Confused about my orientation

[melimelo]

Warning: this post talks about sex! :heehee:

Before I came out to myself as TG, I definitely felt attracted to women. Then, my feelings toward women changed a bit. Admiration and envy crept in, but the attraction was still there. Last May, I started HRT and after 2 months, my libido was pretty much dead and I started fantasizing about men. Not so much specific men, but some sort of "male" principle: strong, leading, could rest my head on his shoulder and of course penetration.

Then in October, I had to stop HRT for health reasons and the libido came back, but all mixed up. I'm still fantasizing about men, even finding a couple of them quite cute, and I still find most women attractive...

I have no problem with being bisexual, if that's really what I am. I understand I'm in a temporary situation, that should be resolved when I resume HRT. I was wondering if anyone felt that confused at one point of their transition. Should I expect big changes?

[CharleneT]

Well..... libido is a complex thing - and quite individual. I am no expert on the subject, but from what I've read HRT doesn't change sexual orientation. Over the course of a person's life their orientation may change, or better put it may become clearer to that person. I personally believe that most people are somewhere on a continuum between strait and gay, many think that means those folks are "bi". Not really, a better word might be "bi-comfortable" or ever better, "open minded". To me a bi-sexual person is one who is truly attracted to both sexes, equally. They are the sort who find themselves open to a relationship, without regard to the sex/gender of any particular prospective mate. I simplify it when trying to explain myself with this: it is all about the electricity, not the plumbing. ;-)

[Teri Jean]

Melanie, I have to agree with Charlene in that ones's sexual preference is separate from the gender identity and is fluid. One may be attracted to one gender and then find another gender comfortable. For me I always thought of myself as one who was attracted to females and the other day met a wonderful young gentleman who turned my attention ever so briefly. I wouldn't worry to much about it because if you are happy that is all that counts.

Teri

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Mel

I had asimilar experience by accident as I underwent a long time of HRT, where the estrogen was not coming in , and my body was producing lot of T...

I can only guess that once you open up your mind and realize all the lies you've been telling YOURSELF, that sexual attraction to your own gender is something you might have been lying about (to yourself)

wild guess, but your experience is same as mine, and pretty common

[Faith_G]

You're not alone, Melanie. As I've started down this path it's becoming clearer to me that what I thought was an attraction to women was actually an attraction to womanhood.

Kaitlyn makes a good point about the lies we tell ourselves. Attraction to guys was something I was totally unwilling to admit to myself.

I'm still not sure where I land on the spectrum, but I am trying to be open to a relationship with the right person. I figure if I don't obsess over it too much it will all sort itself out naturally. :happy:

[Frances]

You're not alone, Melanie. As I've started down this path it's becoming clearer to me that what I thought was an attraction to women was actually an attraction to womanhood.

Same here. As a kid, I would fantasize about the boy next door, but social and familial pressures dictated that I go out with girls. I liked the company of women, but getting close to their femininity was the real attraction. My four years in therapy and 12 months on HRT helped me free my mind of any hang-ups regarding sexuality. I am now more interested in men. Testosterone will play tricks on your mind.

[SteveDallas]

I won't pretend to have any answes, but I have to say it's a question I find fascinating.

I tend to think that sexual orientation is kind of like a part of ones personality; "He's funny, outgoing, prone to exageration and attracted to women" or "She's smart, opinionated, loves to read and likes women". It's just one more of those things that makes us who we are. And whoever we are is right for us.

The thing that fascinates me is that we often hear of transgenderd people whose apparent sexual orientation changes at some point during or after their transition. She might still be funny, outgoing and prone to exagerating, but now she prefers to date men; He is still smart, opinionated, loves to read and identifies as bisexual.

Is the sense of self that malleable? I'm doubly fascinated becuase one of the recurring themes I've heard (and strongly believe) from the post-op community is that once the transition is complete and someone is now living in the gender they feel is right that nothing els changes. You are ultimately still you, with all the same talents, likes, dislikes and quirks that you've always had.

Except, sometimes, in the case of sexual orientation. Sometimes that appears to be different from the person who started the transition.

Again, I have no answers. Maybe there are some psychologists, psychiatrists, or social scientists who will study the (for lack of a better word) phenomenon someday and come up with some.

Until then I expect I'll just remain fascinated. Supportive of every persons right to love as they will, but fascinated nonetheless.

[TerryTerri]

You're not alone, Melanie. As I've started down this path it's becoming clearer to me that what I thought was an attraction to women was actually an attraction to womanhood.



Faith makes a point that I have realized about myself. Before the veil was lifted, I was heterosexual (although NEVER been homophobic) and rather obsessed with sex. I also had some rather - out there - sexual interests that were NOT what would, normally, be considered as mainstream.

I 'blame' the hormone regime for depressing my libido considerably. But, that allowed me to peel back another layer and realize that one big reason I was so sex-centered was that was how my sub-conscience dealt with my inner female. I dawned on me one day that all my fantasizing, upon closer look, had me being the female and NOT actually being the male. Funny how I had not noticied before. Also, I've always been attracted to only females. But, in a hormone regime check-up (about 4 months into my regime) my doctor had a male nurse practioner look me over (with my consent of course)(he was training to work with the transgender community). Anyway, when he walked into the room, my brain thought, "Wow, he's cute". That's the first time I can EVER remember having a physical attraction to a male. Fortunately, from learning at this site and other informational sites, I knew that it is possible for my sexual orientation to open up. It is not an uncommon thing.

I don't know how to explain the mental segway. But, this also helped me to realize I don't really understand guys. I always thought I did "because I was one". But, the epiphanies are showing me how much more of a woman I am and not a man and I DON'T really understand them. I am fairly good at imitating a guy though, well passibly anyway. :daydreaming:

[Blaire]

There's another twist that's been overlooked here, maybe?

If it's considered as true that the body chemisty and brain go togther to define orientation, and you're on HrT on the path of changing your gender, then isn't it possible, that you're becoming attracted to the opposite sex of what you used to be attracted to because your sexuality is changing from straight male to straight female?

In other words, your orientation isn't changing. Your perspective on that orientation is.

[Sophia Rearen]

As I've started down this path it's becoming clearer to me that what I thought was an attraction to women was actually an attraction to womanhood.



Wow, how that resounds with me!

Here is something else to consider. I told my therapist, "I don't like men". She simply responded, "why don't you like men?" And like a hammer to the head, it hit me, I started to get emotional and was finally able to say, "they remind me of everything about me that I don't like".
Now that I accept myself as a woman and I relate so much better to women and always have, I am becoming more aware that I just don't understand men. Isn't that a typical woman statement? Yes, I can be attracted to men and I am ok with that. I take it for what is, as the journey continues.

[carolinoakland]

I have been on HRT for about 15 months, and for years I had the morning visitor wack me on the head and demand attention. My libido dropped to almost nothing right away after starting HRT. And about nine months in I stopped having the morning visitations. The thing I'm going to have to confront now is that while I KNOW that I am attracted to women... all of my fantasy's have been of me with a male and in the female role. All of them. Soooo. I wonder too if the change in body chemistry is having an effect on pheremones as well. Both mine and my receptiveness to pheremones is changed. And there are times now when I suddenly find myself day dreaming about what it would to rest my head on that shoulder. And I have a little of what Sophia had when thinking about men, "why would I be attracted to what I never wanted to be?" And then lets throw the monkey wrench of transition in there, it's a process that I"m in the middle of, and who I am is changing everyday, and who I like too. I often say that being in transition is like being in re hab for your gender, and like re hab or threapy you need to be extremely selfish about you and your needs and wants, which as I said are in a state of flux. And this is not a time to be entering a long term or commited relationship. some do at their own peril, I did and regret it. Nowaday's when I'm asked about my preference or orientation I say that I'm an "Eh - Sexual " meaning that if you are attracted to me and me to you... then "Eh" lets see what happens just so long as everyone is comfortable and having fun. I know what I know, but what I don't KNOW I shouldn't be making any decisions about. But that's whats working for me today. Tomorrow i might use my female perogative and change my mind completely. I love being a woman! carol

[Katesback]

LOL how funny. This happens with a lot of TS girls. I was totally and entirely attracted to women prior to HRT.

Then as the hormones took over just like you I started to have interest in men. Then it was JUST men.

Moving forward I had SRS and waited my two months and had to try out the taco. It was interesting to say the least. After I had my fling I found I really didnt care about sex much anymore.

Moving forward a year and a half to today. Now I am happy being single. I dont have much patience for men and I tend to think IF I end up with someone it will be a girl. I simply have little patience for men!