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View Full Version : (Enforced) Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder



Christine Andrews
01-07-2010, 12:08 PM
Good Afternoon:)

For a number of months I have enforced an absence from dressing, as to be honest it was bringing me down. My self-acceptance or lack of was at a low and I was ready to purge out of guilt and a small amount of self-loathing.

In October I did something very risky that put more fear in me than I've known for a very long time. I set foot outside, fully dressed for the first time. It was late at night and only in my back yard but the risk of a neighbour seeing me was a source of great fear. Ultimately I stole myself together and took the plunge. It was fantastic - I've wanted to do it for years and it felt great to go out and just be me outside the house - beyond closed curtains.

Then the fear came back. I was paranoid for two weeks that I may have been seen. I wasn't seen thankfully but it highlighted to me that:
A) The "Pink Fog" is very potent and alluring....
B) I thought I knew what I wanted and I did... sort of.

The latter point is the biggest surprise. I've always told myself that being in the closet was fine. For a number of reasons fully coming out is not possible. However, whilst this is acceptable - I realised that part of me wants to be expressed openly and accepted - something that my Graduation really drove home as I saw some of my female friends at the ceremony. I realised that crossdressing represented more of my inner-self than I expected - qualities I treasure in myself and that without expression - even as closetted CD where no-one can see really made a difference.

The mix of emotions following the experience led me to enforce an absence and really think about what I want, what is possible and how to proceed. I've learned more about myself for it as a result and learned that:
1) Although not ideal, I am more than happy to stay in the closet - the fear of being caught showed me that I am nowhere near ready to come out anytime soon. It did however set me on the path I needed - it gave me a taste of what I can do when I overcome fear and what I need to do to strengthenb myself.
2) How true the advice many of you ladies offer of never purging is. I am so glad that I read advice given to one member who asked a similar question to what I myself was going to post.

Anyhow, one resolution for 2010 as a result of this experience - to finally find self-acceptance and not let it slip away.

On a side note, sorry for rambling. I know my little experience is somewhat tame in comparison to many of you ladies out there but I just needed to sound off and this forum is my only place to safely do so. May add more later when I get time anyway.

Thanks & Regards
Kirsty

Brandi Wyne
01-07-2010, 12:20 PM
Well Kristy, we are all on a journey of discovery and we individually must determine what our limits, wants and needs are. The equation that comes to mind is "risk vs benefits". What are we willing to risk and what benefit do we derive from taking those risks?

Hugs,

minalost
01-07-2010, 01:13 PM
I think small steps are good. Maybe next time you can step out a little farther - if that's what you really want. Some are totally happy staying in the closet - or just saying indoors. Other need to get out and about.

EllieOPKS
01-07-2010, 04:20 PM
HI Kristy
I am pretty new to my femme side but I can totally relate to what you are saying. about a year ago I started changing from Eli to Ellie in the privacy of my home and I have been quite content doing that. In the fall of the year, I went on a fishing /camping trip and decided to take my clothes with me. After it got dark, (and it was really dark, no moon) I dressed up and just sat at my little camp site in the dark for a while. I was so excited being outdoors as Ellie with little chance of being questioned by someone else. I went for a little walk thru an area of the campground that had been closed for the season. It was wonderful.
I look forward to camping again in the spring time but until then, I will enjoy being in the privacy of my home. So there's an idea for you.
Ellie

Erica2Sweet
01-07-2010, 04:56 PM
Not so long ago when I finally realized that my fear was really the only obstacle in my coming out into the world, I immediately likened my situation to a self-imposed prison. Carefully I took tangible steps to move those prison walls outward farther and farther until I was finally able to venture out into public without any reservation.

First, I was able to go outside my house secretly in the cover of darkness, then, to travel to my SO's house, then out to a restaurant on a date and finally, out to mingle with the public in broad daylight. After all of the nervousness and uncertainty subsided, I breathed a sigh of relief and found myself feeling emotionally free for the first time in a very long time.

So yes, sometimes, going slow and steady is the best way to make a positive change in one's life that involves conquering a major fear. Regardless of the approach, you still have to do the work as no one can face your fear for you. Its just up to each individual to decide what they have to do to be happy, and whether or not conquering a particular fear, in the end, is worth all the necessary risk and effort.

frisbee_girl
01-07-2010, 06:28 PM
I'm pretty new to this and have been asking the same questions myself. I think for me, I'm pretty content to do my little covert dress up things. I think I'm pretty lucky in that way. I don't feel like CD'ing is such a huge part of me that I feel unaccepted. It feels nice for me to just have my little secret.

Thanks for sharing.