the last few years.

[Andy66]

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, NiCo. I had internet connection problems. To answer your question:

What is this to mean? :/
It seems to me that you have an exceptionally quick mind, probably not much patience, and you feel emotions more intensely than a lot of people. The good part is that you live life to the fullest. The bad part is that sometimes things bother you more than they need to, and that can cause stress.

About your family, I suggest you read the book Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. Couldn't hurt, right?

[Wen4cd]

I've suffered ASP since childhood, on and off my whole life. It comes at random, so far completely unrelated to stress for me. Often it will be a result of a recently interrupted sleep schedule, daytime napping, or even sleeping in awkward positions, on my right side, etc...

The hypnogogic hallucinations can be horrifying, or they can be wonderful, liberating OBE/ lucid dreamflight type deals, but I'd say the ratio falls very, very far toward the bad, with the good experiences amounting to maybe 10%.

There are tricks to shake out of an episode, but the first and hardest trick is to realize that it's happening, and for what it is, and not to panic. It sounds much easier than it is. Often I am glad my wife is there, because what comes out sometimes is a low moan that she recognizes, and shakes me up.

Other things you learn to do is focus on breath, the one thing I can usually control. I can also control my toes and ankles somewhat, and can often 'rock' them to a release state for the rest of my body.

My heart races in some episodes, and I think I am going to have a fatal heart-attack, and breathing deeply helps slow it.

If you can move around in a dream, in your residence, and can't tell if it is real or not, check a near-by light switch, if they don't work, it's an SP hallucination. Check a digital alarm clock, if it's gibberish, it's an SP dream. SP 'dreams' often take place in the same 'setting you are physically sleeping in, and linger when you wake, so when you break it, turn lights on to shake the bad lingering atmosphere, make it look different. It can start again right away if you let it, sucking you right back in, so move around and even go walk if you have to.

Also, you can learn to tell when it is going to be 'one of those nights' by the feeling in your head as you fall asleep, the 'pinging,' or the static charge feeling. Change the lights before you go to sleep then, and try to sleep on the side that does the lesser amount of that static pinging.

Another trick, if you get a handle on it, that can turn 'bad' to 'good' quickly, is 'spinning. ' Though it feels otherwise in an SP episode, your dream-body is weightless and not attached to your physical body, yet you can feel it's movement, (this is why people often hypnogocically hallucinate that they have 'broken' the paralysis, even rolling off the bed onto the floor, only to find themselves still in their original position,)so turning dream cartwheels in mid-air, 'twirling' and experiencing the sensations of movement/flight usually can turn things around for me. This is where realizing what is happening and not panicking comes in very handy.

It's just a thing a lot of people get, and should not be a hinderance to transitioning at all. It's not a disorder, just an experience some people have. People do die in their sleep, stop breathing from extreme sleep apnea, but it's not exactly the same thing as ASP.

[confusedlittlemonkey]

I go through sleep paralysis a couple of times a month. Before I go to sleep I meditate to slow down my body functions. It's a trick we're taught in Shaolin so that we don't panic in a fight, or gasp. As I start to relax, my body becomes more and more unresponsive to movement. Eventually I fall asleep wide awake. Then I finally go to sleep.

When I wake up the next day, my body is still torpid and I need to begin the process of waking up my body. So I'm not really afraid of sleep paralysis. As for seeing images, you may be accessing theta or delta brain waves and this is causing hallucinations. But I'm just guessing. So long as you can breath even in this state, I wouldn't bother with it too much.

My brother has sleep apnea and he wakes up gasping sometimes. So I figure as long as you don't have that, you should enjoy the relaxed state you wake up in. But that's just my two pence.