serious questions for myself

[Evette333]

Hi All,

I love getting dressed up and feeling the sensuality of sexy clothes, but in my more sobering moments, I have serious doubts.

I am struggling with what all this means to me and I hope others can give some insight if they've had similar feelings.

Am I just being narcissistic?
How do I deal with the image in the mirror that sometimes screams at me, "you look ridiculous!"?
Am I just being foolish trying to look like a woman?

I guess I just wonder what the point is for me. And where does this all lead?

By the way, there is a huge sexual component in dressing up for me.

Thanks in advance for any comments.

Evette

[carolinoakland]

well, first, does dressing make you happy when you are doing it? Then go ahead and give yourself permission to be happy. If you only do alone, so? make yourself happy and don't give an tinkers durn about what they think of it, or you. Be happy. Carol

[msniki48]

there are so many reasons that people cross dress. yours is yours. don't feel guilty because there isn't some underlying reason like you want to be a woman or you want to be out and about as a woman...and you start to do vacuming and the laundry when you dress... some dressers just love the feel of the garments and yes have sexual fantasies... what you do in the privacy of your home is for you to enjoy...not for us to judge...as long as you are not hurting anyone else in the process....enjoy yourself.

ohhh i forgot... if you are that ugly when dressed please stay at home and enjoy! ;)


hugs,

msniki48

[theresa]

My opinion is that you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. This especially involves understanding yourself and who you really are. . My belief is that you need to explore CD'g and understand how it affects who you are and who you want to be

With that said, I will also say it is very important to not become obsessive and selfish with your exploration and discovery. As with all things, you need to maintain a balance. Too little or too much of anything is generally not a good thing. CD'g can become very intoxicating and consuming. Maintain it in balance with the other things in your life.

[Yvonne York]

Just be yourself. Many of us, and I am one, will neverbecome a beautiful woman. But, I love the feel of what I do dressing, my wife is supportive, and we have a great life. Enjoy it girl - it's a great feeling :battingeyelashes:

[Celeste]

Hi Evette,I think everyone has the doubts you've expressed at one time or another.Whenever,I began to feel that way,I end up asking myself,why does their have to be any particular reason,cant it just be what it is,a form of expression for me. When I get that feeling looking into the mirror you spoke of ,I do change into something else or try a different makeup approach.Then the sexual part of it,so many say that "it goes away with time" but it's always been there for me and i like it that way.Give yourself some time to get comfortable with your own patterns and desires in all of this,theres no rush to figure it all out at once.

[Kate Simmons]

I never worry about what I see in the mirror Hon unless it's starts talking on it's own.:heehee:

[melissacd]

You are not being ridiculous, you are connecting with a very important part of what defines who you are as a person. It is not so much about the look or even the sexual gratification, it is about the recognition that there is a part of you that is outside of the normal male paradigm and that is okay. It is a part of who you are and the first step in this journey is being able to accept that. Once you can accept that then you are ready to move forward.

[funkybunny]

I've felt the the same way way back then. Now I look in the mirrior and see a women. I'm just out to please myself, & my wife, that what feel good.

[RhondaLynn]

Yvette,
Your post reminds me of my high school & college days. Lingerie was my passion. The urges would buuild, I'd put on some panties, a slip & hose to fulfill the urges, then it would all come off & be packed away. I didn't have the time to fully explore what it all meant - as soon as it began, it was over, and the guilt and doubt about what it all meant would descend. It was a love/hate kinda thing, which lead to purges. My purging days ended one night in college when i purged, then changed my mind & went back only to find the dumpster empty.
As i grew older & spent more time exploring my inner self, i began to see another side both myself & the CDing itself. First I lost the guilt - i just decided that the guilt was the cause of me not understanding or accepting it. Given enough time to enjoy the experience, the sexual arousal would pass, and the subtle undertones of gender-crossing became move evident. I began to explore my inner self - my thoughts, emotions, moods, and dual-gender traits. I began to explore daywear, something i'd had no interest in before. Skirts, heels, blouses, dresses - they each held a piece of the overall puzzle.

I found that i have both male and female character traits, each needing a mode of expression. Dressing to a degree that expresses my female self balances this need. Her needs change, and so does my levels and frequency of dressing in female attire. There is a calm that descends over me when i've achieved this goal. I will never 'look like a woman' anymore - that passed with my college days when i could wear a size 10 or 14 (& no beer belly). My SO used to hit me with the 'do you know how you look?' thing when i was Rhonda. I learned to ignore her, and she learned to accept me as i am. And I have accepted myself for who i am. I like what i see in the mirror, but then, i only look at my good points! I love the look & feel of a skirt & hose w/ heels, a blouse with a fully-formed bust, etc. Chest & hips down, no abdomen, nothing above the shoulders. Those are Rhonda's best features, so we just focus on them.

So to sum it up, where does it all lead? Well for me, it lead to a discovery of my inner self, an acceptance that i am what i am, there is no reason for guilt. I enjoy dressing more than ever (when the need arises), spend MUCH more time dressed when i do CD, and I now understand that the purpose of it all is to find the woman within & allow her to express her femininity. I sometimes still find the act a bit arousing after not dressing for awhile, but it passes, and the feminine mental calmness settles in for the duration.

Oh, and as msnikki48 stated above, i've found that i become quite domestic as Rhonda. I clean the house, wash clothes, cook & wash dishes, buy groceries, take out the trash... things my male side 'rarely, if ever' does. My SO says that i'm more attentive to her needs, etc. So, it's helped our relationship, in this sense as well as others.

Of course, that's all just me - everyone has their own perspective of their journey of self-discovery, what they do and what drives them. Sorry for the lengthy post.