Want to Share with office girls but why?

[dancer1]

I spend 80 % of my time in the office over the last year i have put my co on the verge of the the big payday and i have not done it on my own, the office manager and design consultant have been a major part of it. Now i feel the drive to come out to them. What will i gain or how much will i lose ? and why i want to share with them. I tested the water with a lipstick cigarettte in the ashtray at my desk, my office manager responce was who's i said cause of the company we were in i would exsplain later. But in that meeting i was given a complament in reguards to shaving and my hair cut, not directed at me cindy stated she would question a man in reguards to his masqulinity when they get thier nails done . So i belive that she would not be accepting to my cd in the office of her own accord if i was not her employer. Both women are attractive and dress so nice i have been going crazy inside wishing i could do the same in thier company we spend a lot of time together every day. So i ask for my fellow Cd'er for thier exsperiance and opinions.

[Phyliss]

Not knowing any more than you've written, I'd say, as much as it hurts, say NOTHING. If you value your employment and the nice working conditions, best to keep quiet.

If you have any doubt about saying anything then say nothing. Much safer

[ReineD]

If you've tested the waters and believe your employees wouldn't be comfortable knowing about the CDing, then I would not tell them. It is their place of employment and you don't want to mix private matters with your business life ... or you may need to find and train new employees.

Are there CD support groups you could join, or find other outlets for expressing yourself? The desire to have a social life with others is understandable, but choose places where people are open to this. In time, as you feel more comfortable and if you ever decide to out yourself to everyone and live full time, then you could hire employees with the understanding they would be working with a TG.

[sherri52]

I would do nothing at this time but the waters may need additional testing

[Vicki-Z]

I wouldn't chance it. You have a lot to lose.


Vicki :hugs:

[melissacd]

I say that you should test the waters further and find ways to push the envelope bit by bit and eventually you may find that there is a point where you can just tell that it is okay to come out.

[christinek]

I work for the Govt. I to have a huge female base I draw support from at work, most of my friends at work are female. I so want to come out to them.

I am on the fence for one of my closest female friends. We are like sisters, but I am male to her.

[Susan.]

It took me 7 years to come out to my friend at work. But she was just that, a very good friend. I knew she didn't betray trusts and knew she was sympathetic to her gay brother-in-law. We don't get to talk at work because there are ears everywhere but I have sent her a lot of emails and a few text messages.

[sandra-leigh]

But in that meeting i was given a complament in reguards to shaving and my hair cut, not directed at me cindy stated she would question a man in reguards to his masqulinity when they get thier nails done . So i belive that she would not be accepting to my cd in the office of her own accord if i was not her employer.

If you are the supervisor of your office manager, then it is your legal duty to inform her that civil rights legislation (in Canada and the USA) prohibits her from questioning anyone about their masculinity or femininity unless standards of masculinity or femininity have specifically been set out as necessary to hold that particular position.


I used to be a supervisor; it was made absolutely clear to me (in a training session for supervisors) that under the Canada Human Rights Act, that discrimination on any of the grounds listed there or in the Canada Charter of Rights and Freedoms or "read in" to the Charter in any federal court case, was prohibited and that any supervisor who became aware of it and who failed to act to prevent its re-occurrence, would be personally liable for their failure to act and could not be indemnified against such a thing by the company / organization. This applied no matter who was affected, even if it involved a higher-ranking supervisor in a different branch of the organization, and even if the person discriminated against was a contractor. The legal theory is that a supervisor of any level is a representative of the management of the company or organization, and that a supervisor failing to take action is to tacitly agree to and continue the illegal discrimination, and that since by non-action the supervisor supports the illegal activity of the company / organization, the supervisor partakes of that illegal activity and hence is individually liable.

Thus, if you are in Canada or the USA, you as a supervisor have a Duty of Care to ensure that those around you are not discriminated against or asked questions about their masculinity or femininity that are none of the company's business. You have an obligation to pull the office manager in and go over the dress codes of the various positions and show that nails are either not discussed there (and thus cannot be discussed at all) or else are prohibited there (and thus should not lead to any discussion, simply a directive to the employee to meet the dress code.)

That you are a CD is irrelevant in this matter: you are a supervisor, and have no choice but to re-train your subordinate supervisor.

[SuzanneBender]

I am out to three people at work. A fellow professor, my department chair and my HR director. I thought it would be a great thing, but everyday I wonder if they are going to share something that I don't want them to. I will come out. Maybe not with my current employer but one day I will be out to the entire world. I want to do it on my timeline and not someone elses. From my experience I would keep your personal life seperate from your work life until you are ready for everyone to know.

[Nicole Erin]

I tested the water with a lipstick cigarettte in the ashtray at my desk, my office manager responce was who's i said cause of the company we were in i would exsplain later.

I think the hard part would be explaining why smoking in an office?
Hell I don't know about all of USA but it is barely legal for an 18 year old to smoke outdoors anymore. But in an office?

Thing is, if you have an office job and are not about to transition, then yeah better not come out at work. I know we all want to be out to the world but if you don't have to just yet...

This is why I chose cosmetology, when I am working in the real world, and they learn I am TG, it will be like, "...yeah, and?"

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Despite the fact that I am a big advocate for coming out, I have to agree with the people who say you probably shouldn't tell them at this time. If you were wanting to start dressing up at work then that would be the time for such a thing, or if your relationship with your employees was such that you really did feel they were more like friends than just employees.

As out as I am in my personal life, I don't talk about my crossdressing at work, because I work in a home improvement warehouse store and I just don't feel like it would be a comfortable topic in that environment.

[Rogina B]

Your office friends may then realize you are competition in the vanity department.They work hard on the sizzle perhaps and they don't need to know you do to!!So,they may play dirtier than you imagine...keep your mouth shut unless you can truly handle the potential downside. TMI isn't always good!!:2c:

[dancer1]

In reviewing from exsperiance and the coment in reguards to this i will go with the forum poll and not come out i do stand to lose more than i will gain Oncce again this forum has helped me make a choice of life ,iam foreverver gratfull for you word of sound. Thank You Love Nadeen

[Hope]

I think you want to tell them because - as you have pointed out, you spend a great deal of time with these people, and you want the people around you to know you for who you really are. It's a pretty common part of being human.

Now - should you tell them - that is a completely different question.

[msniki48]

Dancer, everyone want to have an inner circle of trusted people that they can share their lives with without fear of reprisal...[spelling???]

if there is more to loose than to gain...these are not the people to open to....go to a support group. if you are not out with your family and everyone else around you...then you don't want to place yourself in a position where if your employee is slacking off or something like that....you can't reprimand them for fear of being outed. you lose control

i have told people at work about niki and being TG but i have a 20 yr relationship with them and they pose no threat...

think more than twice about this

not everyone supports you....i have written about this in my site about my own family


hugs


msniki48

[charlie]

We spend lots of time at our businesses. What occurs there is supposed to to be business. You seem to want to merge a female to female set of friendships in with the business when you are a male. It could all backfire, be most unbusinesslike and cause business problems.
Don't mix business with pleasure!