Learning to SMILE or REASON

[Barb123]

A couple years ago I decided that maybe a photographer could help me in a number of ways:
• safe place to dress,
• improve my presentation,
• bolster my confidence
• and get the photos that I could not get with a 10 second timer.
I can tell you that the single most significant thing I gained by using a photographer was: Learning to smile.

Does that sound dumb for a 58 year old?

I think it was because as guys we need to look tough or determined or something but apparently I did not think smiling projected what I wanted others to think. Funny using deadpan humor was effective, but I apparently did not develop a pleasant smile. But then, I saw the difference it made in my photos. Now I am not pretty, not even close, but the smile makes all the difference. A smile is the most important thing you can wear, male or female. Look at anyone’s photos, Karen Hutton as a great example or just look at anyone's on the blog.

At first, I began practicing. Then, I would see or hear something and then I just smiled. Soon it was like I found something I have been missing: SMILING”.
I find myself smiling now for the dumbest and simplest reasons; the way someone handles a checkout line, or see a cute kid or something my wife says. It can be almost anything.

I do not know if I am any happier, but this smiling thing has helped me to get more joy out of this world. Who knows, maybe I am just have fond memories of getting dressing up. But whatever it is, the benefits have foar exceeded the cost of learning to smile.
A cheerful heart is good medicine.
Proverbs 17:21-23
Barb123

[sherri]

Lovely photographs!!! What an attractive and interesting looking person you appear to be. And yes, the smile does look good on you. :)

Btw, I think the fuller hairstyle looks better on you, too.

[christine55]

One of the problems I have passing is my neutral male expression, lots of sadness. I can give a nice smile while posing but you cant smile like that walking around. I am happier as a female and am learning a happier neutral expression.
Hugs Christine

[Karren H]

Took me a long time to master (mistress?) smiling lke a woman.... now I can't stop... met a local crossdresser in drab for the first time a few years ago.... and he walked right over to me and said hello... in a crowd.... "How did you recoginize me"? "Your Smile"!!

[jenna_woods]

you do look great, and yes a smile always helps

[Sally2005]

Ever try to hold a smile and have your cheeks begin to twitch... it takes some effort to condition those muscles we never use in our boring male existance. A smile does wonders. When hold a smile I feel like my lips are up to my ears, but in reality my mouth is just better than neutral....the trick is to find a smile that is natural looking and it helps to imagine the smile of a female you think is confident and happy looking.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Very lovely pics (especially the one with the red top :thumbsup:) it took me a while to learn to smile as well, being that in male mode I never smile. What has helped me is just being happy and at peace with myself.

[noeleena]

Hi..
The pic on the right top is the one i like . the only comment i would make is as i m 62 . & a kiwi . i look for some one who dresses for thier age . as a camara girl. i take a lot of pics for our edwardian group & others . & i find many of our women wear longer skirts .
of cause we have long skirts . all i wear are longer skirts . around the ankles now thats just me . i spos our dress code is we are in the main in the age of between 50 to 70 s & as a woman im not a good looking chic.. not young enough .
The other part is the smile yes its a womens detail . & yes i pretty much was happy most of my life . & was & am known for my smiling . face . its can be learned . for me its normal . now that does not say we are smiling all the time .
it is a male detail not to smile .
i just was not male enough to relaise that . oh dear i missed that .

...noeleena...

[Sally24]

That's one of the biggest differences I notice when I look at my old photos. Occasionally one would have a good smile. Nowadays a photo of me not smiling is the exception!

[Stephenie S]

Ah, but smiling? May I say something here? Well, I guess I'm gonna go right ahead and say it anyway without waiting for permission.

I have been pushing the smiling thing on this forum for several years. It's your best weapon in your arsenal of tricks. WOMEN SMILE. Women smile at men. Women smile at other women. Women smile to themselves. Women SMILE!!

Now the smiles you show are very nice, but what I'm talking about is more than that. It's a grin! I call my smile my "sh*t eatin' grin". Look at Karren Hutton's smile in this thread. Look at Noeleena's smile in this thread. Now THOSE are smiles, and those are the smiles you need. That's the smile I am talking about.

I begin EVERY social interaction with that kind of smile. Come up to the counter in the auto parts store and flash that smile. Come up to the counter at VS and flash that smile. Pass another women in the supermarket and flash that smile. Pick up your scripts at the pharmacy and flash that smile. It won't be long before you are remembered and remembered with pleasure. People will be glad you are there.

A smile is a huge signal to the world that you are relaxed about what you are doing and that you are having fun. Use it! You will NEVER be disappointed.

This works with adults, but it also works with little kids. Little kids are a group that many CDers are afraid of. Kids seem to have this uncanny ability to read you immediately. "Mommy, why is that man wearing a dress?", is a dreaded thing to hear at the mall. When you see a small child, GRIN at him/her. Kids are not mean. They are just worried about something that may seem out of the ordinary. When you flash them that smile they recognise that you are not an enemy. They know that men don't smile at them. They know that women do. You want to cut a little kid off at the pass? Smile at them.

OK, 'nuff said. A smile can make your presentation, and the lack of one can kill it.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Karren H]

Ohh yeah Stephenie... Thing is its not a "trick"..... Once you figure it out.... It becomes part of you that you can't turn off... Smiling and hugging are the big differences between males and females.. (Excluding all that plumbing stuff!). Smiling becomes a trait....

Ohhhh. And ..... Trick or trait! Hahaha.

[sherri52]

Great pics and the smiles are perfect. Smiling takes less energy than frowning (fact).

[Barb123]

Stephanie:"Now the smiles you show are very nice, but what I'm talking about is more than that. It's a grin! I call my smile my "sh*t eatin' grin". Look at Karren Hutton's smile in this thread. Look at Noeleena's smile in this thread. Now THOSE are smiles, and those are the smiles you need. That's the smile I am talking about"

One of the reasons I am on this thing is to learn and discover things about myself. Well, I have learned a lot on.

And Stephanie you are RIGHT ON.

This was well said and very appreciated. Thanks. You are right about the grin.

Smiling is more than a facial expression. It is an outside expression that allows others to look deep in the soul. It becomes an attractive window that reveals so much and expresses so much about ourselves. Many guys guard that window. We cover it or tint it. We do not want to be discovered or be seen as soft.

It may be an insight into why the CD is so addictive. The whole thought process and actions of crossdressers and acting out the feminine role reaches and scratches places that we did not know were there. When we hit the spot we go, "that feel so good". Like iscratching a mosquito bit. We discover we found a part of ourselves that we like.

I would prefer to find that spot and itch it without all the peripheral damage caused by the crossdressing to other people in our lives and the peril we place ourselves in when we indulge in the activity.

Any insight on this would be appreciated

Barb123

[CharleneM]

Barb, lovely pictures, but girl, you have to show your pearly whites!

I find that when I'm out and about, and walking towards another woman, we both smile.

This is what most women do!

It took alot of practice, because I have a sour puss! LOL

If you look at my avatar, I took that myself, handheld.

[susie evans]

SMILES ARE VERY CONATGIOUS AND GO A LONG WAY


:love: SUSIE

[sandra-leigh]

I don't even smile well for the camera, and if I deliberately open my mouth for a traditional "show your teeth" smile, it usually comes out as a grimace... and reminds me of the years I spent in braces and how much I hated the elastics on those (internal scarring from the braces & elastics, which I feel when I show my teeth.)

On the other hand, a number of women have commented that they love my smile -- when I wasn't even aware that I was smiling.


Kids... Yup, I used to fear the "Mommy, why is that man wearing a dress" (and keep in mind that I gender-bend and that I get "read" and recognized quite easily even when I'm fully dressed.) What I found in practice though, is that kids don't pay much attention to me. Yes, some do focus on me for a moment (I've never had one stare), but just out of normal curiosity... a fairly short time later, they turn their attention to something else, apparently having decided that nothing is "wrong" or worth mentioning to anyone. I think I would probably get relatively much more attention if I were (for example) a guy carrying a saxaphone.

I have only twice had kids read me and express something about it; once was a 9-ish young girl who looked at me from both sides and flashed me a nice smile of approval; the other was a group of about 11 or 12 year old boys acting tough for each other, a couple of whom said distinctly "It's a guy!" as I walked through them.

Somehow even the teenage girls do not bother to pay attention to me (at least not in front of me... the laughs afterwards may or may not have been about something unrelated!)

I don't think for a moment that all those children believe that I am female, just I don't believe that very many of the adults are convinced that I am female: the best I can explain it as is that even when I gender-bend, I do not tend to give off the signals of "wrongness", the signals of alarm or discomfort with myself.

As I started going out dressed or gender-bending to places that knew me as a guy, I don't remember even one person who looked surprised, or at least none who were surprised for more than 2 seconds, in a mental "Ah, yes, that explains things!" click. The most I got was a sort of "I'm better than you are" smirk from a known pathological liar, and shit-eating grins from one deli-worker who mostly gives me the impression that he would like to ask me out. The rest... it was more like just a detail, something they already knew, just me wearing something that was appropriate for me.

Either that or I am a portable SEP (Somebody Else's Problem) field :D

[LisaM]

Wonderful post, Barb!

[carolinoakland]

A great point that a lot of girls miss, we tend to look at the clothes. Since I went 24/7 I realized that I had to learn a whole diferent body, face, gesture , and conversation skills. And forget five decades of social conditioning. Now I know what the phrase
"Hit the ground running..." means, just didn't expect to have to do it in heels!
So, Yes! As a professional woman, a smile is a womans calling card. Carol

[SuzanneBender]

Mom always said it takes less muscles to smile than to frown. Karren is right once you start doing it you can't stop.

Once you start smiling en drab expect your world to change. People never wonder why the lady is smiling but always wonder what the guy is up to when he is smilling.

I wish I could buy the whole world a coke (diet) and a smile. It would be a better place.

[Barb123]

People never wonder why the lady is smiling but always wonder what the guy is up to when he is smilling.

You don't see John Wayne or Clint Eastwood or Bruce Willis smile unless they wanted to make a point. It is like smiling had to have a purpose or agenda. It just not on the male job description.

I have a sense that I have been easier to talk to and more open with others with since this “smiling” epiphany.
However many it muscles takes at this point in life, I have the stern look down and it had become the default. My muscles have been trained and creases established, so changing facial expression now takes some effort. So, I suspect that while I have to use fewer muscles to smile, they are out of shape.

The awareness that I need to smile has to be initiated and to do that, I look for opportunities to see what is going on that can cause a smile. So I am actively looking and finding reasons. Then the smile creates its own attitude within me and can impact other around me.
Thanks for the feedback and imput.
Barb123