Illusion and Truth

[Paige.]

This site is a combination of illusions, magic and truth. There is no sleight of hand as in stage magic, but instead a wholesale sleight of gender to fool the senses. From the time I was a young girl I have been fascinated by magicians and their tricks. I am constantly fascinated by the CD magicians on this site. Just visit the “Boy mode vs Girl mode” Sticky to see for yourself. Metaphorically, in the crucible of life this is alchemy in action, the changing of male into female. It is an intriguing and magical process.

At this site we have men dressing as women, women dressing as men, most everyone using some kind of false name, a fem name, and wearing make-up, wigs, false or real boobs, skirts, dresses, hose, heels, and many other props in order to perfect the illusion. By the strictest definition, this is all an illusion to cover the true gender, identity and appearance of the man. In truth, the person we see is an illusion, a woman, the end product of a magical transformation. Nobody really is who they present themselves to be.

What is the truth then? Truth will be different for each of you. I am out of my element here so perhaps you can help me out. When I come to the site I see, attractive, sexy, articulate women. I think the illusion you present to the world is nothing more than an outer expression of the female you believe yourself to be on the inside. The obvious truth is you want to be accepted and identified as the particular illusion you have created with the tools you have. The ultimate truth is you are the raw material, the magician and the illusion itself, representing the truth of who you are.

[Zenith]

No illusion with me...Julie is me...the male was the illusion...

But I am more amazed than anyone about this...

[Rachel Morley]

Thank you Paige and I understand the essence of the meaning of your post but this copy and paste is fraught with danger :D

In truth, the person we see is an illusion, a woman, the end product of a magical transformation. Nobody really is who they present themselves to be.

... because for many of us how we present really is how we feel we are. In other words what you call the "illusion" is for us showing on the outside what we feel we are on the inside. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding but for many of us our femme presentation is no pretense.

[Miranda09]

That really hits the nail on the head Paige. Illusion and magic are the key here, for both sides of the spectrum......and that's what makes this so much fun. I love being a magician and practicing the art of illusion....tho I still need WAAAAAAY more practice!!!!!:heehee:

[Susan.]

There are lots of smoke and mirrors in my illusion. Truth for me is that I can't see who I am when I look into a mirror, and the smoke is really a thick pink fog. If and when I find my truth, I'll let you know. :sad:

[Persephone]

Real magic is a way of extending the known universe.

Unfortunately, most stage magicians have forgotten where they came from, so they produce dove after dove without understanding that creation of life is a miracle.

Or they saw a woman in half and take a bow, without realizing that the real miracle is putting her back together, thereby restoring life.

When we crossdress or when we transition, we do extend the known universe, becoming God's partner in our own creation. And that is magic.

[Joanie_Shakti]

This site is a combination of illusions, magic and truth. There is no sleight of hand as in stage magic, but instead a wholesale sleight of gender to fool the senses. From the time I was a young girl I have been fascinated by magicians and their tricks.

I never consciously thought of it like this. But I also have been a fan of magic since a youngster. Fell flat on my face during my first magic performance in third grade for the class. My second and only other performance was for my younger brother's cub scout den. I wowed them with that one, though I made a big mistake that they didn't catch with one trick.

Later, I had an interest in witchcraft for a while. When I was a pre-teen, I wished I had the power of Sabrina, the teenage witch, or Samantha, from "Bewitched," so I could change myself to female and back at will. Or even Jeannie, from "I Dream of..." and lately, my interest has been manifestation through meditation. I am also highly interested in shapeshifting and have actually found a hypnotist that sells a shapeshifting cd which I often listen to along with a couple of gender transformation hypnosis tracks from another vendor.

Basically, we're all shapeshifters here, or as you said magicians. I really like your analogy.

[Katesback]

The fact that soooo many people here use the P word tends to reinforce what she said. One of the definitions of the P word is to present that which is not real. Otherwise put an illusion. The fact that many solely base thier appearance upon thier physical appearance also reinforces what she said. The fact of the matter is that what makes a woman (or man) is what is in thier heart and minds.

That truely is the REAL secret to being accepted. First step is self acceptance and then an understanding that 70% of the worlds acceptance has nothing to do with your physical appearance. If you make it to that point you no longer think about the P word. You are who you are and you walk with confidence and the world then pays you the respect you EARNED!

I have a feeling that what I said makes no sense to many here but then I also assume what the original post said also makes no sense to many.

Be yourself and be proud of whatever you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Katie

[Elaine Michelle]

Yes, for me too this is quite magical. I do find it hard to believe that it is really me that I see in the mirror.

What you see is me to the extent that I obviously choose the clothes, the makeup, the overall look. But to be honest, I am such a beginner that I don't even fully control that. At this stage I am just following the makeup tutorials, experimenting with looks and hoping that something nice comes out.

For me, this is a creative, fun, exciting exploration of another culture, the culture of women. Admittedly, it is a fairly shallow exploration. I am only exploring the outward appearance and physical feel of women's clothing. I have somewhat explored the social interaction part in Second Life, and that is rewarding too. As to other parts of women's culture I can only guess and that may forever be so.

Elaine

[pamela_a]

The only magic involved was the first magical moment when I looked in the mirror and for the first time ever saw me, Pamela, a woman looking back at me. Knowing that the illusion I'd put up for so many years pretending to be male had just disappeared forever.

[RhondaLynn]

When i dress as Rhonda, i express an illusion of who she is, what she likes to wear, how she likes to look, how it feels to be her. The illusion allows me to realize the sensations & experiences that i enjoy the most - the subtle things that i sometimes forget to savor when caught up in the vortex of it all.

Rhonda loves slips & bras (w/ breasts), skirts & hose, blouses and heels. Lingerie was my first passion. I developed a taste for daywear later, yearning to know how it felt to wear the clothes i found so attractive on the women at work. It was only then that i discovered and accepted Rhonda as the woman within me.

The feeling of crossing my legs in a skirt, the sensation of nylons sliding together, the airy breeze under my skirt as i walk, the look & feel of wearing & walking in heels, admiring the curves of a full bust under my blouse, well i could go on forever...

I never know exactly what Rhonda's going to feel like doing - i just go along with it, admire the illusion that she becomes, then sit back & enjoy the experience. I've been testing out a new webcam tonight, and have mostly forgotten to focus on how nice this outfit feels, how nice it looks.

But now, her mood seems to be changing - another illusion will be out soon, and on until dawn we shall go, into the night. Another photo album to edit tomorrow. The weekend appears to be booked for us.

[Wen4cd]

Gender itself is the real illusion. We're really here.

[crusadergirl]

gender is just a state of mind

[Rianna Humble]

At the risk of feeding a troll, I will add my :2c:


This site is a combination of illusions, magic and truth. There is no sleight of hand as in stage magic, but instead a wholesale sleight of gender to fool the senses.

The use of the word "fool" implies dishonesty and I cannot accept that by being myself I am acting dishonestly


From the time I was a young girl I have been fascinated by magicians and their tricks. I am constantly fascinated by the CD magicians on this site. Just visit the “Boy mode vs Girl mode” Sticky to see for yourself. Metaphorically, in the crucible of life this is alchemy in action, the changing of male into female. It is an intriguing and magical process.

If it takes alchemy, for someone's body to be aligned to their identity, then so be it. The truth that you seem to overlook is that the shape of a person's body has very little to do with their gender identity. True, for a large group of people, their body will reflect their gender. For another non negligible portion of the population, the only way to reconcile the body and the gender is to alter the body.

Then there are those of us who are in between the two extremes - perhaps on a journey.


At this site we have men dressing as women, women dressing as men, most everyone using some kind of false name, a fem name, and wearing make-up, wigs, false or real boobs, skirts, dresses, hose, heels, and many other props in order to perfect the illusion. By the strictest definition, this is all an illusion to cover the true gender, identity and appearance of the man.

Clothing is, as you say, by definition an illusion - we use it to cover up the truth of our body - whether someone's body corresponds 100% to their gender or not, everyone covers things with clothing.

Where you go wrong is in assuming that because someone has particular physical attributes between their legs that forces them to one extreme of gender identity (either male/male or female/female).

When I dress to conform to my anatomy, it is an illusion which covers my gender identity. When I dress to conform to my gender, it is an illusion which covers my anatomical state. And either way it is an illusion to cover those parts of me that society would find distasteful.

Severely obese people (and I have been one) dress to cover their obesity - society would have frowned on me had I gone around exposing a 52 inch belly flopping around everywhere - so I created an illusion that my body was acceptable to society if held in by oversized clothing.


In truth, the person we see is an illusion, a woman, the end product of a magical transformation. Nobody really is who they present themselves to be.

This is true of every single person on this planet, so your point is?


What is the truth then? Truth will be different for each of you. I am out of my element here so perhaps you can help me out.

I think you would have stood more chance of remaining inside your element had you reflected upon the fact that what you are imputing to dishonesty amongst the transgendered, applies equally to the unigendered.


When I come to the site I see, attractive, sexy, articulate women.

I don't recognise myself in the description of who you see on this site - perhaps one day.


I think the illusion you present to the world is nothing more than an outer expression of the female you believe yourself to be on the inside. The obvious truth is you want to be accepted and identified as the particular illusion you have created with the tools you have.

Ignoring your implications of dishonesty, all of humankind attempts to create an illusion about themselves all of the time.

When a customer contacts the service of which I am part, then the advisor dealing with him/her tries to create the illusion of 100% competence to deal with the customer's problem. the reality is that we are more competent than the customer to deal with the problem, but 100%?

When I deal with my manager at work, she attempts to present the illusion of a competent manager who knows what needs to be done - and often this is true.

Whether I dress to my anatomy or my gender, I try to present the illusion that I am less fat than a scientific evaluation might suggest, in order not to shock my colleagues.


The ultimate truth is you are the raw material, the magician and the illusion itself, representing the truth of who you are.

Your last sentence is almost correct and would be entirely if edited to read:

"The ultimate truth is you are representing the truth of who you are."

[Phyliss]

I can understand the term "Illusion"

For me and ONLY for me, no matter how many different meds I might use and all the surgery in the world, can NOT alter one fact. I'll never actually BE a woman. Oh sure I can do all these things, ( magican props?) and carry off the "illusion" of being a woman, to the point of nobody would ever know.
I just happen to not want to go to that extreme, but rather simply apply a bit of makeup, add some filler up top and use a nice girdle to pull in that which is a bit round, slip on some heels and a dress/skirt and presto changeo I look like a nice lady. That's enough for me. Would I want more? Probably, but the "price" of that is more than I'm willing to pay .... at this time.

So, yeah for me, and ME ONLY I can understand the original statement, and agree with it.

[Ashley Williams]

I am also intrigued by this world - but of course from the other side of the fence to you, Paige.

It is a bit spooky that I just posted a new thread myself on the subject of uncertainty about quite who and what I am.

Within the limited freedom the outside world affords us, we are restricted to a large extent.

Many of those restrictions are lifted here and I agree that the boy vs girl mode thread is one of the most fascinating for that reason.

What we carry away from the site, though, varies so much and hides so much uncertainty, indecision and pain. Yet it is a magical window - and one that has helped me so much over the past couple of years.

So - no great insights I'm afraid, Paige - but work in progress from one little corner of our world!

Hugs

Paula xxx

[tricia_uktv]

As others have said, gender is irrevelent. I am not trying to trick of fool anyone, just trying to be myself;

However, open your eyes,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEcb-T0vC44

Have fun :)

[Kate Simmons]

The real trick is getting into character Paige and that involves really convincing ourselves of the illusion. We can have all of the props and equipment but if we ourselves don't believe it, the illusion is doomed to failure. Any good character actor will tell you that.:)

[Ashley Williams]

However, open your eyes,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEcb-T0vC44

Have fun :)

Brilliant link - perfect antidote to being stuck in the snow, with no place to go!

[Charlena]

The first few years of my life I was who I was. Then culture and society starts to interfere and If you ask me the 30+ years of acting manly was the illusion I presented to the world. I would catch myself crossing my legs in an unmanly manner holding my cigarette in a feminine way, holding back tears, a lot of times holding back these feelings would cause me to act in a way that i did not understand.

What illusions are you presenting to the world Paige?

[SherriePall]

I am who I am. (Apologies to Popeye).

[renee k]

Thank you Paige and I understand the essence of the meaning of your post but this copy and paste is fraught with danger :D


... because for many of us how we present really is how we feel we are. In other words what you call the "illusion" is for us showing on the outside what we feel we are on the inside. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding but for many of us our femme presentation is no pretense.

Hi Paige,

I agree with Rachel on this one, it's how I feel. Nice thought provoking post.

Huggs, Renee

[Kayla Shadows]

There are so many different people on the site.Great people :) Where I've come to find I differ from the post is I am not trying to cover up my true gender.The true gender I feel is what I'm trying to show you.Many theorists and scholars believe that gender is not determined by ones sexual anatomy.For some your statement may be correct and for others ""sex" that you were born" may be a good substitute for covering true gender.

We could look at things a lot of ways.For many they are exactly who they present themselves to be..Themselves.

Illusion could work in some lives.For showing a false belief,this is none or which I do.

It would be nice to be accepted but, I accept myself which is of the most importance.If people would just let us go about our lives that would be great.Pretty much,you dont have to accept me,just leave me alone.Which goes along the lines of trust.If you don't trust me or believe in me,this relationship just isn't going to work.
xo ~K~

[Sally24]

Nobody really is who they present themselves to be.
Kind of true for everyone in the world I beleive.:2c:

I love the poetry of your post. Gives me the feeling of looking thru the eyes of a child. Hope that we can all keep a little of that wonder in our lives and outlook.

[Sweet Jane]

I think I do understand what you're trying to say Paige...to bring to life the person we feel we are, there is a degree of illusion, no magic, just a little subtle misdirection!

I have always said unlike most people, I wear my 'quirk' on the outside...most peoples oddity isn't so easily seen...

[carolinoakland]

I think that you are speaking more to the cd crowd on this one, I second Zenith on this one, once I realized that the male WAS the illusion my life got so less complicated, and anxcious. Carol

[vikki2020]

I'm kid of loosing the illusion part of it, as vikki is becoming more and more there on a regular basis. Dressing is still the cherry on top, but the "inside" part is getting stronger all the time. And, I'm really liking that this is how it's going!:)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

The fact that soooo many people here use the P word tends to reinforce what she said. One of the definitions of the P word is to present that which is not real. Otherwise put an illusion. The fact that many solely base thier appearance upon thier physical appearance also reinforces what she said. The fact of the matter is that what makes a woman (or man) is what is in thier heart and minds.

That truely is the REAL secret to being accepted. First step is self acceptance and then an understanding that 70% of the worlds acceptance has nothing to do with your physical appearance. If you make it to that point you no longer think about the P word. You are who you are and you walk with confidence and the world then pays you the respect you EARNED!

I have a feeling that what I said makes no sense to many here but then I also assume what the original post said also makes no sense to many.

Be yourself and be proud of whatever you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Katie

If you want to be accepted as a woman, I would argue that waaaaay more than 70% IS APPEARANCE, not the other way around..

if you don't appear to be female on the outside, then you may be accepted but you will find it hard to be accepted as a woman..

superficially passing gives us a much better chance to really be accepted as who we are, and I view being accepted as a woman being significantly more affirming and enjoyable than being accepted as a transsexual that presents as a woman...its totally different to me

However, its always true as you say that you need to be yourself and be proud, and by feeling this way about yourself, you are earning the acceptance you need to survive( whether superficially passing, not passing and everything in between.)

QUOTE
As others have said, gender is irrevelent. I am not trying to trick of fool anyone, just trying to be myself;
UNQUOTE

I think its hard to argue gender is irrelevant...everything that is incoming, the info, the needs, the feelings are all experienced through a gender filter...its just the way it is and it HAS TO BE IMPORTANT!!! otherwise, why we would all be here spending all this time to figure ourselves out??? i think our identities themselves must have a gender...our biological identites if you will..

i have seen this first hand in my short transition experience...it is totally and fundamentally different to take in everything mostly being accepted as female...it just can't be irrelevant... just my 2 cents on that...

[MJ]

the male was the illusion in my case i am marissa :D

[Misty is Kindafem]

At the risk of feeding a troll, I will add my :2c:


Paige is hardly a troll, rather, she's a friendly and supportive woman who actually finds some of us to be sexy and desirable.

How many women are willing to come on this board, POST A PIC, and admit their attraction to cross dressing men?

We have barely a handful of those angels around here and lately I'm beginning to wonder why they continue to endure the general bitchiness that seems to "pass" for discourse here these days.

-Misty

[rhondamichelle]

I accept and embrace both sides of my persona, and preserve the best of both when presenting as one or the other. Outside I am him or her, inside we are one.

Rhonda Michelle

[melissacd]

The truth is in fact the thing that most probably you would call an illusion. My most authentic self was discovered here. I came here in 2004 to cure myself of what at that time I thought was a disease "cross dressing", but in the end discovered that cross dressing was my truth, that my authentic self was in fact starting to emerge. This is not about men becoming women or women becoming men, this is about each and every one of us facing ourselves in the mirror and acknowledging who we really are.

[steftoday]

Paige is hardly a troll, rather, she's a friendly and supportive woman who actually finds some of us to be sexy and desirable.

How many women are willing to come on this board, POST A PIC, and admit their attraction to cross dressing men?

We have barely a handful of those angels around here and lately I'm beginning to wonder why they continue to endure the general bitchiness that seems to "pass" for discourse here these days.

-Misty

well said, Misty. we all can use some care, compassion and support, and sometimes people here get a chip on their shoulder over the slightest thing...

[AmandaM]

When I dress completely, as much to the nines as possible (hence my tag line), I step through the looking glass. I become what I see. I feel the magic. I feel one with myself. I feel female. I am the true me. Somehow, the illusion gels with my inner soul.

Oops, don't want to forget. I got a big can of whoop-butt for anyone who harms the GG ladies here! LOL

[suchacutie]

So glad you are here Paige, and you have certainly raised a variety of responses from your poetic seed. It is interesting that one of the most popular books on transforming to a feminine presentation is entitled "Art and Illusion". I bought my copy 2 years ago and it is now out of print and the used copies are going for $80 on Amazon! I should open another thread about that alone!

After rereading your post, it occurs to me that dressing in any way is illusion. For those of us with an internal feminine being in a male body it would be incongruous to act, talk, and present psychologically in a feminine manner without going the rest of the way. If we are truly representing the femininity within, is it not consistent to present that femininity in all ways? If we are to learn what it is like to grow up as a girl (a process no boy experiences) then what part should we leave out? We can't know what makeup is like, the weight of breasts, pajama parties, chit chatting with girlfriends and all the rest, positive and negative, without experiencing it all.

Sure, outwardly is could be called illusion. We change from our external birth self, and we change from the socialization we learned as boys. The more we experience, the closer we come to understanding. "Understanding" means something different to each one of us. That road to understanding starts with experimentation with what we find within us, goes through a metamophosis, and comes out with a person who feels that the "illusion" is no longer foreign, but is a part of who they are, and, thus, is an "illusion" no longer.

I've probably gone on too long, but thank you for your post.

tina

[Paige.]

I want to extend my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to those who have responded and restored my faith in the family I have found here. I feel I am part of this weird community and yesterday when I was labeled a troll it stung and it cut to suggest that I thought you were acting dishonestly. I have never met a group that is more honest with themselves and that really was the point of my post. I didn't realize I had to be extra diligent with semantics.

Although I didn't specify, my original post was directed primarily to CD's and was meant to compliment. So many of your posts have said what I was unable to articualte clearly. I am not a CD and it is difficult sometimes to understand your feeling and how you all think. It order to do that I don't need to need to stay inside my own element. I know what is there and it is beautiful. For those not there I hope you discover it. I too am discovering myself and my capacity to love. As you know it isn't always easy to find love coming back but what you put out is what is returned.

My soul sings. Thank you Tina, Kaitlyn, Misty, Vikki, Carol, Jane, Melissa, Amanda, Sally, Kayla, Paula, Phyliss, Elaine, Katie, Persephone and Rachael for you insightful input. I hope I didn't miss any of you. You all understand what I was trying to say, however clumsily, and you said it better than I. May you all create your inner joy and manifest it in the outer world.

[Rianna Humble]

If my opening remarks earlier in this thread have caused distress, I sincerely apologise. At the point I responded I was not sure whether or not the original post was sincere. Had I have been convinced of insincerity, I should not have responded at all.

I hope that the rest of my post can be accepted as the thoughtful response it was intended to be.

The difficulty with written words is that they tend to be interpreted semantically as we do not have the accompanying non-verbal communication to aid in understanding the intention behind the words.

[luvgirlyclothes]

Great Paige, You truly have a way with words and thoughts

ps and you are a very attractive women.....inside and out

[Wen4cd]

Paige, I did have to read your post several times to fully understand that it was meant as a compliment. It's not your fault. You're just touching the sensitive core of several things we struggle with ourselves, and as a result, there's a lot of 'hot button' language mixed in with the post.

Phrases like 'cover up the true gender, identity' for example... I know your post is subjected 'truth' or else I would have balked, since what most of us feel we are doing is exactly the opposite, and this almost implies a delusion of sorts. And since there really is no 'true gender' to cover up, it sets off a paradox that people react to.

The truth is, in things like identity, that there is no discernible difference between what someone "believes" they are and what they "really" are. It's the same exact thing. "Belief" creates, and is synonymous with, truth and reality. If someone believes they are 'female on the inside,' then they actually are female on the inside, in any plane you could consider reality.

That's why I love this crazy identity world I play in. We don't create "illusions" as much as we create reality itself, and it's amazing and wonderful.

The real alchemy and magic isn't performed at the make-up table, it's performed in the psyche, and in the static air between the eye and the mirror, between the subject and the object, and betwen the heart and the head.

[KateW]

I get what you are saying but I think this is true of all women. They use makeup to enhance their appearance, padded bras, waist clinchers, high heels to look taller, control tights etc. We are just doing the same as them.

[Alice Torn]

Paige, I agree with your thread, and have given thought to whether my cding, is magic, illusion, or disguise, costume, yada, yada. Phyliss' post said it well, for me, too. One thing is for sure: my voice does not pass, and any effort, is really magic, or illusion! I wish there was a fruit juice, or gum, or lozenge, that could give ladylike voice. I do agree that every person puts on a false self illusion, at least some. Wasn't there a song by Roger Whitaker, years ago, "I don't believe in if any more. Ifs an illusion."

[Ze]

We also must remember that "illusion" and "reality" may take on completely opposite meanings depending on whether we're regarding a CD or a TG. One's creating an illusion of gender, the other's fighting for the reality of it.

[GaleWarning]

That's funny!
:)
I'm a CDer who couldn't care less about creating any illusion ...

I'm not a TG person, yet I am happy to fight for the rights of those who wish to create a different kind of reality.

Go figure ...

[Sweet Jane]

i don't believe its a ts/cd/tg/non tg/ or whatever issue, nor does it's validity vary within any of these groups......everyone presents an 'outward' appearance to the world, and in most cases its the 'illusion' they wish to present

we have all seen the minister/priest who aren't what they portray, the criminal who is finally caught and they've been great community members...the list could go on forever, down to hair dye or wrinkle cream to emo and punk...

everyone, and i mean everyone, creates an illusion, a way they want the world to view them....sometimes it matches their personality/values/gender etc perfectly, more often its at odds...

[docrobbysherry]

U mite be rattling SOME FOLK'S cages, Paige!:brolleyes:

But, I freely admit to using every trick I know, to create a creditable female illusion.:D
The MORE Sherry does NOT resemble me, the BETTER!:eek:

And, for me at least, Sherry IS an illusion! Just as she is for others who view her! And, THAT'S the truth!

[Wen4cd]

Persona means 'mask.'

[Sarah Doepner]

Illusion is a tool that gives me the time and space to be who I really need to be. It allows me to pass through a different environment with some freedom and safety. Of course it's an illusion and if I do it correctly others may be able to join me in that illusion, thereby reinforcing and supporting my flexible representation of gender.

[Kate Simmons]

We use the word illusion to convey that things are not what they seem but perhaps adjustment would be a better term to describe what we do. Sometimes we have to make adjustments to feel comfortable in our own skin.:)

[sherri52]

I joind this site to become a better magican. I want to give a better illusion and where can i find a better place to learn.

[frisbee_girl]

everyone presents an 'outward' appearance to the world, and in most cases its the 'illusion' they wish to present
....

everyone, and i mean everyone, creates an illusion, a way they want the world to view them....sometimes it matches their personality/values/gender etc perfectly, more often its at odds...

Indeed. I think a goal in life is to narrow the gap between what we perceive ourselves to be and what we present to the 'world'.

I put world in quotes because I think it's possible for just one person to represent the world. That is, if you can be your true self around just one person, then you've accomplished more in life than most.

[Sweet Cindy]

Very interesting reading through this thread. Paige, you always have a way of asking interesting questions in a thoughtful and genuinely curious manner. It's no wonder so many chime in.

I can't believe someone called you a troll. That person's going to get a stilletto heel up their butt if they refer to you as anything other than an angel.

I'm not really sure if I can offer any insight, just another point of view. While some are very confident in their responses (which range from "gender isn't important" to "illusion is what it's all about"), I genuinely don't understand my desire to do this. After all these years, it still seems very strange to me. I don't feel like I'm a woman trapped in a man's body, I just enjoy pretending to be one from time to time. It's exciting, comforting and fun. But more to the point, there is "magic" is in the transformation of my appearance. If you look at my pics and see a woman, wonderful. That's what I'm going for and how I want to be seen when I'm here. But there's no magical transformation of my person. I like to think I'm me regardless of the length of my hair or the heels on my shoes.

Was that helpful or just more confusing? I think I've further confused myself. Again, good topic, Paige. You are family here.

[LeslieSD]

I think what Paige said make a lot of sense to me (I know people are different). I haven't seen it that way but it is a very interesting analogy. I truely enjoy pulling off a great show, magic, illusion, or passing (come on, it is just a word, why afraid of saying it).

Indeed that very thing that I make people believe in something that is _not true_ is the real thrill to me. (Note, it is to me, and may not to you. People are different.) I have asked myself: if I can take a red pill to become a real girl and wear dress every day, would I want that? I can tell you my answer: I would not. Because that would take away all the thrills and advantures in dressing (for me). People scale mountains and sail the oceans. I challenge myself to put on a dress to venture out to the unknow world and go to where I have never been.

Of coures, if there are red pills and blue pills (to change back), I would take it in no hesitation. :-)

[tess graham]

Everyone learns at a young age who they have to be in order to survive in this world.
That person is rarely who they appear to be. We are no different than anyone else in that we all have another "side" to ourselves that we keep secret.
Our 'other side just happens to be slightly more problematic.