how many know that there going to transition

[danielle.cd]

this is a hard subject for me cause im torn yet i know deep down that this feeling isnt going to stop,

ive gotten herbal hormones and some spiro before and stayed on them for about three months, (not realizing that without the doctors alot can go hay wire because i felt fine ), partly cause im scared that a therapist or what ever they are will not put me on them right away or ill have to go to many times first, but my minds made up some time wether now or later i will transition, i wish i could start this process but funds are low and i want to do it the proper way this time with doctors involved for the monitoring.
im a very sexual person my wife on the other hand is not, and one side affect of the hormones even though it wasnt very long was i didnt think about sex as much and i was alot calmer , i get days now that i can just feel the testoserone surges and get angry and grumpy even though i dont want to,

now for me i dont really want to get an srs but i would get an orchiectomy. now for me i used to think like five years ago that i could just live as i am take the hormones and never have to come out some how, i realize that isnt really all that possible , its more than an a phaze or obcetion

now i dont know where to turn or what doctor to go to or anything ,

now some people say what about the kids or your wifes feelings well kids seem to roll with the punches and the wife we have a lot of talking to do yet but im sure well be fine ,

she also makes comments on how she doesnt like looking or touching my u know and i say well then let me get it cut off in a half joking manor

[giuseppina]

Hi Danielle

I probably don't qualify for SRS or hormones and have no desire to pursue them. Maybe ear piercing, but nothing else. :)

Would you consider telling your doctor about the herbals you've been taking/have taken? Some have side effects, and not all of them are healthy. They often have no proven benefit because few have been tested to the extent standard drugs are.

[Tiff Rivera]

I completely understand your thoughts. Sometimes its hard to explain them also.

To be completely honest, during the past year I realized there have been many times in my life and even more so when I knew I wanted to transition.

I've times in my life when I've lived as myself, Tiffany, and I felt together, more like myself. I felt as if I belonged. Many times I have felt, specially this past year, that I have been trapped in the wrong package.

A lot of thought and reflection, I believe must be done, but that is where I stand. I can completely relate

:hugs:

[Sweet Jane]

what has always terrified me is that i'll get beyond the point of no return and then discover that all the feelings and insecurities about my inner and outer gender identities are still there, but reversed

i do sometimes wish that being as i am, was so untenable that i had to change....the fact is i can function like this, and tolerate myself so again its very scary to think i may be less happy transitioned

it's these insecurities which are keeping me straddling the gender line, tenaciously clinging to my 'masculinity' like a security blanket

[sherri52]

I know that I am not going to transition, 30 yrs ago if it were even as remotely exceptable as it is today I may have thought about it. Now I'm almost 58, too late to start in my eyes.

[carolinoakland]

well shari Im 50 and while i was born male, I will be buried a woman.That would be to late...And Daniella, I wonder if your anger and feelings are more about your frustration at knowing what you want now, and having to wait. Even if you mentally accept the delay as reassonalble or necessary. The closet I got to full time the more I resented the few place's I had to be male. And you are doing good by makeing the choice to do this the right way. good luck, Carol

[msniki48]

Danielle,

Your feelings are shared. the thoughts of transition, the surges that make you grumpy...the feelings of guilt , your families feelings before your own.

This is how life sometimes gets in the way of us TG girls, which is why i'm so glad for the next generation...children are finding out sooner and the parents are seeking help instead of squelching the child as all of us were...since science was not aware of what it is today. they are not working, or married with children or have established paths in life yet..they can easily find a path to suit their true self.

I thought sure i was going to transition...7 yrs of therapy, validation of who i am etc. i am 58 yrs old. Life has a habbit of boinking you over the head.

Choice: family or, job or, too old or not, daughter getting married or facial feminization surgery. Hormones or health issues.

It might have been so much easier if i knew at a younger age and could do something about it...but i have a life and family and job, and although people say you can change all of the above...it is a heavy choice. and as long as i'm not suicidal about it, i try to find a pleasant place somewhere in the middle. You will choose to do things to yourself, be it laser or electrolysis or hormones till you find your place in the middle where you can have the most of what you need for today. if all you need in life is danielle...then you know how far you will go for today.

if you need some of all of the above family, job , life and health...hopefully you can make choices that find equalibrium...[spelling?]

just some things i have had to wrestle with and i'm sure you are too.


be the best danielle you can be for today...tomorrow may be different.


hugs


msniki48

[Daniela76]

I am coming closer & closer to wanting to transition.
I really am tired of living as a boy.
I seriously plan on starting to live as a woman now. I have been taking saw palmetto & just started taking fenugreek. Both can help grow breasts & the saw palmetto can help shrink the prostate so you can pee sitting down easier.
I have gotten the go-ahead at work for presenting as a woman. My direct supervisor doesn't know yet, but I'm hoping to tell him tomorrow. I think Friday might be my first femme day (I have been blending for 3 weeks now)!!!
I don't want to have SRS yet. I need to wait & see a therapist & figure out exactly what I am feeling first. I also would still like to have a wife & have normal sexual relations & have children. I want to get married as a male (but maybe in a black dress or women's tuxedo). Then the marriage will be normal & not same-sex. Then I might want to change.
But I need to give myself a few years of living as a woman & see if I can find a GG to love me.

[Katesback]

Hell I want to transition into a zebra and live in the zoo!

Ok so I have been there and done that whole transiton thing. Yeppers its an adventure. Yeppers it is a ton of hard work. Yeppers you WILL END UP WITH A LIFE THAT IS NOT MUCH DIFFERENT THAN IT IS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In any case talking about it and doing are two different things and I always say do whatever it takes to make ya happy.

Katie

[Angie G]

No I'm just a crossdresser. Even if I wanted it I couldn't do that to me wife. I don't think it's wrong If someone goes down that road It just not for me.:hugs:
Angie

[KimberlyJo]

And I don't really think I will. I sometimes imagine, fantasize, and/or daydream about it but just as often I doubt that I ever really would/could. I'm transgender, no doubt in my mind about that, but I think I'll always be trans. I don't see myself settling into either side of the gender spectrum.

I wish it was possible to take hormones and continue living life as a crossdresser but with a more feminine body and mind, but like you, I doubt that's possible.

One thing that I think about that really needs to happen is getting with a good gender therapist. These thoughts and ideas really need to get aired if I'm ever going to make any sense out of them and I sure could use some direction from time to time.

Ah well, let the path unfold and hopefully we'll enjoy the journey and get to look back without regret :)
:hugs:

[DonnaT]

Transitioning has never entered my mind. There's too much I like about who I already am.

[Byanca]

while i was born male, I will be buried a woman.
This is also what I have been thinking the most on through the years.

My greatest fear, to be buried as a man.