On Femininity

[Erin Li]

Someone suggested that I post one of my blogs here because it might lead to some interesting conversation. I hope that at least it's a good read.


I've read many posts on forums about the ultimate femme feeling. There are so many different takes on what ultimately helps a man feel like a woman, including being dressed all day going out shopping, getting spa treatments with manicure and pedicures, dating or having sexual relations with a man, even being called miss, ms. or having a door held open for you.


But here's my twist on the ultimate feminine experience: Be a woman when it's not convenient to be a woman. Wear a clingy dress when you feel fat, high heels when your feet hurt from the day before, makeup even though your face broke out or you couldn't hide your facial hair just right, put on the wig even though it's 95 degrees in the shade.

Essentially do the feminine things we love when you don't love them so much.


It is so convenient for us, to be able to shed our skins so easily that we (may) take for granted that WE (may be) the lucky ones. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself, but I feel lucky.

Note: When I wrote this I wasn't suggesting anything about anything to anyone. It came to me when I had a whole day free, but I think it was a stomach ache that kept me from dressing. I also thought about how glad I am to be a CD, leading to the statement about being lucky

[joanne york]

I once went out with two of my best friends, (fem lesbians) we went to the village in Manchester, I was dressed, we had a brill evening, when we got back to their flatt we put our nighties and dressing gowns on and sat on the floor with tea and toast, we were three girls, it was very special.
Jo.

[Kate Simmons]

Yep, nice for me to be able to put my boobs back in the drawer when I'm done with 'em for dang sure.;):)

[Leslie Langford]

...and something that I have pondered many times myself. I just hope that you haven't opened up a can of worms here among some of the GG's who participate on this forum, and who might well take the opportunity to tell us yet again that we crossdressers really have no clue what it means to really be a woman.

Yes, I will grant them that, and in many respects we just play at being women while having the luxury of cherry-picking just what feminine experiences we wish to partake in. And no, we will never fully experience the "joys" menstrual cramps, PMS, heavy periods, unexpected visits by "Aunt Flo", yeast infections, cellulite, and the pain of childbirth, among other things. But then again, being a man ain't so grand either, otherwise why would we be so drawn to this particular lifestyle?

As for me, I'm just thankful for the ability to be able to pee standing up and not necessarily be confined to using an actual washroom when nature calls urgently. I really pity the GG's who need to line up in front of busy public toilets and are then reduced to hopping on one foot as they await their turn in front of a "full house". And if the reward after all that is to find a filthy stall where one is reduced to "hovering" so as not to catch some unmentionable disease, well, they do have my sympathies on that score :sad:.

[Jilmac]

I think you brought up a good point Erin. Here in the frozen tundra of the midwest an inconvenient time to dress would be when there's a temperature of 20 degrees, a foot of snow on the ground, a wind chill of -5 with a howling wind blowing up your skirt and freezing your lower extremities.

[sherryleigh]

I yearn for the day I can go public or at the least go to a club or somewhere I could be accepted. I have wanted to express myself for so long but I can't seem to take that first step. Being a coward seems to be taking a toll on my soul, it's kinda tearing me apart inside and I don't lke it. I know I'm geting closer but it hasn't happened as of yet but I feel it won't be much longer before I come out as I feel I need to.
Sherry

[AllieSF]

Great post Erin. Since we cover most of the male to female and female to male spectrum here, I think that your thread will get some interesting responses. At least, I hope it does. I am of the CD strain with all its wonderful variations. I enjoy dressing when "I want to" and being that "guy" when I do not. However, I do not strive to be a woman, so I am more than content where I am at the present time. Only the future and "the Phantom" know what lies ahead for me! Thanks for the interesting topic.

Allie

[Debutante]

Yes, being feminine means being "there" even when you don't feel right about it. It's what women struggle with.... constantly...!
Very perceptive!

[Debutante]

I once went out with two of my best friends, (fem lesbians) we went to the village in Manchester, I was dressed, we had a brill evening, when we got back to their flatt we put our nighties and dressing gowns on and sat on the floor with tea and toast, we were three girls, it was very special.
Jo.

Lucky you! 'fem lesbians'... I identify with them...

[sherri52]

Not to put down women, I respect them in every way. To be or look like a woman a man has much more work to do. Not only do we have to shave our legs but we have to do a good job on our faces, arms, chest, stomach, and for some backs. We do have to put forms and tape, cinchers, and corsets to help get to the frame that we want to achieve and that doesn't include tucking. You have already commented about wigs which are hotter than real hair. We may be able to take these things off but on the days we are able to fulfill or dressing we have much more to deal with. In todays day and age it is getting to the point that cd'ers are dressing better than most gg's. Sorry girls (GG's)

[camillegirl]

for me it has been HRT, this has changed my mind and the way I think, and in some weird way has made me more of a man to understand how women feel, without the sexual aspect.

[msniki48]

I yearn for the day I can go public or at the least go to a club or somewhere I could be accepted. I have wanted to express myself for so long but I can't seem to take that first step. Being a coward seems to be taking a toll on my soul, it's kinda tearing me apart inside and I don't lke it. I know I'm geting closer but it hasn't happened as of yet but I feel it won't be much longer before I come out as I feel I need to.
Sherry

sherrileigh, i know this is a bit off the topic at hand, but if you need to express yourself and are fearful....then try a support group before you try the club scene. there you will meet girls who are in the same situation as yourself, and will give you the support you need...there will also be those that are more adventurous, that go out and will invite you to come.

there is truly strength in numbers. [ i know i have been there]

take your first step, but don't feel like you have to jump into the deep end on your first try

good luck in your quest to be you

hugs,

msniki48

[msniki48]

Great post Erin. Since we cover most of the male to female and female to male spectrum here, I think that your thread will get some interesting responses. At least, I hope it does. I am of the CD strain with all its wonderful variations. I enjoy dressing when "I want to" and being that "guy" when I do not. However, I do not strive to be a woman, so I am more than content where I am at the present time. Only the future and "the Phantom" know what lies ahead for me! Thanks for the interesting topic.

Allie


Alie i too feel this is a great topic, and speaking from a TG perspective,,, i believe we tend to do similar thing in that we pick and choose our times to be womanly....i often wondered that if i transitioned how it would be to have to wear a wig 24/7 as i am 58 and loosing those pretty curls...things like that , plus family and business take their toll on me and my decisions to be me full time. mentally... i think the only place i differ from you in your quote is... you said "i enjoy dressing when i want to and being the guy when i do not" i say: 'I enjoy dressing when i want to and i can be a guy when i HAVE to. never the less we both can choose for the most part.

just a thought with a different twist

hugs


msniki48

[Persephone]

But here's my twist on the ultimate feminine experience: Be a woman when it's not convenient to be a woman. Wear a clingy dress when you feel fat, high heels when your feet hurt from the day before, makeup even though your face broke out or you couldn't hide your facial hair just right, put on the wig even though it's 95 degrees in the shade.

Essentially do the feminine things we love when you don't love them so much.

A very interesting post, Erin! Thank you!

You hit some good ones ("wear a clingy dress when you feel fat") and you probably could have added "smile and act sexy when you feel bloated and are cramping," but, even so, I think it would miss some of the essence of "the feminine experience."

As I see it, the feminine experience is more than dressing, it is pregnancy and childbirth and breast feeding and being "Mommy."

It is husbands and children, family and festivals, life and death.

But it is also the incredible bond of joy and sadness with your female friends. Laughing together when times are good, and holding each other up when times are bad.

If you want to walk a mile in feminine shoes, then, like you said, you have to be a woman when it isn't convenient, and that includes crying at funerals as well as at weddings.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Loni]

just this am i fit that bill,
got up to get ready for work, and did not dress up as i would have, :daydreaming:
was still tired and with only a hour and half. sure no makeup time. just clothing....but i just did the underdress and the drab work clothing.:doh:

maybe i should live on mars, it has a 25 hr day, one extra hr to "play".....maybe just sleep.

to a truckdriver sleep......is just a bad habbit.


:2c: