Differences between fem and fabulous

[lavistaa62]

My mom is gay and I grew up around plenty of gays- male and female. Many of the males were "fabulous" and I've begun noticing some of my own behaviours seem to me to be a bit that way. I'm not talking over the top behaviour designed to draw attention to ones self but things like the way you might point or pose yourself. It's hard for me to distinguish since I'm guessing my behaviour was unconsciously adopted during my formative years. Nobody's every commented about how I move to my face anyway so perhaps I'm just being paranoid. What's the difference you see- and especially from the GG, between feminine and fabulous behaviour?

[docrobbysherry]

Because I haven't a clue what u mean!:brolleyes:

[Daniela76]

Maybe you are paranoid, but maybe not!!
Sorry, feeling weird tonight.

I know what you mean about the difference between fem & fabulous. Not all gay men are, but I have noticed the stereotypes of the ones who are "FABULOUS!!!"
Everything I say here is from my perspective, not meant to overly offend. I have an uncle who is gay & have worked with a few gay men & know others from where I work.
You mentioned pointing. That is a great example of the difference. And I will throw in masculine behavior as a 3rd viewpoint.

Pointing compared:
Masculine: Generally arm and head are the only parts in line. Not at the same level necessarily, but in line. The vocal usage is also minimized except in dangerous situations. Think of a pointer dog. (Men are not dogs, but a good illustration). Men will be loud if necessary but use fewer words. The point (sic) of pointing is to draw attention to what is being pointed at.
Feminine: The whole body is used to point along with the voice. Not exaggerated, but subtly and using all the senses. There will be vocal cues, which I see as quiet but using good words about what is being pointed at.
Fabulous: The entire body and voice are exaggerated to draw attention to what is being pointed at. However the true attention is desired back at the pointer. Gay men who are fabulous love being the center of attention. They are loud and flamboyant and cartoonish.

I have another example. You mentioned posing. I am going to illustrate posing for a picture, just as one person being photographed.
Masculine: "Fine you can take my picture" Even in a good mood where they want to be photographed, males barely tolerate it. They will stand nicely but impatiently, waiting for it to be over. They will have to be told how to pose and also shown how. They are only posing for the photographer.
Feminine: "You want to take my picture, oh goody!" Women who are secure and feminine love having their picture taken. They like the attention (not narcissisticly, but they do) and will be posed nicely and patiently. They will kindly take suggestions on how to pose & do what is told. They may make suggestions, but in a nice way. They pose for the photographer, themselves & anyone who they think would like the picture.
Fabulous: "Me, of course you want to take my picture, why wouldn't you?!!" Oh Lordy!! The fabulous love having their picture taken, because they always want to be the center of attention. They will be impatient because they want to have multiple pictures, and have their own poses. And they will have to see each picture to make sure it was good enough. They are barely posing for the photographer. It is mainly for themselves and the whole world to see. Who wouldn't want to see their best side!!

Okay, I'm off my soap box now. That was $0.98 of my opinion. Someone else can add their :2c: now.

Hee-hee.
Remember, I mean no unkindness by this. Not all gay men like being fabulous all the time. Some are some of the time, and that is okay with me. Those are the ones I have gotten along with the best.

[Fab Karen]

Unless you're trying to fit in with the knuckle-draggers, it's not something you need to worry about.

[SuzanneBender]

I think you have it. Fabulous is over the top Nathan Lane type movements gestures and voice. Its about attention.

Femme is femme and when en drab if you can't eliminate it totally you may look a little "swishy" but not fabulous unless you are really going overboard.

My biggest challenge is voice. I have been taking lessons both speaking and singing. Woman have a much happier bouncier voice speaking in the front of the face and at a much more rapid tempo. I am finding it harder and harder to not do that same thing when en drab even after I have lowered the tone of my voice. The first few times it got looks from coworkers and friends now they don't pay attention but it is a huge tell at first.

[lavistaa62]

Thanks much for being right on target Daniela- it helped clarify what I was trying to both express and ask about. Thanks to someone else for pointing me towards a great resource on youtube named candiFLA. Her "transgender musings" and ability to shift seemlessly from male to female demonstrated how we reinforce our initial perceptions and drove home just how absolutely crucial our voice is to the female and male persona. Her videos were really fascinating esp since she has many of the same quirks and interests as myself.

[Karren H]

To Wong Foo said it all....



Noxeema Jackson: When a straight man puts on a dress and gets his sexual kicks, he is a transvestite. When a man is a woman trapped in a man's body and has a little operation he is a Transsexual.
Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: I know that.
Noxeema Jackson: When a gay man has way too much fashion sense for one gender he is a drag queen.
Vida Boheme: Thank you.
Noxeema Jackson: And when a tired little Latin boy puts on a dress, he is simply a boy in a dress!

[Hope]

I think you have it. Fabulous is over the top Nathan Lane type movements gestures and voice. Its about attention.

Femme is femme and when en drab if you can't eliminate it totally you may look a little "swishy" but not fabulous unless you are really going overboard.

My biggest challenge is voice. I have been taking lessons both speaking and singing. Woman have a much happier bouncier voice speaking in the front of the face and at a much more rapid tempo. I am finding it harder and harder to not do that same thing when en drab even after I have lowered the tone of my voice. The first few times it got looks from coworkers and friends now they don't pay attention but it is a huge tell at first.

Yeah. There are definitely differences between male and female posture / mannerisms / - just the way people use their bodies. I am convinced that a fair quantity is socialization, but I would be surprised if it was ALL socialized behavior. I am guessing that the masculine restrained behavior is much more of a response to social pressure than the femme free flowing behavior, and that the over the top "fabulous" behavior is a reaction to that social conditioning.

When I was in grad school I was going out to the bar with a group of friends (this was back in the dark days of repression for me). In the group there was an out CD (not dressed), a gay guy, a couple of us boring strait guys, and a more or less strait woman. It was winter and there was this big snow bank left by the plow that we had to traverse in order to get where we were going. The woman and the CD both delicately tried to step over and through the snow without slipping and falling. The gay guy and the rest of the guys all took big masculine jumps, still with their hands in their pockets and cleared the hurdle. I - being completely unaware of myself pulled my hands out of my pockets and made this grand, swishy, arms out, ballet leap to the other side of the snow bank; at which point the gay guy looked at me and said "You don't think you could have found a more masculine way to go about doing that?" Good times.

[msniki48]

being the center of attention. They are loud and flamboyant and cartoonish.



OMG Daniela! i think you are speaking about me!


tsk tsk!


i also like the one about the pointer wanting everyone eventually to look back at the pointer....lol

i feel i tend to float like that butterfly on occasion....especially at a support meeting.....once in a while



hugs


msniki48

[msniki48]

To Wong Foo said it all....

ohhhh but what a cute boy in a dress!

chi chi was the bomb


hugs



niki