I was wondering if anyone else felt this way

[Tiffanycd]

Hi i am Tiffany i recently not so long ago thought about purging i did try to and i tried to cut everyone in my life friendship wise and i regret it the thing is i keeped thinking about it all the time and the new friends i tried to leave behind and i could not get the people i have meet here and this site out of my mind and about two weeks ago i decided to lurk some and i really started missing this site and the people here and i gave in to the urge a week or so ago and started dressing some and decided yesterday i would try and come back and i hope the friends i have meet can forgive me and i have decided to see were this side of me takes me and try and get over this extreme shyness i have :o the big question i have is since i have made up my mind is it me or douse the desire grow more what mean is after i gave in and this time my mind is made more it seams and it seams to have helped me in making my mind up and i have all so decided that i will stay single until i meet a gg that is into crossdressing or likes crossdressers and know mater what i have to get over my shyness :D or maybe it's all me LoL.

Tiffanycd

[NathalieX66]

Hi Tiffany,
I feel your pain.
First of all, I am one of those who purged about nine years ago, and regretted every bit of it. The money I spent on outfits, which ultimately ended in the dumpster was a sin enough.
I recently came out to a few people, including a TS who is actually a close friend since childhood and teenage years, and all I know is that I feel better that I have no skeletons left in my closet. I've wrestled with this issue for more than 30 years, and have come to a resolve that suits my speed, and I feel better for it. Now I carry on with my life with a clear conscience.

Oh, by the way, my interest in women has never eroded or changed. That's just me. I'm still madly in love with them. I wish I was gay, I swear life would be so much easier if I was.

[Kickin' Crosser]

Purging hurts. I had to do it coming home from college... I lost a great deal of really really good clothing - cute dresses, sleepwear, gowns, skirts, puffy coats (my favorites :D), felt awful not saving one thing - especially since I spent time building the collection.

[Wen4cd]

I might be a big oddball among crossdressers in the fact that I have never purged. The way it's described, it's something 'everybody does' at one time or another. I wonder if this means one day I'll purge, or if it means I'm not a 'real' CD :)

I'm 35 now, and have been dressing, fully dressing, since moving out of my parent's home, and partial dressing before that, since early childhood. I've never had the 'urge to purge.'

I've had periods where I just didn't 'feel like' dressing, and so didn't, sometimes for months at a time. And once I sort of 'walked away' from internet communities, CD forums, and my whole set of identity/transformation friends, for a year or two, to get my own head straight, but it wasn't about dressing as much as it was about stress over a business I had started in the fringes of this already fringy scene, and I never stopped dressing, tried to 'quit,' or tossed out any stuff.

I'm sure the fact that my SO is totally fine and supportive took away a lot of the burden. It was one of the first 'real' things we discussed when we started dating seriously. As a result, I've never had to keep my clothes and makeup or anything 'hidden.' There is no 'secret' gnawing at me, and I could talk about it with anyone who asked without any discomfort. (That last statement hasn't always been true for 'everyone' as it is now, but I still never wanted to purge.)

It might also be the fact that the way I dress and paint, well, it's not 'standard' CD fare by any means. A lot of my dressing is spiritual and personal in nature, and my clothing is more 'raiment' than apparel. I make the clothing myself, from the first stitch to the last, of my own design. I couldn't see myself throwing it out. I do not shop. I'm not out trying to pass, or transition, or be accepted as 'a woman.'. I'm not 'some woman' anyway, I'm this creature, an individual.

Even though I know labels are useless, I still sometimes catch myself wondering if I am a CD, or what I am, because often I can't relate to some issues people find common here, like purging, guilt, shame... somehow I skipped over it and it makes me feel like I am a bit of an 'outsider' even here, where I feel closest to others 'like me.'

But, I do love being in this group, or community, or what have you, and really enjoy when I say or convey something, and it touches other people. That does make me feel part of something, and makes me feel real. I also like the friends I've made here, and the things I've learned from them.

[Tiffanycd]

i know what you both mean i dumped some really nice skirts a couple years ago and i regret it tremendously knowing what i know now my biggest thing is i don't have the freedom to dress when i want to and it gets to me some time and there are things that i haven't the slightest clue about like makeup and a lot of it to is my shyness it gets the better of me and i am trying not to worry about what other people think.

Tiffanycd
Thank you for your time.

[docrobbysherry]

-------it seams to have helped me in making my mind up -----------------------.
Tiffanycd

Now, u just need to learn how to "make up" your FACE!:D

But, don't feel bad! After 13 years of CDing, so do I!:brolleyes:

[Tiffanycd]

Hi Wen4cd i know what you mean about the last part some time's i feel invisible and you are lucky to have a supporting SO in your life.
And i have decided that i have to brake out of this shell i put myself in and that's why i came back i hope to hope to make things right with the friends i have meet and make new one's. I think you for your time.

Tiffanycd

[Tiffanycd]

I am thumbs when i try shaky hand and i end up looking like a vary bad clown lol

[Samantha Girl]

I'm with Wen, I've never purged ;)

I've gotten freaked out back when I lived with my folks about them discovering clothes or whatever, so it's occurred to me to purge... but only for about 30 seconds :) Plus shit's expensive! :p Throw out my favorite pair of boots, over my dead body! :)

Good luck on your cross dressing journey Tiffany ;)

[Tiffanycd]

Samantha i know what you mean about it getting expensive i have tossed out some really nice things.
I have made up my mind this is me and who i am and I Thank You all for your time.


Tiffanycd

[sandra-leigh]

I can't say that I've never purged -- if you count the "rescued" pantyhose (runs included) in my teens... though sometimes that was a matter of "put it back in the bathroom garbage pail before someone notices it isn't there anymore."

When I was on the very verge of discovering I was a cross-dresser a little over 5 years ago, I bought some panties that I believe I threw out a couple of weeks later.

But as best I recall, once I realized that I wanted to wear the clothes, that they weren't just a sort of sex toy, I haven't purged as such. I did end up throwing out a bunch of clothes that I had stored off-site in a place that turned out to be musty, but that was for health reasons. I probably should throw out a bunch of clothes that I don't use anymore.

[divamissz]

When I was in my teens, I was involuntarily purged when my mom threw out her old wardrobe-which had been my wardrobe! I didn't get back into dressing until many years later; I felt betrayed, lost, ashamed...

When I finally accepted myself and what I was, I began slowly putting things together again. I have a nice wardrobe now, but I wish I'd been able to keep some of mom's things. Especially now that I love sixties fashions and she had some great things!

[NicoleScott]

Please, Tiffany, next time you purge, don't throw out the capital letters and punctuation marks with the clothes. Sorry, just had to say that.
Seriously, I guess we keep purging until we learn that it doesn't work. It took me about 3 times. Sure would like to have some of those things back.

[danielle.cd]

once u realize that this feeling dont just go away, even if its been years, then u accept that this is part of u and why fight it, it gets way easier and you probably wont purge again, unless your on your way to permanent change then the all feelings will be there the whys, im never gana fit, and stuff but just accepting the facts that this is who u are should keep the bad feelings in check

[Tiffanycd]

Thank You Danielle your words and everyone else's makes me feel better and i have made up my mind this is who i am whether i dressed up or not if i am in the mood for it fine if not fine to it all depend on how i feel from day to day and again I Thank you all some much for your help with this.

Tiffanycd

[curious5752]

Hi Tiffany I have purged several times in my life, mostly from feeling bad about my self and saying this was the last time. The thing is I only made it a few months before I was crossdressing again. I some times think about some of the things I have thrown out and wish I could go back and not do it, threw out some very nice things. Now after finding I am not alone and have some very good sisters here, I am not feeling the old I am worthless thoughts as strong as in the past. Tiffany there are a lot of girls here to bounce your feelings off of and help you to find the feminine side that is in you. I am finding that the feminine side of me is worth looking into and not something to beat myself over my head with. Wishing you the best in finding yourself
Cathy

[Tiffanycd]

Thank you Cathy it is nice to meet you i know exactly what you mean i am try to fight them feelings again and just go with the flow and just except who i am this is apart of me thank you for you words and i thank everyone for there kind words.

Tiffanycd

[AlannahNorth]

Hi Tiffany,

I have to say from experience that purging isn't worth it, because it's not a solution. I purged twice years ago, it wasn't a lot of stuff, and it was from a fear of being discovered. Same story as about everyone else, I ended up re-buying what I had just tossed.

You're getting good advice here, better to expend some effort in finding your comfort zone and learning a bit more about yourself.

[drushin703]

Hi Tiff:
I too have purged but to my recollection, only once.A few years ago
I was recovering from a terrible illness and thought "this is it Dana", so
I threw out all my lovely dresses and shoes, all my girdles and bras, all
my lipsticks and mascara, all of everything right in the dumpster.What
the hell was I thinking.I did recover, not totally but well enough to slip
on some pantyhose now an then.I promise that in sickness or in health
I will never do that again..........dana 2010.

[Lady Davida]

No Longer Purging !!! I've purged 3 or 4 times in the last 15 or 16 years. NO MORE! I am who I am. A woman trapped in a mans body

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

I never purged but I suppressed my CDing urge for 27 years and it wasn't easy. Now that I accepted who I am and my wife is supportive, I'll never purged my femme wardrobe. Some ways, I wish I could live full time femme, but I'm happy being a part time girl.



Felicity:)

[sallyjones]

dont purge!!!instead of just throwing things away try a box in an attic or closet(no pun intended). that way you never get that oh i wish i didnt do that. i know ive done it three times. put it away until you get more confident and then remember where its at. embarassment is not external its internal.

[Frédérique]

i tried to cut everyone in my life friendship wise and i regret it the thing is i keeped thinking about it all the time and the new friends i tried to leave behind and i could not get the people i have meet here and this site out of my mind and about two weeks ago i decided to lurk some and i really started missing this site and the people here and i gave in to the urge a week or so ago and started dressing some and decided yesterday i would try and come back and i hope the friends i have meet can forgive me and i have decided to see were this side of me takes me and try and get over this extreme shyness i have

Oh, I drift from time to time, but purging is out of the question. You can’t throw yourself away or your feelings away by removing the “accessories” of your chosen lifestyle. Other things keep me away from crossdressing, but once I dress up I feel OK again. Why turn your back on these wonderful feelings? I have extreme shyness, too, but I think it’s my survival instinct kicking in to protect me – I stay in the closet to remain centered (and sheltered) at all times. Just go with the flow, push the envelope, walk on the wild side, and dream a little dream. Pardon my clichés – you’ll be fine as long as you believe in who you wish to be…:battingeyelashes:


Even though I know labels are useless, I still sometimes catch myself wondering if I am a CD, or what I am, because often I can't relate to some issues people find common here, like purging, guilt, shame... somehow I skipped over it and it makes me feel like I am a bit of an 'outsider' even here, where I feel closest to others 'like me.'

Same here. I can’t relate at all to some issues I’ve come across, but it would be positively un-EARTHly if I did! As I’ve said before, it’s easy to be a crossdresser if you’re unmarried, have no children, don’t work for someone else, and rarely go outside…

[Tiffanycd]

Thank you all so mush some times i think about purging but i figure there is no point in it LoL and thank you all for your advice.

Tiffanycd

[Jodi M]

I have purged a couple times and it is exspensive. Like most who have tried it I came back. if ever I feel compelled to do it again I will find a place to store my things. Chances are I will be back and it will be far less exspensive that way "I'll be back"