Not a big deal

[Sally2005]

I think anyone else who has been dressing and going out would agree. It gets easier and almost anti-climatic the more you go out. I still have a lot of trouble getting ready quickly (just impossible). I've had the last two Tuesdays to myself and I had plans to go see the movie Avitar. I ended up dressing, but missing the movie start on both days...opps.

So last week, since I haven't gone out much recently, I found myself being a little nervous. I managed to visit the movie theater to check the movie listings on the kiosk, walked around Walmart, Zeller's, Sears, an inside mall and a couple dollar stores. I notice, I'm getting some looks. From the women, I get smiles and I smile back. From the middle aged guys, I get some approval (you know the buddy's elbow...look at her), from older men (guys who seem to be waiting around in the mall for their wives while they shop) I'm getting some lingering stares, but it ends quicky when I just go about my business like I've done it a million times before ... either they just think I'm dressed funny, too tall or something or even TG, but they just don't seem to care. It could be how I carry myself which answers their question one way or another. I think I'm talking about this because I have reached a level of comfort and it has less to do with worries about passing and more to do with just being myself and being allowed to go about my business in peace.

I'm also trying to interact more. At the dollar store I purchased a hat and pair of gloves and the shop keeper (middle age woman) was more than helpful. She asked me if I wanted her to remove the tags and then if I wanted a bag and although not much, I answered 'I'll take them just like that'. I tried to talk softer, but in the heat of the moment, I automatically fall back on my male voice. If she experienced anything unusual, she didn't show it. She was polite and even said good bye as I exited the store. That was refreshing. I'm finding in these economic times and cold weather most people are very glum so a smile from anyone is nice.

Today, my movie plans didn't work out again, so I hit value village (no deals, sigh) and I visited a Walmart I seldom go to. I walked around the entire store looking for the makeup section and got a little frustrated...found it on my way out, it was right in the middle of the store...not beside the medical section!! I browsed, I was looking for loose powder and bronzer. Shocking how much money they want for some bronzers so I went for the cheaper brands. There were several other shoppers and we just worked around each other. All just normal female interactions in the makeup isle. At the checkout in the front of the store, I waited in line with several other women and the checkout woman smiled at me as she was dealing with the first customer (a sign she accepted me) and I was worried she was talking a lot to the woman...nice day, etc etc... on my turn she also said hi and asked if I was having a good day. This time I managed to keep my voice under control and I answered her, with short answers, but it all went well.

I took two photos, but the exposure was way off so no good to post.

Anyone else experiencing this? It worries me a bit, am I becoming too comfortable? and yet at the same time my reasons for going out are just for fun (no compulsion).

[eluuzion]

yes, I can relate in several areas...

This is the first time I have shared this, but I have actually "gone out in public" on several occasions. As usual, my adventures were a bit more "eccentric" than the typical motivation. I am a self-employed security/privacy consultant (for want of a better description, lol).

It does call for using disguises at various times to "pass" unnoticed in the social setting I am required to access. Obviously the "CD" personna is a great tool for me...and really fun. My point is this...regarding "passing"... Although it is always a "rush" for us...the fact remains that most of us are not as "alien" and "detectable" as we convince ourselves sometimes.

Humans are creatures of habit, and for the most part...consumed with our own appearance far more than others. It is easy to try a little experiment...try and remember what the last two people you talked to were wearing....color of shirt? shoes? jewelry?...etc. Most of us can not even remember the colors of the clothes, much less detailed recall.

It is really more of an animal instinct approach...you know, if you are not limping, the wolves probably will not notice you.

I never forget the increased awareness of the dangers present when "dressed". It is not the time to be cutting down any dark alleys as a shortcut. There are still plenty of wacko's out there looking for an opportunity like us to prove there IQ matches their shoe size....

[Rachael Ray]

I loved reading about your adventure out! You go, Girl! You are such an inspiration to the rest of us. I can relate when it comes to using a fem voice....some days it's ok, somedays I really have to work at it.

[Kathi Lake]

Hi Sally!

I have felt the same exact way you're feeling now. In fact, I posted about it here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=105125). In that post, I, like you, wondered what might happen when all of this starts to seem a bit too "normal."

All I can say to do is what I have done since - not let it affect me and keep going out there. It's just too much fun to stop. About the pictures, hey, if I can post my ugly pictures, the ones at the end of the day with the frizzy hair and wilting hours-old makeup and beard growing through my makeup, anyone can! :)

Kathi

[bethplays]

It helps everyone to know it gets easier.

[danielle swenson]

Sally, U nailed it!
I was out n about @ the local DSW and Kohls last weekend. later that night in speaking with the wife I was telling her how no one seems to notice or care...After the hours of prep and I finally get out the front door... It's definitely "anticlimactic". There's nothing wrong with it and I'm not trying to draw any undo attention to myself. But that is exactly what I was feeling.
thankz for saying that as I could not put it to words!

[lingerieLiz]

yep. It amazes me how people are so unaware of their surroundings. Women will avoid looking at men or anyone for that mater. Men put their head down and charge unless a cute body passes before them.

[Angie G]

As good as you look you can be in a great comfort zone Sally.:hugs:
Angie

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Sally,

Anyone else experiencing this? It worries me a bit, am I becoming too comfortable?

Yep ... sometimes I just can't believe it. I think to myself, "hello people ... I'm crossdressed ... anyone noticed?" It's the most amazing thing. I truly am the invisible "man". I think it must be that I appear very relaxed. My wife and I have a couple of post op TS women friends that we like to spend time with socially and both of them have told me separately that sometimes they "forget" that I am a crossdresser or that they realize and think to themselves ... "oh yeah, Rachel's crossdressed and in this environment, yet she seems really relaxed". It might be somewhere where there are a lot kids or a a lot teens or a really busy museum and we all almost shoulder to shoulder with the crowds.

I think it comes from exposure. The more times you get out there and nothing much happens the more confident you get. In the beginning I used to kid myself by saying in my head "no one can tell ... no one can tell" ... but now I kinda don't care if I get a second look pr not. Most of the time though it feels like no one is looking at me anymore than they are looking at anyone else. I just think to myself "I'm a a girl" and just do what come naturally and hope that's enough. Touch wood ..... it has been so far. :)

[wendy360]

I agree, it does get easier. 2 weeks ago I went to my first movie and sat in the parking lot scared to get out of the car. Monday I went to the Glendale Galleria, near Los Angeles, went into the J C Penney and walked around the mall a bit. Tonight I went to an outside mall in Glendale parked in a 5 story parking structure, to the escalators down to the ground floor, walked over to the movie theater, watched a movie and back to my car like it was nothing. Of course this was on a week night, don't know if I can be so brave on a weekend with more people.

[DianeDeBris]

"the fact remains that most of us are not as "alien" and "detectable" as we convince ourselves sometimes.
Humans are creatures of habit, and for the most part...consumed with our own appearance far more than others. It is easy to try a little experiment...try and remember what the last two people you talked to were wearing....color of shirt? shoes? jewelry?...etc. Most of us can not even remember the colors of the clothes, much less detailed recall.
It is really more of an animal instinct approach...you know, if you are not limping, the wolves probably will not notice you."

Thank you for noting this, from a PI perspective -- it has taken me, and likely most of us, years to realize this!!

Hugs - Diane D.

[Fab Karen]

Monday I went to the Glendale Galleria, near Los Angeles, went into the J C Penney and walked around the mall a bit. Tonight I went to an outside mall in Glendale parked in a 5 story parking structure, to the escalators down to the ground floor, walked over to the movie theater, watched a movie and back to my car like it was nothing. Of course this was on a week night, don't know if I can be so brave on a weekend with more people.
Actually you get noticed even less in crowds of people ( it gets somewhat packed on the weekend there. No car so I haven't been there as Karen yet ) - I've walked through a big crowd at a farmer's market event and was not paid much attention to.

[Rianna Humble]

I think anyone else who has been dressing and going out would agree. It gets easier and almost anti-climatic the more you go out. I still have a lot of trouble getting ready quickly (just impossible). I've had the last two Tuesdays to myself and I had plans to go see the movie Avatar. I ended up dressing, but missing the movie start on both days...opps.

Yes it does get easier the more you go out. it can even get easier getting ready - it takes me less than two hours to get ready enough that I don't mind being seen.


Anyone else experiencing this? It worries me a bit, am I becoming too comfortable? and yet at the same time my reasons for going out are just for fun (no compulsion).

You are definitely not alone in finding things getting easier and why should you worry that you are too comfortable expressing your inner person? Just go out there and have fun.

[vikki2020]

Oh, yes! You have said it much better than I could, but that is the exact feelings that I have been experiencing. I guess that's it a normal progression. The comfort level is reassuring, but don't you kind of miss the "thrill"!?

[KimberlyJo]

It is really more of an animal instinct approach...you know, if you are not limping, the wolves probably will not notice you.

haha, that's a great analogy, I <3 it! I'll have to keep this in mind when I finally work up the nerve to go out. It will be my mantra [womantra??]:)

"don't limp, don't limp, don't limp..."

[Tasha McIntyre]

I think anyone else who has been dressing and going out would agree. It gets easier and almost anti-climatic the more you go out.

Absolutely Sally, you said it so well.

My last trip out and about was during the mayhem of the pre Xmas crowds at a very large and busy mall. Everyone who gives me a second glance sees right though me, but I've never had a bad reaction - just the odd :eek: look.

It certainly gets better and easier every time.

Cheers

Tash :)

[Sally2005]

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies. I am a little unsure where this all leads. All I know is, I have some new makeup that needs a workout in the near future...maybe I'll even get out to see Avitar...

[Loni]

alas the wolves will see me limp. :doh:( crushed leg, but came back 90%)

but blending in is not really that hard, been out some time back, now time to start again.:heehee:

.

[Hali]

As for me the more i dress and do girly things the more i become "immersed" in the "femme life" sometimes after dressing consistently for days i become drowned into being feminine and sometimes end up loosing my way in coming back to male me. The more i dress the more i find it difficult to be dressed in my male cloths and act masculine.

[Katesback]

I love going to Southern Comfort and sitting in the lobby and watching people show up with soooooooooooooooooo much luggage its amayzing. I have been in rooms of people there and there was like 50 pairs of shoes, 50 wigs, and tons of other stuff. From my eyes its a specticle to behold.

Yes the more you do it the easier it gets and the less stuff you tend to carry along with ya when ya go places.

Katie

[Miranda09]

Thanks for relating your story Sally. I always enjoy reading them. Hopefully, one day, I'll get to feel the same about going our dressed. I think it would be kinda nice to have a feeling of being at ease (anti-climatic) when going out rather than having the nervous willies! :)