How does crossdressing affect your sex life?

[KarenHiller]

For me, once I got into my twenties and I was married and dressing as often as I could behind my ex-wife back, I became much less interested in sex with her. My total turn on became wearing her clothes and becoming the real me. I found relief mostly through masturbation while looking at my pretty reflection in the mirror. It got to the point that she'd try and turn me on in bed, but I wasn't able to do much as I'd probably had sex alone a few times that day.

I'm sure that was one of the major factors in our break up, and I can't say as I blame her a bit. If I knew where she was today, I'd apologize to her. I know now I was obsessed with crossdressing, and I still may be. The big difference is that my wife now is very accepting of it, so I'm well out of the closet.

So if anyone else has been through something like this, I'd like to hear your story. I think it will help some of the other girls here who might be in the same position.

Karen

[StarrOfDelite]

something like, "If you're bisexual you've automatically doubled your chances."

[kimmy p]

It's not allowed to. I am allowed to wear what I want every where else including bed time. But when it comes to the "marriage bed" I'm all guy. I have to admit that there is some skimpy lingerie that I would kill to try, but I will not make my wife uncomfortable.

[Jonianne]

You might be interested in reading this thread as well, in the Loved ones section.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=116295

[Marcie R.]

My feelings are exactly as you discribed it Karen. I also lost my interest in sexual activity with my wife when I seriously started to engage in crossdressing. I also love admiring myself while dressed enfemme and relieve my sexual desires by myself. I am still married to a wonderful woman that has no idea of my crossdressing. We get along great, living similar to brother and sister with no sexual contact. She never had great sexual desires all her life and is quite happy to carry on as we are doing. My crossdressing remains in the closet and comes to life when she is out of the house for a long period of time.
Love Marcie R.:)

[Tanya83]

I love it! My gf encourages me to wear what ever I want and it really does add to the erotic pleasure. ;-)

[MissAmy]

I don't have a sex life so I can't say

[OliviaLB]

Has definitely introduced something more to my relationship with my wife. She is completely supportive and in fact I am certain she gets a big turn on by it.

[MarcieBflo]

You are not alone, "google" autogynephilia, have to admit after spending hours of reading I was at first shocked, but then felt so much better after understanding why I like to CD.

[KarenHiller]

something like, "If you're bisexual you've automatically doubled your chances."

I know what you mean :) but I still prefer to be alone for sex.


It's not allowed to. I am allowed to wear what I want every where else including bed time. But when it comes to the "marriage bed" I'm all guy. I have to admit that there is some skimpy lingerie that I would kill to try, but I will not make my wife uncomfortable.

You have to understand her desires too. Good for you.


My feelings are exactly as you discribed it Karen. I also lost my interest in sexual activity with my wife when I seriously started to engage in crossdressing. I also love admiring myself while dressed enfemme and relieve my sexual desires by myself. I am still married to a wonderful woman that has no idea of my crossdressing. We get along great, living similar to brother and sister with no sexual contact. She never had great sexual desires all her life and is quite happy to carry on as we are doing. My crossdressing remains in the closet and comes to life when she is out of the house for a long period of time.
Love Marcie R.:)

I'm glad to know it's worked out well for both of you :) I can and do dress in front of her, and she's totally supportive. I'm even less into sex with others when I'm dressed up.



I love it! My gf encourages me to wear what ever I want and it really does add to the erotic pleasure. ;-)

Then you and she have the perfect relationship. I'm so glad.


You are not alone, "google" autogynephilia, have to admit after spending hours of reading I was at first shocked, but then felt so much better after understanding why I like to CD.

Thanks, I'll look into it.


And thanks to you all for your open and honest responses.

Karen

[KarenHiller]

You might be interested in reading this thread as well, in the Loved ones section.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=116295

Thanks for the thread, but I don't have a problem like that.

Karen

[Terri Andrews]

Thanks for your honest thoughts ,With my first wife ,i was like you ,but with my present , my cd`ing has enhanced our bed time ,I can not remember when we had any "dude Time "in bed .
I prefer it that way and she says it is better for her ,so we both are happier .
Of course at my age it is almost a moot point .

[Yvonne York]

Well, as my lovely wife re-introduced me to dressing a few years ago, I have to say it has helped make an already great sex life even better. She is fully supportive, with me dressing at night, or around the house, and buys me lingerie, and helps me shop. I am not sure she would want me en femme all the time, but what we have is great, and if that's what other girls want, I hope it is the same for you.

[belindat]

My sex drive has simply gone further south as my sissyfication progresses. I'm not in it for the sexual pleasure. On the otherhand my wife now enjoys all the pleasures that she demands from her sissy. I think it's a win win situation. I simply love being a frilly sissy and getting that warm fuzzy glow from being all frilly is enough for me. I get as much pleasure from satisfying my wife as she does. She still turns me on but in other ways.
'Traditional' intercourse is now rare for us. But neither of us miss it. If I had my way I would be rid of my silly little male bits. But the wife loves them and likes to make use of them in otherways. They are her 'toys'. Given a choice though I would rather be a sissy male than be a real girl.

[sherryleigh]

Well since the ex-gf found some pics of me on MY computer and dumped me I have no sex life anymore, sorta anyway. Oh well.

[tinalynn]

Good thread!

For me, dressing was an escape to see what I wanted in women (legs, high heels) and the deed was completed alone. Wifey needs a day, or two, to recover before sex, so there's nothing happening with her. I would like it, but would feel a little weird (at first, anyway). All my life, though, I would dress a lot when I needed sex. Its still that way, if there's been nothing for a while, I'll want to dress a lot. If there's lots of action (with wifey, or alone) the dressing need will diminish.

Sorry to hear about your ex-snoop, Sherry...

[Ashley Lyn]

I've always felt the need to dress... I tried to suppress it, when going from GF to GF after my first divorce, but after dumping a bunch of nice stuff, decided that 'it' was part of me!... :eek:

Fell into a recent marriage at the age of 58, and my DW was a 45 y/o accepting SO! GREAT!:o

I used to fantasize about having sex with men while dressed, but have found that the SO and I can each assume the 'girl' role in lovemaking, to an extent, and it is definitely a highlite of my life.. While she still enjoys the man/woman stuff, she allows me to 'dress as I please', as long as I keep a 'smile on her face'.. HEAVEN!!:heehee:

[Barbara Dugan]

I don't consider it a fetish but at this moment in my life Without dressing I wouldn't have a sex life

[Megan70]

For me, once I got into my twenties and I was married and dressing as often as I could behind my ex-wife back, I became much less interested in sex with her. My total turn on became wearing her clothes and becoming the real me. I found relief mostly through masturbation while looking at my pretty reflection in the mirror. It got to the point that she'd try and turn me on in bed, but I wasn't able to do much as I'd probably had sex alone a few times that day.


So if anyone else has been through something like this, I'd like to hear your story. I think it will help some of the other girls here who might be in the same position.

Karen
Ditto here Karen, almost to a T. Except I'm still with a loving accepting wife of 40 years who has been selfishly deprived of a normal sex life in my favor of my right hand. I do regret that so, and I blame cross dressing, this so called gift????that has made be self centered and narcissistic at the sacrifice of a dear loved one. Oh how I wished I could have both, how I wished I haven't hurt her for all these years but the damage is done, we're still together and love each other and lets me get dressed and go out public whenever i want. But yet I've deprived her. I wonder how many other CD men are experiencing the same problem but are afraid to admit it out of shame or embarrassment.
Good thread Karen, been done many times before.

Megan

[KarenHiller]

Well since the ex-gf found some pics of me on MY computer and dumped me I have no sex life anymore, sorta anyway. Oh well.

I'm so sorry to hear that, sherryleigh. I hope you find someone very soon. I wish I knew someone for you.

Karen



Ditto here Karen, almost to a T. Except I'm still with a loving accepting wife of 40 years who has been selfishly deprived of a normal sex life in my favor of my right hand. I do regret that so, and I blame cross dressing, this so called gift????that has made be self centered and narcissistic at the sacrifice of a dear loved one. Oh how I wished I could have both, how I wished I haven't hurt her for all these years but the damage is done, we're still together and love each other and lets me get dressed and go out public whenever i want. But yet I've deprived her. I wonder how many other CD men are experiencing the same problem but are afraid to admit it out of shame or embarrassment.
Good thread Karen, been done many times before.

Megan

I'm in tears now, Megan. We're so much alike. My wife knows I love her unconditionally, and so far she hasn't complained about our love life. To be like us is a blessing for us and a curse for our SO's.

If this thread has been done before, can you tell me how to find them?

Thanks, and a hug, Karen

[Karren H]

We didn't have much of a sex life before she found out I crossdressed so nothing has really changed..

[Samantha Girl]

I am one of those cross dressers who's sole interest in dressing up is for the sexual excitement. I never feel more sexy than as Samantha. Almost every time I dress up I am sexual, but 80% of the time I'm alone with toys and stuff.

My girl likes me to be a guy in the sack, as she has every right to ;) And honestly I like having both sides to my sexuality, sex as a guy, and sometimes as a girl. Every once and a while my girl will come home and I'll be dressed up and she'll suggest we do a role play role reversal with toys. I'll get in trouble ( as I have before :p ) if I'm anymore specific. We always have fun! It is amazing and I'm still stunned at her willingness and acceptance of me. She is the most loving woman I could've ever hoped to find :) Especially since it's just never simple with me, I make everything complicated :o

So it's had an affect on my sex life, a very positive one! :cheer:

I wish that could be the case for everyone here ;)

[Terrihoney]

At a younger age, any dressing time was also a way to 'fly solo', when the need arose. During 18 years of marriage, wifey never knew, relations went away after she had the requiste kids and house. Dressing was still a bit of a release, at least there was a 'female' at hand.

My current, 11 year relationship has been lacking only due to health problems with the GF. She was always afraid that I was looking for someone younger and healthier. Very recently, she knows all about my CDing. Geesh! She can't keep her hands off me!

I have no urges sexually except with my lady. Now, she is assured that I have not been looking around.

She gave me a rose colored nylon robe, I mentioned that I think I have a matching bra and panties. She wants me to model for her soon, untucked:D

Hugs, Terri

[Jason+]

She will have sex with me dressed but it is all for me when she does. For her sometimes making me happy is more important than whether or not she likes what is happening. Because I am aware of this I try not to ask too often for sexual activity that I know is just to make me happy.

[AmandaM]

The crossdressing is almost always present in some form. I'll never need Viagra. LOL

[RachelF]

Wow, this post shows again how diverse is our community and how many different approaches are to crossdressing.

In my case crossdressing is a turn on, although sometimes I relieve myself, my ideal situation is making love with my wife.

Unfortunately, she is not too much interested in sex. This happens well before my return to crossdressing around 4 years ago.

The problem for me is that my libido increases with the dressing and I am getting more and more frustrated about the lack of sex drive from my wife :(

Rachelf

[suchacutie]

Since Tina's arrival, there are just more immediate topics of conversation. Yes, we do talk about her :) Conversation leads to closeness and leads to...

Well, you get the point :)

Other than that, there has been no change whatsoever.

[Lorileah]

no sex, not much of a life, good thing I have a hobby like being here to live vicariously. :idontknow: Don't think dressing has a lot to do with it

[Eve_WA]

Whats' a sex life?

[Jamz1b]

From a very young age I have always associated dressing with physical plessure. This led to only being able to "get off" (sorry) if I was wearing something girly. That worries me as I have yet to start my "sex life" but hope to soon be engaged to a sweet girl who though knows a little has yet to be accepting. And has made it clear that it is a huge turn off for her. ;( So I may never know what it is to dress in bed ;(

I guess my worrie is that when I do get to dress, will I be able to hold off the physical pleasure that I have long since associated, which will obviously effect my sex life?

Im trying my best to distance the association. having some but very little luck.

[MelanieP]

Dressing for me used to be a sexual turn on, although I was careful to avoid it getting in the way of my sex life with my wife (who does not know about my CDing). Sometimes I felt I was close to it becoming an issue, which made me feel guilty. But recently, as I've come to accept my fem side more, dressing is less of a sexual release, but more of an emotional one. It retains a sensual aspect to be sure, but the level of arousal is much much lower than before. Which is a good thing as I feel I can get more in touch with my inner fem self and spend more time as her when not sexually turned on just by being dressed. I also get to focus all my sexual energy with my wife, because sex with the person I love most in life is always better than with my right hand. lol

Melanie

[docrobbysherry]

I wasn't into dressing when married. So, it didn't effect my divorce.:straightface:

However, for the 2 years AFTER our separation, I had NO INTEREST in sex, period!:sad:
By then, I started to dress. About the same time, my interest in sex returned! At age 50+!:eek: Coincidence?

Now, over 60, my sex life is better than when I was 20!:D

UNFORTUNATELY, only when I'm alone in the shower, or watching Sherry with her electric friend! NOT with real women!:doh:

Of course, the married friends my age, have quit having sex almost entirely! So, maybe I'm doing OK. Really not sure!:brolleyes:

[Lara Smith]

I haven't posted in awhile. When I revealed my love of fem things to my spouse over twenty years ago, we spent that next 20 years having dressed sex, and mostly at her urging. Then about 4 years ago she stopped having sex with me altogether and says she was only doing it because she loved me. I know this isn't true. However, she has no use for sex period at this point, and nothing can or will arouse her that I know of. What a shame, more for her than me. I still love my girl things, and her too. Boy or girl.

[Stormgirl]

What sex life? Mine is non-existent sadly.

[Cary]

As a person with a disablity and life long crossdresser, there is no sex. I'm not proud to say this, but 80% of my crossdressing is about sex. I fear that I have become that pervert down the block who live alone with the shades always drawn.

[JamieToo]

I have been crossdressing since I was a teen. In the past, when I had a girlfriend, I would stop for a while, (and often purge) thinking that I didn't need it, but I would always return. This included the girlfriend that eventually became my wife. She is unaware of my CDing. When we were dating and after marrying, we had sex often, but my cross dressing crept into my life again and our sexual relations suffered. In part, it was because I felt guilty and become distant from her. When we did have sex, it got to a point sometimes that I could get an erection but couldn't finish. That would upset my wife. On some of these occasions, I would have to imagine myself dressed while we had sex in order to finish.

I still dress, but I have gotten to the point where I can have sex with my wife without a problem. (I'd like to think that I have matured and grown.) The ironic part is that in the past when my then young wife wanted to have sex often, I avoided it for fear of not being able to perform, now I want sex often, but due to her health, we cannot make love often.

I think cross dressing has increased my desire for sex.

[charlen]

i am like miss amy siad i have no sex life. i dont have sex feeling when i dress.:sad:

[Margot]

My wife lost interest in sex many, many years ago. She knew I crossdressed. before we were married so I think her acceptance and support now is compensation. Mind you I love her dearly and do feel somewhat guilty that I could not regenerate her enthusiasm.
We are very happy together as I share femminine interests with her which include shopping, cooking, decorating. I now dress when and how I wish almost 24/7.
Margot.

[sherri52]

Just knowing that I dressed was enough to cause my ex not to have sex so she never expeieinced the difference. A girl I live with in Florida liked me dressed because she said I was better. I never knew of the difference but I did always like to be dressed.

[Shelly67]

Sex has always been pretty good between my wife and I . Private moments alone as my femanine self however were often followed by extreme guilt .
I never , ever imagined before coming out to my partner that things would move foward as they have . I imagined it would continue alone and she would'nt want anything to do with my femanine side .After admitting about me there were at times ( like many other's )when we had the odd misunderstanding on my crossdressing - heated arguments even .It took a good few months I can't recall how or why , but for that time we just talked , sat there whilst I was dressed , then the ultimate happened .
It's now become passionate to a point that sometimes it's scarey .
I think , it's something to do with being completely honest with each other , our defensive guards lowered respectively , a meeting of the minds as well as the body ....
It's true , we are all different in many ways and circumstances, but , the one thing I consider to be right tho , no matter what our sexuality , or how we live our lives then it's wrong to feel guilty or ashamed .....

[Loni]

sex......? what's that???? some kind of new religon????


no wife, no girl friend, just cold sheets, and a warm bra.

:-)

.

[ballbelle]

Karen: I share your concern and would love to communicate more on all this. Odd that I had just written a very looooong post about my own experiences. Please let me know if you have anything to say about them!

[KarenHiller]

Thank you all for your amazing open and honest replies here. I truly feel like a part of the community here now. You're all so amazing. It's like finding out you have 50,000 sisters in one day! :heehee:

Karen

[Daniela76]

I have no sex life currently. Been alone for over 10 years. Had one relationship which ended badly. Then felt crappy forever.
Now that I have accepted myself, I think I might be okay. I don't want to just go get lucky though. I want to find someone to make love to.



You are not alone, "google" autogynephilia, have to admit after spending hours of reading I was at first shocked, but then felt so much better after understanding why I like to CD.

Yep, that's me totally!! As soon as I get turned on my mind goes there. I can control it somewhat, but don't really want to anymore. It's not total, but definitely I want that mostly.

[FanciJewel]

CD'ing and my sex life has been an adventure. There have been 2 wives, no girlfriends and certainly myself. The only constant has been myself. Having several full length mirrors in the bathroom and walk in closet enhances the suduction with myself. The CD'ing and sex with the 2 wives has been a mixed bag. At times it has been thrilling and at times not so much. The less than thrilling experiences have been as much as an issue my wives as it has with me. Any hint of hesitancy with them would be very deflating with me. The second wife and I are still in the process of finding a way to bring the thrill back on a consistent basis. It is a work in progress.
Fanci

[bianncats]

with a wife with a chronic illness and no sex drive...it has just dwindled down to nothing.

b

[Lady Davida]

I just tell my Wife I am a lesbian. I won't get graphic but I satisfy her and she satisfies me

[ReineD]

It got to the point that she'd try and turn me on in bed, but I wasn't able to do much as I'd probably had sex alone a few times that day.

So if anyone else has been through something like this, I'd like to hear your story. I think it will help some of the other girls here who might be in the same position.

Thanks for bringing up the topic, and to everyone for your open and honest answers.

You want to help other girls who might now be in the same position you were with your ex wife. But if the other forum members feel the same way you did, how can they make themselves be attracted to their partners ... if they find their femme selves more exciting? How can they control this?

[dominique]

With me and my wife, we go through periods of very intense love making and my need for dressing goes down accordingly. Other times when we don't make love for a long period of time my need to dress increases. I must like the feel of something feminine touching or close to me.

[Kimmy55]

I don't have a sex life so I can't say

Me either

[AmiFL]

When you have sexual encounter with Karen you are not alone. You are with a "woman" you love and want to feel good. She makes you feel good to, otherwise why would she excite you . When I look at my pictures that I posted, (I cannot dress right now) I excite me.......

[KarenHiller]

Thanks for bringing up the topic, and to everyone for your open and honest answers.

You want to help other girls who might now be in the same position you were with your ex wife. But if the other forum members feel the same way you did, how can they make themselves be attracted to their partners ... if they find their femme selves more exciting? How can they control this?

Unfortunately, you can't make yourself be more attracted to anyone. You can, however, make an effort to be with the other person when you're "in the mood" and transfer your need over to making love with them. It's like anything else in a relationship, if you want it to be better, you have to work at it.

Karen

[leotard fan]

when i cross dress i fell more sexy. i don´t have girlfriend now, but i´ll like have sex with a girl dressed like me. i think croosdressing is not a obsession, is just a man dress the clothes that he like to wear...

[Josie]

My sex life is crossdressing. My wife has no interest in sex, or crossdressing for that matter. I could maybe do without one or the other, but not both. I love my wife dearly, but we're at the point where she has to give a little on the crossdressing. I'll give her what ever she wants, but it comes with her acceptance of me as a crossdresser.
Joann Kelly

[Samantha43]

My supportive wife has known about my crossdressing since very early in our relationship. It's always been part of our relationship and always been part of our sex life.

[Veronica75]

I did read up on autogynephilia, that puts a new perspective on a lot of my dressing, the thoughts that occur when I did, and some of the things I've done when dressed, both in private and out and about.

My wife and mine's sex life is very on and off, but when we do find the time I always 100% man... even when I'm not into it. In those cases, I use complicated mental games to get myself in the mood-- usually going third-person and projecting memories of past encounters I've had with men when dressed into the situation-- more or less seeing things from her perspective and my real self just the guy in the bed... does that make sense?

Probably not, but it works for me. Whatever it takes. :battingeyelashes:

[docrobbysherry]

---------how can they make themselves be attracted to their partners ... if they find their femme selves more exciting? How can they control this?

This is THE significant issue for me! While I wish to find a REAL female companion, age is a problem! The women I see, r MUCH older than Sherry appears to be!
I seem to be SO VISUALLY oriented now, sexually:eek:!

While I would CHOOSE to find real GGs sexually exciting, I DON'T! I've become too hooked on Sherry's looks!:doh:

IF ONLY MEN COULD FAKE being turned on!:brolleyes:

[Nadia-Maria]

Thanks for bringing up the topic, and to everyone for your open and honest answers.

You want to help other girls who might now be in the same position you were with your ex wife. But if the other forum members feel the same way you did, how can they make themselves be attracted to their partners ... if they find their femme selves more exciting? How can they control this?

This situation may become a real issue in the couple, especially if the wife is more demanding about sex than average.

I discovered only recently (say not until 55 yrs old) I needed experiencing on a regular basis "female" orgasms and that helped me a lot to understand I was a transgendered person instead of a mere crossdresser. Simultaneously I felt my libido towards women would wane, while I still feel no attraction at all to men.
In fact my libido is intact except I must imagine I am the woman and I have a vagina to get oustanding orgasms. That's easier to imagine it when I am alone dressed than when I make love to my wife as a standard man and undressed. However I want to give priority to intercourses with my wife in order not to jeopardize our couple. I have found : the more she is accepting of my crossdressing, the more easily I can give the priority to her.


Nadia

[tinysquid]

The more feminine I am the more sexual i can be with my gf. hoping to tell her soon and hoping she will accept....

[Nicole Erin]

Wow Karren, quite a thing to admit to I mean looking at yourself in the mirror and anyways... :heehee:

My love life and affects of me being TG -
The lady on youtube I like to watch, she doesn't mind a bit if I am TG...
Yes youtube is weak, my tastes are very tame.

My wife and I are not gonna be together much longer but didn't have much of a sex life anyways. We just aren't interested. Looking back, I don't think me being TG really effected it. Admittedly, I never have felt the need to "dress" suring sex. I prefer to be naked for real.

Now about self-gratification -
I am so paranoid about having more kids, I don't even like to self-gratify in the case where I might knock up myself somehow. But still happens anyways.

[belindat]

I've always believed that sex is more a mental thing so the physical side has never been an issue for me. My wife has always had a better, and demanding, sex drive than me. So I'm happy, very happy, to let her set the pace.

Besides is sex just about an orgasm?

[Nicola2876]

I'm married and my wife is unaware that I CD. Our relationship is suffering at the minute because I have very little desire to have sex. I don't want to be the "man" in bed and recently our sex life probably resembles a lesbian relationship. I struggle to get turned on so fantasise I'm a woman. This sometimes means I fantasise she's a man. I am bisexual so this isn't totally alien to me. CDing is no longer a sexual act for me. As a teenager I used to always end a CDing session with sexual pleasure but that is no longer the case. I dress like I do because I feel I am female not to get aroused.

[darla_g]

Somehow I think this is quite common. If there is a lot of emotional (&physical) distance in the relationship then the innate need for sex seems to get satisfied in other ways. For some CDing may represent a means of providing that comfort and sexual release even if it is not overt. CDing can become an important part of ones identity. For some even an obsession. This will vary I am sure and ultimately people will find their "comfort zone". Do you have a need to "go out and pass" or is an occasional session alone at home or at a hotel sufficient? Or for some this CDing a part of a realization that they want (and need) something different and this is just the first stop along the path...:daydreaming:

For some people the need to CD and what it provides seems to change over time and evolve. For a time it seems absolutely critical to understand CDing and why and what it represents. (Why am i doing this??) After a while it seems to be a matter of comfort and maybe not even a sexual release (read fetish or anything) and you may not even care why you do it, just that you feel a particular need and it feels good. Now it seems like the ultimate goal and pleasure is to try and attain that ultimate feminine look. (Ok maybe that is just me I am speaking of with the last statement.) :heehee:

Somewhere through reading this thread I kind of lost the real focus of this thread. Is it that increased Cross-dressing with a non-accepting SO leads in fact to more Cross-dressing? Or is it sex in general? :hugs:

I don't think anyone mentioned it so i will throw this out there. A long time ago I asked my wife why so many wives were so disapproving of their partner's CDing. Her reply was that at least for some women if they had no interest in being with another woman themselves then sex with their CD partner particularly when dressed was a turn-off. For a woman to enjoy having sex with a CD there must be a complete understanding of their partner, a sense of adventure and an acceptance of that partner. I could always buy that....it's always acceptance that everyone (CDs, TG, TV, TS etc) crave Acceptance!:love:

It is pretty amazing when you can literally have it all, great sex with a loving partner while you can enjoy being a CD. :2c:

[KarenHiller]

So many wonderful responses! Thank you all for being so open and honest about something so intimate. You've given me so much to think about. :love:

Karen

[Veronica75]

I don't think anyone mentioned it so i will throw this out there. A long time ago I asked my wife why so many wives were so disapproving of their partner's CDing. Her reply was that at least for some women if they had no interest in being with another woman themselves then sex with their CD partner particularly when dressed was a turn-off. For a woman to enjoy having sex with a CD there must be a complete understanding of their partner, a sense of adventure and an acceptance of that partner. I could always buy that....it's always acceptance that everyone (CDs, TG, TV, TS etc) crave Acceptance!:love:


I think there is another aspect to this: Some women may have sexual attraction to other women, but they don't want their husband to be an imitation of that, from both ends-- a crossdresser is not a woman, and many women understandably can't get past that reality.

But more importantly, I think there are wives who see their husbands as entirely masculine, and love them that way, and don't want that image destroyed by seeing their hubbies dressed all girly. There are plenty of stories here of husbands who came out or were caught, and it permanently alters the wifes perception of her husband, and often in a negative way. Sometimes of course this is associated with the deception or the feelings of discovering a significant aspect to her man's life that she is not part of, but I think sometimes it's also just as simple as a woman wanting a 100% masculine male for a partner, and the turn off of having that image permanently altered.

[Lorileah]

Just for fun let's take dressing out of the equation.

Typical marriage (I know some of you are still like teenagers)


You meet, you find each other physically attractive, marry and mate (or vice versa) you find each other sexually attractive. You live together and maybe have a kid or two. One or both of you no longer have the time or inclination to make yourself physically attractive (kids and jobs and running a household will do that). Sex in marriage decreases most of the time and often it becomes rare. It isn't what you wear or want to wear, it is familiarity breeds complacency, ask Tiger. I think both partners look for reasons to not have sex. Time, stress, losing interest in something like how your partner looks (both ways). It is nature. Every male friend of mine is either getting a divorce or honestly just hanging on to comfort (probably the same for the women but for some reason I never ask "how's your sex life"). I envy the few who still see the sexy vivacious partner they started with, and IMHO I would bet that him putting on a dress might even build that fire higher.

So as they say "Don't blame the tool, blame the carpenter"

[lavistaa62]

For the references to autogynephilia. First I'd heard of it- one article suggested that this is a natural part of feminine behaviour- namely they are "attracted to themselves" for lack of a better word when they get dressed up and this is one of the driving force beyond wanted to do so. In other words, it's a natural part of being a GG.

Does this sound reasonable or accurate to you (GG)?

[ReineD]

In other words, it's a natural part of being a GG.

Does this sound reasonable or accurate to you (GG)?

A sexual attraction to the self is not a natural part of feminine behavior. GGs are attracted to guys, or if they are lesbian they are attracted to other girls.

[Laura Evans]

I am one of the few lucky ones here who has a SO that is supportive and enjoys making love whether I am in drab or drag, but I get more turned on when in drag and I think she likes that.

[docrobbysherry]

A sexual attraction to the self is not a natural part of feminine behavior. GGs are attracted to guys, or if they are lesbian they are attracted to other girls.

FOR ME, if I see anything that looks MALE or like ME, in the mirror, I get turned OFF!:sad:

I'm SURE that's tru for other straight CDs, too. I just have NO IDEA how many!:straightface:

[Stitch]

I'm not attracted to myself sexually. I mean sure, its nice to look at yourself and take pride in your appearance but it doesn't get me going or anything.

I'm also completely hetrosexual, so seeing my partner en femme doesn't turn me on at all. I don't mind her dressing and to be honest I do enjoy being an active part of picking her outfits and brushing her hair, (It appeals to the same part of me that loves and collects dolls) but other than that nada. I just love masculinity so much. His smell, his broad sholders, the shape of his torso, his jawline and neck. Now that does turn me on.

[Veronica75]

Back when I was dressing publicly and having experiences with men, there was an older guy-- a married guy-- who I had an ongoing thing with... whatever he was up to behind his wife's back (and it was a lot) he always was a gentleman to me. At one point pillow talk turned to his wife, and I asked him what she looked like. Instead of telling me, he pulled a picture out of his wallet-- a gorgeous put-together mature woman who any guy would feel lucky to have on his arm. What surprised me at the time is that it aroused me very much to look at the picture of this woman, with the guy in my mind thinking, "Dang, I'd hit that," while I'm lying dolled up in the afterglow of a good time with her husband.

Looking back from a married perspective I see he was no prince and I shouldn't have been playing around with him, but at the time it really made me feel very validated, feminine and most of all sexy to be "the other woman" to a guy with a beautiful wife at home.

[Elsa von Spielburg]

It hasn't happened yet, mostly due to me and the GF being in different cities currently, but my GF looks forward to exploring my inner-lady in the bedroom with me, so my CDing is only looking to improve my sex life. I'm one of the lucky ones, in that way.

[stargirlGG]

For the references to autogynephilia. First I'd heard of it- one article suggested that this is a natural part of feminine behaviour- namely they are "attracted to themselves" for lack of a better word when they get dressed up and this is one of the driving force beyond wanted to do so. In other words, it's a natural part of being a GG.

Does this sound reasonable or accurate to you (GG)?

Absolutely not! I'm sure that I speak for most GGs to say that there is absolutely nothing arousing about dressing ourselves up. You do it all of your life and it's not all that fun, either. When i get dressed up I may feel sexier or even have times when I'm quite impressed with how I look (hours of work later) or whatever, but the theory that it's a natural part of feminine behavior to be attracted to yourself is silly. The article was obv. written by a straight man.

[Heather J]

Due to health problems (on both parts) we really don't have a love life, so I really can't say if CD'ing has affected our love life.:straightface:

Heather J.

[Tora]

Since my bride allows nice nylon night gowns for both of us, it is a part of our routine. I am sure she does not get anything special out of my nightie, but I do. She is special, and a keeper. Things have been known to happen, without the femme sleepware. I miss the getting dressed and going out to party, yah drab for me, but I love watching her get ready. Seems no one gets dressed up for almost anything, very often.

[darla_g]

Back when I was dressing publicly and having experiences with men, there was an older guy-- a married guy-- who I had an ongoing thing with... whatever he was up to behind his wife's back (and it was a lot) he always was a gentleman to me. At one point pillow talk turned to his wife, and I asked him what she looked like. Instead of telling me, he pulled a picture out of his wallet-- a gorgeous put-together mature woman who any guy would feel lucky to have on his arm. What surprised me at the time is that it aroused me very much to look at the picture of this woman, with the guy in my mind thinking, "Dang, I'd hit that," while I'm lying dolled up in the afterglow of a good time with her husband.

Looking back from a married perspective I see he was no prince and I shouldn't have been playing around with him, but at the time it really made me feel very validated, feminine and most of all sexy to be "the other woman" to a guy with a beautiful wife at home.that was an amazingly candid story. interesting.

as for the idea of women in love with themselves isn't that what narcissim is all about? Well maybe not be in love with one's self but more like everything is centered around one's self.

[Meghan]

For me, it hasn't changed much...instead it's created a whole new level of intensity.

My SO and I have been dating for 3 years now, and we are getting married next week.

We initially entered the relationship as a power exchange, with me being the submissive one (of course). As we grew together, she was able to help me break down mental barrier after mental barrier, but still I was afraid to tell her.

Interestingly, she rarely wears makeup, and wears shorts and comfortable clothes almost all the time. She describes her dress style as "lesbian gym teacher".

It's never been an issue, as I have always been attracted to her mind and personality, not so much to what she wears etc.

However, 6 months or more ago she stumbled upon me stumbling upon this site, and up through a couple of months ago, it was the pink elephant in the room.

Since then she has picked out no less than three outfits for me. She loves feeling these clothes, she just doesn't like wearing them. But, she loves seeing me in them, feeling me in them, and looking at me.

But I wait until she wants to dress me, I have never (or will ever) insist or even hint that I want to wear something. It just feels better when she controls it...I let her choose that option, which keeps us both in check.

I hope this helps.

Meghan

[gemsay32]

I think there is another aspect to this: Some women may have sexual attraction to other women, but they don't want their husband to be an imitation of that, from both ends-- a crossdresser is not a woman, and many women understandably can't get past that reality.

But more importantly, I think there are wives who see their husbands as entirely masculine, and love them that way, and don't want that image destroyed by seeing their hubbies dressed all girly. There are plenty of stories here of husbands who came out or were caught, and it permanently alters the wifes perception of her husband, and often in a negative way. Sometimes of course this is associated with the deception or the feelings of discovering a significant aspect to her man's life that she is not part of, but I think sometimes it's also just as simple as a woman wanting a 100% masculine male for a partner, and the turn off of having that image permanently altered.

I read through a most of these posts and would like to add my thought(s).

The wife can sacrifice some of what she wants to please her husband. This allows him to fulfill his CDing needs (in bed or while alone). Alternatively, the husband can sacrifice some of what he wants to please his wife. This means he cannot CD. If he does it alone, this will detract from sex with his wife. And he he does it with his wife, it will reduce her enjoyment. So we kind of have a yin/yang going on here. Is there some kind of middleground that can bring some kind of balance?

[ReineD]

So we kind of have a yin/yang going on here. Is there some kind of middleground that can bring some kind of balance?

That's the crux of it. Hopefully each partner will be willing to go there.

Unfortunately there are situations, even with willing and supportive GGs, where the two yins simply cannot mesh.

[sesissy]

My girlfriend has never had an overly zealous desire for sex. I love her and accept this fact.

However, we have had sex several times while I was dressed enfemme and she commented on how much she enjoyed it.

I have made it a point not to ensure that we have to have sex with me enfemme. We have sex in whatever manner we find it. We enjoy it both ways.

[Laurie A]

For our relationship, dressing and sex blend well together. My partner enjoys the way I sometimes dress for bed, and it becomes part of a role play / fantasy scene that we share. I am so grateful that she is accepting of my quirks.

Every three or four months I initiate a discussion at the dinner table regarding my dressing, as a kind of reality check for me. I just need a confirmation from her that its still good for her.

When I dress up it's just me wearing women's clothes, she's into it, and it totally turns me on so its all good. But, one thing that I wonder about is that a lot of people here refer to their feminine sides by another name, as though that person is totally different from their male personas. If I put myself in my partner's shoes I am not sure if I would feel comfortable having sex with a third person like that. Does that make any sense?

[Elaine Lynn]

Not much of asex life her after we hit40. I can remember being dressed twice in 35 years of marriage and she hated it.

[drushin703]

Ive had sex befor.............and its overated.
....................dana 2010

[Tisha Ann Ryan]

This is an excellent and thoughtful thread.

Thank you MarcieBflo for posting the reference to autogynephilia. Interesting read and very thought provoking. I found enlightenment in that article, like you did.

After that article I can say that I understand why I like pleasuring myself and have no interest in others and why my fantasies are about myself as a woman. I understand why I want more mirrors in my bedroom to see myself and reinforce my fantasy with a visual proof.

I love my wife but we have not had a sexual interest in each other in a long time and we have been married for 33 years ... so it is a long time.

Still in love but more so with myself
Tisha

[try something new]

I've had sex with my wife on my office desk while dressed in a short black dress, heels and make up. Then she dared me to lock up the building and drive home dressed as I was.
She also **** me at the beach while I sat on a stone wall, 20 feet from the highway around 10pm.

[utah beauty]

My ts desires kinda have put a damper on my dating... so I couldn't say really... It makes me really nervous to get into a serious relationship with anyone because of things like this, at least til i'm post-op...

[sempervirens]

The wife can sacrifice some of what she wants to please her husband. This allows him to fulfill his CDing needs (in bed or while alone). Alternatively, the husband can sacrifice some of what he wants to please his wife. This means he cannot CD. If he does it alone, this will detract from sex with his wife. And he he does it with his wife, it will reduce her enjoyment. So we kind of have a yin/yang going on here. Is there some kind of middleground that can bring some kind of balance?
I like your post.

Just IMO... ideally in a committed relationship there's some willingness to participate in what your partner likes either to please them or see if you like it. My fiancee and I have a game called "once a month." If there's something we enjoy, and we're not sure the other is okay with, we'll do our best to indulge it, but no more often than once a month. It works for us because one person gets their quirky fantasy fulfilled and the other person gets the assurance that the fantasy won't consume our sex life. There are hard limits we both have (has to be monogamous, safe, etc.), but I think what's really worked is trying to put a lot of weight on each other's wants.

Dressing has changed parts of our sex life, but we're as satisfied and active. I think the thing that's really gotten us is identity questions... does liking this mean I'm lesbian/bi... stuff like that. I really dislike that I've put her in the position of questioning all that.

[Kristitx555]

I am one of those cross dressers who's sole interest in dressing up is for the sexual excitement. I never feel more sexy than as Samantha. Almost every time I dress up I am sexual, but 80% of the time I'm alone with toys and stuff.

My girl likes me to be a guy in the sack, as she has every right to ;) And honestly I like having both sides to my sexuality, sex as a guy, and sometimes as a girl. Every once and a while my girl will come home and I'll be dressed up and she'll suggest we do a role play role reversal with toys. I'll get in trouble ( as I have before :p ) if I'm anymore specific. We always have fun! It is amazing and I'm still stunned at her willingness and acceptance of me. She is the most loving woman I could've ever hoped to find :) Especially since it's just never simple with me, I make everything complicated :o

So it's had an affect on my sex life, a very positive one! :cheer:

I wish that could be the case for everyone here ;)

You are one lucky girl Samantha!

[Staci G]

Sex life?? whats that?? Haven't done that in a while, although I really don't care much anyway I'd rather shoe or dress shop

[Karen__Starr]

I engage in sexual activities often and rarely the person who is initiating but instead my partner. Dressing does not constitute a sexual ritual for me but instead to be feminine. If given the choice I can go over a week but that has not happened for some time now. I had surgery last week and that curtailed my bones being jumped for about five days.

[Dee2U]

I too, much prefer to pleasure myself. As I mentioned on another thread, I do try to make her happy and play the role of a man but it is becoming hard for me and harder for her too; what with menopause and all.

I absolutely must imagine myself within a scenario that at least contains dressing and role playing (as the wife) in order to accomplish the act. Still works though and I will soldier on because I love her....Dee

[caan1848]

For me there is a definite "erotic charge" associated with cross-dressing. I suppose to put it bluntly, it makes me feel sexy! However, without getting to graphic, it's not something that really provides sexual gratification. Another thing I find interesting (when I should really just accept and get on with it) is that the desire to dress is definitely greater when I am not getting as much sex as I would like; ahhh the ebb and flow of a long, and basically happy, marriage. I guess what I am trying to say is that, for me, there is a definite link between sex and dressing but I am pretty confused about what it is.

xx Catherine.

[rachelcdtvcd]

I'd much rather please myself. I know what I like. The dressing has always been sexual for me. As far as I know, my ex-girlfriend never knew I dressed, but the sex was better with myself than with her. I guess it would be hard not to be able to please yourself every time. :)

[vetobob9]

I'm a virgin. I've never had a sex life.

[Satrana]

Personally I would have difficulties now wanting to have sex with a partner who did not understand me or flat-out rejected my CDing side. I think an emotional connection becomes increasingly important as libido subsides with age. I suspect many CDs turn to their own image as much to find open acceptance even if it is internalized.

The more unaccepting the partner is, the more likely the CD will resort to self-gratification to satisfy both his sex drive and also his emotional need for acceptance.

On the other hand an accepting GG may find that her partner increasingly needs to CD to become aroused with her. Understandably this may lead her to question if her partner still desires her or is just using her as an accomplice in his sexual fantasies.

On the question of why many women get turned off, this has to do with the idea that femininity needs to be matched with masculinity. A woman wants to be desired by a man, she wants to know that she drives him crazy and is aroused by her presence, by her beauty and personality. She wants to be consumed by his desire.

So femininity seeks out masculinity to complete the circuit. Without masculinity, femininity has no reason to exist. These ideas are conceptualized in a woman's emotional/sexual needs in a relationship and the pleasure and comfort from being found desirable and wanted.

The problem is our society conditions everyone to believe that when a man expresses femininity, the essence of his masculinity is destroyed. He is devalued as a man and can no longer play his complementary part in a relationship. Just the thought of her partner in a dress without even seeing him or even any clothes can leave a GG cold. She feels she has lost the quintessential part of him that she subconsciously needs to feel complete and satisfied herself.

Well thats my take on it. Until masculinity is redefined in society to include feminine qualities, some GGs are going to struggle with the idea because it attacks the foundation of emotional connectiveness.

[shannonFL]

[QUOTE=Satrana;2011768]Personally I would have difficulties now wanting to have sex with a partner who did not understand me or flat-out rejected my CDing side. I think an emotional connection becomes increasingly important as libido subsides with age. I suspect many CDs turn to their own image as much to find open acceptance even if it is internalized.

Well, this, and the rest of Satrana's post crystallize the essence of what's going on ........in my marital experience at least...nothing else left to say...

[KarenHiller]

For me, it hasn't changed much...instead it's created a whole new level of intensity.

My SO and I have been dating for 3 years now, and we are getting married next week.

We initially entered the relationship as a power exchange, with me being the submissive one (of course). As we grew together, she was able to help me break down mental barrier after mental barrier, but still I was afraid to tell her.

Interestingly, she rarely wears makeup, and wears shorts and comfortable clothes almost all the time. She describes her dress style as "lesbian gym teacher".

It's never been an issue, as I have always been attracted to her mind and personality, not so much to what she wears etc.

However, 6 months or more ago she stumbled upon me stumbling upon this site, and up through a couple of months ago, it was the pink elephant in the room.

Since then she has picked out no less than three outfits for me. She loves feeling these clothes, she just doesn't like wearing them. But, she loves seeing me in them, feeling me in them, and looking at me.

But I wait until she wants to dress me, I have never (or will ever) insist or even hint that I want to wear something. It just feels better when she controls it...I let her choose that option, which keeps us both in check.

I hope this helps.

Meghan

Just wanted to wish you all the best, and I know you and your bride to be will be happy forever.

And I hope you'll be wearing something pretty on your wedding day. I know I did :)

Karen

[kimdl93]

Karen,

For me cross dressing and sexuality are fairly intimately (pun) connected. Of course as an adolescent, I found a solitary outlet for the arrousal that accompanied cross dressing. But as an adult, dressing became an integral part of intimate relations with my (ex) wife.

I remember how it began. I'd quit dressing while I was in the military - for obvious reasons. Then, during the early months of my relationship with my fiance, I really never dared bring up this part of me. Then, one night a few months after we married, we were making love. We often shared erotic fantasies - one of her (and my) favorites was lesbian love making. In the midst of foreplay, she asked me to dress in her bra, panties and panty hose...I very willingly complied and as usual, the sex was fabulous. After that, the genie was out of the box. I admitted my interest in cross dressing and she accomodated me, at least to the extent of letting me wear pantyhose and panties when we made love...and under my male clothes.

Years later we were divorced. Dressing was NOT a contributing factor, but there was a lot of anger, and she "outed" me to friends and family. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to have impacted my other relationships - I suspect many people thought she was just being spiteful.

Now, I'm remmarried. My wife has known from the outset of our relationship and is wonderfully understanding and supportive. I don't go out - sadly I can't hope to pass. But I enjoy being dressed most of my time at home.

[ReineD]

Well thats my take on it. Until masculinity is redefined in society to include feminine qualities, some GGs are going to struggle with the idea because it attacks the foundation of emotional connectiveness.

That's my understanding too. But a GG doesn't have to wait until the rest of society changes its definitions. She can learn to embrace the idea on her own. It becomes difficult when her partner doesn't believe her and prefers to continue hir solitary practices.

[MalibuJenny]

Great thread and discussion -- thanks to all for sharing so openly.

CDing for me has always been a very erotic experience and foremost in my sexual desires. I'm almost 50 now and went a long time without intercourse, as for most of my 30's and part of my 40's crossdressing WAS my sex life. I did other things ith girlfriends but intercourse represented too much pressure and not enough pleasure.

I'm now in a great relationship with a wonderful woman who knows all about my femme side and is still coming to terms with it. But we've had a great sex life -- the best ever for me and I think her, too.

One reason is that intercourse isn't super important to her and although we do it, we both get much more pleasure from oral and touching. We have very long sexual sessions that are intensely satisfying.

But a big part of it is that she also knows about my crossdressing and has already accepted it at some level. While I've integrated CDing and sex in the past, I'm not quite sure I even want to do that in this case. For one thing, I do it much less now, so rather I rely on past experiences and extrapolation for my fantasies.

I actually think she is going to come around and be quite accepting. I've come out to partners many times in the past and there is always an initial shock but I can usually tell when they'll get past that. And I'm very optimistic here.

But, I'm not sure I want to fully dress with her even if she turns out to be quite enthusiastic. I want to make sure that she is enjoying our sexual time together. She described a very selfish lover in her recent past and objectively I could see how lousy that would be. I don't want to be that guy.

Knowing that she knows is a big turn-on in itself. She was extremely complimentary when I showed her photos, and in a very honest, observational way -- not in a trying-to-be-nice way. Her comments alone are very exciting to me.


I'll just say that finding the right person with similar sexual interests in general has proven to be the most important thing. Frankly, I'd strongly prefer to be my naked self with her in bed than to dress up.

[KarenHiller]

It becomes very easy to just have sex with yourself. No one ever says "not tonight, I have a headache" or "this isn't a good time for me".

You're hand is always in the mood when you are - isn't that convenient? :) :devil:

But you can't do that for long and still expect to have a loving relationship. You have to share everything with your spouse, not just a night in front of the tube, or a weekend dinner. If you don't, then you may end up with self satisfaction being your only outlet.

Karen

[StaceyJane]

To be honest I'm not having much of a sex life right now.

[Renae Word]

You could have been me! Although still married to wife of 37 years our intimate time have slowed substantially. I still always fanticize being the female, though. She knows my cding and is supportive as best she can. I try not to push the window to far, though out of respect for he feelings.

[Terri D]

Haven't had sex for almost 5 years. By choice. I only recently returned to crossdressing after a very,very long absence. But I wonder if crossdressing wasn't the reason subconsciously. I always knew I'd be back.This time with an intensity that sometimes amazes me.
I like the girl I see in the mirror. I'm my sexual partner. Yes,there is masturbation.And it is working for me.
Instead of a intimate relationship I would prefer to have crossdressing friends for girls night out get togethers.
Every relationship I have ever had crashed and burned. I know why.
Traditional relationships are difficult enough, add to that,crossdressing. I'm ok with the girl in the mirror.

[mklinden2010]

Interesting thread as it illustrates that this is a very wide community when it comes to behaviors.

For my part, crossdressing is a problem - like any "problem" - when it interferes with other commitments and obligations.

The same could be said, you know, of the affects of gambling, deer hunting, and following local sports; if it takes too much time and energy from, for example, a marriage relationship, then it, whatever "it" is, is a problem.

As a crossdresser, as a human being, as a partner, it's my responsibility to balance my activities and behavior so that I maximize the success and happiness of all my commitments and relationships. It's never "all me," it's never "all them," it's always all "us."

Being who I am and doing what I do, in this case crossdressing, I have the task, or, joy, of working this aspect of myself into the rest of our lives happily. This is why, in the past and with daily vigilance, I have strenuously objected to SOs ignoring my needs and interests by pointing out that stone-walling me was frustrating our mutual interests:

"A house divided cannot stand."

Sex, beyond pure hormones and blind lust, takes place mostly in the mind. A long-term relationship that includes a peaceful and satisfying sex life has to be more than just biology; it has to be psychology and sociology; you have to have the intimate picture and the big picture too. It all - more in your head than in bed - has to fit together as a clear, satisfying picture... Love, trust, respect, support, security.

Foreplay is not what you did five seconds ago. It's what you did yesterday, last week, last year, and before she met you. It's also today, tomorrow, and twenty years from now.

My SO, when I discussed this thread with her before I began typing, pointed out that some women don't like sex all that much (everyone is different) and are perfectly happy having someone great in their lives who they get along with... "And, that's great for everyone when it works out happily for both."

Her point is certainly valid. And, it's also valid to note that she is definitely not of that "No sex, or, you having all the sex, is fine with me" group...

With that in mind, all the more reason to pay attention to what balance I need to take for "us" both to be happy. I read with some interest the discussion of what I have simply termed "auto erotic" behavior for years. Some times, "You just gotta do what you gotta do." I tend to think of it as "self-actualizing" behavior: you want to do something (get another ipod, get the dress shoes fixed) and it's on your mind until you reach your goal.

Viola, happiness - a process, not a place.

Long story short, if everyone is happy with how they get along, I suppose that it alright. But, and it's a big "but," I have to wonder how happy most Cder's are when they constantly complain about the SOs not "getting" them, not wanting to see them dressed, etc.

Mine gets it that this is important to me, and she also gets it that this is something I pursue while taking care of her happiness. We have a great sex life, but I think it's because we have a pretty good life - and that's the result of facing issues and working out things together. Including sex...

[marcy77]

I also take care of business myself most times and I enjoy it very much. Sex with the wife doesn't happen very often and it suits me and my CD lifestyle. But for me, the wife doesn't complain. She doesn't have much of a sex drive and she usually gives me a heads up when she is feeling frisky. She will usually make an appointment with me in the morning to have sex at the end of the day so that I can reserve my energy for it.

[jeniinnylons]

I also take care of business myself most times

This is about the only sex life I have :(

[jennCD]

For me, they have no effect on each other.... they've always been mutually exclusive.

:)
jenn